A Baby for Easter (6 page)

“Nothing. I’m just tired of thinking I’m going to get
something good out of life, only to have it snatched away from me.”

She knew she shouldn’t have said that when her mom peered at
her anxiously.

“Don’t worry about it, mom. I’m just in a glum mood today.
I’m tired.” She was tired. It felt like she worked every minute of the day, and
she still had very little to show for it.

“I know you are. You work too hard. But you know that God
usually has something better planned to give us.”

Alice released a long breath. “Yeah.” Her tone wasn’t
exactly gracious, but she did try not to sound too impatient.

“He does.”

“I know. I know that. I just wish, for once, I would want
what he decides to give me.”

Her mom didn’t reply. She just reached over and put a hand
on her back.

The supportive gesture, for some reason, made Alice’s
shoulders shake with emotion.

“Oh, sweetie,” her mom said, pulling her into a hug. “I’m so
sorry. But are you sure this is a good idea? It’s already messing up your
emotions. He’s always done that to you.”

“I’m fine. I really am. I’m just tired.” She smiled as she
pulled away from her mother, wiping away her tears with her fingers. “It’s not
Micah’s fault. He needs me right now. So does Cara. And I need…I need to be
needed.”

“Okay.” Her mom didn’t look convinced. “Just please be
careful.”

“Micah isn’t going to do anything to hurt me. He’s a good
man. You know how much he’s changed in the last year.”

“I know he has. I’m not saying he’d ever do anything on
purpose. But men…men sometimes take what we give them, just because it’s
offered, without giving anything back in return.”

***

Alice had pulled herself together again
when she drove over to Micah’s parents’ house to pick up Cara.

She liked the Duncans, and she was glad they were willing to
help out when neither she nor Micah could watch Cara. But she didn’t feel like
socializing this afternoon, so she hoped she wouldn’t get trapped there for a
long chat.

As soon as she greeted Nora Duncan, her eyes flew across the
room to where Cara was sleeping. She went over immediately, having to resist
the urge to pick the baby up and cuddle her greedily after being away from her
all day.

“She’s been kind of fussy today,” Nora said, coming over to
stand beside her. “She finally went down about an hour ago.”

“Thanks for watching her.”

“Of course. Any time. It’s our pleasure.”

As if she’d heard Alice’s voice, Cara started stirring then
and her blue eyes squinted open. “Hey, there,” Alice said with a smile,
reaching down to pick her up, now that she was allowed. “Did we wake you up?”

Cara squirmed grumpily and grabbed a fistful of Alice’s
hair.

“Ouch. You can’t have my hair.” She reached down to pick up
a soft toy. “Here. Have this. Your grandma and granddad gave it to you.”

Cara contented herself with the yellow dog and flapped it
around to vent her displeasure.

Nora chuckled. “She doesn’t seem to be in a better mood now
than she was earlier.”

“You don’t think she’s sick or anything, do you?”

“Not that I could tell. Just grouchy.”

“Okay. I better get her back. Thanks again.”

“Any time. Tell Micah we said ‘hi.’”

“Sure.” Alice snapped Cara into her carrier and reached down
for the bag that was already packed with the baby’s supplies.

“Is he all right, do you think?”

Alice had been about to leave, but she stopped at the
unexpected question. “What?”

“Micah? Do you think he’s doing all right?”

“I…I think so.”

“I’m just worried about him, and he won’t talk to me.”

Understanding where the questioning was coming from now,
Alice shifted Cara’s bag onto her other shoulder. “I think he’s doing okay.
It’s been hard for him, of course. But he’s handling it pretty well. A lot of
men would have cracked under the pressure.”

“I know. We’re so proud of him. And we’re so happy about our
granddaughter. But I think maybe he thinks we’re…we’re ashamed. Because of the
way she happened.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t—” Alice broke off the words, since she
wasn’t sure they were even true.

“I think maybe he does, so he’s been kind of distant lately.
We’re not ashamed. You know we’re not ashamed, right?”

“Of course, I know that. You’ve been wonderful.”

“Can you see if you can make sure Micah knows? Of course, we
were worried when he was…when he wasn’t living what he believes. But we were so
happy when he came back to his faith and to us, really. We’re so proud of him.
Me and his dad, both. He won’t believe me when I tell him, but I want him to
really know that. Can you try to make sure he knows?”

Alice was feeling emotional and rattled and confused. “I’ll
try. I don’t know if he’ll believe me either, but I can try.”

“Of course, he’ll believe you. I’m so happy he has Cara now.
I really think she’s going to be good for him. Help him live out the man he
already is. And now that he has you again, I can really sleep at night.”

“Oh.” Alice gulped, even more rattled than before. Her
cheeks flushed hot. “He doesn’t have m—I just babysit for Cara.”

Nora laughed and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Of course,
you do, dear. We’re so glad you do.”

Alice had no idea what that meant or why Nora looked so
pleased. She was afraid that Micah’s mother was laboring under a very false
assumption about her relationship with Micah.

But there was nothing to do about that now. She just said a
quick goodbye, grabbed the carrier and bag, and headed for her car.

It made the same funny noise on the way home, and she
started to mentally count up the money in her bank account to see when she’d be
able to afford to get her car worked on.

She got her church paycheck and her first paycheck from
Micah next week, so she should be fine then. Surely, her car would hold out
that long.

Her musings were interrupted by squalling from Cara, who was
evidently still in the fussy mood she’d been in all day.

She cried off and on while Alice prepared the chicken
casserole. Micah had been working today, and he had a deacon’s meeting at the
church at six, but that should only last an hour, so he’d be home a little
after seven.

The casserole would be ready right around then. Then there
would be plenty of leftovers for the next day or two. It wasn’t like she was
trying to impress Micah or anything. It just would have been silly for Alice to
cook for herself and not make enough for him too. He evidently didn’t cook at
all, so otherwise he’d live on fast food and protein bars.

Cara’s mood continued to deteriorate.

Alice tried everything as the casserole cooked. She fed her.
Changed her. Played with her. Rocked her in the big recliner. Talked to her.
Even sang to her—which unfortunately only made her scream louder.

Seven came and went, and no Micah appeared. In a lull in the
histrionics, Alice took the casserole out of the oven and cleaned up the
kitchen. But, at seven thirty, Micah still hadn’t shown up.

Since she was starving, she ate some herself, while Cara
gurgled unhappily.

Alice was exhausted and frustrated and kind of disappointed,
so she felt like gurgling unhappily herself.

When she’d eaten, she gave Cara her bath, but instead of
relaxing her it seemed to enrage her. She flailed dramatically as Alice tried
to put her pajamas on and screamed when she tried to rock her.

Groaning in discouragement, Alice picked the baby up and
walked and bounced her around the house. She walked to the front windows and
paced up and down in front of them, looking out on the street for Micah’s car.

He’d temporarily swapped cars with a friend of his, so he’d
have a backseat to put Cara’s car seat, so he’d be driving an SUV instead of
his truck.

The Deacon’s meeting didn’t usually take so long. Maybe
something had come up.

Cara screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed, until
Alice was almost in tears.

“I don’t know what else to do, honey,” she murmured, a thick
edge in her voice. “I don’t know what you want.”

Cara’s only response was more wails.

She was about to try to feed her again, since the baby
hadn’t wanted her whole bottle earlier, when she saw car lights outside.

She looked out and saw a car stopping in front of the house.
It was a blue mid-size sedan. Definitely not the SUV. But Micah was getting out
of it.

Peering more closely, Alice saw who was in the driver’s
seat.

Lydia Morgan. Gorgeous, red-haired, confident, always
successful Lydia Morgan.

Alice had assumed the deacon’s meeting had run long, but
evidently it hadn’t. Micah must have been hanging out with Lydia
afterwards—having dinner or something.

While Alice was here with his screaming daughter, cooking
him a casserole that he clearly didn’t need.

Her already bad day seemed to reach its final culmination
with this knowledge. Alice was so upset she was almost shaking with it.

How stupid could she be? Her rules were supposed to protect
her from things like this—planning out scenarios based on nothing but fantasy
and wishful thinking.

Cara was still crying loudly, right in her ear, so Alice
walked her into her nursery and sat down on the chair, trying once more to rock
her, trying to not be so upset.

Nothing had changed, really. This wasn’t a big deal. It just
confirmed what she’d already known.

She’d never been anything but stupid with men. And trying to
start her new life hadn’t changed it.

“Alice,” Micah called, coming in the side door as always.
“I’m home.”

Alice couldn’t get her voice to work, but Cara was loud
enough to clue him in on their location.

He appeared in the doorway. “Is she all right?”

“Yeah. Just fussy.” Alice sounded too uneven, so she cleared
her throat. “How was the meeting?”

“Fine.” Micah was peering at her closely. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Cara just hasn’t been in a good mood today.” She
had to speak up to be heard over the crying.

Micah reached out for his daughter, and Alice released her,
getting up and running her hands over her hair in a futile attempt to settle
her emotions.

Cara didn’t seem to be happier in his arms than in Alice’s,
since the screaming continued.

“Is she hungry?”

“I fed her. I tried everything. She’s just unhappy.”

“Does she need to be changed?” He pulled the baby’s pajamas
and diapers out enough to check their condition.

“I told you. I fed her. I changed her. I gave her a bath. I
tried her chair and her toys and her music and everything else. She’s just unhappy.”

When her voice got a little shrill, Alice knew she needed to
stop talking, so she left the nursery and headed for the kitchen.

To her annoyance, Micah followed her. “Was she really bad?”

“She wasn’t bad. She’s just having a fussy day.” Alice had
forgotten about her neglected casserole, so she quickly grabbed the foil to
cover it.

“That smells good,” Micah said, inspecting the dish, holding
Cara with one arm.

Alice covered it before he could reach in to grab a pinch
with his fingers. She felt stupid about even making it now, since he’d probably
gotten something to eat with Lydia. “It will warm up.” She slid the big pan
into an empty space in the refrigerator and felt ridiculously like she might
cry. “What happened to the SUV?”

“Oh. Daniel needed to borrow it tomorrow morning.”

She waited to see if he’d mention what he’d been doing with
Lydia, but he didn’t.

“Are you okay?” he asked, peering at her again.

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“You look upset. Did something happen?” His voice had gotten
slightly hoarse, as if he were genuinely concerned.

And that just upset her even more. She had to fight to
suppress the tears. “I said I’m fine.”

“But I can tell you’re
not
fine. Did someone do something?” He sounded like he was ready to spring to her
defense.

“Would you stop it?” She had to speak loudly, since Cara’s
cries had turned back into screams. “I said I’m fine.” She turned around and
quickly swiped a stray tear away.

He put his hand on her shoulder to turn her back around to
face him. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? Did
I
do something?”

He had absolutely no idea. He was clearly completely
bewildered and very unhappy about his confusion.

Of course, he didn’t know what he could have done to upset
her. Because he hadn’t done anything wrong.

The reason she was upset right now was entirely her own
fault.

“No, of course not,” she said. “I’m just really tired, and
that makes me emotional. It’s hormones or something.” She thought that would
shut him up, since any time she’d mentioned hormones to Bill, he’d backed off
like it was the plague.

But Micah just stood there, holding his daughter and
frowning at her. He’d been over at one of his jobs that day, so he wore jeans
and a t-shirt. He looked big and rugged and handsome and displeased with her,
and all of it made a strange contrast to his squirming daughter in pink
pajamas.

And Alice really had to get out of here fast, before she
said something she couldn’t take back.

“Are you going to be okay with her? I’d like to get to bed
early and catch up on some sleep.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, still frowning at her suspiciously.
“I’ll be fine. Are you sure you’re—”

“I’m fine.” She grabbed her purse, gave Cara a quick kiss,
and fled, without even saying goodnight to Micah.

Up in her little apartment, she jumped in the shower and
cried a little, but felt better when she got out.

It wasn’t the end of the world. It was a bad day, but
nothing really had changed.

She wasn’t going to pout or feel sorry for herself. She’d
slipped up with her rules, but she’d start over again the next morning.