A Celtic Knot (20 page)

Alexis held her daughter’s teary face in her hands. “Are you okay, baby?”

“I’m okay, Mom.”

Alexis kissed her daughter’s bruised cheek. “The principal told me what happened. I’m so grateful that you’re all right. I was scared to death when I first heard.”

“I was really scared when the bus started to swerve off the road. I don’t remember a lot till the fireman started talking to me. He was really big and strong.”

Alexis gathered her daughter into her arms. “I’m here now, baby. You don’t have to be scared any more.”

Kayla leaned back. “Catherine’s here, too.”

Alexis smiled. “I see that.” She rose from the edge of the stretcher, stood before Catherine, and studied her face. “I know how difficult this must be for you, but thank you for being here for Kayla.”

“I’m glad I could be. She’s afraid you’re going to be mad at her for calling me.”

Alexis looked at her daughter. “I would never be mad at you for calling Catherine. You know that.”

Kayla’s sleepy eyes met Catherine’s. “Are you going to stay for a while longer?”

“Yes, I am. I won’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”

Kayla nodded and drifted back to sleep, her teddy bar snuggled under her chin. Alexis settled again next to her daughter, and nodded toward the chair by the bed.

Catherine sat, feeling awkward. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown in the past two years.”

“Neither can I. I want it to stop.”

Catherine smiled slightly, looking at the woman who’d shared her life for three years. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, I guess.” She caressed her daughter’s cheek. “We’ve been talking about dropping by the bookstore to see you. I just haven’t gotten the guts to do it.”

Catherine didn’t know what to say. The silence in the room grew heavier as Alexis stroked the hand of her sleeping daughter. “I know you don’t think I really care, but how is Dana doing?”

“She’s doing fabulous. She made it through her surgery and radiation with flying colors. She now divides her time between enjoying life, doing volunteer work with other breast-cancer patients, and the bookstore. She’s really been an inspiration to other women.”

“I can imagine. Dana was always such a strong woman.” Alexis hesitated. “How’ve you been?”

“Good. The bookstore’s booming and keeping me really busy.”

“I can imagine.” Alexis studied Catherine. “You look great.”

“Thanks. So do you.”

“I’ve missed you.”

Catherine’s calmness abandoned her. All her longing for family came rushing back, all her hurt at Alexis’ betrayal.

“How am I supposed to respond to that? You broke my heart, Alexis. I may have been more involved with my mother’s illness than was comfortable for you, but I still loved and needed you, and you betrayed that love.”

“I’m sorry about what happened, Catherine. Please believe me. You were always one of the best things that happened to both of us. Kayla’s the only one who fully appreciated you and your love.” She paused. “Barbara and I are no longer together, if it makes a difference.”

Catherine fought back tears. “Why would it make a difference? I’ve hated being alone, these past two years, but I haven’t been able to trust enough to begin again. We had something I treasured, a partnership, a family, and you took it away.”

“You’re too wonderful a woman to be alone, Catherine. I hope you realize that soon, and open your heart.”

“If I’m going to open my heart, I need to know the woman I love will be there for me. Through everything.”

A flicker of exasperation crossed Alexis’ features. Catherine remembered that exasperation, and the anxiety it always caused her. “I can’t keep apologizing, Catherine. Life is complicated. Relationships are complicated. There’s no such thing as forever. All we can do is give it the best shot we’ve got.” Alexis shook her head, clearly regretting her outburst. “I’m sorry. My nerves are a mess. You can’t imagine what a rough twenty minutes it was, between hearing that Kayla was hurt and reaching the hospital.”

Catherine thought,
Yes I can.

“It was awful to hear my baby was hurt. And it was a shock to see you here with her. But my heart leapt when I set eyes on you. It felt so right for you to be here.”

Catherine looked at the little girl sleeping next to them. She saw something clearly, in that moment. She saw that Alexis might be capable of loving her again, sharing a home and life with her. Sharing the life of this precious child. But Catherine would always be wondering if another Barbara was waiting quietly on the sidelines of Alexis’ life. Not because she was unable to forgive, but because Alexis was not the woman she needed, and never had been.

Alexis’ beautiful, stormy eyes bore in on Catherine’s. “I need to ask you this now, or I’ll never forgive myself. Can you imagine us getting back together, and being a family?”

Catherine spoke without a moment’s thought. “No, I can’t.” Alexis look startled. For the first time, Catherine knew in her heart that what she was about to say was true. “Because there’s someone else. And she’s right for me. Forever.”

The color rose in Alexis’ cheeks. Before she could speak, the curtain pulled aside and a kind-looking doctor stepped into the room.

Catherine and Alexis stood. “I’m Dr. Berman.” He shook both their hands. “Which of you is Kayla’s mother?”

“I am,” Alexis said, looking worried.

Dr. Berman put his hand on her shoulder. “I think Kayla’s going to be just fine, but we’d like to do a CAT scan of her head. Just to be sure there’s no evidence of a skull fracture, bruising of her brain, or bleeding. And we’d like to keep her overnight, for observation. Does that sound all right?”

“Of course.”

“You can come along, if you’d like.”

Alexis looked at Catherine, her face a tangle of emotions. “Are you leaving now?”

“I’ll be in the waiting room.”

“Thank you.”

Kayla was still sleeping as they rolled her away. Catherine felt as if she was losing her for a second time.

Thirty-One

Z
O
Ë OPENED THE FRIDGE DOOR
and grabbed the Ziploc bag full of celery sticks. She set them on the counter then stretched on her tiptoes and reached into the cupboard for the jar of chunky peanut butter and a glass. As she stood before the water cooler and filled her glass, she noticed Olivia sitting alone on the patio.

Zoë gathered her snack and slid the sliding glass door open. Olivia rose from her chair and took the peanut butter and celery from Zoë’s hands. “What’re you doing up? It’s almost ten-thirty.”

Zoë sat in a cushioned chair beside Olivia. She gently rubbed her swollen tummy. “Nobody’s taught your niece to tell time yet. She’s hungry, therefore I must feed her.”

Olivia held up the food. “She’s asking for peanut butter and celery?”

“I hope so, because that’s what I’m craving.”

Olivia laughed as she twisted the cap off the peanut butter and handed it to Zoë. She opened the bag of celery and placed it on the small tiled table between them. “Is Echo sleeping?”

“Like a rock. She’s exhausted. It’s nice to see her sleeping so soundly, because in six weeks this little one will be keeping us both awake, I’m sure.”

“I can’t wait for the arrival of my niece.”

Zoë’ grabbed a stick of celery and dug it into the peanut butter. She brought it to her mouth and crunched with glee. “Me, too.”

“That’s really gross, Zoë. It’s amazing what a woman’s hormones will do to her appetite.”

“It’s actually quite yummy. I can’t wait to see what you’ll be snacking on when your time comes to give me a niece or nephew. We’ll see how gross this is to you then.”

Olivia looked away and stared at the fire dancing in the flagstone fire pit.

“Have you heard from Catherine?” Zoë asked.

“Not yet.”

“Are you worried?”

Olivia leaned forward in her chair. “I’m trying not to be. I’m glad she could be there for Kayla. She really loves that little girl.”

“Are you worried about her spending time with Alexis?”

Olivia tugged aimlessly at the tie string at the waist of her black polka-dotted pajama bottoms. “How could I not be? What if she finds herself wanting that period of her life back?”

“Do you really think she’d want that? From what you’ve told me, Alexis broke her heart.”

“They were together during the difficult, stressful time of Dana’s diagnosis and treatment. Catherine might be wondering how different things could have been, under different circumstances. And she clearly misses Kayla desperately.”

Zoë drank deeply from her glass of water and set it down on the table between them. “So it’s a good thing she’s connected again with Kayla. That doesn’t mean she’ll connect with Alexis.”

“We’ll see. I just hope I’ve let her know how much she means to me.”

“You’ve let her know, Olivia. But you need to let her accept or reject your love in her own time.” Zoë reached for the lid and screwed it back on the peanut butter. “For now, you need to stop wallowing in your own pointless fears. This is stressful enough for Catherine. The last thing she would want to hear is that you’re sitting on our patio in your pajamas fretting about whether she’s going to run into the arms of her ex-girlfriend. The reality of the situation is that Catherine is spending time with a little girl she loves who was just in a serious bus accident. In my mind that makes her wonderful, not a woman whose motives should be questioned.”

Olivia looked at Zoë and smiled. “I think your surging hormones have made you a very wise girl.”

Zoë gathered the peanut butter and bag of celery sticks. “Well, this wise girl has got to pee desperately so I’m going to say good night. Just promise me you won’t sit here and drown in your self-pity.”

“I think I’ve had enough wallowing for one night.”

Zoë inched out of her chair. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

Catherine paced the waiting room, feeling exhaustion and elation, hope and fear. She wanted to call Olivia, but she needed to know how Kayla was, first. She wanted to rush into Olivia’s arms, declare her love. But Olivia had told her to deal with her past, and she knew she wasn’t quite done with it.

Her cell phone chimed.

“Catherine, it’s Alexis. Kayla’s done with her CAT scan and they’ve moved her to the fifth floor.

“How was the CAT scan?”

“Perfectly normal. She has the healthy brain of a ten-year-old girl.”

Relief flooded through her. “I’m so glad.”

“Do you want to say good night to her? We’re in room 504.”

“I’ll be right up.”

As the elevator carried her higher and higher, a new hope began to grow in Catherine. She thought of the softness on Olivia’s face when she talked about her soon-to-be niece. She thought of Sean and Amanda, the warmth of them snuggled against her when she read to them. She saw how one image of her future—the image of herself as a mother—had been keeping her from another one, a future filled with joy. Her life already was rich with children. And maybe Kayla, a child with a special place in her heart, could be part of that life, too.

Catherine stepped into room 504. It was a small private room; a mural filled one wall with big fluffy white clouds and rugged mountains surrounding a clear calm lake. Dora the Explorer sat at the lake’s edge on a red-checkered blanket, enjoying a picnic with her best friend Boots.

Catherine sat on the edge of Kayla’s bed and folded down the starched white sheet. “What a great room, sweetheart. And I’m so glad your head’s okay. What was it like, to be in the CAT scan machine?”

“It was weird. It made funny clicking noises. But I knew Mom was there.”

“That’s always a good thing to know.”

Kayla yawned and gripped Catherine’s hand. “Are you going to stay awhile longer?”

“Just a little while. I won’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”

“Okay. Please tell Olivia I’m sorry for being mean to her.”

“Maybe I’ll let you do that. That’s the least you can do, don’t you think?”

“I guess.”

Catherine watched her struggle to keep her eyes open. “Go to sleep and stop worrying. Everything’s going to be all right. Trust me.”

Kayla nodded her head and drifted off to sleep.

Catherine took a breath and turned to Alexis. “Alexis, I want to spend time with Kayla. Do you think that would be possible?”

Alexis looked taken aback.

“I meant what I said, about there being someone else. But I don’t want to lose Kayla a second time.”

Alexis was clearly struggling with her emotions. “Is that her name, this ‘someone else’? Olivia?”

“Yes. Olivia.” The name felt sweet on her lips.

“Kayla has missed you so much. She adores you.”

“And I adore her. I want her in my life. But if you allow that, I don’t want any animosity between us. I don’t want to put her through that again. You and I would have to be decent to each other, especially when Kayla’s around. Most importantly, I’m done with our past. I want to pour my energy into a future with Olivia.”