A Certain Kind of Holiday

By Andi Van

When Elliot Knapp took a business trip over the holidays last year, he didn’t expect to run into the professor his first serious boyfriend cheated on him with. The man was handsome, certainly, but Elliot has better things to do than deal with drama from a decade ago.

Luckily for him, Howard Wise wasn’t going to let him get away without an explanation. A year after meeting again, the couple is making their first holiday trip to celebrate Christmas. Everything is fantastic, but Howard is obviously keeping secrets, and Elliot can’t help but wonder what his silver fox has up his sleeve.

For Yvette and Shannon, partially because you both adore travel, Seattle, and the holiday season. But mostly because your love is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever had the honor of witnessing.

Merry Christmas, ladies.

“E
XCUSE
ME
,
may I sit here?”

I managed to hold in my sigh, but only barely. I knew it had been a mistake to bring my laptop to the train’s Pacific Parlour Car, but I’d wanted a drink and I hadn’t been keen on carrying it from the bar to my small roomette. I was too likely to spill it, what with the motion of the train. Besides, I’d reasoned, I’d secluded myself in my room upon departing Seattle the day before, and the train couldn’t possibly be that crowded the day after Christmas, could it?

That assumption had been horribly wrong, as it turned out. I’d managed to grab a corner table in the lounge area of the car, but it was packed. I was lucky someone hadn’t taken the seat next to me up until then.

I raised my eyes from my laptop’s display to peer over my glasses at the gentleman who stood in front of me, holding a glass of wine and looking at me enquiringly. He was tall—probably an inch or two over my own six-foot stature—and his tousled hair was a rather striking shade of silver. I couldn’t help but notice that it matched his eyes almost exactly, and idly wondered how eyes so gray could be so warm. Maybe it was the laugh lines at the corners. The silver extended down his face in a bit of scruff, and his mouth held the quirk of a smile. He was stunning.

And he was the man my college boyfriend had cheated on me with.

I stared at him for a moment, my face flushing in mortification as I watched his eyes widen with horrified recognition. “Don’t worry, Dr. Wise,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m leaving.” Because time may heal all wounds, but humiliation was a powerful thing.

The silver fox blinked, then regained his composure. “Elliot,” he said softly. “Wait.”

I paused in the process of slamming my laptop closed and glared up at him. “It’s been, what, ten years since I’ve seen you? I’m not interested in chatting about the past. I may be well over what happened, but that doesn’t mean I have to be friends with you.”

“Please.”

His voice was quiet, but there was a note of urgency that I found I couldn’t ignore, no matter how much I may have wanted to. With a heavy sigh, I gestured to the seat next to me, then slid my laptop out of the way so he could use the table.

He gave me a grateful look as he took a seat, placing his glass on the table. “Nothing happened.”

I snorted. “Do you really think I’m that stupid? I saw what I saw.”

And what I had seen had broken my heart.

The entire last quarter before I gained my bachelor’s degree, I’d been meeting up with my boyfriend in the classroom where his anthropology course was held. I’d enjoyed it not only because I liked being with Tim, but because his professor—one Dr. Howard Wise, PhD—had no qualms about discussing his chosen area of study with me, despite the fact that I was a business major. And, yeah, I’ll admit that I’d appreciated the view, but it was well-known that Dr. Wise had been with his life partner for nearly fifteen years, and I was happy with Tim at any rate.

And then, two weeks before my graduation, I’d walked into the classroom that had become my happy place to find Tim and Dr. Wise in a lip-lock that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but a passionate kiss. I’d blinked, said something along the lines of “I see,” and walked out.

I hadn’t spoken to Tim since. Because I elected to get my MBA at a different university, I also hadn’t seen Dr. Wise again.

I eyed my drink, thinking I’d need at least one more to get through this conversation.

“I know what you saw,” Dr. Wise said, then took a sip from his glass. He was so close that I could smell the fruity tang of it. “But you also didn’t see what happened before you walked in and after you left.”

“Enlighten me,” I said, the words heavy with sarcasm. I took a bracing gulp from my own drink, grimacing a little. It was more rum than orange juice, and it burned going down. Just how I liked it, but I would have been happier with a better rum.

“I was very fond of you,” Dr. Wise admitted. “I enjoyed our conversations immensely. You were bright, and willing to listen as well as talk. I looked forward to the days you’d come pick up… Ted?”

“Tim,” I corrected, and I couldn’t help feeling a little smug that my ex was that forgettable for him.

He nodded acknowledgement at my correction and continued. “That day, Tim and I had been indulging in small talk, as we always did before you arrived. When he heard the door to the room start to open, he yanked me forward and kissed me. After you left, he let me go and thanked me for helping him, and I quote, ‘get rid of the loser boyfriend.’”

I winced. “If he thought I was such a loser, why didn’t he just break up with me?”

“I have no idea,” Dr. Wise said with a shake of his head. “That would have been the mature, adult thing to do, wouldn’t it? Anyway, I reported what happened, but since he graduated shortly after that, there was really nothing to be done about it. The university probably still has a copy of the report, if you want to verify what I’ve told you at some point.”

I gave a short, humorless laugh. “It’s been a decade. I’m not interested in going to that much trouble. Does your partner know about it?”

“Aside from the fact that you got hurt, Nial thought the entire situation was hysterical,” Dr. Wise admitted with a wry smile. “I thought about seeing if I could track you down to tell you what happened, but I didn’t think you’d be horribly receptive.”

“I wouldn’t have been,” I agreed. “It was several months before I pulled off the rose-tinted glasses I’d seen Tim through.” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, and felt the tension start to drain. Really, there was no point to the anger.

“I am sorry,” Dr. Wise said. “I’m sorry someone would treat you like that, and I’m sorry you were left thinking that I’d voluntarily played a part in it.”

“I got over the hurt a long time ago, but thank you,” I said, a real smile finally crossing my lips. “And if I’m completely honest, I’d felt more betrayed by you than by Tim. Tim was a college kid, and stupidity was sort of expected. You’re a college professor, and I looked up to you a hell of a lot after all the conversations we’d had. And that hurt. I’m glad we had an opportunity to clear the air. So, Dr. Wise, what are you doing on a train the day after Christmas?”

“Call me Howard,” Dr. Wise said, the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes becoming more prominent as he echoed my smile. “You’re long out of college, if my guess is correct, and it’s not like we’re strangers. To answer your question, I do this every year. I have for probably the past six or seven years.” His lips quirked as if reflecting on a private joke. “I’ve become accustomed to a certain kind of holiday.”

“Is your partner with you, then?” I asked, glancing around to see if I’d need to vacate my seat for Howard’s lover.

“Nial and I parted ways the same year I started making this trip,” he explained. “We’d simply grown apart and agreed that we were better off as friends. That first Christmas I was alone, a friend took me with him when he traveled home to Seattle. I discovered I rather enjoy the trip, and I’ve made it a tradition.”

“I’m sorry to hear about you and Nial,” I said. “But good for you for spending the holidays doing something you enjoy. That’s fantastic.”

“How about you?” Howard asked. “Are you making the postholiday trek home or heading somewhere for the new year?”

I gave a short, humorless laugh and picked up my drink. “I’m going home, but it has nothing to do with the holidays,” I admitted before taking a swallow. “I’ve been in Seattle for work. I suppose my boss assumed that since I don’t do anything for the holidays, I was the man to send.”

He swirled his glass, frowning at it, and I wasn’t sure if the look was aimed at what I’d said or the quality of the wine until he asked his next question. “You don’t spend it with your family? I mean, our conversations never revolved around anything personal, but I assumed your family was close.”

I sighed, not sure I wanted to get into it, but the guy seemed genuinely interested. “Well, no,” I admitted. “We have an understanding. That understanding is that I avoid them like the plague and they pretend I don’t exist. It didn’t go well when I came out to them, and they’d rather act like they don’t have a son at all than deal with having a gay son.”

The woman across from us gave me a dirty look and started gathering up her two kids.

“It’s not contagious,” I sniped at her. “I won’t magically turn your kids gay.”

Her face reddened, but I got the feeling it was more from anger than any embarrassment she might have been feeling. She left, her kids in tow, but not before glaring at me again and hissing, “You’re disgusting.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” I sighed as she stormed off. Then I turned my attention back to Howard, who looked amused at my response. “Anyway, I had the foresight to stay firmly in the closet when it came to family until I’d gotten my master’s and found my own place. If they were speaking to me, they’d probably be shrieking about how I owe them every cent they paid for my education.”

“And you haven’t even looked at a closet since, I’m guessing,” Howard chuckled. “I can understand that.”

“What about you?” I asked, figuring if he was going to ask about me, it was only fair that I got to do the same to him. “I know you said this is your holiday celebration, and I’m assuming you’re single, but is there family involved at some point?”

Howard took another sip of wine and shook his head. “No,” he said, sounding a little wistful. “No, I was raised by my grandfather. He’s been gone for a long time, and he was my only family.”

I opened my mouth to apologize for bringing up a painful subject, but he waved me off.

“Death is a part of life,” he said with a somewhat resigned shrug. “Of course, I miss him, but he lived a long, full life, and I know he was happy. And I may not have the family gatherings for the holidays, but having a quiet, relaxing trip is a gift to myself.”

“Still dealing with students at UCSB?” I guessed. If he was, I could definitely see the need for some quiet and relaxation. I wasn’t so long out of college that I didn’t remember how obnoxious we’d all been as students.

“I am,” Howard admitted with a sardonic smile.

“Ah,” I said, quirking an eyebrow. “The students haven’t gotten any less irritating, then, I presume?”

“You presume correctly,” Howard replied with a large, warm smile. It was infectious, and I found myself grinning back. “What do you do that requires you spending your holiday working?”

“Well, it wasn’t work so much as….” I paused, my face screwing up in thought. “Let me try that again from the beginning. I work for a nonprofit that provides music lessons for students from kindergarten to high school. Music has essentially disappeared from public school curriculums, and the nonprofit is seeking to fill that gap.”

“A worthy cause,” Howard said, raising his glass in salute. “Have you been there long?”

I smiled, watching as he touched the glass to his lips. Now that I knew he was single, I didn’t feel bad for enjoying the view. “They hired me before the ink on my bachelor’s degree was even dry. I worked for them part time while I was studying for my master’s in nonprofit management, and when I had it, they made me full time and did everything they could to ensure I stayed on. I’ve been with them ever since.”

“Sounds like they keep you busy,” Howard noted, his brow wrinkling.

I snorted. “Well, it’s not like I have much of a social life anyway,” I groused before I looked away, embarrassed. Why had I said that? It made me sound pathetic, and I half expected him to thank me for the conversation and move on. Instead, he smiled widely again before taking a sip of wine.

“No boyfriend, then?” he asked. “Well, at least now I won’t be stepping on anyone’s toes, should I start flirting with you.”

“Is that so?” I asked, finishing off my own drink to hide my grin. I hadn’t expected him to want to flirt with me, and butterflies banged about in my stomach at the thought that he’d want to.

“Oh, that’s very much so,” Howard promised. “But I apologize. I’ve derailed the conversation.”

“Right,” I said, trying to remember what we’d been talking about. “My original point was that it wasn’t necessarily work I was dealing with. I mean, it was, but….” I sighed, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “One of our most prominent donors insisted that we have representation at his annual holiday party. Which is a rather large, formal affair, and not at all my idea of a good time. We couldn’t really afford to say no, to be honest, and since I didn’t have plans….”