A Certain Wolfish Charm (28 page)

Lily was a tad bit disgruntled the next morning when Simon shook her awake. "Time to get up, love," he said briskly. "I thought we could travel to Harrow today and give Oliver a tour of the school. I'd like to show the boy my old stomping grounds."

   "When did you come to bed?" she asked as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

   "It was late." He simply shrugged. "I don't remember the time. I did like finding you in my bed, though," he said and winked at her.

   After dinner, Simon had mentioned that he wanted to look through the steward's reports to be sure Maberley Hall was being cared for properly. Of course, he received quarterly statements, but he wanted to tour the grounds himself and see if any issues might need his assistance. When he'd taken Oliver with him, Lily certainly hadn't been able to complain, since he was finally spending time with the boy.

   He'd kissed her quickly before he walked out the door with Oliver and said, "Back soon."

   She'd watched as the sky grew darker and darker. Then she finally put on her nightrail and went to Simon's room to wait for him.

   "What kept you out so late?"

   "I wanted to show Oliver some of the places Daniel and I used to go. That's all." He turned away from her.

   Lily was quickly learning that Simon tended to turn away from her when he wanted to avoid directly answering her questions. She slowly sat up and regarded his profile as he looked down at the lawns below.

   She had two options. She could travel to Harrow with the two of them and try to figure out what was going on. Or she could let them go on without her, and she could return to Westfield Hall alone. Feeling slightly uncharitable, Lily was leaning toward the second option.

   If Simon couldn't be honest with her, if he couldn't tell her what was in his heart, if he couldn't even be bothered to wake her when he returned in the middle of the night, she wasn't certain she wanted to spend a day with him.

   "Well," she began carefully, "I think the two of you will enjoy your time together tremendously. I can't wait to hear all about it."

   He spun on his heels to face her. "Why do you make it sound as if we're going without you?"

   Lily swung her legs off the bed and slowly started toward the door that connected her chamber to his. "I don't really see why I'm needed for the excursion, Simon. The two of you will get along fine without me."

   His grey eyes darkened, and a chill raced down her spine. However, she wouldn't let him know that, and she continued toward the connecting door.

   "I want you with me," he growled.

   Lily shrugged, hoping he couldn't tell how he affected her. "One certainly wouldn't know it."

   "What is that supposed to mean?" Simon asked, stalking toward her.

   She took a calming breath and raised herself to her full height, refusing to be cowed. "Exactly what I said. Ever since we arrived in Essex, you have found one excuse or another to abandon me. It will be much easier for you two to carry on without me being in your way."

   "Lily." He frowned, planting himself in front of the connecting door.

   "You can tell me all about Harrow when you return to Westfield Hall."

   He folded his strong arms across his chest. "I don't find pouting to be an attractive trait."

   Lily plastered a fraudulent smile across her face. "Indeed?
I
find boorish behavior to be particularly distasteful, myself. You are in my way, Simon."

   "Have I behaved boorishly?"

   "In more ways than I can count. Now, please remove yourself from my path."

   "Lily."

   "You and Oliver really should get a start on the day. Do excuse me." She tried to brush behind him and escape into her own chamber, but she found him more immobile than an elephant with a mule's disposition.

   He grasped her waist and pulled her flush against him. The intensity of his stare left her nearly breathless, which was infuriating. After putting up with his ill treatment the previous day, she didn't want her pulse to race when he held her. She didn't want to notice how lovely and strong his lips were. She didn't want to feel his muscles and sinew through the thin material of her nightrail.

   "You are my wife, Lily." His dark voice warmed her and settled in her belly. "And you won't escape me."

   "Ha!" she shot back, hoping to regain her composure. "You're the one who has been escaping me, Simon Westfield. Now unhand me."

   "I've not been escaping you."

   She narrowed her eyes at him. "As soon as we arrived, you took off. Then yesterday you made it seem as if you wanted my attention while you bathed, but then you pushed me away. You kept yourself apart from me the remainder of the day, except for dinner, as I'm certain you couldn't find a plausible reason to avoid me, and then…" She poked his chest with her finger. "Then you stayed away all night and didn't even wake me when you returned."

   Simon frowned. "I'm not accustomed to having to answer to anyone, Lily."

   "I'm not just anyone, Simon. I am your wife, which I suspect you are now regretting."

   "I told you my lifestyle wasn't conducive to marriage. You're going to have to be patient with me."

   Lily didn't feel like being patient. She wanted answers—and sooner rather than later. "What are you hiding from me, Simon?"

   He shook his head. "Nothing, Lily. Whether you believe me or not. I don't know how to convince you."

   "Why did you push me away?"

   "I'm not accustomed to having anyone else in my life. As I said, it will take me time to adjust. Dear God, Lily, this is all new to me."

   Was that all it was? She started to second-guess herself. Was she being silly and insecure? She stared into his grey eyes and felt warmth spread across her body. "You're not trying to avoid me?"

   He shook his head.

   "Why didn't you wake me last night?"

   His lips formed a lopsided smile. "Because you looked so tired. After the exhausting day we had, I couldn't bring myself to rouse you, though I wanted nothing more than to do so. Believe me, if I'd known you'd react this way, I would have done so."

   "Truly?" she asked, her voice very small.

   "If I promise to ravish you every night, will you promise to avoid histrionics every morning?"

   Her cheeks warmed, and she felt like a fool. She'd never been prone to dramatics before.

   "Is that a yes?" he asked, dipping his head down to hers. "I promise to keep my part of the bargain, Lily."

   "To ravish me every night?"

   A wolfish grin spread across his face. "And sometimes in the morning."

   When Simon's lips captured hers, all other thoughts left Lily's mind. His strong hands splayed across her lower back and pressed her against his arousal.

   Lily couldn't think when he held her this close, when his eyes darkened to flint and his nostrils flared. She could only feel. And feel she did. Every inch of him pressed against her belly, hot and hard.

   "Can we start with this morning?" Lily felt the heat

creep up her cheeks when he raised one eyebrow. Perhaps she was being too bold. But then he picked her up and took her back to bed, and all thoughts of being too pushy fled quickly from her mind.

Simon draped his arm around Lily as the coach rocked her back to sleep. On the other side of the carriage, Oliver watched with a sad smile on his face. The boy had been quiet most of the journey, and Simon wondered what was on Oliver's mind. "Something wrong?" he asked quietly.

   Oliver shook his head. "Just thinking about Aunt Lily."

   She stirred in Simon's arm at the sound of her name but quickly stilled. "What about her?"

   Oliver shrugged. "I just don't want her to get angry with me when she finds out."

   "She's not going to find out."

   Oliver glanced out the window at the passing countryside. "Aunt Lily always finds out everything. I hope she forgives me for not telling her."

   Guilt niggled at Simon's conscience. "Oliver, she's happier not knowing. Enough about this. We should be talking about your upcoming visit to Harrow."

   Oliver straightened in his seat. "You said there are safe places for me to go when…" his voice trailed off.

   Simon nodded. "My father, yours, Will, Benjamin, and I were always safe at school. You will be, too. The difficult part is controlling yourself as the moon waxes. Its pull gets stronger as the days pass. Yet you have to maintain your personality so those around you won't notice the changes occurring within you."

   "How do I do that?"

   "When you begin the term, keep to yourself as much as possible. Count the days on the calendar. Everyone is different, but most of us feel the pull of the moon four to five days before it's completely full. When you see the dates approaching on the calendar, you should take special care to be cognizant of your emotions and reactions. When you feel like you are not in control, go somewhere safe.

   "As time goes by, your control will strengthen. You will learn to manage your wildness, instead of it managing you."

   Oliver nodded, his gaze wandering to the passing scenery out his window.

   "You look as though you don't trust me."

   "No. It's me I don't trust," Oliver sighed.

   "It'll come with time. Have faith in yourself. As I have faith in you." It was obvious the boy needed a confidence primer. Wasn't that something fathers did? He rather liked the thought of being the one to do that for Oliver. Would he be the same with his own children?

   Simon looked down at Lily, who was beginning to stir again. Children. With her. He couldn't help but smile and draw her more closely to him.

   Lily tried to maintain a relaxed pose, but it was difficult. Her heart really wanted to thump right out of her chest.

   Why in the world would Oliver ever think she'd be disappointed in him? She'd always told him what a good boy he was. And, despite the fact that he didn't study his Latin text, he was truly a joy to be around. Sure, over the last few months, he'd become a bit surly. And he'd gotten aggressive with her a few times. But maybe that was just normal adolescent behavior. What did she know? She'd never raised a child.

…She's not going to find out…
Find out what? Was there some manly secret that women weren't aware of? Women pretended that their monthly courses didn't exist and they were never spoken of, but it really wasn't a secret. Surely, men didn't have any ailments that couldn't be discussed.

   Lily wanted to sit up and force them to tell her the truth. But she had a feeling Simon would quickly and effectively change the subject. She would get more answers if she pretended to sleep.

…There are safe places to go…
Why would Oliver need a safe place to go at school? To escape bullies? For personal time? To meet girls? There were no girls at Harrow, aside from the staff.

…Calendar… Control…
Lily grew more and more agitated. She stirred in Simon's arms, fully prepared to sit up and have a go at them both. She would stop the carriage and refuse to go one more inch until someone told her what these secrets were about. But Simon pulled her closer to his chest and locked his strong arms around her. She couldn't have moved if she'd wanted to.

   Will knew the secrets. Oliver obviously knew them. Even Simon's mother had alluded to facts that weren't yet apparent.

   Was there madness in the family? They all seemed quite sane most of the time. But she could think of no other explanation for wanting to keep her in the dark.

   This mystery would gnaw at her like a dog with a bone until she unraveled the details. She would find out what was going on. And she would do it soon.

St. Mary's Church in Harrow-on-the-Hill was a remarkable medieval structure. Lily had never seen it before and was surprised that she could look down on London from her position in the churchyard. She had heard Lord Byron loved this church and spent many hours whiling away his years at school in this very courtyard. The beauty of the place made it easy to see why he'd done so.

   Still, as lovely as she found the village and its quaint surroundings, Lily anxiously awaited Simon and Oliver's return from the school grounds. She wished they'd let her go with them on their tour, but Simon had adamantly shaken his head, informing her that a woman would be a distraction on campus.

   The thought made Lily frown. A distraction.
That
she highly doubted. More likely, he and Oliver couldn't discuss their plans with her awake. Whatever this was about, Simon guarded his secret fiercely. He wasn't likely to tell her what was going on even if she asked nicely or if she demanded, stomping her foot and acting the role of a fishwife.

   She'd have to get her answers from someone else. She could probably force it out of Oliver. She had lots of experience in that realm, but she hated to use her nephew in such a way. If Will was at Westfield Hall, she was certain he would tell her; at least, she thought he would.

   Her mother-in-law. Alice was the only woman who seemed to know the secret. If she couldn't finagle an answer out of her, she would set her sights on Oliver. One way or the other, she'd get to the bottom of this mystery.

Simon took great pride in showing Oliver around the Harrow grounds. For most of the tour, the headmaster accompanied them, leading them down one corridor or another and even allowing them a peek into one of the boys' chambers.