A Conflict of Interest (16 page)

He stood at the door, suddenly tired of being completely at fault. “We jumped into a relationship before we knew anything about each other. I had a picture of you in my mind, and I thought it was you.”

“I still think you are the picture you gave me.”

Jake didn’t know what to say. He gave up. “I’m not asking you to be someone else,” he finally said. “I’ll wait in the other room. Tom and the others should be back soon, no matter what happens at the Hammonds.”

But then he couldn’t walk away. He went to her, sliding his arms around her, bending though she had to stand on tiptoes as he looked into her eyes. “I thought you’d fight for what you want,” he said. “I’d fight for you.”

“I’ve tried. But deep down neither of us understands what the other needs.”

He kissed her again until they were both breathing hard, both too deep in their need for each other to be sensible. So he thought.

“I don’t care about Griff Butler. I don’t care what comes next. When you touch me I want you, and yet I can’t let myself be a woman who lets a man obliterate everything else that matters to her.”

His heart broke a little. Wasn’t she talking about how love felt?

“I won’t promise everything will be okay,” he said. And after a few seconds, he left.

“D
AD,
I
HATE TO SEE
you like this.” Leila dropped onto the couch beside him, and the whole floor seemed to echo with her thud. He smiled, grateful because she helped ease his sense of emptiness.

“I’m all right,” he said.

“You’re such a liar.” She leaned against his shoulder. “And I’m getting sleepy. I have early class in the morning.”

“Do you need to study?”

“Don’t break the mood, okay?”

Within a few minutes, her head drooped onto his shoulder again, and then her breathing grew even.

He tried to release his arm to put it around her, but her sleepy complaint kept him where he was.

It wasn’t that hard to let well enough alone.

Time must have passed. Bryony never showed up again. Maria stayed busy in the kitchen. The familiar sounds of dishes and silver clattering should have been comforting. Instead, every move Maria made in there was a pointed reminder that he wouldn’t be here again. He couldn’t depend on Griff Butler and Angela Hammond to pry open a door at Maria’s for him every evening.

Finally, the doorbell rang. Jake eased away from Leila. He reached the hall to find Maria and Bryony halfway down the stairs. He put out his hand.

“Stay there.”

Oddly, they did. He leaned to the right for a glimpse of the crowd on Maria’s porch. Griff Butler waited in front of Tom, as if Tom were holding him between fatherly hands. Jake sought Maria’s gaze.

“It’s Griff.”

“What?” She came down.

“Bryony, get Leila and take her upstairs,” Jake said.

“Okay.” She hurried into the living room. Jake maintained his spot by the door, between that kid and the women. Tom rang the bell again. Leila appeared in the hall.

“Dad, he’s here? Did his aunt come, too?”

“Please go with Bryony,” he said, tucking his hand beneath her chin. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I really don’t want Griff seeing you.”

“Maria, come with us,” she said.

Maria shook her head. “I have to face him. We have to stop the threats and anger, or he’ll never get healthy.”

Jake finally understood her frustration with his inability to veer from his sense of duty. He wished he had the right to insist she go with her sister and his daughter. Again, the bell rang. Jake ignored it until Bryony and Leila were out of sight.

When he opened the door, Tom looked as if he might like to make arrests all around. “Where were you?”

“Here,” Jake said. “Griff, what are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” Tom said. “Griff has some things he wants to tell Dr. Keaton.”

Maria came to Jake’s side. He barely managed to keep from stepping in front of her. Griff didn’t cut an intimidating figure, but he’d hurt Maria in long-lasting ways already.

“Come in,” she said. “Can I get anyone a coffee? Anything?”

“No,” Jake said, unable to stop himself.

Tom looked amused as he urged Griff inside and nodded some unspoken command to the patrol officers behind them.

In the living room, Jake sat beside Maria. He took her hand with the intent of leaving Griff in no doubt about whom he’d face if he threatened her again.

Maria didn’t even notice. “Are you all right?” she
asked the kid. “Have you been seeing someone else?” She glanced at Tom. “A therapist, I mean?”

“Why do you care?” Griff asked.

“Because you and I know what happened between us. I always wanted you to be well, and that’s all I wanted.”

“I told him the truth,” Griff said, jutting a shoulder toward the sheriff.

“And now he wants to explain to you so that we can end all the drama in this town,” Tom said. “It’s time everyone got back to a normal life, and I find the person or people who killed this boy’s family.”

“I’m not a boy,” Griff said, apparently missing the important points of Tom’s speech.

Maria did not. “I never believed you did it,” she said. “That’s why I gave you time to take it back.”

“I loved you,” the boy said in a broken voice that almost appealed to Jake’s sympathy. Crazy or not, kid or not, it hurt a guy to love a woman who didn’t love him in return.

“You didn’t,” Maria said. “You mistook gratitude for something more intense. But what happened to your parents?”

“I don’t know. I found them—” he stopped for a jaw-clenching moment, while his eyes grew red and he breathed too hard “—like I told the sheriff all along. But you were nicer to me afterward, and I thought you might be falling for me, too. When you told me to stop talking about the way I felt, I thought I had to get your attention again. So I made up that story. I thought you couldn’t tell anyone what I said at your office.”

“Even after I warned you I had to tell the police?”

“I didn’t think you would. You liked me.”

“I cared about you the same way I cared about all my clients. Maybe I felt sorry for you because of your parents, but I told you I had to report crimes.”

“I couldn’t let you think I was a liar.”

“Griff.” She covered her face with her hands. “Your parents’ murderer may be long gone.”

“I know,” he said, a sob shaking his shoulders so that even Jake wanted to give the boy a comforting pat. Which hadn’t happened that often in his years on the bench. “But Sheriff Drake said they’re looking for another guy.”

“You got in so much trouble,” Maria said. “I may lose my job. Even Judge Sloane is in trouble around here because you and your aunt have lied about us both.”

“Aunt Angela is so angry with me she won’t have time to talk to anyone else about anything for a couple of months.”

Maria cracked a hint of a smile. Jake wanted to yank her close. The kid might be harmless, but he saw no reason for her to get near Griff again.

“Are you seeing another therapist?”

“I have the names you sent my aunt.”

Jake turned his head. Maria had no right to talk about foolish interference.

“Call those guys and see if one of them can help you.” She offered her hand to Tom. “Thanks. I needed this.”

He nodded. “You both did. We’re going on to the station to take a statement and continue working on the Butlers’ case. Jake, I’d like to get those files back.”

Jake nodded. “I’ll drop them off in the morning.”

“Good enough.” Tom directed Griff back toward the hall. “Night, folks.”

“Good night,” Maria said. At least she made no offer of solace to the boy.

They walked to the door. After Tom and Griff left with uncomfortable nods and more abrupt good-nights, Maria caught the doorknob.

“Why don’t you go up and get Leila? Unless she’s asleep in a guest room, you should walk her to her door.”

“You won’t talk to me, Maria?”

She barely looked at him. “I told you, I thought this was the most important thing between us, but we still look at the world differently. Nothing’s changed.”

“I don’t see it that way. That trial has finally ended. You’re bound to get your license back after the board hears about Griff’s confession.”

She narrowed her gaze. “Don’t even think of approaching that board, Jake.”

He turned away. His first thought had been hope that she’d get her career back, and that maybe they’d work out a way to be together when life returned to normal. Her first thought had been horror that he’d try to help her.

M
ARIA WENT BACK
to her odd jobs, but they couldn’t keep her from thinking about Jake. She loved him. She loved him not.

Who was she kidding? She loved him. When her resolve to stay away threatened to weaken, she repeated all her reasons for refusing to see him.

Each night, in long hours of loneliness, she dialed Jake’s number more than once. If she wasn’t careful, she’d hit the button that connected the call.

“Do you like living in limbo?”

Startled by Bryony’s voice, Maria jabbed the lamp she’d been dusting, but caught it just before it landed on the floor. “I thought you had a party this afternoon.”

“Nope. What’s the deal with you and Jake? Are you trying to salvage your pride? Can you be this upset because a man loves you?”

“You saw him. He marched in here and started ordering us around.”

“Because his daughter was here. They don’t know for sure the other guy is guilty. If you and the sheriff had been wrong about Griff, Leila might have been in danger. Maybe you really regret sleeping with Jake be
fore you got a contract that spelled out the terms of your mutual commitment.”

A quick ambush by sensual memories made her sit down. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be safe.”

“Jake would agree with you. He’d go one further. He wanted you to be safe, and he wanted his daughter to be safe, too. That’s why he interfered.”

“You’re on his side because you and Mom don’t mind if some guy shows up with all the answers. You want a man to step in and run your lives. I don’t. I need one who respects my feelings even more when he doesn’t agree with them. I don’t want to disappear inside someone else’s decisions.” The moment she finished speaking, she dropped her dusting cloth, horrified at her outburst.

“That’s not fair, Maria. I’m not like that now. I’m not even sure Mom is.”

Maria wiped her hands on her jeans. “You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry. I’m frightened because I keep trying to find reasons to give in.”

“I am living proof that people can change.”

“Lasting change is rare, and I’m not sure Jake sees a problem with managing my life.”

“I don’t know.” Bryony pounded a sofa cushion into submission. “I can remember…Anyway, you usually take me at my word.”

“You won’t break my heart.”

“Don’t fool yourself. Sisters can do that.”

“I’m so ashamed of all the disapproving I did, Bryony.”

“Well, when we do break each other’s hearts, what do we do?”

“We talk. We work it out.”

“I don’t know how you feel about taking advice from a clown, but do you love Jake less than you love me? You’re both private people, and maybe you’re stinging from all the publicity. He’s made himself a spectacle, trying to help you. You love each other enough to change. You both already have.”

Outside, the letter box by the door clattered. Maria put down her polish and opened the front door. The mail carrier, already on his way next door, waved. Maria waved back and yanked her mail out of the box.

She came back inside, shivering. “It’s freezing. I think we’re up for more snow.”

“Bottom line, Maria, you won’t have to become someone like Mom to live with Jake.”

Maria hated that being her worst fear. “How do you know?”

“I know you, and if you think this over, instead of being afraid, you’ll realize you know him, and nothing will be perfect, but being with him will be worth making it work.”

“That sounds good,” Maria said, turning over her letters. She clenched one from the Psychology Review Board. “Bryony?”

“Huh?”

“This is it.”

“The letter? Don’t freak. You’re going to be fine. They—Open it.”

She did, tearing the envelope diagonally. The single page trembled between her fingers. ‘“Dear, Dr. Kea…We apologize…Sheriff Tom Drake appeared before us with an affidavit, as well as bringing one from the
young man in question, whom you’ll be relieved to know is seeing a qualified therapist. We welcome you back to the prof…’” She crumpled the letter. “I’m free.”

“Like hell,” Bryony said as she laughed with joy. “You know you’ll still be walking those demon dogs.”

“Let’s go find champagne.” Maria started up the stairs, her sister hot on her heels. “Did you notice? Only Sheriff Drake appeared before them. I half assumed Jake would find a reason to go, too.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying. Maybe it’s your turn to make a change.”

O
N
C
HRISTMAS
E
VE,
Leila brought her things to stay over at Jake’s. Together, they made dinner and avoided the subject of Maria until they were trimming the tree, when Leila finally exploded.

“You’re not the same man you were, Dad. Don’t settle like you did with Mom. Go tell Maria exactly what you want.”

“I want her to trust me.” He needed her to need him. How did a man say that to a woman who’d asked him to stay away from her? She either loved him or she didn’t, and the past week had assured him she didn’t.

“I know what it’s like when you assume other people are coping better than they actually are. Naturally, she’s annoyed.”

“Naturally.” He passed his daughter a big, red ornament. “I’m going to do you a favor, because there’s a little of me in you. Never assume someone you love will forgive you after you make a decision for him.”

“You meant no harm.”

“She wants me to discuss the important things with
her, and I tried, but she kept shutting me down. I was right, you know.”

“You were, this time.” Leila hung the ornament, backed up and then moved it to a different spot. “But, Dad, you were never right about protecting me. I’d have understood Mom had a problem.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But I never knew how to explain, and I didn’t want you to think badly of your mother.”

“I’m saying give a woman room. If she loves you, she won’t be able to give up. I didn’t give up on you, Dad.”

He looked at her.

“I love you enough to keep coming back when you backslide. Talk to Maria. She helped me understand second chances.”

“You have to get along with me. You’re my daughter.”

“I had to trust you’d finally talk about what really happened and be honest with me—that we’d share the problems in our family, rather than you wrapping them up, all fixed in a nice bow. If I hadn’t trusted you, daughter or not, I’d have given up on you when I lost Maria.” Leila rolled up her sleeves to show off fading scars. “Notice I’ve changed, too. Maria may be afraid you can’t harness the Machiavelli in you, but she’s in the business of change.”

M
ARIA MADE
Bryony Christmas breakfast and carried it up to her room. She plumped up the stocking that included a gift card for a bookstore, and a few small things.

There was no answer at her sister’s bedroom door. “Bryony?”

She knocked again. Still, no answer. Maria balanced
the tray on one arm and opened the bedroom door. It was empty. The comforter trailed onto the floor. Clothes littered a path past her feet, toward the shower, but the bathroom was empty.

“Hmm.”

Nothing to do but take her sister’s tray back to the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee before she dug into eggs and bacon.

The front door banged open. Wind and sleigh bell sounds rushed through the small house.

“Santa?” she asked with a smile. This was Christmas day, after all. “Bryony, where’d you take the reindeer?”

“To pick me up.”

Leaning to see into the hall, Maria nearly fell out of her chair. “Mom?”

Gail Keaton seemed uncertain of her welcome. Maria ran to her mother, who backed up under the onslaught. Maria grabbed her and held on. Tears prickled beneath her eyelids.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said.

“It is Christmas. I came to see if you bought me any more presents.”

“You did not.” Maria held out her arms to Bryony behind their mother and all three hugged. It was like coming home. At last. Home to her mother and her sister. Home to herself.

“I love you,” she said to them.

“She’s a little emotional these days.” Bryony patted Maria’s head.

“Don’t you make fun of her. She’s always afraid we’ll do something crazy. It’s a big day when she can say she loves me without sounding just a little scared.”

“I’m not making fun.” Bryony nudged the door shut with her foot. “Let’s see what we got each other.”

First, Maria scrambled more eggs and cooked extra bacon. They ate quickly, all grabbing a second cup of coffee before they settled in front of the tree in the living room. Gail had stopped on the way to fish bright packages out of her bags.

She set them in her daughters’ laps.

“Mom, did you unwrap the things we sent you already?” Bryony asked.

“Yes, but I’m anxious to see what you think of yours.”

Bryony and Maria tore into their presents the way they had as children. Maria buried her nose in the soft pink scarf and cloche cap her mother had knitted. “When did you learn to do this?”

“I’m taking a hiatus from dating.” She nudged Bryony, who was holding a similar pile of pale green. “But a girl’s gotta do something with her hands.”

For once, all three laughed together. Then the doorbell rang.

Maria’s heart did a quick rumba in her chest. She couldn’t speak. Jake might have stayed away from the review board, but had he been able to stay away from her?

“Go answer it,” Bryony said.

“What am I missing?” Gail asked.

“I hope you’re missing Mr.-Just-Perfect-for-Maria. You’ll like him, but we must stay here because they haven’t been playing well together.” Her warning gaze was Maria’s anchor. “Coming here today took courage,” Bryony said.

“Doesn’t he have family of his own?”

“A daughter, Mom. Let Maria see if it’s him.”

Maria climbed around her mother and sister. Bryony’s low voice murmured as Maria headed toward the door with the grace of a woman trudging through quicksand.

“It took courage,” Bryony said again.

Maria turned back.

Her sister bit her lip, but then sped on to get out everything she had to say fast. “Don’t hide behind a mask of respect and responsibility. Love the man. Isn’t your happiness disappearing because you’re so determined to live without him?”

Bryony saw pretty clearly for a girl who made her living behind a mask.

Maria opened the door, almost sick. What if it wasn’t him?

But she knew. Before she touched that doorknob, she knew.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, and he looked like himself—confident, gorgeous, with a hint of unease in his dark gaze.

So she hadn’t forced him to become a man he couldn’t be. “Come in Jake. Come out of the cold.”

Silence stretched between them. All she could think was that he’d returned. He’d had more courage than she. He’d kept trying.

He watched her as she took his hand and pulled him inside. “How do you mean that?”

“The cold of not being together,” she said, “where I think we might belong.”

“What suddenly makes you think that?” he asked.

Her happiness took a dive. “You don’t?”

“It’s what I came to tell you.” His gaze caressed her. She was lucky.

“I have to stop being stubborn,” she said. “And afraid.”

“What scared you so much?”

“I don’t want to lose myself because I love you.”

“You—” He kissed her swiftly. “Do you love me?”

“I can’t help myself.”

“But why aren’t you happy, Maria? Loving you makes me happy.”

“First you didn’t believe me. Then you interfered every time I asked you not to. I even think you browbeat Helen’s friends into giving me work.”

His skin took on a heated flush, despite the winter air.

“You did,” she said.

“I’d let you starve now,” he said, kindness and husky affection belying his words.

“You didn’t go to the board. And yet you didn’t give up on me. You came here. And you’re not too angry to forgive me for holding out.”

“I’m not an idiot.” He twined their fingers. His were as cold as ice, and she didn’t care. He was all the heat she wanted. “But I should have gone to that board.”

Maria grinned. She tiptoed to kiss his cheek. “You’re more than a man of steel. Do you think you can deny yourself again if I have to make my own decisions?”

“You ask the impossible,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “We both have a say in what’s right for us. I want it that way, too.”

He kissed her, his hands desperate as he stroked her
back and her waist. Maria almost cried. It was so good to hold him again, to feel his muscles flexing against her palms, and the heat of his breath in her mouth. As he slid his hands beneath her breasts, he lifted his head. “Can we talk about marriage sometime soon?”

Her feet didn’t seem to work, and neither did her legs. She felt as if she were hovering above herself.

“I know,” he said, his mouth against her temple. “We hardly know each other. You think I’m a bully because I want to run my loved ones’ lives.”

“You say you aren’t afraid, but I think something scares you into taking control that doesn’t belong to you.”

“Losing,” he said. “I want control so I can make sure I won’t lose anyone who matters to me.”

“Control makes me want to run.”

“So I’m learning to let it go,” he said. “Slowly. For instance, I’m not asking you to marry me today. Take your time. Make certain. I’m just telling you now because all the time in the world, all the days that pass, won’t make me more certain. I love you. When you’re ready—if you’re ready—you tell me.”

She breathed again. “I always insist feelings matter most, but I’ve been giving in to the wrong kind.”

He kissed her forehead, hugging her so close she could hardly speak. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—move away from him. “I’ll never break a promise to you again, Maria.”

“Jake,” she said, slipping to her knees. She expected him to follow, but he stood over her, bewildered. “I can ask you from down here,” she said, “but it’ll be more fun if you join me.”

He knelt in slow motion. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“And terrified. I could live without you,” she said. “But I’d feel empty every day without you in it.”

“You don’t need time to consider?”