A Cowboy's Home (26 page)

“Hey, Sam, can I get a meal replaced for the
guy from the bowling league? He’s a Type 1 diabetic and low
carbing
.”

“Get Ashley to give him a fucking salad.”

Yes, he admitted to himself that he wasn’t in
the best of moods, but all Nate had asked was one thing, and Sam
really didn’t need to jump down his throat.

Nate stared at him. He stared back. And then
Sam groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“You okay?” Nate asked carefully.

He hadn’t moved all the way into the office,
but he did now, closing the door behind him. There wasn’t that much
room in there, no space to swing the proverbial cat, anyway, and
when Sam looked up, Nate filled the room with his height and his
breadth and his ridiculous cowboy muscles.

“Fuck my life,” Sam said. Then he stood up
and brushed himself down, giving himself a few seconds to regroup
before facing Nate. “Sorry, I’ll get right on it. Did he say what
he wanted?”

“Can he get a steak or something instead of
the pasta?”

“Totally. No worries.”

Sam waited for Nate to move, but Nate didn’t
move; he leaned back on the door, placing his hand behind him on
the doorknob. “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” Sam snapped, and then eased his tone
down a notch or two. “Sorry, not sleeping, and I have a lot to do,
what with Gabe and Ashley’s wedding.”

Nate grimaced, “You should have said. I can
help.” He smiled, then “Not cooking, but I can lift things.”

Nate looked so
earnest.
He’d revealed last week that he wanted Gabe to have
the best wedding, wanted his brother and future sister-in-law to
have the happiest start to their new lives.

And now, Sam felt like shit. “It’s not the
wedding, actually,” he began honestly. Nate had a way about him
that invited confidences. “It’s Justin.”

“Justin? Is he okay?” Nate looked suddenly so
damned worried.

Yeah, because it’s all about Justin.
“He’s fine, I’m sure. Not talking to me, or visiting me, though.
Other than that, he’s fine.”

Nate’s mouth opened as if he was going to say
something. Then he closed it, evidently considering what to say.
“Sam?” was all he actually managed.

“He was in my bedroom, and he vaulted out the
window—oh, wait, he kissed me first.
Then
he went out the
window and parkoured his ass down to the ground, and it was so
sexy.”

Nate nodded, and suddenly looked like he
wished he were anywhere but there. “I’ll get Jay,” he said.

“What? Why?”

Nate indicated between him and Sam. “Because
he can do this couple thing better than me.”

“We’re not a couple… I don’t need Jay to…
shit, Nate.” And he thumped Nate on the chest, and Nate faked a
huff of pain before opening the door and slipping out. Sam was
close behind. “You’re an asshole, Nate Todd,” Sam faux
whispered.

All he got from Nate was an answering
chuckle.

The rest of the day went by molasses slow,
and that night Sam deliberately locked his window. He still hadn’t
quite worked out how Justin had managed to get in that first night,
but fuck if he was leaving the window open like some pathetic loser
who was
waiting
.

He slept well, not woken by the cool
night
air, and he actually woke
feeling more normal than he’d done in a couple of days.

Justin had kissed him, but he hadn’t come
near Sam since. Literally nowhere near him. The kiss had probably
been some kind of apology for disappearing that night.

Sam didn’t care. After all, there was still
the bar with the suggestion of sex, which was what he clearly
needed. Then he could stop fantasizing about getting a taste of
Justin Allens.

Breakfast was slow. It always was, this early
on a Monday, but it was also the day that most of the staff
gathered in and around Branches to discuss business.

Nate and Gabe were poring over maps, along
with Duncan, the wrangler from up with the herd, who Sam saw
rarely. Luke was sitting at a window table with Kirsten; he was
sketching, she was on her phone, and alternated that with helping
Josh on last-minute homework. Luke and Kirsten had come back from
college for the wedding. Sophie and Ashley had their heads
together. Only five more days and the wedding of the year was
happening, and Sam couldn’t fail to see the smiles that Gabe and
Ashley exchanged. They really were a sweet couple.

Even Henry was there, muttering under his
breath about the state of politics today as he read the news on an
iPad. And wasn’t that weird? For a man so stuck in the past, he
sure managed to use an iPad well enough. Although he often
tutted
with impatience as he
pressed things on the screen.

Adam and Ethan stumbled in just after seven;
it didn’t look like they’d had a good night, but coffee helped.
Ethan was in his suit, so clearly he was off to Missoula for work,
and Adam looked like he hadn’t slept at all. Ethan told Gabe he
would be in Missoula for five straight days. Unspoken was the added
“can you keep an eye on Adam for me?”

Sam resolved to visit with Adam this evening
if he was going to be on his own. Maybe take over dinner or
something, because Adam still struggled with nights on his own.

The only person conspicuous by his absence
was Justin; although why Sam expected him to join the
Monday-morning get-together, he didn’t know. Justin had been here
less than a week and was probably still acclimatizing.

Gabe encouraged Josh off to school. Kirsten
and Luke followed citing project work, which was likely an excuse
for the two of them to go up to Silver Lake swimming. Soon after,
Nate and Duncan left. Slowly but surely the restaurant space became
Sam’s again, and he lost himself in the mindlessness of cleaning up
and ordering.

Jay was the last to leave, coming over to
stand next to him. “We’re going to Carter’s Bar tonight if you want
to come with?”

That sounded like a very good thing; a chance
to hang out away from Crooked Tree, but he’d already mentally
committed to checking in on Adam. “Maybe next time.”

“You sure?”

Sam chuckled. “Definitely. I’m well overdue
for getting laid, but I’ve got plans tonight.”

“Plans to get laid?” Jay teased. “You dark
horse.”

“Yeah,” Sam played along with the joke. He’d
look like a freaking dork if his idea of a good time tonight was
lasagna and beer with Adam. “If you only knew, you’d be
jealous.”

“He’s that good?” Jay elbowed him in the
side.

“Past good and onto mind-blowing.”

“Later, then,” Jay said. Then he added a
couple of words that made Sam’s stomach clench. “Hi, Justin, you
okay?”

Sam listened to them shooting the breeze,
something about working on Forest 6, and photos for the website
showing the subsidence and how they were dealing with it. The door
shut, and Sam slowly turned from the coffee machine and back to the
counter.

To meet the coolly assessing focus of Justin
freaking
Allens.

“Sam,” Justin said flatly.

He looked so good:
young, with his skin warmed by the sun and his gray eyes focused
right in on Sam.
Worn jeans and a shirt clung to the spare
shape of him, but Sam knew about the muscles under there, the
hidden strength. “Hi.”

Sam waited for Justin to ask for what he
wanted, but all he did was look at Sam, with that focused gray
gaze, his lips pressed in a firm line.

He made a show of waving a hand in front of
Justin’s face. “Cappuccino?”

“No,” Justin said. He glanced around the
empty restaurant, then leaned over the counter, grabbed Sam’s shirt
and hauled him as close as he could.

Sam flailed a little, got his balance, and
parted his lips. Justin was going to kiss him; it was what Sam had
been waiting for since that night in his bedroom. “Justin?”

Justin didn’t lessen his grip or kiss Sam; in
fact he didn’t move, frozen in that space. For the longest time
they were like that, and Sam imagined everything, from a kiss to
Justin bending him over the counter, so he was seriously
disappointed when Justin simply let him go.

“Fuck,” Justin muttered and left the
building.

The door slammed behind him.

And all Sam could do was watch him go and
wonder what the fuck had just happened.

Justin was seriously screwed. Hearing Sam
talk like that to Jay, saying he had a man in the wings who would
take the edge off with random sex, had his temper rising, jealousy
spiking sickly in his chest, and a need to touch Sam that was
almost overwhelming..

Who the hell was he to think he had any claim
on Sam?

He’d deliberately avoided contact with Sam
apart from that “I’m sorry” kiss.

What have I done?

What he’d nearly done was to drag Sam over
the counter just to have another taste of him, and acted like the
Neanderthal bad guy that he was.

He stalked up the hill toward the stables and
slid around one side of the barn. There was no way he wanted to
talk to anyone at the moment; no way did he want anyone up here to
see him when his temper was so high. Temper and lust and need and
fuck
, his head couldn’t handle it all.

His emotions were shot to hell. That iciness
he’d used to survive and focus in his job was melting away, leaving
nothing but a confusing mess of crap in his head.

I want Sam. I could have Sam if I wanted. I
could kiss him and love him.

I don’t want Sam, and Sam won’t want me.

Sam should be in my bed, in my arms, where I
could look after him.

He doesn’t need looking after.

Anyway, Sam deserves better than a black ops
murderer with a damaged heart.

See, that was it. One minute he was on top of
the world—a new life, clear focus, a deal with Rob in place to keep
him safe, to keep his family safe. But the next he was manhandling
the one man he wanted to be gentle with and focusing in on the
things that chased his nightmares.

He slipped into Easy’s stall.

Even though he’d been back five days, he
still hadn’t ridden his old horse. Adam said he should, but
something held him back. Instead he would come up here, bury his
face in Easy’s
mane
, and think
about what kind of man he wanted to be. Easy snorted and snuffled
Justin’s hair, and the acid of indecision and self-loathing eased
inside him.

“Hey,” Adam said from outside the stall.

Justin didn’t want to turn and face him.
Being back here and seeing Adam from a distance was hard enough,
but actually
talking to him
wasn’t on his to-do list.

He’d almost stayed away from Crooked Tree
altogether. He could have a complete new identity. With more money
than he needed stashed away in banks, he could be anywhere in this
world. But, what Jamie had said about his relief that he didn’t
have to be scared anymore, spoke to Justin in ways he couldn’t
understand. Justin wanted peace, and there was only one place that
called to him.

Stiffening his resolve, he lifted his head
from Easy’s mane keeping his fingers tangled in the length of it.
“Hi, Adam,” he said.

Adam leaned against the stable door. He
seemed at a loss for words, and it wasn’t like Justin was full of
things to say either.

“I’m clear until lunchtime,” Adam said after
a silence. “Saddle Easy up. I’ll get Diablo, and we’ll go for a
ride.”

Seemed to Justin that wasn’t a request, more
a statement of fact. He said nothing, just watched Adam and saw the
moment confusion hit him.

“Shit, you remember how to saddle a horse,
right?” Adam asked. “That was one of the only things I remembered,
like muscle memory or something.”

Justin gripped the mane harder and Easy
chuffed at him in protest. He eased his hold and stroked instead.
“I don’t think I’d ever forget.”

Adam appeared happy with the answer and left
to get Diablo while Justin saddled Easy, that muscle memory Adam
had mentioned kicking in. Justin hadn’t ridden a horse since he
left Crooked Tree, had denied himself the pleasure of riding
because to get close to a horse was too much grief and raw hurt for
him to handle.

But then he was waiting outside, murmuring
soft words against the velvet of Easy’s nose, before mounting.

The world was different up there, the ground
a long way down. Justin’s head got around finding his seat and
slowly discovering what he remembered and what he didn’t. Easy
didn’t move a muscle meanwhile, content to wait for Adam, who eased
a skittish Diablo out of the barns.

“This is Jay’s horse. Nate gave it to him,
but Jay isn’t one for riding.”

“How does that work given Nate is so
obsessed?” Justin asked.
I can do polite conversation.

“Opposites attract,” Adam said with a grin.
“Ready?”

Justin nodded, and with a subtle press of his
heels, left the stables and turned right up the hill.

Adam led the way, and from there on, even
though Adam was a man now, Justin recalled seeing him riding as a
teenager, and grief swamped him
to the
point
he couldn’t breathe.

Easy just carried him on, following Diablo
and giving Justin the chance to calm his panic and the press of
misery that seemed to follow him around every day. He couldn’t
understand what was going on inside his head.

He didn’t do desolation. He did
focus
and
purpose
, but somehow at Crooked Tree, he was losing his
way.

Diablo stopped and Easy pulled up
alongside.

“Ember Bluff?” Adam asked.

Justin nodded, and they made their way down
the banks to the Blackfoot River and through the shallows of the
wide part. Over to the softer land beyond and finally they broke
into a canter up through fields of emerald green, until the ranch
buildings disappeared behind them. Justin’s ass was going to ache
later, but the sheer joy of riding was a hint of what his life
could be like if he let it.