A Cowgirl's Secret (4 page)

“There aren't enough words to describe how I detest you. How you've built this fabulous life for yourself
without so much as a thought for everyone you left behind.”

Silent tears streaming down her cheeks, Daisy hugged her arms over her chest. Nodding, she internalized his every critical word, negating years of supposedly successful therapy in mere seconds. Once again she was a little girl, hiding from a monster, begging to a nonexistent God for Henry not to touch her.

“Don't cry,” Luke said. “All the tears in the world aren't going to change what I think of you.”

“I—I know. And I—I don't blame you for hating me.”
I hate myself for ever letting that filthy old man near me.
Most especially she hated still being afraid to share her darkest secret with the sole person she'd always been able to trust.

 

“I'
VE MISSED THIS
,” Daisy said to her mom Sunday morning while helping her roll out biscuit dough. “I feel like I can never apologize enough.” Eyes again filling with tears, she walked into her mother's embrace.

“I'm the one who should be saying sorry. The fact you felt you couldn't come to me when you found out you were pregnant means volumes. As your mother, I should've known.”

Daisy had many times felt the same—only about how her mom couldn't have seen the signs of what Henry had done. Daisy immersed herself in every facet of Kolt's life. Where had her mother been when Henry had—no. Daisy was finished questioning the past. What was done was done.

“Please, come home for good,” Georgina asked. “I
want to know my daughter. Make up for all of the time we've lost.”

“I want that, too,” Daisy said. And she did.
Desperately.

“Wh-when your father died, his last wish was that I find you and heal whatever broke our family apart. Please come home, honey. I know you lead a busy life. I'm proud of the woman you've become. But if only for a short while, could you put all of that on hold to let me in?”

What could she say? Was this when Daisy asked her mother to move to California where Henry couldn't find them? Or, did she take a deep breath and return to Weed Gulch?

“Don't answer right away.” Fussing with her biscuit cutter, Georgina wasn't the strong, self-assured woman Daisy remembered. Dark circles under her eyes told of her sleepless nights. Her normally fastidious braid sported escapee hairs on the right side. “In fact, never mind. It was a silly idea. Forget I ever asked.”

“No.” Daisy snatched a pea-size bite of dough, popping it in her mouth.

“What does that mean?” While placing the biscuits on a baking sheet, Georgina's hands trembled. “You won't consider moving?”

Daisy shook her head and smiled faintly. “I meant your question wasn't silly, and that yes, I will stay with you.”

“Really?” Georgina's voice had grown raspy with emotion.

Daisy nodded, holding out her arms for another of
her mom's comforting hugs. Yes, this decision was rash and not even remotely thought out, but she was home. And she wanted to stay—at least for a little while.

 

“A
S MUCH AS
I
WANT
to get on with getting to know my son, do you think this sudden move is wise?” Luke knew he shouldn't have volunteered to make the long drive to Tulsa International Sunday night, but before Daisy returned with Kolt, Luke wanted to clear the air. The last time they'd talked, he'd said some harsh things he wasn't proud of, but the woman made him feel like a grizzly with a thorn stuck in his paw. In the dim light reflecting from the truck's gauges, he couldn't help but notice how exhausted Daisy looked. Apparently the trip had been tougher than she'd let on. “Shouldn't you take at least a month or two to let the idea of returning to Weed Gulch on even a semi-permanent basis sink in?”

“Probably,” she admitted, staring out the side window at the purple hues of the sun setting on rolling hills. The outside temperature was still warm enough to make a necessity of keeping the AC blowing steadily. “That said, if I don't do it now, I'll need to wait till Kolt's next school year.”

“That's my point,” he said with a glance in her direction. “Should you be making a major life decision so fast? Is our son up for the job of meeting all new friends and getting to know his father?”

“I'm sure my therapist would say no. I, however, have fences to mend and time's ticking.”

“You keep saying,
I.
Have you put any thought into how Kolt's going to take this?”

“Of course,” she snapped. “At first, it will be hard, but surrounded by family and horses and fresh air, he'll learn to love Weed Gulch.”

“As much as you? Need I remind you of the not-so-small fact that you couldn't wait even long enough to tell me goodbye before you got the hell out of our one-horse town?”

“I had my reasons.”

Luke snorted.

The woman was certifiable. Though the rock in his gut told him Daisy still had secrets causing the shadows beneath her eyes, he had to admit he couldn't wait to start hanging out with their son.

“For the record,” Barb said Monday morning, “I think this is a perfectly dreadful idea.”

“Duly noted.” Regardless, Daisy continued unloading her office-desk drawers into boxes. From the Remold Building's twenty-second floor, the city view was surreal. The furnishings were sleek chrome, glass and rich leather. Their corporate clients expected the best and didn't mind shelling out the big bucks required to obtain it.

Standing at just over five foot ten, Barb was a big, brassy redhead who hot-rolled her hair daily into a helmet of curls. Her clothes were all custom and her jewelry bodyguard-worthy. In court, her opponents nicknamed her Barbwire for her cutting legal mind. Outside of her workday, her heart was as big as her wallet. “Not only does your leaving put me in a major bind with the Hallworth case next week, but think about what this is going to do to Kolt. Everything he's ever known is here, in San Francisco. He's a city kid. How's he going to take living in the sticks of Oklahoma?”

“Kolt will be fine.”

Barb crossed her arms. “Why don't you take a leave of absence? A year if you need it. But don't do anything rash. Get a short-term tenant in your loft and don't officially give up Kolt's slot at school.”

“I get all of your points, but the one thing you forgot to mention is the not-so-small matter of Kolt's father. My son deserves to get to know the man.”

Sighing, Barb looked to the ceiling. “You're being melodramatic—not to mention simplistic. You think just because this Luke character made you a cup of tea with honey that he's going to magically forgive you for keeping his son from him for the past ten years?”

“I'd be lying if I said Luke's not upset—understandably so. But I know he'll forgive me, and—”

Barb smacked her palm on the desk. “Spit on the floor and call me Violet, you're nuttier than an Okie fruitcake. This man will never again put his trust in you. Wait a minute… Please tell me you're not harboring a secret reunion fantasy?”

“Of course, not. But I don't want to think of him as an enemy.” Daisy glanced up to find Barb giving her the same, narrow-eyed glare she was legendary for sporting in courtroom battles. It was the same one that nine times out of ten preceded witnesses spilling their guts. “You can quit with the look, Barb. I've already told you everything.”

Her friend's dubious expression said she wasn't buying Daisy's explanation. “Define
everything….”

 

K
OLT
S
MITH, FRESH OFF THE BUS
from a week spent at Camp Redwood, couldn't wait to get to his room.
Camp was fun and all, but he'd missed his toys. Some of the guys in his cabin had said they were too old for toys and spent most of their summer chasing girls, but Kolt thought girls were gross—except for his mom. Oh—and Aunt Barb who always gave great birthday and Christmas presents.

“Slow down!” his mother yelled when he raced off the elevator toward their door.

“Can't, Mom! I've gotta pee!”

She not only laughed, but ran alongside him. Very weird when she was usually so serious. Lots of times at night, when she didn't know he was awake, he'd even heard her crying.

“Beat you,” she said, tagging the door.

“Yeah, but you cheated by shoving me out of the way.”

“I'm a lady,” she teased, “and I never shove.”

“Whatever.” Legs crossed, he hopped. “Just hurry and put in your key.”

“I told you to go at Pier Point.” Holding open the door, she flipped on the lights.

“Whoa.” Their usually cool loft was wrecked. “Did we get robbed?”

“No.” She ruffled his hair, usually a sign she was thinking of him as a little kid instead of an almost grown-up. “But as soon as you get out of the bathroom, I do have a surprise for you.”

“Is it good?” he asked on his way down the hall crowded with skyscraper piles of boxes.

“I think so. I hope you will, too.”

Kolt peed quickly. He was supposed to wash his
hands, but since he wanted to know why there were so many boxes, he just brushed his hands on the fancy towels.

“Okay, what?” he asked, back in the living room.

His mom sucked in a lot of air and then blew it all out. “Well…while you were busy at camp, I was busy, too. Remember when you were little, and I bought you that giant stuffed buffalo and a tepee to play in? And we talked about Oklahoma and how it's an important state?”

“Yeah?” Why did she look as if she was gonna cry? Man, he hated it when she did that. It made his insides feel all twisty.

“There's a reason Oklahoma means more to us than the other states.” She wiped her hands on her jeans.

“I know my dad's from there, and those people from the pictures you showed me, but I don't even really know where Oklahoma is.”

“That's about to change.” She put on a really spooky, big smile. “Honey, I know this is going to be hard for you, but we're moving to Oklahoma, and—”

“What?” Kolt jumped up from the sofa, pitching one of his mom's fancy pillows halfway across the room. “That's stupid! My friend James moved to Chicago and I've never seen him again.”

“Honey, calm down and let me explain.”

“I don't wanna hear anything. This is because of my stupid dad who I don't even know, isn't it? You're ruining my life! I hate you!” Kolt didn't really hate her, but on the way to his room, he couldn't think of anything better to say. Moving was stupid and so was his mom.

He slammed his door.

She opened it and parked herself on his bed. “Sweetie, there are things I haven't told you that I should've. When I was your age, I had a rough time.”

“Why?”

She took a stuffed pig from his toy bucket and played with its ear. “Some day, when you're older, I'll tell you. But for now, I need you to know that when I mentioned all of our relatives lived too far away for us to see, well…”

While she took more really deep breaths, Kolt asked, “You want us to live with them, right? Are we poor or is this supposed to teach me something?”

Standing, she pitched the pig back in his home. “We're not poor and yes, being around people who love you will no doubt prove very educational.”

Hating his mom so much he didn't even want to see her, he asked, “How can they love me when they don't even know me?”

“Sometimes…” Her hug smooshed his forehead into her boobs. Why wouldn't she stop and just leave him alone? “When people are family, they love you unconditionally. That's how it's going to be for you. In our new house, you'll have your grandmother and uncles and aunts and there'll be cousins for you to play with.”

His friend Lincoln had cousins and they were cool. Every Christmas they stayed with him for like two whole weeks. “Boy or girl cousins?”

“Girls, but—”

“I hate girls!” Just wanting to be by himself, Kolt
ran to the living room, unhooking the safety bar on the sliding glass door that led to the balcony.

Planted in big pots were little trees.

Kolt hid behind his favorite, not caring that he was probably sitting in pigeon poop.

He'd been so excited to come home from camp, but now he wished he could have just stayed there. At least then he wouldn't have had to move. And he wouldn't have to see his stupid mom who was making him move. Or his stupid dad who was the stupid reason his stupid mom was making them move.

 

“D
AISY
. Y
OU'RE AH
, the last person I expected to hear from.” Luke was standing outside a gas station, filling his truck, on the return leg of a job he'd done in Montana. He hadn't heard from Daisy since their airport goodbye. Truthfully, she and Kolt had been on his mind ever since. “Still moving to my neck of the woods?”

“Planning on it, but the transition is going rougher than I'd like.”

“Anything I can do to help?” He topped off his tank, then fitted the pump nozzle back on its stand. The heat was intense, shimmering above the blacktop.

“I wish. I'm having a tough time with Kolt. He doesn't want me to go, and I've tried explaining this is for the best, but he just doesn't understand.” Sighing, she added, “Sorry to trouble you with this, but I figure since we're now in this parenting thing together… Well, I'm not sure why I called. Guess I wanted to hear someone tell me I'm doing the right thing.”

Leaning against his truck, Luke crossed his legs at
the ankles. Stomach knotted, he searched for words appropriate for polite company. “As much as I look forward to my son living closer, you called the wrong person. Truth is, I'm scared for the little guy. You're being too hasty. Not that I know any right or wrong way to handle a kid of his age, but something about this doesn't feel right. You need to slow down.”

“Of all people, I thought you would understand. I thought you would want him—us—back in Weed Gulch. Sorry I called.”

Out on the highway a trio of eighteen-wheelers rushed by. The exhaust stung Luke's nose. “Don't be like that. You asked my opinion and I gave it.”

“No, Luke, what I asked for was compassion and you gave me criticism.”

“It's crap like this that keeps me single.” Groaning, he shook his head.

Her sharp laugh bit his ear. “Now not only am I ridiculous for wanting to spend time with my family, but I'm putting moves on you?”

“You know damn well that's not what I meant.”

“Whatever. I've got to go.”

“Daisy, wait—” She'd already hung up.

Luke kicked his tire. The woman was maddening. He hadn't seen her in a decade, yet a few hours spent together and already she was back under his skin. Or, hell, maybe she'd never left.

 

“W
HY ARE YOU CRYING
, M
OM
? Especially since moving was what you wanted to do?”

Two weeks after having decided to move, on the verge
of introducing her son to everyone she held dear, Daisy swiped at tears she'd hoped ten-year-old Kolt hadn't noticed. Forcing a smile, she ruffled his baby-fine dark hair. “Just allergies, sweetie.”

“Uh-huh.” Usually, she was proud of her smarty-pants son, but this was one time when she wished he wasn't quite so observant.

“Whoa.” Though moments earlier his crossed arms had read angry and defensive, he now leaned forward with his hands on the dash. On the maple-lined approach to Buckhorn Ranch's main house, he asked, “Is this like a cowboy mansion?”

The rambling two-story home was large enough for a family of twenty. Until she found a place of her own, no one would even notice she and her son were there.

“Sort of,” she answered, pulse racing to an uncomfortable degree. Back in San Francisco, handing over the loft keys to the hip, young artist friend of a friend named Gunter, she'd been positive this wasn't just the right decision, but the only one. Not even her disastrous call to Luke had brought her down. She'd chosen to drive to Oklahoma with Kolt to give him time to transition—not just to the idea of moving, but to the change of climate and scenery.

Stuck in neverending traffic on a six-lane Denver highway, she'd been passed by a father and son and something about the pairing consumed her with chills. What if Luke had a change of heart, deciding he had no interest in becoming an instant father? How would she explain the rejection to her son?

Oklahoma summer sun came as quite a shock to her
body used to San Francisco fog. Though the car's air-conditioning was on high, it had a hard time competing with the sweltering rays.

“Whoever lives here must be
really
rich. Is this where my cousins live?” Kolt angled sideways on his seat to get a better look. “Cool! Look at all the cows! And horses—lots of them! Is that an emu?”

Kolt's excitement shattered Daisy's heart all the more.

She was a horrible mother. The worst. Had she been less of a coward when she'd carried him, he'd have spent every summer and school break on the land where she'd grown up and, in what seemed like another lifetime ago, fallen in love with his father.

“This place is awesome! How come we've never been here on vacation?”

Parking her Mercedes in the circular drive, she turned off the engine and prayed for courage to leave the car.

“Come on!” Kolt prodded, tugging her hand. “There're chickens, too.”

From the home's front door barreled the twins, Betsy and Bonnie. Behind them came Dallas and Josie. Next, came Daisy's mom, Georgina, tall and strong, wearing her long white hair in its usual braid—this time neat as a pin.

“Aunt Daisy!” the twins cried in unison, bouncing around her when her quivering legs surprised her by actually allowing her to exit the car. “We missed you!”

“I missed you, too,” she said, gathering them for a hug. It warmed her that they even remembered her name.

Kolt rounded the trunk, shyly standing alongside her, taking her hand.

“Who are you?” Bonnie asked.

“Who are
you?
” Kolt retorted.

“Betsy, Bonnie…” Forcing a breath, Daisy looked to her mother and brother. “This is my son, Kolt.” His age combined with Luke Montgomery's unmistakable robin's-egg-blue eyes reminded all the adults assembled of everything they needed to know regarding the boy's parentage. “Honey,” she said to her pride and joy, cupping Kolt's shoulders, “this is your grandmother and cousins and aunt and uncle.”

Eyebrows furrowed, Kolt looked up at her. “Oklahoma wasn't as far as I thought. If they're our family, how come we're just now seeing them?”

Daisy's mother winced as if she'd been slapped.

“Girls,” Josie said to the twins, “could you please show Kolt your fort?”

“Boys aren't allowed,” Bonnie informed her with a glare in Kolt's direction.

“They are now,” Dallas said with a light swat to the girl's behind.