A Dance of Chaos: Book 6 of Shadowdance (28 page)

Terrance looked relieved, and he bowed once more before retreating back into the mansion. Glancing down at the box, Zusa let out a sigh, then entered the moonlit garden. Following the stone steps through the roses and columbines, she found Alyssa sitting on a bench at the edge of a circle of birch trees. They’d buried Victor in the center of that circle, then marked the grave with a square stone tile dug into the earth. Alyssa’s head was in her hands, and if she’d bothered to wear her eyes, they’d have been staring into nowhere. At least the weather was fine, the breeze warm and comforting against Zusa’s skin.

“I’ve scoured the grounds three times,” Zusa said, sitting down beside her. “Anywhere I might have sneaked through, I positioned another guard. Between all the rattling of armor and chatting guards, it might be louder now than during the day, but at least you and Nathaniel will be safe. Forgive me, Alyssa, but this never should have happened. I should have known Muzien would not take our involvement in the ambush lightly, and been ready.”

Alyssa offered no reaction to her arrival other than a soft nod.

“Another attempt on my life,” she said. “Another attempt on Nathaniel’s. It won’t ever stop, will it?”

“Is that what depresses you so?”

The woman shook her head.

“This one time? No. It’s the history of them, Zusa. I feel it wearing on me. Always we are in danger. Always my enemies would seek to end my opposition by taking my life. Is there no other way they might strike against me?”

“You are the figurehead of an empire,” Zusa said. “They could slay a thousand of our mercenaries and not do as much damage as they might by taking your life.”

“I know,” Alyssa said, leaning back into the bench, hands resting in her lap. Her shoulders were so hunched, her tone so defeated, it made Zusa’s stomach sick. “Trust me, I know.”

“I’ve been talking to Victor’s men,” Zusa said, trying to force the conversation to something else. “Something about the battle in the square bothers me. Muzien had members of his guild rush the street with heavy hammers after the soldiers’ passing, then strike those tiles of his he’s placed throughout the city. That’s where the explosions came from, which caused the majority of the casualties we suffered during the ambush.”

“He trapped the tiles,” Alyssa said. “Seems like something he’d do.”

“Indeed,” Zusa said. “But what if the rest of them are trapped as well? There are hundreds throughout the city, and if they’re all as strong as what we—” She caught herself. “As what I witnessed, then thousands of lives are in danger.”

“Only if Muzien has hundreds of men with hammers willing to sacrifice themselves to do it.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

Alyssa gave her a grim smile.

“Perhaps you’re right. If you were to look into it, where would you go?”

Zusa shrugged.

“If it’s magic, then Tarlak would make the most sense. A bit of coin would ensure he remained discreet regarding the matter.”

“Discretion, from a wizard in bright yellow?”

“This world has seen stranger things.”

This time the smile Alyssa gave her was sincere, and despite its fleeting presence, it did much to warm Zusa’s heart.

“I kept my ears open while I was among them,” Zusa continued. “No one suspects you in any way, and I doubt they ever will. Muzien looms too large over everything. In fact, the soldiers are hoping you’ll remain true to your reputation and burn half the city to the ground attempting to slaughter the elf. He must have treated them well, or paid them well, for such loyalty. I must say, their desire for vengeance for their former master’s death is admirable.”

“They’re fooling themselves if they think I have the heart for that anymore,” Alyssa said.

“I think you fool yourself if you would believe that,” Zusa argued. “No, I think you’re wiser and more understanding of the consequences. Still, it might be worthwhile to let a few squads of soldiers loose into southern Veldaren, if only for appearances. Besides killing Victor, the Sun Guild also made attempts on your life and the life of your son. The worst thing you could be right now is timid.”

“If we’re to strike at them, we need to do it right,” Alyssa said. “Can you find spots where the Sun Guild hides, then lead our men to them?”

“I can,” Zusa said.

Alyssa nodded, letting the matter drop. The silence was thick, awkward, and filled with Alyssa’s sadness. Zusa couldn’t stand it, nor did she know how to fix it, which made her feel powerless. There was nothing she could do to change the past. Betrayal left the deepest of scars, and Alyssa had been betrayed far too many times in her young life.

“Terrance told me to give you this,” she said after several minutes, gently placing the wooden box into Alyssa’s hands. Her friend chuckled, and she did not open it, only held it.

“I shouldn’t have killed him,” she whispered. “Gods help me, what was I thinking?”

“You were thinking he’d drag your entire family down with his foolhardy quest for vengeance and power,” Zusa said. “Just like I said he would.”

“That only makes him a fool. That doesn’t make him evil.” She gestured to the gravestone before her. “That doesn’t mean he deserved to die like he did.”

“As if anyone gets what they deserve in this world,” Zusa said, her words coming out far more bitter than she’d intended. “You were protecting yourself from his madness. Don’t you dare feel guilty for doing what must be done.”

“There had to be other ways,” Alyssa said, and tears slid from her vacant eye sockets. “He’d have never betrayed me, I understand that now. Even to his death, he’d have remained loyal. But so many have turned on me, how was I to know? How was I to believe he could be different … and it’s better to be the betrayer than the betrayed, right?”

She pulled open the lid to the box. Zusa could not tell what was inside until Alyssa dipped her hand within and removed the first of the orbs. They were shaped just like her glass eyes, but they were not painted in loving recreation of her original green irises. No, instead Zusa had to hold back her revulsion as Alyssa placed two solid black pieces of glass into her eye sockets. She looked like a thing of the night, a mockery of humanity, and the sorrow on her face only made it worse. If her eyes were windows to her soul, it frightened Zusa to think of what little remained within.

“I will not pretend at having sight when I am blind,” Alyssa said, setting down the box beside her. “Nor will I pretend at happiness when I am mourning. Look at me, Zusa, and see it. Let everyone see what I’ve become. Even those who would protect me, I have killed. Everything I’ve sought to accomplish, I’ve failed at. Everything I’ve tried to build has crumbled. I’m a widow of my own choosing. Friends, family … who do I have, Zusa? My very life is poison, and everyone who dares get near me suffers for it. I’ll never be able to trust anyone. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never have anyone to…”

Zusa pushed her lips against Alyssa’s, silencing such horrible thoughts. Holding Alyssa against her, she let the kiss linger, dared to put her other trembling hand against Alyssa’s smooth cheek, brushing away the wetness of tears with her thumb. Through it all, Alyssa remained shocked still, neither returning the kiss nor pushing her away. When Zusa finally pulled back, she put her forehead against Alyssa’s, their noses touching, and she gasped in a shuddering breath.

“You are never alone,” Zusa said, and she felt tears running down her own face. Never before had she felt so naked, so vulnerable. “And you will never be unloved.”

Those black orbs stared back at her, soulless, unreadable. As if in a dream, Alyssa reached up and put a hand on Zusa’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Zusa,” she said. “I … I don’t know what to say…”

Each word was a knife. Despite all their years together, she’d never thought this moment would come, yet here she was, pushed away, rejected. Not since Daverik had she offered herself fully. Even with Haern it’d been purely carnal, a need for comfort and release. Gently came the resistance, but still it came, Alyssa’s hands separating their bodies, her neck flushed, her face turning away in refusal of a second kiss that would never be.

Suddenly Zusa wanted to be anywhere in the world but there. Simply being in Alyssa’s presence was unbearable, a reminder of her foolishness. She wanted to forget, to pretend nothing had happened, and sitting before those black eyes made it all but impossible. For a moment she even wished for her wrappings so they might hide her blushing neck and cheeks from the world.

“I should go,” she said, rising from the bench. Her insides were performing loops, and she felt a wave of embarrassment smothering her.

“Zusa, wait,” said Alyssa, reaching out blindly for her. Zusa shook her head, not caring Alyssa would not see.

“If your men are to assault the Sun Guild’s hiding places, I should make sure they haven’t moved them,” she said, sniffling. “Just in case the ambush spooked Muzien.”

Alyssa’s hand dropped down to her side, and it seemed she struggled to find words.

“Of course,” she said. “Stay safe, all right?”

Standing there in the moonlight, Zusa knew she could disappear into its shadows, and the freedom that offered was powerfully alluring. Still, she had to try one last time. She had to see the limits of her foolishness, even if it meant putting her neck out yet again.

“I love you, Alyssa,” she said. “I always have. I always will.”

There’d be no confusion now. No pretending it had never happened. Part of her screamed at how foolish she was, how stupid, but her pounding heart drowned it out.

Alyssa leaned back into the bench, looking more defeated than when Zusa had first come to her.

“I know,” she said. “It’s the one thing I’ve always known. I only wish I deserved it.”

The chance was there, the ability to return her affection, even if only in words … but the words never came, and that was cruelest of all.

“Good-bye, Alyssa,” she said. Turning to the western wall of the garden, Zusa ran without slowing, leaping into the shadow-bathed bricks and reappearing on the other side. Through the empty streets she ran, without sight, without thought, only seeking to cover distance, as if each step might somehow lessen the pain.

It didn’t.

Faster, faster, cloak billowing behind her, she fled from what she could not outrun, until, legs burning and chest heaving, she slipped into an alley and flung herself against its wall. The mansion was far behind her, but it still didn’t feel far enough. Beating her fists into the building’s wooden side, she closed her eyes, let her tears fall.

“Damn it,” she said, a whisper at first, then louder with each blow of her fist. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!”

Forehead still pressed to the wood, she did not see the man’s arrival, only heard the softest rustle of his long coat.

“Hello, Katherine.”

She whirled, knowing it already too late. A bag dropped over her head, followed by a rope about her throat. Arms grabbed her wrists and pinned her against the wall as the air burned in her lungs, and though it was in vain, she struggled anyway, fighting until the darkness took her completely.

   19   

H
aern had slept the entire day away, recovering from the constant battles and scouring of the city. After grabbing a bite to eat, he prepared his things and left. Not far from the tower was a gently sloping hill, and atop its soft green grass he sat and watched the sun set. Come dark, he’d return to the city, once more working with his father to bring the Sun Guild crumbling down. While at first it’d seemed an insurmountable task, this time they’d drawn blood, and proven Muzien was not the infallible demigod he pretended to be. Of all the damage that had been done, Muzien had done the most by preparing his public spectacle in the first place. As a frequent user of public spectacle himself, Haern decided he might need to pay particular attention to that lesson in the future.

The sun was almost gone when he heard the soft footsteps behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Delysia climbing the hill to join him. A twinge of nervousness hit his chest, and he did his best not to dwell on why.

“Is it all right if I join you?” she asked, stopping just short. He patted the grass to his left, and she crossed her legs and gently eased into a sit beside him. He’d always been comfortable in her presence, yet now there was a wedge between them, and no matter how hard he told himself to forget it, the wedge remained.