A Day at the Races (2 page)

Mike looked concerned, and thought he wouldn’t hold his breathe on that one.

“Jesus Moxie in all the years I have known you this has to be the worst situation I have know you in, its even worse than getting the vicars wife pregnant and all the agro that that caused at the time.”

This was an incident before he was married when he sold a car to the local Vicars Wife, but she only bought it on the condition that Moxie gave her driving lessons, only she got more than driving lessons and a Ford Fiesta.

“Ah Sophie, do you know she was a lovely girl, I thought she would leave him and come away with me, but being a Vicar he was the forgiving kind, and she decided to stay with him? I was really upset at the time because I felt she was the one for me, but she mulled things over and opted to stay with him. It took me a while to get over it, I heard she had a little girl, they named her Grace and they now live in Southampton.”

Over the years, Moxie or Richard Moxworthy had been in various scrapes and had numerous indiscretions, but never seemed to learn from past mishaps. He was the same age as Mike, thirty-six with blonde hair and green eyes and square jawed and he was six feet four inches tall. He had numerous battle scars on his face from when he played Rugby League in his earlier years, as well as Karate as a teenager, but they all added to his rugged handsome face. He had always worked out and was always dressed in immaculate suits, made by Silverton’s the gents tailors in Cheetham Hill in Manchester, and he never had a problem pulling the opposite sex.

This however was a serious situation, in fact was potentially dire, Mike knew he would have to do something drastic and quick.

“Cant see myself robbing a bank, I don’t suit a balaclava.”

Mike laughed. “I am sure something good will happen.”

Next to speak was Linton Swift, a retired Army Sergeant Major.

“From my experience with women all over the world, the worst thing you can do is cheat on them. You can home drunk; you can gamble the housekeeping money, kick the cat, but never ever cheat on them. Their pride won’t allow them to forget it, there’s no forgiveness, no going back, and it’s like a knife through the heart for them.

When I was in the Army based in Gutersloh in Germany I had a bit of a fling with a stewardess in the camp NAAFI, but Rita who was my wife at the time found out about it, and made my life absolute hell. We were living in quarters on the camp at the time and she more or less evicted me from our rooms. She reported me to the Camp CO and I was brought in and given a verbal dressing down, that I was bringing the regiment into disrepute.

When I was posted back to the UK, she served me with divorce papers shortly afterwards, and said she would sue me for every penny I had.

The Judge granted her a divorce on the grounds of my adultery and awarded her alimony, but she thought he said ‘ALL THE MONEY’ and fifteen years later I am still paying for it, one way or another.

She has been married twice in the meantime, both ended acrimoniously and she sued them both for maintenance. I think she is on a one-woman crusade to break our balls.

One of the husbands rang me in desperation to ask for advice, because he couldn’t handle her, she was making his life absolute hell. So I told him maybe he should buy her a new pair of boots.

Do you think that will do the trick, he asked?

I said of course, providing they are of the concrete variety.

Then what, he asked naively?

Just push her into the River Irwell.”

“You old charmer Linton, you always knew how to handle women” Said Frank.

The next to give Moxie advice was Brian Petch.

“I agree with everything Linton has said, the worst thing you can do is cheat on them.

I had a bit of a fling with Mavis Barlow the head librarian in Bury. In fact to be more accurate it was just a one-night stand. She was telling me she was still a virgin at thirty-seven, had never had sex in her entire life, so I felt sorry for her.

Those of you who frequent the library know what she looks like, she is as ugly as sin, has a face like a bag of spanners and you could never say that it was lust.

If ever there was a case of double paper bagging in case one fell off, she was it. I just felt I was doing a public service, by giving this woman the benefit of my many years experience. It was a case of close your eyes, and think of England.

Well I can tell you, it was no laughing matter when my wife Sheila found out about it, she went absolutely nuts. Most of you probably know this, but when I got home from the pub late on the following night, her two brothers jumped me from behind the hedges at the front of the house armed with baseball bats, and gave me a real beating.

They fractured my scull, broke five of my ribs, both of my legs; one of them had a compound fracture, and they broke all the fingers on my right hand. I was in a coma for three weeks and eventually when I came around, the police came to interview me, but I said I didn’t know who had done it, even though I was well aware who was responsible.

As soon as my wife found out I had regained consciousness, she sent me a solicitors letter saying she was suing for divorce, and that she had changed the locks on the doors and I wasn’t welcome there anymore. Absolutely no hint of forgiveness, and you would think she might have had a bit of compassion or guilt, considering the beating that she had arranged for me. But there wasn’t, and I was not going to beg her, because I had reached the end of that relationship.

I was in hospital for a total of three months, and as you know, I had to have physiotherapy on my broken limbs. As a result of my injuries, I have a severe limp in my left leg, because it’s about two inches shorter now. I still have a couple of pins and a plate in it. I also have a really poor grip in my right hand; because of all the broken fingers they never did get back the strength in them. But I had a lot of time to think, what I would do to avenge what they had done to me.

I was determined to get those bastards but do it my way, and I knew they had a scam going defrauding the welfare scheme. They were claiming for in excess of seven children between them that they didn’t have, located in different parts of the country. Plus they were still collecting their fathers pension, because nobody told the authorities that he had passed away while on holiday in Spain. Anyway someone, I don’t know who…… tipped off the Welfare and the Pensions Office, and they were both arrested and eventually charged.

They had to plead guilty because they had so much evidence against them. Apparently it took the authorities weeks to sift through all the documentation they had seized. They had each swindled in excess of seventy five thousand pounds, and it had been going on for over ten years.

They each got jailed for ten years, very appropriate I thought, plus they were fined over eighty thousand pounds. At the time I felt happy with the outcome.

Anyway, after a couple of months of being inside, they were apparently boasting to some of the inmates, how they had done me over. A guy I was at school with, James Stephenson has a brother in Strangeways Prison in Manchester, doing life for the assault and wounding of two Policemen. He’s normally a nice bloke, but a real nutcase when he has taken drink, and he objected to being thrown out of a pub by these two coppers, and he attacked them with broken bottles injuring them seriously.

One of them almost died as a result of the attack and he was in intensive care for a couple of weeks, and never worked again. As a result Stephenson was put inside Strangeways Prison to reflect on the error of his ways.

Anyway he heard them mouthing off, about what they had done to me, and as he knew me he wasn’t impressed, so he asked his brother to tell me about it, and to ask me did I want anything done about it.

I mulled it over it for a while and thought, why not, even at this stage they have not learned their lesson.

It’s amazing what retribution you can get heaped on someone inside, for a couple of hundred fags, and a few bags of snort.

They found the eldest brother, crammed inside a large wheelie bin in a corner of the exercise yard. When they managed to extricate him, he had a fractured skull, broken ribs, both legs broken and all the fingers on his right hand crushed.

Coincidently with injuries quite similar to what I had. He was in Bury General Hospital for two months, before they transferred him back to the prison hospital. He has a bit of a limp now!...shame.

The youngest brother had got a job in the prison kitchen. One day they found him screaming the place down, with his arse stuffed into an industrial deep fat fryer, full of boiling oil. He was in Radcliffe Infirmary, having skin grafts on his arse for about six months afterwards. They say he now walks like a jockey with a severe case of piles. Apparently, nobody has touched chips in the prison canteen since. All this agro caused over women, are they worth it, I don’t think so?

We are happily divorced now, and I wish her nothing only the worst of health and misfortune. All because I was doing a charitable act, but I think she took it particularly bad, because Mavis God Bless her, wasn’t blessed with the best of looks.”

“I remember that Brian, when I came to see you in Bury General Hospital, I got an awful shock, you were very lucky to survive that beating.” Said Frank.

Moxie looked at them with despair written all over his face.

“Thanks Linton, and thanks Brian for those few words of wisdom and encouragement, it really makes me feel a whole lot better.”

“Your welcome Moxie, anytime.” Said Linton, with a smirk on his face.

Mike intervened “I think that’s enough advice for one night lads, you don’t want Moxie doing anything stupid in his delicate situation.”

Just then Maria the barmaid came into the lounge.

“Can I put you lads down for some raffle tickets, it’s for a good cause like paying me for all the food tonight?

The first prize is a week in Blackpool and second prize is two weeks in Blackpool.

No I’m only kidding its £50.00 and £25.00 and two bottles of red wine, not bad hey?”

They all took two pounds worth, then ordered another round of drinks.

Later on in the evening, Moxie looked at his tickets as the M C for the evening pulled the winning numbers out of the drum.

The first two prizes went to the visiting darts team, and the bottles of red wine to the local school caretaker.

“Couldn’t win an argument at the moment, it must be all the bad things I have done in my life catching up.”

“I hope not Moxie,” said Fisher “otherwise you are in for a rough time.”

Moxie smiled, just then the bell sounded for last orders so they ordered another round of drinks.

Chapter 2

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Reginald Prentice was in the meeting rooms of Hurricane Press; he had just spent over an hour explaining how he wanted his first publication of “Your Modern Interiors” produced. This was a new publication and another one to add to the four others he published each month.

He was a good customer and demanded personal attention.

Just then Susie on the switchboard put a call through to the meeting room.

“Sorry to interrupt you Mike, but your friend Moxie is on the line, he has called twice in the last hour it sounds urgent, I told him you are in a meeting but he is insistent.”

“Its ok Susie we are just about done here, just tell him to hold for a couple of minutes, then put the call through to my office.”

Mike escorted Reg Prentice to the front door.

“We should have the proofs over to you late Friday by courier, please sign them if they are ok, indicate and initial any changes you might want us to make. I like the substance of the magazine, plus the photography is really very good, you will probably do very well with it, ok see you Reg I will call you if we have any problems - bye.”

Mike walked up to his office and picked up the phone.

“Hi Moxie are you in more trouble?”

“Mike can I see you at lunchtime in the Duke, it’s important?”

“I wasn’t going to take lunch, I was just going to have a sandwich and work through lunch break, we have so much work on at the moment and I am one man down, so I am really under a lot of pressure.”

“What about tonight after work in the Duke?”

“I can’t, its Brenda’s night out tonight, I have to stay in and look after the kids, she needs a break especially after being at the hospital all day, its very depressing for her.”

“I really need to talk to you, if you can make it I will see you at 1.0 clock.”

“O K Moxie, I will see what I can do.”

Mike wondered what other trouble he was in. Ever since they had known one another way back to the infant’s school, Moxie was always in trouble of one kind or another.

Mike had earlier called a production meeting to discuss the new publication for Reg Prentice and they were running late. He looked at the clock on the studio wall.

“Its 12.50 lets take a break for lunch. I will be over at the Duke if anybody wants me but I should be back here by 1.30 and we will start to discuss the new magazine for Reg Prentice then.”

As Mike walked over to the pub he wondered just what Moxie’s problem was, he assumed it was related to losing his job. He found him sitting in a corner of the lounge on his own.

“What’s up Moxie, it sounded urgent?”

“It is, I have not slept all night thinking about what I can do to solve my problem, but I think I could have the solution.”

“OK lets hear it, but I hope it’s not robbing a bank.”

“No it’s much more sophisticated than that, but I want you to hear me out before you flip your lid.”

Mike didn’t like the sound of this, and knew from past experience, he wasn’t going to like what was coming next.

“You have some of the most modern printing and copying equipment over there don’t you? Well I have been thinking, maybe we could print some large bank notes, sting the bookies in a massive operation and live like kings afterwards.”

Mike looked at him with his jaw wide open; he knew by the look on his face he was serious.

“Sophisticated are you crazy, any time there is any kind of counterfeiting the bloody CID are round at our place, I don’t want to spend the next twenty bloody years in clink, I have a wife and two daughters to think of?”