A Desperate Wager (9 page)

Without thinking, she ran a hand through the dark curls atop the head lying on her breast. Nathaniel’s ragged breathing and indecipherable mutterings comforted her in her rather dazed state.

The pleasure that had coursed through her had been unbelievable. Not like anything she had ever imagined. She understood that the marriage bed was good for the man
, and she knew that some women seemed to derive pleasure from it too, but no one had ever explained it could be quite so spectacularly mind boggling.

Nathaniel was heavy
, and she liked it. Her other hand ran up and down his damp spine. She was tired and could easily fall asleep like this, but the area between her legs still thrummed. Was he still inside her? She concentrated but could not tell.

She chuckled at the memory of holding his thick shaft in her hand and pumping her hand up and down it. He had looked almost pained.

“What do you find so amusing?” said Nathaniel into her skin. The vibration from his words tickled, and she giggled.

“
Nothing really. I was just thinking about how one act could change me so completely in the space of an hour.”

“
That was a lot less than an hour,” he grumbled. “Next time, we shall take our time.”

“
I am sorry.” He looked up, raising himself onto his arms, then moving his hips. He hissed slightly and something slipped out of her. Him.

“
What are you apologising for? For having luscious breasts?” He bent his head and captured one nipple in his mouth, sucking gently before letting it go with a gentle pop. “For having the softest skin?” He peppered delicate kisses from her nipple, up her breast and neck before hovering over her mouth. “Having the most alluring mane of red hair.” He lifted a handful from the pillow and allowed it to slip through his fingers. “Or the prettiest rose petal mouth.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before flopping down beside her and gathering her into his arms.

“
You said it was too quick. That is why I apologised. You have done this before, so I assume I did something wrong.”

He chuckled, gripping her tighter.

“No, Sarah. Sometimes it takes mere minutes and sometimes it can take hours. It took less time tonight because I wanted you so much. I have been imagining this for weeks. I have desired you since I first set eyes on you.”

She snuggled against his chest and sighed. It was lovely of him to say such things
, but she knew they were not true. He had been repelled by her thighs, most likely disappointed that she could not move or feel him as he had expected. He had probably been unaware of the frown that marred his features as he had smeared the oil on himself then wiped his hand on the sheet. Other women would not require such careful handling. It had been awkward, and he had been unsure of himself at times. It was the sort of thing that emasculated a man. And now she could not feel his thick rod between them, telling her he was no longer aroused by her.

He had tumbled her but once and he no longer felt desire for her. She wanted to cry, but she would not let herself. Closing her eyes, she breathed in his scent – spice, brandy, musk, man. She, on the other hand, had enjoyed it immensely, save for the few moments after he had shown his disgust at her thighs. Ugly, thin, freckled and not at all like they had been when she had been sixteen. She had been strong from all her riding and walking.

But Nathaniel would need heirs, and it might not happen the first time. So he would have to bed her again in the hope of her getting with child. It had been wonderful. She would hold to that and pray she did not fall pregnant too soon.

Nate awoke before dawn as the woman in his arms wriggled free of his hold.

“
What is wrong?” he murmured.

“
I am sorry, Your Grace, but I must turn and it is always a difficult manoeuvre in bed. It may be better for you to sleep in your own bed so you get your rest.”

Nate opened his eyes and focused on the wriggling dark lump beside him. Damn, she had called him
Your Grace
again. That did not bode well. He had thought she had been satisfied but he could tell this was her way of creating distance, despite the fact she lay naked in his arms.

“
Do you need to move onto your other side?” Sarah had managed to get onto her back and she had flung her arm to the side of the mattress.

“
Yes.” He leaned up on one elbow and wriggled his free hand under her bottom.

“
What are you…? Oh!”

He tugged her hip, moving her effortlessly onto her right side.

“Next time, just wake me and ask.” He pulled her back against his hard chest, moved her hair out of the way and placed a delicate kiss on her shoulder. His erection fitted snugly in the cleft of her backside.

He cupped her bare breast and brushed his thumb softly over the taut nipple. He wanted to sink into her again. He had never woken in a bed next to woman before and it had been delightful, despite the struggling. In fact the struggling had had a very interesting effect on his body.

Now she had all but ordered him back to his own bed but he did not want to. This bed was warm and smelled of Sarah. And now she was pressed against him, lithe and soft and sleepy. If they did not have such a long journey ahead of them in just a few hours, he would have roused her properly, then aroused and taken her. But she needed sleep.

She needed so many things. Could he really supply all her needs? Oh he may be as rich as Croesus but occasionally when he looked at her he remembered the circumstances surrounding their marriage and he became angry again. Part of him understood why she had done it
, but part of him objected to having had his choices taken away from him. Would he have looked twice at a cripple?

If he was honest with himself, he suspected not. Damn it! He really was a morally bereft cad.

He lay awake for a long time. When he heard the sounds of maids and footmen moving about the house, he kissed her once more and rose to go back to his bedroom and call his valet.

Sarah awoke to the sound of Tilly coming into her room with a pitcher of warm water. She squinted at the maid, not used to her appearing until Sarah called for assistance.

“
His Grace sent me up to wake you, Your Grace, as he wanted you down for breakfast before you start your journey.”

“
Down for breakfast?”

“
I tried to explain that the earl always deemed it better for you to breakfast in your room, but His Grace said that unless you have very strong feelings about staying in bed to breakfast, he would prefer your presence. He also told me that under no circumstances was I to put on your leg braces.”

“
Really? I do believe I married him. I did not become his slave. I shall decide for myself whether I shall wear my braces or not.”

The door between their bedrooms opened
, and she turned around to see him standing looking handsome and virile and slightly tired. Her stomach fluttered and her nipples tightened as some of the more delicious memories of last night flooded her thoughts.

“
Your skin needs to heal,” he said simply. “I brought some salve. I sent a maid around to my mother at Lady Thomson’s house and asked for a jar of it. She always has some and used it on my cuts and bruises when I was a child. I am sure it will help your thighs.” He passed the jar to Tilly. “I shall come up in an hour to escort you down to breakfast. If you are ready before, please ring the bell.”

“
You do not have to wait until I am ready. Please carry on without me.” He indicated to the maid to leave and she bobbed a curtsey before hurrying through the door to Sarah’s dressing room.

“
I will have breakfast with my wife. I will not die if I have to wait an hour.”

“
I can be ready in half an hour. Since we are travelling, Tilly need not make my hair too fussy.”

“
Do not rush on my account.”

“
I am hungry.”

“
Very well. I shall return in half an hour.”

“
Thank you, and Nathaniel?”

“
Yes.”

“
Can you do something with this?” she held up her ripped nightgown and he grimaced before snatching it out of her hand. He turned to leave then stopped. He faced her again, a look of dismay on his face.

“
I should have cleaned you last night. Between your legs.”

“
Between my legs?”

“
Yes. My seed.” She understood. Her eyes widened. Tilly would have to clean her and she would see. He pulled back the covers and drew apart her legs, inspecting her most private part. She looked down herself. She was a little red and his seed had dried on her skin, but there was no harm done. He cursed as he ran a hand gently up her thigh. “That was thoughtless of me. Please forgive me.”

She caught his face between both of her hands and made him look at her.

“I am fine. My skin is fine. And Tilly grew up in a one room house with ten younger siblings. I am sure she knows what happens in the marriage bed. She will not be shocked. Well, apart from the mess you made of my nightgown.” He smiled before standing up and walking over to the pitcher of water. He brought it over to her and prepared a linen cloth, holding the damp, soapy item out to her.

“
There is not very much blood. Just a few spots,” she observed.

“
No, but enough that had we lived in medieval times, the sheet would be bloodied enough to satisfy everyone in the great hall that the marriage had been consummated.”

“
What do you mean? They showed everyone?”

“
They hung the sheet up as proof.”

“
But that would be… That’s… How awful.”

“
I guess it was tradition and so it was expected.” He kissed her gently on the forehead. “Are you not glad that you live in these civilised times?”

“
Well I guess I can live easier with the knowledge that only Tilly and the laundry maid will see the proof of last night.”

Nate chuckled. He held the linen out again to her, urging her to take it this time.
“Wash what you can and I shall wash the rest.”

She had washed her upper torso and face and made a half-hearted attempt to clean between her legs
. He eased the linen from her grasp. The soft wipes of the cloth across her reddened flesh was relaxing. She would have thought that she would have wanted to die of embarrassment in the current situation.

A duke was cleaning her between the legs. His touch was so light that she had to concentrate to feel it
, but she was aware of where his hands and the linen worked. And she was aware of a growing desire moving into her belly. He washed her legs. At one point she could no longer feel but watched as he carefully wiped soap over her feet then rinsed and dried them.

“
Where is your chemise?”

“
On the chair.” She pointed to where her clothes were laid out. He picked up the undergarment and helped her into it, standing her to allow it to drop at the back then sitting her back on the bed. He ran his hand through his hair then bent to drop a kiss on her cheek.

“
This will never happen again. I promise. You shall never be left in a state unbefitting of a duchess.” He grabbed her ripped nightgown and headed for the door.

“
Tilly, twenty minutes,” he roared. His door clicked and the dressing room door opened.

“
I just need to dress and have my hair done,” Sarah said, trying to keep her tone light.

What had he meant? Would he not visit her in bed again? Was it a promise not to tear any more clothing? And if he wiped away his seed immediately, how would she ever bear his child
? A sick feeling rose at the back of her throat.

One minute he was a caring, loving man, the next he was dismissing her out of hand.
She set her mind to helping Tilly dress her, but it kept returning to the fact that Nathaniel Spencer, Duke of Kirkbourne seemed such a contradiction.

At last they were on their way to Kirkbourne—Nate’s family seat just outside Bath. Sarah had been quiet through breakfast, answering questions when asked but not venturing anything. He had the suspicion that he had upset her. It must be because of the way he had left her in the early morning, naked, his seed dripping between her legs and a shredded nightgown abandoned in the bed beside her. He felt for the flask in his coat pocket, comforted to know that the heavenly brown liquid was within reach. A little nip here and there would not kill him.

He hated carriages. He would much rather have made the journey on horseback
, but he could not very well leave Sarah on her own in the carriage and ride alongside.

It was at times like these he was jealous of Caesar, his faithful yellow Labrador, even now sitting atop the driver’s box beside a disgruntled Bellamy, enjoying the fresh air. The dog always sat outside the carriage because of his propensity to vomit. But Nate knew the dog loved every minute of the journey, his tongue lolling out, barking at the odd cow or squirrel along the way.

He knew he was being ridiculous and his coach and six were a much safer form of conveyance than his curricle had been, but whenever they hit a sharp bend in the road he tensed as the sight of Crosby lying broken in a hedgerow sprang to mind.

Devil take it. When would they stop for lunch so he could have a decent drink?

The streets of London gave way to rolling green fields and long stretches of road. It would take two days to get to Kirkbourne, which meant an overnight stop along the way. That in itself was going to cause issues with Sarah’s difficulties. He had to remain at least a bit sober.

“
Is something the matter?” he asked eventually, unable to bear the silence in the carriage a moment longer.

“
No. Your carriage is quite comfortable.”

“
I do not mean with the carriage. I mean because of what happened this morning—last night—whenever it was.”

“
No. I was just thinking.”

“
About what?”

“
About you taking a mistress.”

“
Me? Taking a mistress?” His words came out in a splutter. Who had conversations like these?

“
Yes. We discussed it when we were in my father’s garden that day—the one when we had the uncomfortable conversation about how damp I get between my legs when we kiss.” He brightened slightly at the thought of her blushing cheeks and her brutal honesty.

“
Well, the answer to that question was damp enough. I was over-cautious using that oil last night. Your body was more than ready for me.”

Her cheeks turned pink and she suddenly seemed dreadfully interested in the tree that they were passing.
Dash it all. He was aroused again just thinking about her red hair splayed across the pillow and the smattering of freckles on breasts.

“
That is good to know, I suppose,” she said, not sounding convinced. “Anyway, when you take a mistress, I would be grateful if you would be as discreet as possible. I would prefer to be none the wiser. And you know what the gossips are like in the
ton
. They will be desperate to tell me and to see my reaction. And even though my reaction will not be that of surprise or dismay, as I know you taking a mistress is inevitable, I think I would still prefer not to know.”

“
Why do you think that me taking a mistress is inevitable? I know I handled things badly and was a bit unsure of some of the logistics given your injury, but now I know what to expect, I can make it so much better.”

She breathed a sigh and stared out the window for a minute before turning to him. Her eyes shone with unshed tears. Good God, had it really been so bad for her. He had thought that, all things considered, it had been good for her. He would have been happy to make love all night had she not fallen asleep in his arms almost immediately. And he had not wanted to tire her out too much given the stresses of the day and this morning’s early start.

“It is sweet of you to say so, but I know I repulse you. I saw the look on your face when you saw my thighs. I…”

“
Your thighs are a mess. They are an infection waiting to happen. I am not repulsed by them. I am incensed that no one has been taking better care of you. I inspected your braces when I got up this morning. Sarah, the leather on my horse’s reins are softer than the leather you wrap round your thighs every day. Those things are instruments of torture. They belong in the dungeon of a medieval castle, not strapped around a gently bred young lady’s thigh.”

“
They are what is available,” she answered mutinously, her jaw set.

“
Who made them?”

“
The smithy at home—well I suppose it is my father’s home now. His country estate.”

“
I see. Well we shall just have to find someone to make something better. Something that will not cause such painful welts.”

“
I barely feel them.”

“
Perhaps not, my love, but you will soon feel the surgeon’s bone saw if infection sets in.”

Sarah squeaked, a gloved hand raised to her mouth as the pallor drained from her cheeks. He closed his eyes and counted to five. He had not meant to frighten her, just to impress upon her the need for more care when it came to the skin on her lower
limbs. He was rattled by being in the carriage and by the need for a drink and he was speaking more harshly than he knew he should.

“
That is a beastly thing to say,” she whispered.

“
It is and I should apologise, but you have to understand the risks of not caring for yourself properly.”

“
Nothing has happened so far.”

“
No, but that does not mean you should tempt fate.”

“
You may claim not to be repulsed by my thighs, but I know you find me unappealing.”

“
You do? Pray tell, how you come to that conclusion.”

“
Last night, after you had spent yourself inside me and you pulled me into your arms, I knew. Men have needs and I understand that it matters not whether a woman is attractive when you have to find relief, but clearly once you were spent the desire for my body was gone. You were never attracted to me, you just needed… to be with someone.”

He was trying to follow the course of her argument but he was struggling. It was something to do with knowing he did not find her attractive after he had tumbled her. But why would she think that? He had pulled her into his arms and held her. He had kissed her breast and her lips. Nothing would be different. Except…

“Sarah, did you think I find you unattractive because I was not hard after I had climaxed?”

“
Of course. That is a sign that you find a woman attractive, is it not?”

He worked his jaw, trying to hold back the chuckle. Heaven preserve him from having to explain the workings of a man’s body to an innocent young lady.

“Not all the time. A man is not hard every time he is in the presence of a woman he finds attractive. It would be damned uncomfortable for a start, and it would be pretty obvious in their breeches. Modern men’s clothing is rather unforgiving of the male anatomy, I fear. When a man has spent, he is incapable of becoming hard for a short time afterwards.”

She screwed her eyes up and wrinkled her perfect freckled nose as if studying him and trying to ascertain if he was telling the truth. He lifted his hands in a sign of surrender. She turned her head and stared out of the window, but he knew her brow was furrowed in concentration.

Well he had said all he needed to say. He had explained anatomy as best he could and he had allayed her fears. At least he hoped he had.