A Dinner Of Herbs (15 page)

heavy washing when she had the wash-house pot on a Monday.

Following this, she tidied up the kitchen and the little room that had once been her own, all the while

thinking. He could keep it better than this, he’s not all that bad. But then telling herself that men didn’t

do housework, considering it demeaning, and her father had never done any in his life, and that it was

only hunger that had made him make meals for himself.

He had nothing further to say all afternoon, and it wasn’t until she was almost on the point of leaving that

he said, “What’s the news?

You’ve hardly opened your mouth. “

“Well, I’m followin’ your example. Anyway, I don’t like talking to me self As for news it’s the same as

last week:

Monday, washing and cleaning; Tuesday, ironing and cleaning; Wednesday, in the dairy,

cheese making,

butter making;

Thursday, the big baking day and cleaning;

Friday, the same; Saturday, packing for market; and the day, scrambling through

everything so I can get

off on time. That’s my news, as usual. “

He looked at her from out of the corner of his eyes, saying, “I thought you liked it there?”

“Aye, I do. I’ve always liked it there. But first and foremost, I’m there to work. Well, you asked what

me news was, and that’s me news.”

“What about Kate... and him?”

“What about them?”

“Well, you’re not stupid. Knowing you, I would have thought you would have been ready

for the jump

long afore now. He’s the only one you’ve trailed so far.”

“Da, I haven’t trailed him. We were practically brought up together, always friendly.”

“Well, all right, have it that way. But has h& spoken?”

Her body was hot, she wanted to turn and run from the house, but she had to look down

into his face

and answer his question, and she did, saying flatly, “No, he hasn’t, and never will, as far as I’m

concerned. As I said’—she was finding it difficult to go on now ‘we were brought up

together like... like

brother and sister.”

He cut her off now by saying, “Oh, be damned to that for a tale, he’s a man and you’re ready for

marryin’. You’ve got a head on your shoulders about most things, why haven’t you got

him up to the

scratch?”

She turned from him, went to the door and took her coat and bonnet off a peg and, with her back still

turned to him she put them on. When at last she looked at him her voice was steady and she said, “I’ll

marry when I think fit. Da, and who I think fit. And let me say this, it will be an unlucky day for you

when I do marry, ‘cos there’s one thing I’m tellin’ you, I’m not startin’ me life in this place. Now’—she

pointed to the hearth “ I’ve brought you enough wood and peat in to last for a couple of days, and while

the weather’s fine keep it stocked up. There’s food enough in the pantry to see you

through the week

and there’s still a half sack of taties left. If you can’t wash them, peel them and boil them, then I’m afraid

you’ll just have to go without. As the weather’s getting chilly I’ll bring you some bones over next week

for soup. Well, I’m off. Tara

She stared at him; and he returned her look for a moment before he said flatly, “Tara

Mary Ellen.”

When she had closed the door behind her she did not immediately walk away but stood

with her eyes

tight closed for a moment. If only he was different, like he used to be when she was

younger, for

although she had been a little afraid of him, she could talk to him, tell him all that had happened to her

during her rambles, or what had transpired at Kate’s Drawing in a deep breath, she now walked slowly

across the garden which had lost every vestige of its past neatness, and out onto the

narrow path that led

up to the quarry, and round it to Kate’s It was as she neared the cottage that she saw Roddy leaving it,

and they met at the gate.

He, holding it open for her, was the first to speak.

“Hello,” he said, and, she, looking up at him answered, “Hello.” His face looked drawn and tense and

she forced herself to carry on speaking in an ordinary tone as she asked, “How did you get on then?”

“Oh’—he jerked his chin upwards “ Twas a strange experience, different from what I

thought. Anyway,

I won’t know the result until a month’s time. “

“Didn’t they like your drawings?”

“That’s what I won’t know until they make their choice. As I understand it, there are

three of us.”

“Three of you!” she repeated.

“What for?”

“Well He now rubbed his hand up and down the side of his thigh as he went on, “ The

one they consider

to have the best drawings or possibilities, they are going to offer him a two year course in

. art. “ He

hesitated on the word:

it didn’t sound right, too fanciful for his drawings, he thought, and he explained by

adding, “It’s to learn

not only engineering drawing, but all kinds, landscape and portrait and things.

Although they are not in my line the winner will have to study them, I suppose, if he

wants to take

advantage of the offer. “

“And what is the offer?”

“As I said, two years learning and they’ll pay for your board and such, either in

Newcastle or’—again

his chin jerked upwards “ London. “

“London?” Her head come forward in enquiry.

“You mean the London, where the King is?”

“Yes, that London.”

“And would you go?”

He looked away from her now towards the hills before once more he turned his head in

her direction

and said, bluntly now, “Aye, yes, I’d go.”

Her voice was small as she asked, “You wouldn’t mind leaving here?”

Again his eyes roamed over the hills and again his voice was flat as he answered, “Just in a way.”

When she repeated his words, “Just in a way?” there was that recognized sting to her tone which put

him on the defensive, and he said, “Aye, that’s what I said, just in a way. I’ll miss Kate of course. But

there’s lots of other things I wouldn’t miss, the mill for one....”

“And me for another, I suppose. That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?”

“No, I wasn’t. Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not silly, and I’m not blind or daft either. You’ve got somebody else, haven’t you?”

She watched

the scarlet suffuse his face. But then, after a moment, when he spoke his words cut into her like a knife,

for what he said was, “I’ve never had anybody else before her.

Get that into your head, Mary Ellen. I’m fond of you, aye, I am, always have been and

always will, but.

but not like. well, let me put it bluntly, not like taking you for a lass. You understand? “

She understood, but could not voice a word, the pain in her chest seemed to be riving it apart. As she

stared up into his face she thought, He’s cruel. That’s what he is, cruel. He needn’t have put it like that.

His voice softening now, and his head moving from side to side, he said, “You always

put people in the

wrong, make folks say what they never intended. It’s that tongue of yours. Ah.” He

stopped and

bowed his head deeply onto his chest for a moment, then muttered, “Don’t look like that, Mary Ellen,

please. Look, I’m tellin’ you now, there’s nobody I like better or think more of in a

brotherly kind of

way than I do you, but... but it isn’t the way one feels when one thinks of marryin’.”

Yes, she understood him. They were looking at each other, their eyes on a level, and

when slowly she

turned from him and walked towards the house, he took his doubled fist and beat it

against his brow

before continuing on his way.

When she entered the cottage Kate said, “I saw you talkin’ to him.

From the looks on your face, it wasn’t pleasant. What did he say? “

Before answering Kate, she put the basket down on the floor and sat down with a plop on a backless

wooden stool and her voice was quiet as she said, “He gave it to me straight.”

“Gave you what straight?”

“What he thought about me.”

“Oh. And he didn’t tell you about her?”

“No.” She turned and looked at the old woman.

“Who is she?”

“Well, seeing who she is, lass, it’s a pity you made him give it to you straight, because I can see no

furtherance in that link up. Do you know who she is?”

Mary Ellen shook her head.

“Clan Bannaman’s daughter, his only daughter, and she’s older than him by three or four years if not

more from what I remember. Now Clan Bannaman is as likely to let his lass link up with Roddy

Greenbank there’—she nodded towards the window ‘as you would with the devil,

because I know this

much an’ I’ve worked it out over the years, that whatever happened to Roddy’s father

when he fell,

supposedly accidentally, down the quarry and brought on a landslide, that man had some doin’ in it,

because he came here shortly afterwards and his face was clean-shaven and for years

before he had

sported a beard. And I can see his face now when he saw that the lad lying on that bed there’ she

thumbed towards her bed ‘didn’t recognize him.

Then there was the day that you came in and told me that his henchman was up there

looking for

something. Well, whatever it was, they didn’t find it, because every now and again

they’ve come back,

up till these recent years. So perhaps they did find it. I don’t know. But as I said, Roddy has as much

chance to link up with Bannaman’s girl as would the devil in hell, in fact he’d have a better chance I

would imagine. So, ‘tis a pity you brought whatever you did into the open, for this would have died its

natural death, and then you could have brought your wiles to work on him, usin’ it

instead of being so

careless of your tongue. “

“It wouldn’t have been any good, Kate. He doesn’t love me and never will. I could see it in his face.”

“Nonsense, nonsense. Men change. From one season to another, men change, even the

best of them.

By the way, have you seen Hal?”

She hesitated.

“Not the day,” she answered.

“When did you see him last?”

“Well, last evening.”

“Well, he hasn’t been here, and it must be the first Sunday he hasn’t shown up. And it’s troublin’ his

nibs, because he’s gone out to look for him. Although he grumbles about him tackin’ on to him so much,

he’s worried now because he’s missed a day.”

She went towards the fire and, taking up a poker, she stirred the centre of the fire into a dull blaze as she

said, “I wonder how he’ll take to Roddy leavin’ for good, ‘cos that’s what he’s gona do, you know.”

She turned her head and looked towards Mary Ellen.

“One way or another, he’s leavin’ us, lass, and we’ve got to face it. To me, it’ll be like losin’a dear son,

me second. To you, it’s the man you’ve loved all your life. And for that I’m sorry, lass.

And for Hal,

what’s it gona be like for him? One never knows how that lad feels and I doubt if one

ever will, because

he’s got a strength there that outweighs the three of us. Tis a pity he can’t put it to some use, because

there’s good in him. Aye, there’s good in him.” She nodded her head and turned again to the fire and

began moving the peat gently around the flame as she added softly, “Tis a pity you’ll

never be able to see

it.”

He was late getting into Hexham. He had missed the carrier, but Bob Alien, the

blacksmith, had given

him and Hal a lift. It was now just on four o’clock. He hadn’t found Hal last Sunday, and so it wasn’t

until the first shift on the Monday morning that he met with him. And when Hal offered no excuse for his

absence on the Sunday, he had made up his mind not to ask him, telling himself that it was probably for

the best: perhaps he would have a little time to himself in future and not have one or the other trailing after

him. Yet some part of his mind was piqued that his mate hadn’t offered a reason for his non-appearance:

over the years, it had become an understood thing that they spend their Sundays together.

But today as they came off the shift, he could not help but ask, “Coming into town the day?” And Hal’s

unenthusiastic answer, “May as well,” put things on a level footing again.

Bob Alien’s last words to them were, “Mind, I’ll be leaving for back around half-past six.

If you’re not

in the market place here, I go.

Mind, I’m tellin’ you. “ And he had smiled broadly at them.

It was Roddy who answered, “I’ll be here ... we’ll be here; I’m not up to trekking across the hills the

night. So long.”

“So long then,” said Bob, and drove his cart away across the market and down the main

street to the

fields beyond where the pony could munch in the care of a ha’ penny lad until he

returned.

In the market place, Roddy, looking at Hal, said in a somewhat shamefaced way, “I’ll see you in about

half an hour then, or perhaps a little later. I’ll meet you back here.” He pointed to the fruit stall and was

somewhat taken aback when Hal answered, “But I mayn’t be ready to be back in half an

hour or so, as

you say,” “Well then, if you’re not here I’ll wait for you. How’s that?”

“Fair enough.”

They stared at each other for a moment longer before Roddy turned away. Crossing the

market place he

made for the archway that was set in the high wall opposite the Abbey. Once through the archway, he