A Dream of Summer (Bleeding Angels MC Book 3) (3 page)

I know the Summers’ house like the back of my hand and I reach the family bathroom without turning on any lights, not wanting to wake Jonah.  I take a look at myself in the mirror.  I look as bad as I feel.  How is it possible to have dark circles under your eyes after only one day?  My cheek is swollen but not quite as much as I had feared.  I avoid my own gaze in the mirror, afraid of what I might find there.  I wash my face with more force than is necessary as if that will wash away everything that’s happened.  The ache in my face is mildly comforting, because it’s a feeling of something, something outside of the ache in my chest. 

I slip on the old pajamas that look like they might once have belonged to Jake.  I push the thought away.  I need to keep it together, just for a little bit longer.  I open Jonah’s bedroom door, just before the point when I know that it’ll creak and I pull out the cot as quietly as I can, lying on top of it and feeling my entire body welcome the fact that I’m finally horizontal.  It’s funny how your body can be so dog tired but your brain just carries on whirring round and round. 

I feel the tears start to come and, not wanting to wake Jonah, I bury my face in my pillow, smothering the sound of my sobs.  I wish that I could go back and re-do it all, stop it all from going so horribly, horribly wrong.  I’ve told myself that this is the last cry that I get, the last tears that are going to fall before this is done, before Jake is back.  My tears are no good to him and they’re no good to me either.  They make me feel weak and that’s the last thing I need to be. 

I look out of Jonah’s window, the curtains only partly drawn against the light of the moon.  I comfort myself that Jake is looking at the same moon as I am, that even though he’s far away from me, that we’re connected somehow. 

“I’m sorry Jake,” I whisper towards the slowly-lightening sky, as if he might be able to hear me.  “I’m so sorry.”

It’s not something that a simple apology can fix. It’s so far past that. My mind keeps going back to the night that Ryan came by the body shop to talk to Aimee. Was that what it had all been about? Is that why she’d been so secretive, avoiding telling me the reason for his little social call?

But I know that Aimee hates Ryan. She hates being within ten feet of the guy. She would never sleep with him. But clearly she had. Maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought. The Aimee I knew would never have done something like that. She wouldn’t have thrown what we have away, just like that.

I think back to the words my mom had said, that Aimee had been to see her and told her she was worried that she was going to do something crazy, something crazy for me. Was I the reason she’d given herself to that scumbag? The idea makes me hate myself as much as I wish I could hate her. I wish that I could hate her, but I can’t. It’s like my heart won’t let me. If I could, that would make everything so much more straightforward.

Why is nothing simple anymore? As soon as I feel like I’ve got a handle on what’s going on, it all changes up on me. I feel like I’m always a step behind, the last one to know. Clearly all the Angels knew what was going on between Aimee and Ryan before I did. And that just makes me feel like even more of a jackass.

I have all this energy pumping around my system, but I don’t know what to do with it. I need to take a walk or go for a run or scream or
something
—anything other than just being stuck here in this four-walled room.

I keep thinking about Aimee and try to push the thoughts away, but she always resurfaces in my mind. I can’t get rid of her and I start to question if I really want to.

I force myself to think about something else. Anything else. The few short hours ago when the Angels came to the body shop and I agreed to go with them. I think about everything that Suzie had told me, that Aimee had gone to Ryan and that she’d… I can’t even bring myself to think the words.

“They fucked,” Suzie had said, one hand on her hip and her head tilted to the side.

It’s only now, when I think back, that I see how dark the circles were under her eyes and the sadness that hung over her. At the time, I was just concentrating on staying upright while she told me things that I didn’t want to hear. Things that I had never thought I would hear about Aimee.

“She wouldn’t do that.” My head was reeling, but I had been sure about that much. “Now if that’s all you have to tell me, you’ve said your piece, so you can all get the hell out of my shop.” I’d turned my back on Suzie and her little entourage. Of the three bikers she was with, Elvis was the only one whose name I knew. The faces of the others were familiar—Painted Rock was too small a town for me not to have seen them around.

“You know you’re on borrowed time, Slick.” Elvis’s voice grated on me like squeaky chalk on a board. “Your girl doesn’t want you. Your month’s grace is almost up. What’ve you got to hang around for?”

I’d kept my back turned, not wanting Elvis and the other Angels to have the satisfaction of seeing the emotions play across my face. I heard an exchange of low voices, though I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. But, slowly, there was a sound of heavy boots making their way to the door and then crunching on the gravel outside. Still, I kept my focus on the engine of the Chevy in front of me. Cars—cars I can fix. The other stuff I wasn’t so sure about anymore.

I felt a gentle touch on my arm and I recognized the thin hand with its dirty fingernails as Suzie’s. “Jake, talk to me,” she’d said, and her voice was so much like how it used to be.

Automatically I looked down at her, and I saw the girl that had been my friend; the girl that I had grown up with. She and Aimee and me, we’d been the three musketeers—inseparable. Seeing her then, in the state she was in, made me realize how much had changed since we were kids.

“Suze, you know I can’t.” I shook my head, taking a step away from her. “Not after everything that‘s happened. You can’t really expect me to just believe everything you say. What’s that saying… ‘Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?’”

The silence stretched out between us until I realized that Suzie had started to cry. They were quiet, big, fat tears that rolled down her cheeks.

“Come on, Suze,” I’d said, putting an arm around her just like old times. “You always said you were an ugly crier, but jeez you really weren’t kidding,” I’d joked, and she’d smiled through her tears and pushed me away playfully.

“Thanks, Summers. I could always count on you to make me feel better.” She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, leaving a thin trail of grime on her cheek. She took a deep breath, like she was gathering herself together. “Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, but I’m still asking you to,” she had said, looking for all the world like she meant every word she was saying.

I didn’t reply, but I know that my silence spoke volumes.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to help,” she said, stroking a stray greasy blonde curl out of her eyes.

“Help? Suze, the last time you tried to help, Aimee’s house got burned down. Maybe our interpretations of the word are different.” Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to the Chevy.

“Jake, I’m trying to get clean.” The words came out of her like they were wrung out by force.

The tone in her voice made my head snap up to take a look at her. “If you’re trying to get clean then why the hell are you still hanging around with the Angels and doing their dirty work for them?” I asked, absently twirling the wrench in my hand. There was something comforting about the weight of it, something that made me feel grounded.

“I’m trying to get out, but it isn’t as easy as you think,” she explained, hugging herself like she needed the shelter. For the first time I see the sheen of sweat on her forehead and the way she shivered against the non-existent cold. “I asked to come here. They didn’t make me. I thought it would be better you hearing what happened with Aimee from a friend, instead of one of the boys, who are about as subtle as a sledgehammer.” Her lopsided smile made her look like the girl that I used to know.

“Right, because coming in and announcing that Aimee and Ryan ‘fucked—’” I spat the word out, “—is the height of subtlety.” Shaking my head, I gestured towards the door with the wrench. “If you’ve just come here to peddle more of your lies, I’m not buying.”

“Ryan came here a few days ago, didn’t he?” Suzie asked, her voice ringing out in the empty shop. “I bet Aimee didn’t tell you what they talked about. In fact, I know that she didn’t, otherwise none of what I’m saying would be news to you. That’s why he came here—to tell her what he wanted from her. That’s where she is right now, with him.”

I try to keep a tight hold on every muscle in my body, concentrating on something other than the ice that flooded my system at Suzie’s words. “No, she’s not. She’s at work.”

“Really?” Suzie sounded amused. “Why don’t you call the diner?” She nodded towards my phone perched precariously on top of the toolbox.

“I don’t need to do that. I trust Aimee and that’s enough for me.” I had no reason not to trust her. We were in love and I knew that she felt the same way about me as I did about her. There was no way she would do anything like what Suzie was suggesting.

“Or are you just scared that I may be right?” Suzie crossed her arms, assessing my reaction, challenging me.

“Fine, fine.” I snatched up the cellphone and scrolled through my contacts until I reached ‘Diner.’ With only a moment’s hesitation I pressed the call button. After a few rings the phone picked up and I recognized the voice.

“Hey Crystal, it’s Jake,” I’d said, suddenly feeling stupid for calling to check up on Aimee. “I thought you were off today.” I thought out loud, remembering what Aimee had said about covering for her.

“Oh, hey Jake,” Crystal’s voice was breathless. “Nope, I’m here.” She sounded confused.

“My mistake, I must’ve got things mixed up. I just wanted to speak to Aimee—she busy?” I asked, turning my back on Suzie to avoid her persistent stare.

“Aimee?” Crystal sounded about as muddled as I felt. “She’s not here, Jake. It’s her day off today,” she reminded me. “Everything alright with you two?”

“Fine. Thanks.” My voice was curt, but there was too much going on in my mind to worry about my tone as I ended the call.

“Satisfied?” Suzie asked, sounding a little too pleased.

“Why do I get the impression that you’re enjoying this?” I asked, my suspicions over Suzie’s friendly intentions firing up again.

“I just want you to see what’s going on in front of your own two eyes, that’s all.” She spread her hands out in front of her as if giving me all the information she had.

“Okay, I’ll play along. So Aimee isn’t at work and she told me that was where she was headed. That doesn’t prove anything.” I wasn’t willing to believe something on the basis of such a flimsy piece of evidence.

“You’re right, it doesn’t. But this does.” Suzie held out a cell phone and pumped the volume up.

The voices coming out of the speaker were metallic, but there was no doubt over who they were.

“Hands off boys. She’s Ryan’s—for now at least.” Elvis sounded like he was enjoying taunting whoever was on the receiving end. “Maybe you’ll get a taste later. Beats me what all the fuss is about. So you came here to suck Ryan’s cock? Say it bitch. You came here to suck Ryan’s cock.”

There was a pause that went on for almost a lifetime. Then the voice that I had been hoping I wouldn’t hear spoke up. “You came here to suck Ryan’s cock.” I almost smile at her clever wording. I could hear the crowd in roaring with laughter in the background. But then the next words out of her mouth turned my blood to ice. “Now are we going to play who has the bigger dick, or are you going to tell me where Ryan is?” Suzie pocketed the phone with an expression that seemed to say, ‘I told you so.’

“Then what happened?” I asked, stunned and still trying to come up with ways that would explain this whole situation logically.

“I told you what happened. And from the look on your face, Jake, you don’t want to hear me say it again.” Suzie’s voice was kind; there wasn’t a trace of that satisfaction I thought I’d caught in it before.

“But it doesn’t make any sense.” I leaned against the Chevy. I couldn’t trust my legs to support my body weight anymore. It was like all the strength had just been sucked out of me. “Why would she do it? She hates Ryan. You know that as well as I do!” I didn’t know how it had happened, but I was shouting, as all the blood rushed back into my body.

“Does it matter why she did it?” Suzie asked after a moment. “Doesn’t it just matter that she
did
do it?”

I didn’t say anything because, to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t thinking clearly. The overriding image in my head was Ryan and Aimee together and that was drowning out everything else.

“The Angels won’t let you down, Jake. They’re a brotherhood and they want you to be their newest brother.” Suzie said, but the words barely made an impression, I think I was still too stunned to take anything on. “You’ve always known that this is where you would end up. Aren’t you tired of doing what everyone else wants? Doing what your parents want? Doing what Aimee wants? What about what
you
want, Jake? Now you get to make your own choice.”

In the haze of the emotions that were swirling around my body, her words made sense. It was time for me to make my own decisions. I was in control of my own destiny and now that Aimee had shown her true colors, I had to play the hand that I’d been dealt. I knew that I didn’t want to be anywhere near her when she came back from fucking Ryan. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible. Becoming a Bleeding Angel seemed just about as far away as I could get.

“Let’s go,” I’d said, and then we’d walked out into the dimming light towards the destiny I had chosen.

***

But now, sitting in this dark room, waiting to be tatted tomorrow and eventually patched, I’m not so sure. Instead of taking everything that Suzie told me as a given, the “why” keeps revolving around my brain. Why would Aimee have put everything on the line, risked herself, risked
us
, to sleep with Ryan? There must be a reason. I’ve known Aimee for long enough to know that she doesn’t do anything without a reason. But why had she kept the secret from me?