A Dream Unfolding (58 page)

“I’m sorry, Hannah, that you lost the baby,” his voice was full of sympathy.

She managed a slight smile as she pulled her hands from his, clasping them around her knees again.
 
She was not done answering his question.

“After the baby was gone, I could have died inside.
 
But for the grace of God and the kindness of dear friends speaking truth to me, I would have.
 
Working at the boardinghouse was exactly what I needed—days full of work and under the watchful eye of motherly Betty.”
 
She smiled at that.

“It wasn’t until very recently that I began to dream again.
 
I still long to be a wife and mother.
 
And, even though some part of Drew will always be with me, I am ready to look forward.”
 
With you.
 
Her own thought startled her.
 
Was she really ready to let go?
 
“Some women long for adventure and excitement.
 
In the last year, I’ve had more than I thought I would have in all my life.
 
I want to stay here, marry again, and raise a family in this beautiful land.
 
Nothing more.”

She glanced over at Will.
 
The expression on his face was one of understanding and longing.
 
She didn’t know why, but she felt drawn to this man.
 
He was noble of character and deep of soul.
 
So different from Drew, but so perfect for her.

Nervously, she laughed off the heavy feelings stirred by their conversation.
 
Hoping to lighten the mood, she said, “So, tell me about your cattle.”

For the next fifteen minutes or so, Will explained in great detail the size of his herd, his business strategy, and his plans for the future of his ranch.
 
He spoke with such confidence, definitely very experienced in ranching.

As the conversation lagged, Hannah stood.
 
She didn’t want this day to end but it must.
 
Will took the cue and stowed the picnic items back in the basket.
 
Throwing the blanket over one shoulder, he carried the basket on one arm, offering the other to Hannah.

“Thank you so much for showing me your wonderful home.
 
It is so peaceful here,” she said as they neared the house.

Will left Hannah near the horse and went to deposit the picnic basket and blanket inside the house.
 
When he returned, she thought he was going to help her mount the horse for the ride home, but was caught off guard when he moved closer.
 
His eyes searched hers as if looking for something he lost.
 
She leaned toward him, as he kissed her again.
 
So sweet was the kiss, she lingered in his arms when he pulled away.
 
How could he communicate so much in one action?
 
She wanted to remain here forever.

But reality must prevail.
 
She stepped back and he helped her mount the mare.
 
They rode in silence back to town, both deep in thought.

As they neared the boardinghouse, boarders lined out the door, signaling supper was in full swing.
 
Will lifted Hannah down from her horse.
 
Pausing he looked as if he was about to say something, then he stopped and kissed her hand instead.
 
Wishing her a farewell, he mounted his horse and took the reins of her horse.
 
Once at the top of the hill, he turned and waved.

Hannah waved back, wondering if she might just be falling in love with the quiet rancher.

Chapter
31

Today was bittersweet.
 
As much as Hannah tried to forget the date, she could not.
 
Today would have been her third anniversary with Drew and the memories consumed her.
 
A sadness hung around her shoulders and would not lift.
 
Why couldn’t she just forget?

After snapping at Betty as they washed the breakfast dishes, Hannah mentioned the significance of the day.
 
Then she picked up a basket and walked out the back door.
 
When Paul followed a few steps, she yelled at him and told him she was going to search for wild cherries along the river.
 
He stopped and let her go, despite the risk.
 
A few times on the walk to the creek, she felt like someone was watching her, but when she glanced over her shoulder, no one was there.
 
She knew it was risky—venturing out alone—there was always the threat of Apache attacks.

Stopping by the creek, she watched as a leaf floated in the gurgling water, carried over rocks and rushed downstream.
 
Was that what life was like?
 
Getting hung up on rocks one moment and then being swept away the next?

Her memories of Drew were starting to fade.
 
It was over seven months since the tragic accident claimed his life.
 
If their baby had survived, he would be a newborn now—and fatherless.

The thought was too much.
 
Hannah fell to her knees and sobbed, grieving again for the losses.
 
Lord, when will this grieving end?
 
Months of pain came rushing forth.
 
Minutes rolled by, drowned by her tears.
 
The flood of grief kept swallowing her in its depths, forcing her under.
 
She cried out to God.
 
Help me!
 
I cannot bear this any longer!

Just when she thought the grief would not let go, she saw an image in her mind of a gentle father, picking her up.
 
Sitting in His lap, she sobbed until there was nothing left.
 
He gently stroked her hair and whispered words of love.
 
Her Heavenly Father cared and held her in His strong embrace—one that could overcome the despair of her heart.
 
She sat there, soaking in His glory, soaking in His healing, until, slowly, she began to feel whole again.

Standing, Hannah wiped her eyes with her handkerchief.
 
Breathing deeply of the fresh pine, she let the Father’s peace settle around her heart.

Not ready to be in the company of others, Hannah moved further upstream until she found the wild cherries.
 
Dropping them slowly into her basket, her mind moved on to other thoughts.

Several weeks passed since she visited Will’s ranch.
 
Her face flushed as she thought of the kisses they shared.
 
Strange how one moment she could grieve her dead husband then the next think of the new man in her life.
 
And this new man was affecting her like no other.
 
Something deep inside her longed for his presence.
 
While she loved Drew dearly and shared a good life with him, something about Will made her feel at home.
 
She could never explain it.
 
Somehow, she managed to fall in love with the handsome rancher from Texas.
 
He eased his way into her heart when she was not looking.
 
She missed him and wished she knew when he would be in town again.

Picking up the full basket, she found Paul nearby, keeping watch over her unannounced.
 
When she moved forward, he fell into step beside her silently, rifle at the ready.

They headed back to the boardinghouse where Betty waited in the doorway.
 
Taking the basket of cherries from Hannah, she told her that Lieutenant Harrison was waiting for her out front.

Squaring her shoulders, Hannah walked around front, not really wanting a surprise visit from Joshua today.

“Lieutenant, this is a surprise,” Hannah greeted, knowing her smile must have looked forced.

“Hannah,” Joshua wasted no time getting to the point, “would you walk with me for a few minutes?”

Nodding, they strolled toward the town square, but not before Hannah noted he came to town alone.
 
She hoped everything was fine with her friend.

“Hannah, I have some news,” he said flatly.

“Yes?”

“I have been promoted to Captain,” Joshua said.

Surely that was good news.
 
She was happy for him.
 
“That’s wonderful.”

When she turned to look at him, his face did not share the same joy.
 
There was something more, something troubling him.

“What is it?” Hannah asked.

Turning toward her, he took her hands in his.
 
“I’m leaving.
 
With the promotion, I am being reassigned to the southern end of the territory.”

“When do you leave?” she asked.

“Tomorrow morning.”

“So soon?”
 
She would miss his friendship.

“Yes.
 
Hannah,” he paused.
 
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you for some time.”
 
He barely took a breath, blurting out, “I love you, Hannah.
 
I have loved you since we came to Fort Whipple.
 
Maybe even before then, I don’t know.”

Hannah’s heart lodged in her throat.
 
This could not be happening.
 
Not today.
 
Not with him.

“What I’m trying to say is that I can’t see my life without you in it.
 
Hannah,” he stopped short, moving toward her.

He was going to kiss her!
 
As he closed the distance, she hesitated only a moment before taking a large step backwards.
 
Joshua was obviously not expecting that, for he dropped his hands to his side.
 
His expression was stunned.
 
She felt terrible for him, but was certain she had done nothing to encourage such thoughts.

Growing nervous, Joshua said, “I was hoping you would agree to become my wife.”
 

His eyes pleaded with her, finally unveiling the depth of love he kept hidden from her before.
 
That made this so much more difficult.
 
“I can’t marry you, Joshua.”

“I know you don’t love me the way you did Drew, but our friendship could grow to love in time.”

Her heart ached for him.
 
“Captain,” she said, choosing the formality to help emphasize her point.
 
“While I treasure your friendship and will forever be in your debt for your kindness, I cannot marry you.
 
I am sorry, but I do not love you, nor do I believe that our friendship would ever be more.
 
You are a good man and you deserve someone that will love you in return.
 
I am not that woman.”

He stared into her eyes looking for confirmation that her words were true.
 
His pain was evident.
 
He was dumbfounded and could not speak.
 
After a few moments, his shoulders slumped forward in resignation.
 
Finally, with great sadness he said, “Goodbye, Hannah.”
 
Then Captain Harrison walked away.

“Go with God, my friend,” she whispered as she watched him ride out of her life, sorry for the pain she inflicted with her refusal, though not regretting her decision.

Gathering her wits, she straightened her back and returned to the boardinghouse.
 
It was time to start the evening meal.
 
Rubbing her fingers on her temples, she walked through the back door.
 
She stopped suddenly when she saw the shelves fully stocked with
Colter
beef.
 
Her questioning gaze was quickly answered by Betty.

“Will was here.
 
He stopped by with more smoked beef.”

Her heart dropped to the floor.
 
“He was here?
 
Did he ask for me?”

Betty looked away, and Hannah knew the answer before she spoke.
 
“I’m sorry dear, he did not.”