A Family Affair (59 page)

Well, she wasn't going to go along with their decisions any more, she had made up her mind about that. She wasn't going to have her movements mapped out for her as if she was still a child. Whatever happened she was going to keep this baby and bring it up. But if she was to convince them that she was a fit person to be a mother she must show some sense of responsibility now. Sleeping rough in parks, endangering her own health and the health of her unborn baby was not the way to do that. She had to prove to Carrie that she was sensible enough – grown-up enough, to cope. Then, perhaps, she would help.

And then Jenny remembered what she had been unable to forget since Heather had come to see her, but which had somehow fallen out of the equation as she tried to work out what to do, where to go. Carrie wasn't her mother. Heather was.

A sudden rush of love and longing for the girl she had always thought of as her sister overwhelmed her. When Heather had broken the news to her, the shock of it had made her recoil. She had been able to think of nothing but the deceit practised on her, the growing-up years when nothing had been as it seemed. The sense of rejection, coming from a quarter where she had never expected to find it, had made her determined that her own child should never experience such a rejection, and she had retreated into a hard shell of bitterness, shutting herself off both physically and emotionally from the family she felt had betrayed her.

Now, for the first time since she had learned the truth, she found herself remembering the closeness of her relationship with Heather; the little things and the big; the way Heather had always been there for her, the love she had shown.

Heather had been even younger than she herself was now, Jenny reminded herself, even less able to resist Carrie's relentless overpowering way of making all the family decisions. No doubt it had been her idea to bring Jenny up as her own, and Heather had gone along with it.

I, of all people, should be able to understand how it was for her
, Jenny thought.
How frightened she must have been, how helpless she must have felt. And how it has been for her all these years, too. I glimpsed that when she offered to take on my baby. But I was too shocked to consider her feelings. How I must have hurt her!

And had it been such a bad thing that Heather had done? However misguided, she and Carrie had both acted out of love.

I've known that love all my life
, Jenny thought.
At least I have been with my family, not with strangers. And I can't believe, honestly, that they will turn their backs on me now.

It wasn't true that she had nowhere to go, tonight or any other night. Whatever the problems, somehow, as a family, they would find a way to overcome them. Carrie's desire for secrecy might be blown out of the water, but it seemed to Jenny that the time for secrecy was over. There were other more important considerations

now. Her mind was made up. She was going home.

‘Where can she
be
?' Heather said. ‘Where would she go?'

She had been asking the same questions over and over again, every few minutes, ever since she had heard that Jenny was missing, pacing the floor in an agony of anxiety, trying to control the wilder excesses of imagination and not quite succeeding.

‘The stupid girl!' Carrie said. ‘What a stupid thing to do! In her condition!'

She, too, had become repetitious and as usual her anxiety was finding release in irritation. It had been like this all afternoon.

Heather had been at Number 27 Alder Road when Dr Hall had come knocking on the door. Steve had taken Vanessa to the swings in the football fields and Heather had gone to collect a pair of curtains which had shrunk in the wash and which she had promised Carrie she would try to let down for her.

They were at the window, hanging a replacement pair, when the car pulled up outside the gate.

‘It's the doctor!' Carrie said as Helen got out. ‘Whatever does she want?'

‘I expect she's got the wrong house,' Heather said. She could see a young man in the front passenger seat. ‘There's somebody with her.'

Carrie pressed her nose against the glass, peering out, then exclaiming in disbelief.

‘No! I don't believe it …'

The doorbell rang.

‘Do you want me to go?' Heather asked.

‘No.' Carrie was breathing hard now, chest puffed out like a turkeycock. ‘I'll go. She's got that boy with her! Keep the dog in, will you?'

Heather grabbed Sally's collar. ‘What boy?'

‘The one that got our Jenny into trouble! I've sent him packing once today, and I'll do it again!' She flounced down the stairs and threw open the door.

Heather followed.

‘Yes, Doctor.' Carrie's greeting was short, snappy.

‘Mrs Simmons. Can I come in?'

‘Not if you've come to talk to me about
him
, no!' Carrie nodded her head abruptly in the direction of the car.

‘It's not … well, only indirectly. Look – I really think it would be better …'

‘He's got no rights. None at all!'

‘Just a minute,' Heather interrupted. ‘Did you say that's Jenny's boyfriend out there?'

‘He's already been here bothering once today,' Carrie said. ‘I sent him off with a flea in his ear.'

‘Well, I'd like to talk to him,' Heather said.

‘Over my dead body!'

‘Mum – if he's come here looking for Jenny, we have to talk to him.'

‘I don't want her unsettled.'

‘Can I get a word in, please?' Helen said. They both looked at her. ‘The fact that Bryn is in my car is incidental. I'm here because I've just learned some very disturbing news I didn't want to tell you on the doorstep but you leave me no choice. Jenny is missing.'

‘Missing? What do you mean – missing?' Carrie demanded.

‘She's disappeared from the mother and baby home. And her things have gone too. From what I can make out, pressure was being put on her with regard to the adoption …'

‘It's only what we agreed was for the best!'

‘And it's upset Jenny enough to make her decide to run away.'

‘Oh my Lord!' Carrie said. ‘Perhaps you'd better come in after all, Doctor.' She saw Helen glance towards the car and the young man and her mouth hardened. ‘Not him!'

‘Mum!' Heather said. She was upset, yet more in command than Carrie had ever seen her. ‘Isn't it time to put a stop to this?' She turned to Helen. ‘He came to you looking for her, did he?'

Helen let that go. She didn't want to waste time explaining about the accident.

‘He's very anxious to get in touch with Jenny. And he's very upset about her disappearance.'

‘
He
knows? Before
we
did?' Carrie was outraged.

‘He was with me when I found out, yes.'

‘He's no right to know before us.'

‘For heaven's sake, Mum!' Heather yelled, turning on her mother. ‘If he's the father of Jenny's baby, he has every right!'

‘Hasn't he done enough?'

‘Jenny thinks the world of him, Mum, you know that as well as I do. And now she's missing and all you can think about is who knew first! I can't believe you! I'm going out to speak to him!'

She pushed past Carrie, who could only stare, open-mouthed. It was the first time Heather had openly defied her over any of her decisions regarding Jenny. With a resigned shake of the head she gestured to Helen to follow her into the house.

‘So what's this all about?'

Helen told her all she knew.

‘Oh, the stupid girl! Everything planned and she has to go and upset it all!' Carrie said. ‘Whatever is she thinking of …' She broke off as Heather came in, accompanied by Bryn. ‘Now see what you've gone and done!' she shot at him. ‘All the trouble you've caused!'

‘Stop it, Mum!' Heather said. ‘You're not helping anyone. Bryn is as worried about Jenny as we are.'

Carrie responded with an angry snort.

‘He wants to go up to Gloucester and try to find her,' Heather said.

‘You've told him where she is!'

‘We don't
know
where she is!' Heather snapped back. ‘She's wandering around somewhere all on her own in heaven only knows what state. You should be glad he cares! I'd go myself if it wasn't for Vanessa.'

‘I'm not sure there'd be any point in going up there,' Helen said, trying to calm the situation. ‘The sister in charge was going to call the police and report her missing and I'm sure she'll soon be found.'

‘I'm going anyway,' Bryn said.

‘I thought you were due back at camp tonight,' Helen said.

‘I'll ring them – put in for compassionate leave.' He turned to Carrie. ‘I'm sorry if you think I'm to blame for all this, Mrs Simmons, but I do love Jenny. I still can't understand why she stopped answering my letters and I can't understand why she didn't write and tell me about the baby.'

Heather frowned. ‘But she did! I know she wrote! She told me!'

‘It must have gone astray,' Carrie said quickly – too quickly.

Heather looked at her incredulously. ‘Mum … ?'

A dark flush rose in Carrie's cheeks. ‘If he's been abroad anything could have happened to it.'

‘Look, I really have to be going,' Helen said. ‘I'll give you a lift back to where you left your motorbike, Bryn. And what about you, Heather? Do you want to go home and make some telephone calls?'

‘I think so – yes.'

‘I'll come too,' Carrie said.

‘No, Mum,' Heather said. ‘I think you should stay here. This is Jenny's home address, remember. If the Hillsbridge police get a message they'll come here. I'll find out what I can and then come back.'

Carrie had no choice but to agree.

‘I'm so sorry about all this,' Heather said to Bryn as they rode down the hill in Helen's car. ‘I just hope and pray Jenny hasn't done anything silly.' She was silent for a moment, then she added: ‘If you find her, you will let me know?'

‘I'll let
you
know.' His tone left her in no doubt how he felt about Carrie. ‘She thinks a lot of you.'

Heather swallowed hard, tears knotting suddenly in her throat. ‘Find her, Bryn. Make her come home.'

‘Oh, I'll find her,' he said.

When she had made the necessary phone calls, Steve ran Heather back up to Alder Road. She was none the wiser, no-one had seen Jenny since before lunch. But the police had been notified and were searching for her. For the moment there was no more they could do. Heather opened the door and went in without knocking.

‘Mum, I want to talk to you …' She stopped in the doorway of the living room, hardly able to believe her eyes. Carrie was at the table, leafing through a stack of letters. She looked flustered – and very, very guilty.

‘Mum?'

Heather crossed to the table, unable to believe her eyes. Envelopes addressed to Bryn in Jenny's handwriting, sheets of paper, some unfolded to reveal closely written lines in an unfamiliar hand – and at the top, preceding the sender's address, a service number. When Carrie had been so quick to claim Jenny's letter about her pregnancy had gone astray the thought had flashed through Heather's mind that she might have known more about it than she was prepared to admit. But this!

‘Don't look at me like that!' Carrie snapped.

‘What have you done, Mum?' Heather sounded more incredulous than accusing.

‘It was for the best.' Carrie was trying to bundle the letters together. ‘He wasn't right for her. I wanted to put a stop to it.'

‘But you had no right. Mum, how could you?'

‘I was only trying to protect her. She was far too young to be getting serious with a boy she hardly knew. I thought it would all die a natural death. I never knew she was …' She baulked at the word pregnant. ‘I wasn't to know how it was going to turn out!'

‘It's a terrible thing to do!'

‘I did what I thought was right. That's all I've ever done. The best thing now is to get rid of them. I should never have kept them in the first place.'

‘You can't get rid of them!' Heather said, shocked. ‘They belong to Jenny.'

Carrie grew even more flustered. ‘She mustn't see them! She'll…'

‘Never forgive you? No, I don't expect she will. To be honest, I shall find it very hard to forgive you myself.'

Carrie's jaw dropped. ‘What are you talking about?'

‘I trusted you with her, Mum. I trusted you to give her a better life than I could …'

‘And she's had it! Nothing but the best.'

‘You've kept her in a gilded cage! You were so worried she'd turn out like me you ruled her with a rod of iron. I can't tell you how many times I've had to bite my tongue over the way you've been with her. But I told myself I'd forfeited my right to interfere. I suppose in a funny sort of way I still thought that you knew best. I took you at your own valuation – respected your judgement – because you are my mother. But this … you've gone way too far this time. And look what's happened as a result!'

Carrie's face crumpled suddenly, the confidence rushing out of her like air from a punctured balloon. She knew she'd meant well, just like everything she'd ever done it had been for the best and for their own good. But how to make the others see that? She had never known Heather so angry, never experienced such scorn, directed at her by her own daughter.

‘Whatever is going on?'

So engrossed had they been in their argument, neither of them heard Joe come in. He stood now, looking from one to the other, troubled and puzzled. Carrie's lower lip sagged, trembled, fought a losing battle at holding back the tears.

‘Oh, Joe – it's our Jenny! She's run away, and we don't know where she is.'

‘Wherever have you been, Helen? I was getting worried to death about you!'