A Family Man (12 page)

Amy wasn't sure what had just happened, one minute she and Joe were planning on spending the day with Beth, then next, Joe was storming out and Beth looked like she'd just been slapped. She had always thought that Beth and Joe would make a great couple. They both cared deeply for each other and, unlike him and her mom, didn't spend all their time hurting one another. She was just a kid and didn't understand the complexities of adult relationships, but for the life of her she couldn't understand why someone would prefer to be with a person that hurt them than someone who would make them happy. She turned to her aunt. "Have you and Joe had a fight?"

"Oh no, sweetheart. Me and Joe are fine."

Amy nodded. She knew that Beth wasn't being completely honest with her, but she didn't argue. She just wanted them to be okay.

She chewed on her thumbnail. She had wanted to tell Beth that she was worried about her mom, but now she wasn't so sure. Her aunt looked so sad, and she didn't want to make her feel worse.

Beth frowned. "You got something on your mind, sweetheart?"

Amy sighed. Beth was almost as good as Joe at winkling out information from her. "Mom's drinking all the time."

"Shit, Amy, how long has this been going on?"

"I dunno, a while, I guess."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Amy shrugged. "You've been busy. I don't think Nana Sophie’s feeling so good and Joe was away. I didn't want to say anything to anyone else in case they take Jack away."

"Nana Sophie isn't feeling well? What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know, she says she's okay, but I don't think she is."

"Does Joe know?"

"Don't think so."

"Shit." Beth stood and pulled out her cell. "Joe? You need to get back here."

Joe didn't ask why. Whatever was going on between him and Beth could wait. He knew by the tone of her voice there was a problem, and it probably involved Amy or the baby. "I'll be there in ten."

He gunned the engine and headed straight back to her condo.

Beth let him in and led him into her small living room. "Amy says Maria's drinking again."

"Shit, sugar. Why didn't you say anything?"

Amy shrugged and looked at her hands. Joe sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. "What did I say about keeping things to yourself?"

"I'm sorry, Joe. You mad at me?"

"When am I ever mad at you? But you should have told someone."

Beth leaned on the doorframe. "It isn't just that, Joe. Amy seems to think your mom isn't well."

Joe nodded, he could see how his ma's health had declined over the last few months. "I guessed as much. She insists she's okay, but it's pretty obvious that's bullshit."

"What we gonna do, Joe?"

"D'ya know what, Beth? I don't fucking know." He ran his hand over his head. "There's no way I'm gonna ask Ma to look after Jack."

Amy sighed. "I can take care of Jack. I do it most of the time anyway."

"You have school, sugar." He kissed the top of her head. "I need to talk to Ma. Try an' get her to be straight with me."

Beth frowned. This was going to fall on her. Again. "I'll talk to Maria."

Sophia sat at her kitchen table as her son paced up and down. "Jesus, Ma, why didn't you tell me how much you've been struggling?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"Well, I'm worrying now." Joe sat opposite her and took her hand in his. "There must be something I can do."

"I'm fine."

"Ma!"

"Okay, okay. I could do with help with the cost of the meds. I'm supposed to take them every day, but I can't afford to."

"You got it. Anything else?"

She shook her head. "No. Amy helps me round the house. She's a good girl."

"Yeah, she is. Thing is, she's also taking care of the baby. Maria's drinking again."

"Oh, no. Poor kid. She never said a word."

Joe sighed. "Okay, here's the plan. I will pay for your meds and for someone to come round a couple of times a week to help round the house. That will take the pressure off Amy a little and stop you from overdoing it."

"And how are you going to be able to afford that?"

"Not your problem. You will just take the money and do as you're told."

"Okay. What about Maria?"

"I dunno, Ma. I don't want to get sucked back into her life, but at the same time I don't wanna let Amy down."

"And the baby?"

Joe shrugged. Although he didn't want anything bad to happen to him, Amy's baby brother meant nothing to him. He hadn't bonded with him like he had with her. "I'm not taking on another of her kids, Ma."

"So it falls on Beth again."

"I guess. Shit, Ma. Don't look at me like that, I ain’t the villain here." He sighed. "Fine, I'll go an' talk to Maria. Not that it'll make any difference."

Sophia smiled and patted her son's hand. "You know, deep down, you are a good man."

"No I ain’t, Ma."

~ oOo ~

"Joe!" Maria threw her arms around his neck, frowning as she felt him stiffen.

"This ain't a social call, M." He pushed her gently, but firmly away from him. "Amy's worried. Says you're drinking."

"Jesus, it's just the odd glass of wine."

"You won't have a problem stopping, then."

"Why would I stop?"

"Because, M, you have an addictive personality. You don't do anything in moderation."

"Oh, here we go again. How dare you judge me? You have no idea how hard it is bringing up two kids on my own."

"Other people manage it." He scowled. "You didn't have to live here, away from those people who'd help you out. It was you that wanted to live in the fancy neighborhood. Do you know what, M? You make me sick. You are financially secure, have nice home, two beautiful kids and it's still not enough. You wanna wallow in self pity, fine. But don't drag your kids down with you."

"Well maybe if you had been a proper old man in the first place, I wouldn't fuck up all the time."

"Oh, so this is my fault, now?"

"I think you should take your share of the blame. You were never there for me. Not really." Her lip curled up into a sneer. Suddenly she didn't look so beautiful. "Oh, you loved riding in to the rescue. Joe the hero. But the truth is, you were never committed to me. How many women have you fucked, Joe? All those years, you swore you loved me, you were screwing around."

"They never meant anything. And it wasn't as if you were sitting at home knitting." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't here to rake over the past. "I think you should get on a program, before this gets out of control."

"And if I say no?"

"I will call child services."

"You're bluffing."

"Try me. I don't wanna see your kids in the system. But if you ain't prepared to help yourself, it may be the best place for them. I'm sick of watching everybody bail you out, over and over again. It's about time you took responsibility for your own actions." He turned to leave. "For once in your life M, do the right thing."

EIGHTEEN

Joe hadn't expected to feel the way he did when he saw Maria. Despite the distance between them, he had expected that rush that he always got when he laid eyes on her. What he hadn't expected to feel was…Nothing.

He had known for a long time that he didn't want to love her. It gave her power over him, it made him weak, and he hated feeling weak. Now though, things were different. It was like he could see for the first time in his life. He'd been played over and over again, unable to resist her wiles. He'd always known, intellectually, that it was happening. But the other part of him, the weak part, told himself that she was just a victim, that she couldn't help it. He guessed that, subconsciously, he was afraid that if he didn't love her he would hate her. And he was afraid of how destructive that hate would be. But as he stood there watching her try to justify her actions, he realized, he didn't care. All he cared about was Amy and, to a lesser extent, her brother. They were what was important here. He wasn't going to waste another ounce of energy on Maria. He had nothing left to give.

After leaving her house he'd ridden for hours, trying to wrap his head around the day's events. It felt like something had died inside him. Maybe it had died a long time ago, but he hadn't noticed. Joe had no idea. All he was aware of was a pervading sense of loss. He wanted to be angry; he knew how to deal with that. But this… This emptiness. No, it wasn't even that. There was an emotion there, one he barely recognized. He must have felt it before, but he couldn't remember a time when he did. Joe felt…  Sad.

It was dark when he let himself into his ma's house. She was still awake, waiting for him. "Did you see Maria?"

"Yeah." He slumped onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. "I'm done with her, Ma."

Sophia had heard this before, but for some reason, this time she believed him. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm sorry, son."

"Don't be. It was a long time coming, but it was bound to happen."

"Doesn't mean it hurts any the less, though." She smiled. "You loved her for a long time. Give yourself a little time, allow yourself space to grieve. You will love again."

"I doubt it, Ma."

She said nothing. She hoped that he would fall in love again. She knew what it was like to go through life alone. She had never allowed herself to fall in love after Joe's father had walked out. She had thought she was protecting herself, but now she knew she was wrong. She had just condemned herself to a life of loneliness. Not something she would wish on anyone.

He had left for Seattle, early the next morning. He needed to get away. Needed long runs, meaningless sex and to just be able to drink himself into oblivion without anyone questioning him.

When he arrived fourteen hours later, he was exhausted, with a thumping headache. Barney and Samson were leaning on the bar drinking their beers and putting the world to rights when he walked in. Barely acknowledging them he stalked out back.

Barney was happy to leave him alone, he knew his brother well enough to know when to steer clear. Samson, however, had no such compunction. If Tiny wanted to be left alone he would let him know. But they'd had each other's backs for a lot of years, and it looked to him like his brother was hurting. And that meant that gash had got under his skin yet again. He followed his brother out back towards the flop house. "You okay, brother?"

Tiny laid back on the bed and closed his eyes. "Nothing a good night's sleep won't fix."

"Okay, if you’re sure. See you in the morning."

He opened his eyes. "Hey, Samson. Thanks."

"No problem. You know where to find me, if you need an ear." The nomad president closed the door and headed back into the bar.

Barney looked up from his beer. "Tiny okay?"

"He says he is. I'm guessing that bitch has got him all bent outta shape again." Samson shook his head. "I love Tiny, and I trust him more than anyone. But I will never understand how he can be brought down like that."

Barney smiled. "You've never met her, have you?"

"I take it by that, you have?"

"Yeah, a few years back. She's a real stunner, man. Knock any of the bitches here into the shade. Got a way about her, I dunno how to explain it. I mean she was fucked up when I met her. Real bad habit. But she has this…I dunno, charm, I guess. Trust me, man. If you met her you'd understand why Tiny gets so twisted up over her."

"Sounds like she weaved her magic over you too."

Barney shrugged but said nothing. Oh, he'd fallen for her charms. Hook, line and sinker.

NINETEEN

Maria flinched as the door slammed and Amy stormed out. She really didn't know how much longer she could put up with this. For the last two and a half years she had managed to stay sober, more or less, and she was proud of the way she was coping. Now Jack had started school, she had found herself a part-time job and was actually acting like a grown up for the first time in her life. Not that she had much choice. The child support checks from Rob were pretty sporadic these days. It was only when she threatened him that any money was forthcoming. Sometimes she thought that she should have gone to the authorities. She worried that he could have another little girl in his sights. The only thing that was stopping her was the thought of Amy having to give evidence. She knew a decent defense lawyer would tear her to shreds. So in the end she had decided to let it go. She had to put her daughter first. Something she should have done a long time ago.

Karma, though, was a bitch, and as soon as Amy hit her teens she had started to turn into her mother. This year alone she'd had three temporary suspensions from school and was almost constantly on report. That's when she bothered to turn up, of course. Maria rubbed her hand across her forehead. Nothing anybody said got through to her. All she wanted to do was hang out with that bunch of lowlifes she thought were her friends, getting up to god knows what. She had tried everything, but it seemed like history was going to repeat itself.

Amy stormed down the street. Why couldn't her mom get off her back? She was such a hypocritical bitch, and as far as she was concerned, had no right to tell her what to do.

If it wasn't her mom bitching at her, it was Beth giving her a hard time. Not that she saw much of her these days. Her aunt had moved to Oregon nearly two years ago and was now a PA to a top lawyer. It wasn't like she gave a shit about her niece anyway. All she cared about was her precious career.

She contemplated going to see Nana Sophie. She hadn't been to see her for months, and felt a little guilty for neglecting her. She knew she was in pain all the time, and struggled to get about. But spending time with her was so boring. She'd rather hang out with her friends. They were the only ones that understood her, unlike the adults in her life. Even Joe spent most of his time yelling at her. She didn't call him anymore and managed to avoid him when he was in town. He wasn't her dad, she didn't have to listen to him. It wasn't like he was perfect anyway. He was an outlaw for fuck's sake, and everyone knew what they were like.

She turned as a mustang pulled up next to her. "Hey Amy. Wanna take a ride?" She grinned and climbed into the car. She guessed it was stolen, but didn't care. All she wanted to do was have some fun and forget how shitty her life was.

She sat back and watched the scenery flash past. It had been so much easier when she was a kid. Before she'd realized just how dysfunctional her family really was. They were all so wrapped up in their own shit, that they didn't care about her. Not really.

It wasn't Sophia’s fault that she got old, but she didn't have to be so irritable and snippy all the time. It wasn't her fault Joe moved away or that she had a life now.

When Beth wasn't mooning around over Joe, she was climbing the career ladder. As soon as Amy starting falling behind in school and skipping lessons she lost interest in her. She only cared about her when she was a perfect little girl. All she bothered about now was her little brother.

Her mom. Shit, she could hardly stand to be in the same room as her. Maybe if she hadn't been such a selfish bitch, Joe would have stuck around and they could have been like a normal family. But no, she had to drive him away. It wasn't like she knew who her real dad was, despite asking and asking. Her mom probably drove him away as well. All she'd ever wanted was to be loved, but the older she got, the more she felt like her mom thought she was an inconvenience, the cause of all her troubles.

Then there was Joe. If anything, he pissed her off more than the rest. She had loved him so much, trusted him. She had thought that, when they moved back to Cali, she'd see more of him, that he'd be around more. But he’d moved away and she'd hardly seen him. On the rare occasions their paths did cross, he'd yell at her. According to him, she was letting herself down. What a fucking joke! He was always in and out of jail, nothing he did was legal. What would he know? It wasn't her fault that she couldn't keep up with her schoolwork. She couldn't help being dumb. Why should she bother turning up when all that was going to happen was that she'd get yelled at by the teachers and picked on by the top bitches in the school.

She took a long drag on the joint her friend passed her and urged him to go faster. She knew his driving was on the ragged edge and there was a good chance they'd end up in a wreck, but she didn't care. Her life wasn't worth shit anyway. No one would really miss her.

Beth parked her Lexus outside her office and headed inside. She enjoyed her job and loved her apartment, but she still couldn't shake that feeling of displacement, and despite her best efforts, her feelings for Joe were as strong as ever. She knew she would never stop loving him. She had dated numerous men from all walks of life and none of them measured up in her eyes. She had contemplated moving back home. She knew Maria was struggling to keep Amy on the straight and narrow and Sophia wasn't getting any younger. Beth's career was important to her, but her family was always going to come first.

~ oOo ~

Joe rode past the 'Welcome to Bay View' sign and gave a sigh of relief. He had been on the road for twelve straight hours, only stopping for gas or to piss. He loved to ride but even for him there was a limit to how long he could be on his bike before his muscles seized up and he lost all feeling in his ass. He would be in Bay View for the best part of a month. They had several protection runs planned plus a large shipment of car parts to be packed and distributed, and they were stretched pretty thin. Joe didn't mind helping out. He loved spending time in the small town next to the ocean and it would be nice to get the chance to spend some time in Fillmore. He knew his ma wasn't well, and he wanted to catch up with Amy. From what he'd heard she was heading the same way as her mother. He wasn't sure he could fix that, but he sure as shit could try.

Amy leaned on her front door and watched as Joe dismounted. In the past she would've run into his arms, but now all she wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. She couldn't believe her mom had called him and ratted on her. So she got arrested? So what? She hadn't been charged with anything. It hadn't been her who stole the car. She looked up and her eyes met his as he marched up the garden path. Shit, he was furious. She swallowed. "Joe?"

He scowled. "You got all your shit?"

She nodded. This was bad. Her mom had been so pissed, she'd asked Joe to come and take her to Bay View for a few days till she'd calmed down and, amazingly, he'd agreed. At first she'd thought it was a good idea, so keen was she to stay out of her mom's crosshairs. But now, looking at the expression on his face, she realized that her mom would be a picnic compared to a pissed-off Joe. Shit. This was very bad indeed. "Joe. You mad?" Stupid question, she knew.

"Just get on the bike, Amy. I ain’t getting into it here."

"Joe?"

"Just get on the Goddamned bike!" Amy took a step back. It wasn't the first time he'd yelled at her. In fact, these days it was pretty commonplace. But it was the first time she'd been scared of him. Joe shook his head and reached out to her. "I ain't gonna hurt you, sugar. But please. Do as you're fucking told."

The instant he touched her, everything was alright. The belligerent fourteen-year-old disappeared and in her place stood the little girl who loved him more than anything. Yes, she had fucked up and, yes, he was mad. But he loved her and she loved him. She allowed him to pull her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Joe."

He kissed the top of her head. "What am I gonna do with you? C'mon, let's get you to Bay View."