A Family Man (35 page)

FORTY

Joe opened his eyes and groaned as a wave of nausea hit him. It had been four days since the funeral, and he still hadn’t been able to face going home, preferring instead to drink himself unconscious every night at the clubhouse. His brothers were giving him a wide berth, tiptoeing around him, none of them wanting to be on the receiving end of his temper.

Reluctantly, he dragged himself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. Maybe today he would man up and go home to face his old lady.

Samson sat on the ratty old sofa in the corner of the clubhouse, not even acknowledging the leggy blonde who was currently running her fingers up and down his chest. He didn’t mind staying in the clubhouse, although Tiny’s place was infinitely more comfortable. While Tiny was staying there, so would he. Maybe by the end of the day his brother would be ready to go home. He pulled out his cell. “Spider. Talk to me.”

“Warehouse at the end of Lakeside Boulevard. Set back from the road, double blue doors.”

“
Okay, we’ll be there in a couple of hours.” He nudged the blonde. 

“
Hey darlin’, how about you go and fix up some bacon and eggs for me and Tiny.”

“
Okay, sweetie.” She kissed him and sashayed toward the kitchen.

As she walked away he pulled himself to his feet and headed towards Tiny’s room. He banged on the door and walked in. “Tiny.” He came out of the bathroom, and Samson nodded approvingly. At least he’d taken a shower today. “Got that skinny blonde cooking you some breakfast. You need to eat. We got a busy day ahead of us. The nomads have got you a present.”

~ oOo ~

The warehouse hadn’t been used for years, and it reeked of decay. The huge cavernous space was empty, save for a lone figure tied to a metal chair with a feed sack over her head. Samson turned to where Spider and Fox were standing. “She say anything?”

“Yeah, stupid fucking bitch sang like a bird as soon as we snatched her. I guessed she thought we’d go easy on her.” Fox grinned. “Dixon is still alive. Wanted intel on Tiny and you. Tiny’s kid rumbled her an’ she panicked, and, well, you know the rest.”

Samson nodded and looked over to where Tiny was standing, staring emotionlessly at the girl in the middle of the room. “You and Spider wait outside.” Fox nodded and, with his arm slung casually over his fellow nomad’s shoulder, headed outside, closing the door behind them.

Candice blinked as the sack was pulled from her head, and she gasped as Joe brought his face close to hers. “You know who I am?” She nodded. “I ain't gonna ask you why you did it. It don’t much matter.” He straightened up. “All the way here, I been thinking of things I want to do to you. Problem is, none of it is enough. You killed my kid, and nothing I do to you will come close to the pain that has caused me and my old lady.”

He reached down and, cutting the tape that was binding her hands, almost tenderly ran his thumb across her fingers. “You see, if I snap your finger like this...” He waited till the screaming stopped. “It hurts, sure, and I can carry on…” One by one, he snapped her fingers. “But it don’t come close to what I’m feeling.”

He leaned back and examined her face, before continuing in an almost matter-of-fact manner. “They took my kid’s organs, her heart, her liver, everything. Gave them to someone else. It was Beth who agreed to that. She said it was only right that something good came out of Amy’s death. She’s an amazing woman, my old lady. I could never have signed those forms. Couldn’t stand the thought of them mutilating my little girl. Beth, though, she didn’t hesitate. Said it was what Amy would have wanted. She was right, of course. Amy was like her aunt and would have loved the idea that someone would live because of her.”

He smiled and pulled out his knife. “Maybe that’s what you should do.” He slit open her tee shirt, exposing her breasts. “Ever considered organ donation?” He drew the knife slowly down her chest, watching as the blood trickled down and pooled on the chair between her legs. “Apparently it’s important to keep the donor alive as long as possible. Maybe we should start with the cornea.” Candice struggled as the tip of the blade came closer to her eye, and he grabbed her hair to keep her head still. “Course, Amy could only donate one, you’d damaged the other too much.”

Samson pushed himself away from the wall and, pulling out his Glock, pressed it against her temple and pulled the trigger. “That’s enough, brother.”

“
What the fuck did you do that for?” Joe launched himself at his former president, sending them both crashing to the floor. “You had no right.” He managed to get a punch in before he was dragged off by Spider and Fox. Samson got to his feet and spat the blood from his split lip onto the floor. “It’s okay. Let him go, and get back outside.”

As soon as he was released, Joe sank to his knees. “Why did you stop me? She had to know how it feels. What she did.”

Kneeling in front of him, Samson took Joe’s face in his hands. “No amount of pain you inflicted on her would take away your own.”

“So what will?” He picked up the gun that was lying on the floor. “Maybe you should put it to my head.”

“
That what you want? Didn’t have you down as a coward.”

“
I ain’t.”

“
Then face up to this. You can start by going home to your old lady.”

“
I can’t go back there.”

“
Why?”

“
She’s everywhere.”

“
Tell me about her.”

“
What?”

“
Amy. Tell me about her. What was she like?”

“
You know what she was like.”

“
Not when she was a kid. Tell me, Tiny. Talk to me.”

“
Fearless and angry, that was my Amy.” He gave a shaky smile. “When she was a baby, she screamed all the fucking time. The only place she would sleep was here.” He pointed to his chest. “Must’ve been the sound of my heart or something. I spent hours with her, just lying there with her on my chest. Every time I tried to move her, she’d start that fucking bawling again. Even when she got older, if she was upset, that’s where she wanted to be.”

He slowly pulled himself to his feet. “She had a temper like you wouldn’t believe. There was times when I swear I wanted to strangle her. Then she’d smile and I’d be putty in her hands. Nothing topped the feeling of her arms round my neck and hearing her tell me she loved me. That bitch.” His lip curled as his gaze fell on the body in the chair. “She stole that away from me.”

“Yes, she did. And now she’s dead.” With a grunt, Samson, too, stood up and handed his brother a cigarette.

Joe took the offered cigarette and lit it, taking a huge breath. “It ain’t enough.”

“No, brother. I don’t suppose it is.” He patted him on the shoulder. “I don’t know how you work through this, but I do know you can’t do it on your own.”

FORTY-ONE

Beth looked up at the sound of Joe’s Dyna pulling up outside the house. There had been a time before…..before, when she would have greeted him at the door. There would have been a hot meal and a cold beer waiting for him. Not now, though. It had been just over two months since he had come home. Or someone had. She barely recognized the man that she shared a house with. Joe had never been a verbose man, but now, since…. since….but now, he never spoke. Neither of them did. That big, loving home that had once been filled with noise was silent. There was no laughter, no slamming doors or too-loud music. Joe’s brothers no longer spent any time there. It was just her and Joe, rattling around in that big, empty house, wrapped in their own pain. He didn’t look at her anymore, didn’t touch her. He would come in after work, shower, and either disappear into his den or to the clubhouse.

She’d tried everything to get him to talk. Meals she’d cooked were taken into the den. If she tried to touch him, he brushed her hand away. They no longer shared a bed. On the rare occasions they had sex, he would get up straight afterwards and go and sleep downstairs. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed her or wrapped his arms around her waist and held her, just because he wanted to feel her close to him. No, that was a lie. She remembered precisely, the last time he’d kissed her, the last time he’d held her. It was that morning, before….before everything changed.

She closed her eyes as the front door slammed and he headed straight for the den without even acknowledging her. She couldn’t do this anymore, living this half life. Her kid was dead and her man couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as her. None of this was her fault. What had she done to deserve this? Taking a deep breath she switched off the TV and walked to the den. “Joe?” She pushed open the door.

“What you want, Beth?”

She wasn’t going to be put off by his attitude. If they were done, he was going to have to tell her. “I need to talk to you.”

“So talk.” He turned back to the TV.

“
Are we done, Joe?” She was almost too afraid to look at him. She could feel the tension running through him. “I can't go on like this.”

“
Then leave.”

“
Is that what you want?”

“
What I want is for you to leave me alone.”

“
If you didn’t want to be with me, why did you come back?”

“
This is my house.”

“
No, it’s our house. Yours, mine, Amy’s.”

“
Amy’s gone.”

“
I know. Fuck, I know. But I still want to talk about her. I can’t just pretend she never existed.”

“
Then find someone to talk to.”

“
Joe. Please.” She sat down next to him. “Why are you being like this?”

“
Like what.”

“
Pushing me away. Punishing me. I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You pulled the plug on my kid!” He jumped to his feet and unleashed the rage that for weeks had been building inside him. “You let them cut her open and take her heart.” He hurled the glass he’d been holding across the room. “You forced me to stand and watch, as they murdered my little girl.”

“
What else was I supposed to do? You were there, you heard the doctor.” Beth, too, was on her feet. Inches from his face. “What did you want? To leave her attached to those machines forever? She isn’t dead because of me. It was because of you, because of the club. If it wasn’t for the club, she’d still be alive. Oh!”

He'd backhanded her so hard, it almost knocked her off her feet. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No, I won't. I have tiptoed around you for long enough. Hit me again, if you think it will make you feel better. But it won't change anything. Amy is dead! She’d dead because that whore smashed a fire extinguisher into her skull. Not because I gave permission for them to switch off her life support. You’re angry, I get that. I’m angry too. I’m angry at her for dying. At the club for setting events in motion that led to her death. At the doctors for not saving her. I’m angry at Samson, at the bitch that killed her. I’m angry at God. Fuck, Joe. I’m angry at the whole goddamned universe.”

She stepped forward and punched him as hard as she could on the chest. “But mostly I’m angry at you. How dare you shut me out! What makes you think you are the only one who is hurting? Do you know what? You stay here and wallow in self pity. I’m done with you.” She turned and stormed out, leaving him staring behind her.

“
Beth.”

“
What do you want?” She carried on throwing clothes into her suitcase, keeping her back to him.

“
Don’t go.” He sat heavily on the bed. “Stay.”

“
What, so you can slap me around some more?”

“
That’s not fair.”

“
Isn’t it?” She straightened up and turned to face him. “No, you’re right. That wasn’t fair. But guess what, Joe. Life isn’t fair. If it was, Amy would still be here and you’d still love me. But she isn’t and you don’t. And there’s nothing I can do to change that.”

“
I do love you.”

“
No, you don’t, and I’m beginning to doubt that you ever did. I think it’s best for both of us if I just go.”

“
I’m sorry.”

“
What for? For shutting me out? For blaming me? What Joe? C’mon what are you sorry for?” She blinked away her tears and squared her shoulders. “How about you tell me.”

“
Everything. I’m sorry for everything.” He stood and cupped her face. “But mostly I’m sorry for making you feel like I don’t love you. Everything you said is true apart from that. I’ve let you down.” He shrugged. “Story of my life. If you choose to walk away, I won't stop you. You deserve better.”

Beth took a step back and sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t think there will ever be a time when I don’t love you, but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m not saying it’s forever. But I need some space away from here.”

“Where will you go?”

She shrugged. “Back to Cali. Maybe LA. Just for a while. I need to get my head straight.” Tentatively she reached out and touched his face. “I will come back, I promise.”

Joe bowed his head and closed his eyes. How many promises had he made and broken? To Beth? To his ma? To Amy? “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Fact is, girl, you’ve reached the end of your rope, an’ we both know it. I have pushed you to your limit, an’ I don’t blame you for wanting to get away. If you wanna come back, I’ll be here. Ain't ever gonna be anyone else for me.”

~ oOo ~

Samson parked his bike and pulled out the scrap of paper from his pocket. Satisfied he was at the right address, he dismounted and began walking the short distance to the small beach house nestling in the dunes. He had promised Tiny that he wouldn’t contact his old lady, that he would just discreetly check that she was okay. This of course was a lie. Beth leaving had been the final straw, and he wasn’t prepared to stand by and watch his brother destroy himself. Beth needed to go home, and that was exactly what she was going to do, even if it meant dragging her kicking and screaming every inch of the way.

She was sitting on the deck overlooking the beach. From his vantage point, Samson could see that she looked tanned and healthy. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. Of course it was good, but if she’d looked all pale and sick and shit, it would make his job easier. She turned and frowned at the sound of his footsteps. Not pleased to see him, either, then. Oh well, time to turn on the old Samson charm. “Hey, baby girl. How you doing?”

“
Samson.” She stood, and walking over to him, kissed his cheek. “What are you doing here? Is Joe okay?”

Okay, that was good, she was concerned about Tiny. “Just in the area, thought I’d drop by and see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine.” She turned and walked back towards the house. “Can I get you anything? Beer?”

“
Beer would be great.” He followed her inside and looked around. “Nice place.”

“
It’s okay. It belongs to my ex-boss. He never uses it, so I’ve got it for as long as I like.” She handed him the bottle. “Why you really here, Samson? I’m guessing this isn’t just a social call. Did Joe send you?”

“
Not exactly.” He pulled up a high stool next to the kitchen counter and sat down. “He knew I’d be in the area and asked me to make sure you were still breathing. Didn’t want me to contact you, though.”

“
Yet here you are.”

“
I’m worried about him, Beth.”

“
And you think I’m not?” She sat on the stool next to him. “I can’t fix him. If I could, I wouldn’t be here.”

“
So what, you gonna stay away forever?”

“
I’m not going back to be used as a punching bag.”

“
He hit you? Shit, baby girl, I had no idea.” He touched her cheek. “Right now I’d really like to kick his ass.”

“
It’s okay, really. It was little more than a slap. It just showed how bad things had got between us. The old Joe, the man I fell in love with, would have never done that.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Samson. If you came here to try and talk me into going back, you’re wasting your time. Me and Joe. We’re done.”

“
So what happens now? With you.”

“
I don’t know. I’ve found a job in a local law firm. It’s not much, but it pays for this place.” She smiled. “I’ve been seeing a counselor. She’s helped me get my head straight.”

“
A shrink? Shit, Beth.”

“
Not a shrink. A grief counselor. I needed someone to talk to.” She saw the expression on his face and shook her head. “Not about the club. About losing Amy. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get Joe to talk about her. He just wanted to shut her away, like she never existed. I’m not like that, I can’t function with all those emotions bubbling away inside me. Talking has helped me realize a lot of stuff about myself as well.” She slid off the stool and walked outside, followed closely by Samson. Sitting on the back step, she took a swig of her beer and stared out across the beach. “I was really happy, you know, before…”

“
Before Amy was killed.” Samson sat down next to her and took her hand.

“
Yeah. Before Amy was killed. It was everything I’d ever wanted. Oh, it wasn’t perfect, life rarely is. But despite Joe disappearing for weeks on end and Amy slamming doors, things were pretty damned good, and if you’d have asked me then, I’d have said that there was nothing that me and Joe couldn’t survive. Of course, I never in a million years thought we would lose Amy. But it that wasn’t what came between us. It was Joe’s inability to deal with it. I didn’t leave. He drove me away.”

“
He’s hurting real bad.”

“
I know. I’m hurting too. The difference is, I’ve spent the last two months learning to deal with my pain. Whereas he just tries to bury it. I will never get over losing Amy, and I don’t want to, she was a massive part of my life. But I can’t let what happened destroy any future relationship I might have. I still want a family, you know, kids, a husband. Things I’ve always wanted. I may have lost Amy and Joe, but I refuse to believe that I’ll never love again sometime in the future.” She looked down at her small hand enveloped in his. “I know why you’re here Samson. And I understand. You’re looking out for Joe, but there really is nothing I can do. You’re a good friend to him, and he’s lucky to have you. Maybe one day he’ll realize it.”

“
Can’t see it happening anytime soon.” He chuckled. “I’m your friend too, and I hate what has happened to you both. You were real good to me when I was sick, in fact if it wasn’t for you I probably wouldn't be here today. I’m not just here cuz of Tiny. I care about you, baby girl, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

She turned and studied his profile. “How come you never settled down and got yourself an old lady?”

“
I dunno. Never in one place long enough I guess. And I never found the right girl. This life is tough enough at the best of times. But I’m a nomad. Takes a special type of woman to put up with that.”

“
Do you regret it?”

“
Never really thought about it.” He frowned. “Truthfully, no. I don’t think I do. I love my life.”

“
Don’t you get lonely?”

“
Nah. Got my bike, the road, my brothers and all the pussy I could ever need.” He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Why do you ask?”

“
Not sure. You’re a good man. The way you look out for your brothers, I think you’d make a great old man.” She looked away. Suddenly she wanted to change the subject. “You hungry? There’s a great little place just down the beach.”

“
When am I not hungry?”

“
Great.” She stood up and held out her hand to him. “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”