A Father's Love (37 page)

I don't know how I can ever give back to the many people who helped me bring Sean home, but I will be forever grateful. Right now, the best way I can give back to them is to pay it forward. My commitment is to be the best father possible, and to help other parents be reunited with their children.

The long-lasting effects of Sean's and my story will hopefully be manifested on a much more personal level, too. For instance, our friend Dan Langdon is a tough federal law enforcement officer. He has seen and heard it all, but somehow Sean's abduction and subsequent return after six years touched Dan at a deep emotional level. “I want to be a better father,” he said. “I want to be there for my son.”

 

 

FOR SEAN AND me, the transition from nightmare to normalcy continues, and we are healing more each day. We work together, play together, and laugh together. We talk openly about everything that touches our lives. Although it is probably not the best time, we've found that right before bed is often our best opportunity to talk about serious things. That seems to be the time when Sean starts thinking about things that might bother or upset him. I remind him of the old proverb “Never take your problems to bed with you because they make poor bedfellows,” and we talk things through.

One evening after Sean had been home for more than ten months, I stepped into his room to tuck him in—he had already crawled under the covers, along with Scooter, our new Yorkie puppy that Wendy had bought for him—when I thought I heard him gently crying, not really sobbing, but sort of whimpering.

I went over and lay down next to him, and he slid over and put his head on my shoulder. “Hey, buddy, what's wrong?” I asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

He rose up slightly on his elbow. I could see the tears in his eyes. “Oh, I just miss Mom,” he said sadly.

I nodded in understanding. I always encourage Sean to express his true feelings, and I never discount them. No matter how old a person is, he or she still can feel the emotional pain of loss, and I realized that this was some of what Sean was experiencing.

“What kind of thoughts are you having? What are you missing about your mom?”

“I don't know. The fun things that we did. The fun times. She was my mom. No one can know how I feel,” he said. “No one can know.”

“Well, actually there are a lot of people who know how you feel, Sean. There are children who never see their parents, and there are some parents whose children have been abducted and never returned. You and I have a lot to be grateful for.” I shared with him a few of the instances in which families had been torn apart because a child had been abducted. “You've been through a lot, more than most ten-year-olds and many adults. But there are other children your age and younger who have suffered through similar experiences and have come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and able to turn that pain around to become good, productive, positive, people; more loving, more caring, thoughtful, and kind.” We had talked about these kinds of things before, so it wasn't new information for him. He nodded in understanding.

“You're not alone, and I know that doesn't make it any better for you at this moment. But it's the parent's job to help the child be happy. And your mom would be happy knowing that you are happy.” I hugged him a little tighter and tried to comfort him.

“Sean, your mom would be so proud of you now. The way you are so well adjusted, and doing so well in school. You have a great group of friends and you are sleeping well, and you are eating healthy foods, and you have lost weight and look great. More than that, she'd be proud of you because you are growing up to be a good person on the inside, Sean. So she'd be happy knowing that you are happy. Think of that and strive to be happy for her, strive to be happy for me, and most of all strive to be happy for yourself.”

Sean looked up at me and said, “I know, Dad. But I still feel sad and I still miss her.”

“And that is natural, buddy. You'll always miss your mom, but as time passes, your pain should lessen and your heart will heal. I'm here and I'm always going to support you. Anytime you want to talk about it, you have my shoulder. And you have my heart.”

We talked a little more and I tucked Sean in snugly. Just as I was about to leave his room and turn out the light, he looked over at me, his eyes still watery, sniffled a bit, and said, “Hey, Dad?”

“Yes, Sean?”

“Dad, I'm so glad you never gave up on me.”

Hearing those words and knowing what was behind them made it all worthwhile.

I swallowed hard and tried to answer, but all I could say was, “I love you, Sean. I'm glad you're home.”

Even after I returned with Sean from Brazil, the Ribeiro family continued to harass us in the courts, not only in Brazil, seeking an overturn of the Hague Convention decision there, but also in the New Jersey courts, demanding virtually unlimited visitation rights. So the pressure remained as did the constant drain of my financial resources attempting to defend against these lawsuits. It was an enormous relief to me when, on February 17, 2011, in the Superior Court of New Jersey, the Honorable Judge Michael A. Guadagno dismissed the Ribeiros' case. In his strongly worded forty-four-page opinion, which was based on the law in considering Sean's best interests, the judge dismissed the Ribeiros' claims and demands and upheld what I had been saying for the previous six years about the illegality of Sean's original abduction and the damage that had been inflicted on Sean emotionally in Brazil by his abductors.

Judge Guadagno agreed with Brazilian judge Pinto that “even under Brazilian law, Sean's rightful domicile after the death of his mother was with David ... Judge Pinto found that the ‘illicit detention' and refusal to return Sean to David after Bruna's death violated the Hague Convention. He flatly rejected the defendant's contention that “David abandoned Sean” (p. 14).

Judge Guadagno continued, “More importantly, for this court's analysis, Judge Pinto found that there was an ‘urgent need to order the immediate return of the child to the United States' because the court-appointed experts had ‘clearly and convincingly' demonstrated that ‘Sean has been subjected to a pernicious process of parental alienation.' He found that Sean had suffered ‘psychological damage' that was related to ‘his stay here in Brazil' and that a return to the United States was necessary to limit that damage to Sean which would continue if he remained in ‘the possession and custody of the defendant ... [and] the other maternal relatives'” (pp. 17–18).

Judge Guadagno concurred, “Nor, can there be any question that these contemptible actions caused harm to Sean, who had enjoyed a secure, stable, and intimate relationship with his father for the first four years of his life only to have that bond severed, all contact cut off, and his young and impressionable mind filled with complete fabrications and misrepresentations as to why his father was no longer in his life. It is difficult to conceive of a more dramatic example of emotional abuse of a young child” (p. 30).

The judge emphasized, “The bond molded by the Ribeiros with their grandson is tainted by a similar infirmity, as it was achieved as a result of Bruna's wrongful retention of Sean and their continued illicit efforts after her death. To allow the Ribeiros to rely on a bond that was formed through their flagrant contempt of the laws of this state and the orders of this court is contrary to every concept of sound and rational jurisprudence. As Judge Pinto found, to accept the Ribeiros' position would permit them ‘to benefit from an illicit act' and ‘signify . . . that illicit acts entail rights, which, as it is very well known, is inconceivable'” (p. 32).

Throughout his opinion, the judge noted that I had “agreed to allow visitation under certain conditions, but the grandparents have rejected these conditions and seek to compel visitation ... Rather than accept David's conditions and begin visitation immediately with their grandson, the Ribeiros chose to initiate this litigation and continue their relentless and quixotic court battles in Brazil in an attempt to overturn the decision that reunited Sean with his father. Given the documented harm that the Ribeiros have caused Sean in the past, David's visitation conditions were eminently reasonable. The Ribeiros' penchant for incessant litigation seems to have eclipsed their professed desire to see their grandson” (pp. 2 and 36).

Judge Guadagno also noted, “The Ribeiros continue to pursue several different actions in the Brazilian courts against David. Currently, they are seeking reversal of the Brazilian Supreme Court's decision to return Sean to the United States in accordance with international law. Lins e Silva also continues to file applications seeking the reversal of the decision and the return of Sean. The continuing litigation combined with the Ribeiros' statements to Sean reasserting their efforts to return him to Brazil, reaffirm the reasonableness of David's position that dismissal of all litigation in Brazil is a non-negotiable condition before any visitation will be permitted” (p. 38).

Judge Gaudagno poignantly concluded: “While the complaint of the grandparents will be dismissed, they continue to hold the keys to the portal of visitation with their grandson. Compliance with the fair and reasonable conditions established by David will allow them to again enjoy the special relationship recognized by the legislature” (pp. 39–40). With this definitive opinion, I hoped the litigation against Sean and me by the Ribeiros would finally come to an end.

 

(I encourage you to read Judge Michael A. Guadagno's complete opinion. It can be found at
http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/decisions/DavidGoldman_110218.pdf
.)

I would like to thank my family members, friends, and loved ones, including my new friends, U.S. Congressman Chris Smith and his entire staff, Bernie Aronson, Bob Gelbard, Bob Barnett, Ken Abraham, U.S. Senator Frank Lautenberg, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, members of the U.S. State Department in Washington, D.C., and the U.S. embassy and consulates in Brazil, who assisted me; the community of Tinton Falls, New Jersey; the New Jersey State Senate; the many people involved from NBC's
Today
and
Dateline,
and other television news broadcasters from CNN, Fox News, ABC, and my local CBS affiliate;
America's Most Wanted
; Clare Ferraro, the president of Viking, and my editor there, Paul Slovak; attorneys Ricardo Zamariola, Tricia Apy, their partners and staff; and a special thanks to Judge Rafael Pinto of the 16th Federal Court of Rio de Janeiro for his courageous decision and to Bill Handleman of the
Asbury Park Press
, who passed away recently but whose tireless efforts to cover my story will never be forgotten. I'm also deeply grateful to the FBI agents in Red Bank, New Jersey, as well as those in Washington, D.C., and Brazil for their involvement in our story. And finally, I would be remiss not to mention the overwhelming support from people all over the world who prayed, blogged, attended vigils and rallies, sent letters and e-mails, made phone calls, or just sent a positive thought my way. I am forever grateful for every single ounce of help and effort from so many that enabled Sean and me to finally be reunited. I thank God.

We did it once, but there are more children and parents to be reunited and I will continue to work toward bringing abducted children home to their parents. The work of the Bring Sean Home Foundation is just beginning, and there is much work to be done to put an end to this tragic separation between abducted children and their left-behind parents.

A portion of my proceeds from
A Father's Love
will be donated to the Bring Sean Home Foundation. For more information about how you can help, contact:
bringseanhome.org
.

118
b
y
João Paulo Lins e Silva's own admission:
This material is from an open letter by João Paulo Lins e Silva, addressed to the National Council for the Rights of Children and Adolescents, dated March 5, 2009. The letter can be found in its entirety at
www.bringseanhome.org
.

122
“The truth about that agreement”:
Ricardo Zamariola, Esq., in a letter to the National Council for the Rights of Children and Adolescents, March 16, 2009. Ricardo wrote this letter in response to João Paulo Lins e Silva's letter to the same organization. Both letters can be found in their entirety at
www.bringseanhome.org
.

133
Brazilian president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva:
President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva's name is usually shortened to President Lula in most American media.

167
As frustrating as the King interview was: Larry King Live,
CNN, aired March 4, 2009, 21:00 ET; transcript available at
www.archives.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0909/04/lk1.01.html
.

173
“Sean's birth, making him a Brazilian citizen”:
João Paulo Lins e Silva, to the National Council for the Rights of Children and Adolescents, March 5, 2009.

176
suspend Brazil's portion of the Generalized System of Preferences:
Congressman Chris Smith introduced this bill, HR 2702. Unfortunately, efforts by some members of Congress to tie up the bill in minutiae led to its ignominious death.

180
“Sean wants to stay in Brazil”: The Early Show
, CBS-TV, June 23, 2009.

189
“Child abduction is child abuse”:
Statement by Congressman Christopher Smith to the Tom Lantos Human Rights Commission on Child Abduction/Parental Access, December 2, 2009, Longworth House Office Building, Washington, D.C.