A Fighting Chance (36 page)

“Then you better get us somewhere where we can
. Now.” Drew pushes off me and falls back into the passenger seat. Fast driving in Mexico? I’m all over that shit. I can’t say which motel we end up at, how long it takes us to get there, how much it costs, if I’m even parked legally outside, or who took whose clothes off.

What I
do
know is every detail of how this beautiful naked woman on the bed in front of me is reacting as I kiss her torso and draw her underwear down her legs—her head is back, body arched, the intermittent moans she releases, the soft way her stomach pulsates under my lips, and how tense her thighs are as my palms move toward her toes.

She only looks
at me when I pull her knees apart. Her nails rake down my scalp when I lower my face to her bellybutton and lift her hips. She moans and palms her own breasts as soon as I grip her waist and pull her against my mouth. My tongue snakes in, flicking against her clit, and her knees give out as her fingernails dig into the back of my head. My fingers go into her, and Drew writhes against every kiss, lick, and sweep of my chin, and her taste has me more than ready to be inside her. Her breathing intensifying, she grabs my ears.

“Jesse, I’m gonna… Oh shit…Oh…” Her words
dissolve into waves of whimpers. She releases a final satisfied sigh as she rocks her hips into my face one last time. “Damn…I meant to tell you before; you
are
a lot better at that now.”

“
I know…” I say with a wink, planting a kiss on her thigh.

Up on her elbows, Drew watches me with playful impatience as I put on a condom—we remembered to stop for those, thank God. Excitement flows into the sweet
smile on her face, and I just want to look into those brown eyes right now.

“
You on top, is that smart with your shoulder and all?” she asks when I position myself between her splayed legs.

“Nope
,” I say. Drew starts to sit up further but I lower myself, pushing her back down to the mattress as I go.

“Jesse, we
could…” Her concerns die on her lips and falter into a soft cry when I thrust into her. I brace myself on my arms, right near her shoulders, and feel the sides of her feet on my ribs. I grind my teeth when a piercing ache flares up around my collarbone, but as soon as I rock into her with a slow, steady rhythm, pleasure hits every nerve ending in my body. Fuck my shoulder.

“Drew, you feel like…goddamn…I…” My brain scrambles, and my body tenses, and all I can do is groan.
I pick up my pace when her fingernails pinch into my back, and one of her legs curls around me. She cups my face and brings it down to hers, drowning all my noises in her mouth with a rough kiss. I swing my hand down between her sweat-slick thighs and stroke her clit until her arms lock around my neck and her nails are burrowed in my drenched skin. I thrust harder and faster, and she has to pull her mouth away from mine.

“
Oh fuck…” Her lips stay parted. Her head rolls back. Her eyelids flutter. Her knees quiver. It’s pure, unrestrained ecstasy. And it’s so goddamn perfect. Fuck me if I ever get tired of seeing this girl come.

But it
also gets me every time. The intense coil of pressure inside me is unraveling. I drop my forehead to hers, put her leg up on my shoulder and clutch the edge of the mattress. Her sweat wets my lips when I bury my mouth in the crook of her neck and drive deeper into her. My body grows more rigid with each pump and jerks intermittently as sharp jolts of pleasure take over. I come with a harsh growl, saying God knows what.

I collapse on top of her and we’
re both too breathless to speak, but I do manage to pull out and take care of the condom. We stay naked and just kiss right there on the bed, like we used to as teenagers. But I’m hard again several minutes later. Drew’s intoxicating, a way to get lost and want to stay that way, so we sink into another round of ignited nerves and primal need.

I’m not sure when we fall asleep but when I wake up to go get food, a purple sky is chasing fading orange streaks. I
eat alone when I return because Drew is sleeping in a way she hasn’t in days. I know she’s nowhere near okay, but at least she’s getting peace tonight in her dreams.

I climb back into bed
with her, and she stirs as I pull the sheet higher up on the two of us. Her eyes stay closed and she smiles sleepily as she snuggles closer to me.

I hold
her possessively, even though it’s just us there. I’m swept up by a tidal wave of sobering insecurity.
Can I really protect her enough? Can I love her enough? Am
I
enough? I exhale and try to stay above those thoughts. I’m so fucking tired of letting my doubt eat away at me the way it does.

But m
aybe it’s natural to be afraid when you let yourself love someone this much. Because what I feel for Drew is so big that it
does
scare me. But its magnitude also makes me believe in its strength. And I should take pride in that. I know my love for her is capable of surviving the most devastating of wounds, capable of crumbling mountains to dust, and maybe capable of outlasting even ourselves. It’s infinite.

Drew’s an undeniable force in my life, a pull I can’t escape.

She is my gravity.

I think she’
s my everything.

****

Drew tosses a towel to me as I step out of the shower and trail her into the room. Any day that starts with sex is poised to be a great one, but I’m genuinely happy right now as I smile behind her back. I feel hopeful. Drew has always made me feel hopeful.

“I went into town and got these for you while you were sleeping,” she sa
ys. Clean clothes, a pack of boxers, a toothbrush, and a few other toiletries are on the desk. It’s a small gesture—much smaller than coming to Mexico with me—but there will never again come a day when I’m not grateful for her.

“Thanks.”

“How’s your shoulder?”

“Worth
it,” I say with a slow-spreading grin.

“Back in the sling, okay?” Drew’s wrestling with a smile that’s ten times bigger than mine as she
pulls a cotton dress that looks a lot like a t-shirt over her head—a curve-hugging, damn-this-woman-is-sexy-as-hell t-shirt. “Like
right now.
” But her grin withers as a pensive look sneaks in.
“We need plan, Jesse.”

“You’re definitely staying?” I ask, beating back my giddiness.
I just need to hear her say it.

“Of course, I am, Chance.”

Relief washes over me and I sigh. “Well, I was thinking we could gamble on a few fights the next few weeks. I’ll take my sling off eventually, start training, and then go from there.” I pull on my jeans and the shirt she bought. “And before you start worrying, you got this, baby girl. We’ll only bet on fights you’re comfortable with.”

Doubt sets in her eyes
when she sits on the bed, but there’s also agreement and acceptance, because we don’t really have any other option. “That was the idea running in my head,” she says, confirming.

“
Good, but hey, I need to tell you something. It’s a little more important to me than even the money.” I sit next to her. “I’m sorry I hurt you so badly four years ago. I really thought I was doing the right thing. Even though in the end, I guess I gave you up for nothing…” I hang my head, regret and sadness tugging at my heart.

But Drew lifts my chin and there’s only a kind, consoling smile
on her face when our eyes meet. “You were dealing with an emotional tragedy and then facing my dad, so I get why you did what you did. I even understand why you kept it going for years. I can’t say I’ll get over it today or tomorrow, and everything will be perfect, but—if there’s an upside—maybe if we hadn’t been apart, we never would’ve known how much we really love each other. You just never think that when you fall in love at seventeen that you might be in love forever.” Drew’s smile fades even though the tenderness in her expression doesn’t. “I really thought you were gonna let me go again yesterday. I kept thinking to myself, ‘How can I go home when my home has always been you, Jess?’ No matter where life has taken me, you have always
remained
as a feeling. This intense, scary, messy feeling. I just wanted
you
to fight for
me
. I
wanted
you to be selfish. You’ve had to lose too much. It’s okay to hold on to something.”

“I
am
holding on. I always was. Just not in the way I should’ve.” I grab both her hands. “This is kind of embarrassing to admit but I used to have this fantasy where, ten years from now, I’d be designing houses at some architecture firm and you’d be planning your dream home for you or your family. You’d be happy and married, if that’s what you wanted, and have a great job. Maybe have a dog and a kid, and somehow we’d find each other when you were looking for an architect. I wouldn’t have disrupted your life. I was just hoping you’d get the chance to see that I could create with my hands, instead of destroy, and I’d give you the home you always wanted…the one you asked me about that one night. I’ve designed it so many times. If you’d looked further into my sketchbook you would’ve seen…” I trail off when she covers her mouth and tries to contain her emotions. “Hey…it’s not a sad story, is it?”

Drew shakes her head. “It’s just so sweet…” She wipes her eyes and burst
s out laughing. “And if
you
were to design me a house ten years from now, if you were the one who showed up during a consultation, my life would never have been the same. You would’ve
disrupted
it. I don’t think this thing between us would’ve played out any other way. You
did
disrupt my life when you came back to Glory, Jesse Chance. And maybe it’s because you were always
supposed
to.”

I nod.
“Sometimes, I think…we’re only for each other…”

“D
oesn’t that scare you?”

“Yeah, it does…”

“Because I swear to God, I’m either going to love you until I die or loving you is actually going to kill me. And both of those options frighten me.” She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me, hard and sloppy. “But I still want
us.
More than I ever wanted
us
before. This very bad situation brought us together, and it’s been so tragic, but we’re
together
.
Here.
When the odds said we were supposed to lead separate lives. And if you’re selfish, I must be crazy, because as much as it makes me
feel
crazy
,
I like the way
everything
about you consumes me. I just love loving you.”

“
And that doesn’t make you weak or pathetic. A lot of people are afraid to follow their hearts the way you do.”

She makes a face. “It doesn
’t always feel smart, though…”

“Yeah, maybe, but it sure as hell makes you brave.”

****

Once we’re back in Veracruz, I call Sandrine and see if she knows of any fights happening near
us. She tracks down a few that she hears are in the works, but her expertise, contacts, and knowledge are mainly based around Mexico City. For a woman who didn’t seem to care in the beginning, she gives me the rundown of a million precautions, because the newer, smaller cartels put on the fights in this part of Mexico, and they tend to be even worse. When I ask about Carlos, she sighs deeply and says she’s working on fixing things.

When she does
give us a tip, we get on the road—to Oaxaca, Orizaba, Tehuacán, wherever—without any questions asked. Sometimes when we’re at these fights, we overhear of impromptu fights, and go to those, too. We decide not to bet more than three hundred on any fight, and no more than a thousand a night, and we won’t bet on more than ten fights total while my shoulder’s healing.

Drew has me on “anything but intercourse” recuperation because she’s so afraid I’ll reinjure myself if we keep
having sex. I do take the sling off when we go to the fights, though, in case Carlos has put the word out that he’s looking for a guy with a bum shoulder. I have myself on a rehab schedule with that forty-five day recommendation in mind and, as anxious as I am to get out of the sling for good, I want to take my time strengthening my muscles for a few weeks before I face Carlos again.

T
he fights we go to now make the ones in Mexico City look like the U.S. Open of Tennis. They’re in grungier abandoned places, ones where the danger of collapse is far greater than anything the people inside could do to us. But sometimes the fights are outside and when someone wins, his fans shoot aimlessly into the air, or they get into fights with the losing side, and then they’re not so aimless with the guns. At least we’re staying in the green because Drew’s a freakin’ genius. Just past our first week of gambling, we’re up a couple thousand, but we’re spending more money than we both like, even with Sandrine’s loan, especially on gas.

In the middle of the second week,
her tip takes us to a fight in the state of Tabasco, and Drew and I are in the car as soon as we hear who’s fighting—an American named
Kerr Edwards
—even though it’s nearly a six-hour drive to get there. I haven’t seen him since our fight in Glory, and I harbor some guilt about what I did to him that night. I imagine he’s let it go but that whole night shaped my future.