A Fighting Chance (49 page)

“You’re pretty hot when you’re being sweet to your kid brother.”
She waits for HJ to go into the house before she gives me a little tongue. “And why don’t we have
a thing
?”

“We have lots of things, baby. I
really
like the things we have.” I nuzzle her neck.
Like each other.
While true, that’s cheesy. So I don’t say it out loud.

“Hey,
you two,” Barbara Chance calls out when she walks onto the stoop, “do you guys want lemonade or iced tea?”

“Lemonade for me,” I say.

“Iced tea with
lots
of sugar,” Drew says.

“Great! Because I made both,”
Barbara says. She wipes her hands on her red apron. “Ready to eat?”

“Yes. We’ve been going to
Tickles
all week
for lunch and dinner. I’m
so
ready for home cooked,” Drew says as I take her hand and we go into the house. I’ve been coming here every day to hang out with my brother since I moved to Renshaw after graduation. I don’t think I’ll ever be completely comfortable in this house, but it has a different aura about it these days with Henry gone. It doesn’t hold the same meaning it did before.

Barbara
invited Drew and me over for one last sit-down dinner before the two of us head to Louisiana tomorrow. It took us a long time to get to this point. We both still think and talk about what happened in Mexico, and it helps us deal with it, but we’re finally in the position to start fresh. I got into grad school for architecture in Baton Rouge, and Drew landed a temporary job (but it’s potentially permanent, as she likes to remind me) with the state’s preservation society. We don’t have much of the fight money left because we’ve been spending it, but we gave some to Barbara and anonymously to an organization that helps combat human trafficking. We also (anonymously) wrote them about the boys at Murphy’s and Alejandra’s work in Mexico. I’m actually looking forward to the money running out completely.

Barbara
feeds us like a mom does, which means she cooked like we are actually starving. I can’t complain, though; It’s all delicious. Mashed potatoes, ribs, string beans (HJ is not a fan until I start eating mine), corn on the cob, glazed ham, and rice pilaf. She even sticks leftovers in Tupperware containers for us to take on the road.

A
few hours after she has stuffed us silly, I’m sitting in the middle of Drew and HJ on the couch. They’re both deep in food comas in front of a
Spongebob Squarepants
marathon, and I’m still watching and not understanding why HJ loves this shit, when Barbara pops her head in from the dining room.

“Can we talk a sec?”
she asks quietly, and she gestures with her glass of wine for me to follow her into the kitchen. My heart clenches when I stand up. Our relationship, which didn’t exist before at all, is still awkward, but we’re finding our way.

“What’s up? You’re not about to make me eat again, are you?”
I joke.

She laughs. “No.
That’s tomorrow morning. You and Drew are staying here tonight, right?”

“Yup. Of course. I want to see him in the morning before we go.”

She beams. “Oh, good. He adores you so much. Did you see his room? He built a pillow and blanket fort. He says it’s for the two of you, but Drew can come, too, if she wants. His words, not mine. He’s been telling all his friends how he’s going to Louisiana to see his brother in a few weeks. Are you sure you don’t mind keeping him the whole summer, Jesse? With kids, they only
look
cute. The novelty wears off. Fast.” She laughs.

“I’m looking forward to it. Bonding and baseball. It’ll be fun. I’m just glad you agreed.”

“Of course.” She stares at the tile floor for a moment. “You know, I was always taught to stand by your man, and that marriage was forever. I don’t have to do that anymore, so I need the time, too, to figure out who I am without Henry.” I understand that completely. “I also need to confess something…if you and I are to go forward as…friends.” She downs her wine like it’s water. “I used to wish bad on you and Carla. Every day. Like a prayer. It was the first thing I’d think in the morning. I didn’t wish for the health and happiness of my children; I wished the worst kinds of things on you and your mom instead. I feel horrible admitting as a mother that I would do that to another mother.
And a child.
You were just a
child.
But I did. For years. I led the cause in treating her like an outcast around here. I withheld my friendship from people who associated with her and even people whose kids were your friends. I spread gossip and hateful things. I would confront her in the grocery store or on the street. I was a bully. A bitter, mean bully. It’s not like I didn’t know what Henry was doing with other women, but I couldn’t live in denial anymore because she got pregnant. I was resentful.” She wipes tears from her eyes. “And look at you…you’re the one who risked everything for my little baby, even though it was all based on a lie. You put yourself on the line. After everything.”

“And I’d do it again,
Barbara. I’ll do it anytime.”

“I know. You’re such a sweet boy, Jesse.”
She’s barely able to form a smile as more tears well up. “Carla was, too. To raise someone like you, she had to have been. She just made an awful mistake. She tried to apologize, you know, after you were born. I just wouldn’t hear it. She tried again some years ago, and I was still being a hateful bitch. She didn’t want to be friends, just civil. She wanted you to have a relationship with my kids. Especially HJ. And I refused.”

“You were angry. You had a right to be.”

She nods and exhales. “I
was
angry. For a long time. But I went to see her a few times after she got sick.” Barbara leans closer and whispers, “
We got high.”

“
What
?” I ask as we both burst out laughing.

She
shrugs, smiling without a trace of remorse. “I heard marijuana helps with pain…well, really, it helps with everything.” She chuckles. “Divorces, too.”

“She never told me you were visiting…”

“I guess because it was just between us. We cried and talked and apologized to each other. I needed her to know that while I had every right to be upset, I didn’t have a right to mistreat either of you. I was unkind to you and her for years. I had no idea I could even be that malicious of a person. So, I’m sorry, Jesse. For everything
.
You didn’t ask to be born, and you certainly didn’t ask to come into the world the way you did. You were completely blameless in all of this.”

“It’s b
ehind us,” I say, meaning it, but still appreciative of our conversation.

“Thank you. I’m so glad and grateful I have you. I’m so glad HJ has you.”

“Me too. Does he ask about Henry?”

“Of course. But I don’t regret giving you my blessing to get him back in
to prison. I used to worry about what it was going to do to HJ in the long run, but then I remembered what
he
would’ve done to him in the long run. We’ll get through it. I’m telling him as much of the truth as he can handle. I don’t want him overwhelmed.”

“I get it. And maybe he needs a change of scenery. Might be good for the two of you. This place has a way of shackling you to your past.”

“Very true. Leaving is the plan, eventually. Thanks to the money.” She touches my arm lightly. “I think you should stop holding on to
him,
too. Your mom, ever hopeful, ever optimistic, admitted to me that one of her biggest regrets was not moving
far
away from here. She said it was because she didn’t ever want you to think that she was ashamed of you, and she thought running away would be the message you took out of it. And she thought
he
would come around, eventually. Carla thought he would want you. Even she realized at some point that you were probably better off. We’re
all
better off.”

“I know.
I’m letting him go, Barbara. Everything
really
changed for me in the woods. Even when I found out everything, I still held out hope that somewhere inside, he had some sort of goodness in him. Even if it was just one tiny bit, but I saw right then just how little I meant to him. How little anyone who isn’t Henry Chance means to him. I had to face it and accept it. My father doesn’t see me as a person. Just a burden.” I sigh. “I’m not sure he’s actually capable of loving anyone, but either way, you can’t force people to love you.”

“That’s true. But you won’t have to with the right ones.” After a few tentative steps,
she puts her arms around me and presses her head to my chest. A calming sensation pulsates between us. I’ve
never
believed in anything supernatural, but I
feel
my mom’s presence suddenly. It’s not even something I’ve felt at her grave. It’s unexplainable but it warms me with reassurance. I hold Barbara tight against me.

Everything is going to be okay.

In the morning, the four of us have a tearful good-bye. I give HJ about a million hugs because my chest hurts too much every time I pull away. I’m not really sad, though. I have a family again, and no amount of time, space and distance can ever change that. Once Drew and I are in the car, I keep my eyes on the rearview mirror until HJ and Barbara fade. I don’t say anything, but Drew squeezes arm until we reach I-35 and we’re out of Glory. I love her for always making sure I’m okay. I love that we will always do that for each other.

“What are you smiling about?”
She strokes my neck.

“You.”

“Why me?” She runs her thumb along my cheek.

“Because I love you
and it’s the best feeling in the world. I always want to be someone worthy of loving you. You’ve helped me become that person.”

“I wish I could take credit
, but I think you just started loving yourself, babe. The person you really want to be, the person you
are
. I guess you finally started listening to your mom.”

“She gave great advice, didn’t she? I just wish she
were here to see the two of us, still in it together. I wish she could see the kind of woman you have become—brave, strong, smart, amazing, really sexy…” I lift her hand to my mouth and kiss it.

She giggles. “I don’t think your mom would care about me being sexy, Jess.”

“Okay, yeah, threw that part in for myself. You’re sweet, too. I think my little brother is in love with you. God, that feels so good to say.
My little brother.
”

Drew nods. “I can’t wait for him to come visit us. Did you see his face when you gave him that hat last week? I think he thought it was the Holy Grail. Do you think he ever takes it off for longer than a few minutes? He loves you so much. I can’t wait for him to hear everything you were willing to do for him, someday.”

“And what I will always do for him.”

“It’s because you’re still a fighter, Jesse Chance. You know, I was thinking about it, and I don’t think fighting has to stop being a part of who you are. Once again, you listened to your mom and started fighting the right way.”

“You’re right.
Like always
.” It’s early enough in the day that we’re cutting through South Texas in record time, even with a few pit stops along the way. And we save our last one for Beaumont—about half an hour outside of the Louisiana border—opting to eat shady gas station food to commemorate our last meal in Texas for a while, and knowing that has me a little nostalgic.

“What would you have named her?” I ask as we split a Twinkie while the car is filling up. “Our baby.”

“Jacob,” Drew says, giggling. “No way a guy like you steals my heart and drives me crazy, and it’s not preparation for a boy, who was going to do the exact same thing. No way.”
Jacob.
We’re definitely still naming our future kid Jacob. Jacob Miguel Chance. I hop out to put the gas nozzle back on the pump. “No more dwelling on the past, though, okay? Fresh start, remember?” she says when I get back into the car. “So, how about this? I dare you to drive until we run out of gas. Aww, it’s not as cool when you have a place to stay, is it?”

“Well, we don’t move in for a few days, so technical
ly we don’t have anywhere to go once we get to Louisiana.” We pull away from the gas station and head for the highway.

Drew leans over and kisses my stubble.
“Perfect. Then I dare you, Jesse Chance.” She kicks her feet up onto the dash.

“You sure?”

“Yes. One-hundred-percent. I’ve got everything I need right here.
I dare you.
Let’s see where we end up.”

So, I step on the
accelerator and we go. Windows down. Radio up. Drew and me. Just us. I have no idea what’s ahead, but I don’t have to worry about where I’ve been or who I have to be. No ghosts. No Henry. My past is in my rearview. My future is somewhere beyond the haze of the city.

And I’ve never felt freer.

The End