Read A Fine and Private Place Online
Authors: Ellery Queen
The second communication came in the same kind of envelope as the first, and it was similarly addressed to Inspector Queen. This one, however, yielded no playing card, half or whole. Instead, it contained a small sheet of cheap white paper, 4 inches by 5â
, which under magnification revealed fragments of glue and red-cloth binding on one of the short edges. The paper was unwatermarked.
“This sheet,” the laboratory report said, “was torn off an ordinary memorandum pad of the type purchasable for 10¢ at any stationery, drug, or 5-and-10-cent store. It would be impossible to trace to its retail outlet, and even if it could be so traced ⦔
What was block-lettered in capitals by ballpoint pen on the little sheet radiated no more light than the lab report:
ONE OF NINO
'
S BOYHOOD PALS
BECAME SUPREME COURT JUSTICE
.
Unsigned.
The brass jury weighing the evidence of their eyes brought in a verdict of nol-pros for Richard Queen; by this time briefed through the father by the son, they had come themselves to recognize the 9-manship of the message even though its import conveyed absolutely nothing to any of them, including the briefer. So one of Nino's boyhood pals had made it all the way to the United States Supreme Court. Good for him, whoever he is, as the Deputy Commissioner in charge of Legal Matters commented sourly, but I ask you, what of it? (No one considered for an instant that the Supreme Court referred to might be the Supreme Court of New York State, or of some other state, for that matter. After all, there was only one famous Supreme Court composed of 9 members.)
And the message itself contained 9 words.
“You know something?” the First Deputy Commissioner said. “Goddamit.”
Nevertheless, sheer technique dictated that an inquiry be launchedâofficially, all police inquiries were launchedâinto “Nino's boyhood pals” and their ultimate destinations in life; and an investigation to that end was so ordered.
The third message was reminiscent of the first in that the envelope contained a new, red-backed Bicycle playing card.
But this time it was a whole card.
The 9 of hearts.
“I'll bite,” Inspector Queen growled. “What does the 9 of hearts mean in fortune-telling?”
“Usually,” Ellery replied, “disappointment.”
“Disappointment? What's that supposed to mean? Whose disappointment?”
“He may be trying to tell us,” Ellery said, pulling his nose so hard it brought tears to his eyes, “that it's going to be ours.”
The next communication reverted to the more intelligible direct message:
EARLY CAREER NINO SEMIPRO SHORTSTOP
BINGHAMTON NEW YORK TEAM
.
“Did Importuna ever play semipro ball?” the Inspector wanted to know.
“Are you asking me?” Ellery cried. “I don't know!” His responses tended to be uttered these days in very loud tones, as if he, or the world, or both, were going deaf.
“Just thinking out loud, son. Baseball teams take the field withâ”
“With 9 men, yes. I've already
seen
that, thank you.”
“And the messageâ”
“Composed of 9 words again. I've seen that, too. What I don't see is what all this
means
. Where it's
going
.”
Memorandum to R. Queen, Inspector, from Lew B. Malawan, chief of detectives:
Institute investigation baseball career Nino Importuna or Tullio Importunato
.
“It's catching,” the Inspector groaned. “9 words!”
The pattern persisted. The following message was again delivered in terms of a playing card, apparently from the same deck.
This time it was the 9 of spades.
“Grief,” Ellery said.
“You're telling me?” the Inspector said. “But what I meant was, what's the 9 of spades mean?”
“I just told you. Grief.”
“It
means
grief? That's all?”
“Well, obviously, grief for somebody.”
“Who?”
“Whom,” Ellery said. “I can't imagine. Or maybe I can. Virginia Importuna? After all, she did find herself divested of a husband in a particularly nasty way.”
“But that doesn't get us anywhere, Ellery.”
“I know. On the other hand, dad, I don't suppose the killer who's sending all these messages is especially eager for us to get anywhere. It's likelier he's trying to drive us into Loony Park.”
“I think that's exactly what he's trying to do. For the ducks of it.”
“I couldn't agree less.”
“You just said he was!”
“Do you believe everything people say? These messages have a more rational purposeâa more
practical
oneâthan playing ring-a-lievio with the New York City Police Department. But the trouble is ⦠for the life of me ⦠Oh, hell, dad, I'm going back home and tackle my novel again.”
“That thing still hanging around?” his father asked coldly.
Ellery slunk out.
NINO
'
S PALM SPRINGS RANCHO HAS
EXCELLENT PRIVATE GOLF COURSE
.
Same type of envelope, same kind of paper, same capital lettering in similar ink by the same sort of pen.
No clues.
Nothing to follow up.
“Reads like a blasted real estate agent's ad,” Ellery grumbled. “You see what he's driving at in this one, of course?”
“What am I, a dumdum? A 9-year-oldâI mean a kid could figure it out,” the Inspector said glumly. “Private golf courses usually have 9 holes.”
“But even if Nino's has 18â”
“I know, Ellery, 1 and 8 make 9.”
“And exactly 9 words again in the message. God!” Ellery implored with no trace or tinge of impiety. “I wish ⦠I
wish
I knew why this character is doing this!”
If the latest message smacked of real estate advertising, its successor ranged far, far afieldâby accusation, at least, into the competence of Baron Richard von Krafft-Ebing:
NINO GOT HIS JOLLIES CAT OF
NINE TAILS WHIPPINGS
.
“The question is,” Ellery ruminated aloud, “does the late Mr. Importuna rest accused of being a devotee of Sacher-Masoch or of le Comte de Sade?”
“Wouldn't this make a juicy bit for the newshounds,” the Inspector said, shaking his head. “Do you suppose it's true?”
“How should I know?” Ellery asked crossly. “I wasn't privy to the secrets of Importuna's bedroom. Although why not? When you've got $500,000,000 to play around with, a conventional sex life might well seem too parochial. I wonder if this guy doesn't know any better, or cuts his cloth to measure.”
“Sometimes you sound like a flea in a foreign dictionary,” his father complained. “If who doesn't know any better?”
“The lad who's sending you all these informative messages. âNino got his jollies cat of nine tails whippings.' Note what he does. To get four of the 9 words he wants in this one, he separates the compound word
cat-o'-nine-tails
into its four components. I consequently ask, Doesn't he know any better, or was it a deliberate mistake of convenience? Not that it matters. But I'm desperate. Aren't you?”
“I'll buy that.” Inspector Queen rose with the new message protected by a manila envelope. “Oh. Ellery, one thing. Why the devil is it called cat-o'-nine-tails?”
“Because the marks left on the victim's skin after a flogging, by the 9 cords that constitute the whip, are supposed to resemble scratches from a cat's claws. Of course, I don't testify to that as either a participant or an eyewitness. It's strictly hearsay.”
“Then the hell with it.” And Inspector Queen left his office to report this latest development, stomping as he went.
“Wait!
Cat? 9 lives
?” Ellery cried to his father's dwindling back. “Don't forget to mention that one!”
Almost a week went by without an envelope.
“It's all over,” the Inspector said hopefully. “He's through badgering me.”
“No, daddy,” Ellery said. “He's just letting out line. Don't you know when you're hooked?”
“But how can you be so sure there'll be more?” his father said, exasperated.
“There will be.”
The next morning, there it was in the mail on the Inspector's desk:
NINO COMMISSIONED STATUES OF
MUSES FOR VILLA LUGANO ITALY
.
“Bully for him,” the Inspector muttered. “Muses? Can't be Mafiosi. I'd know the name.”
“It goes back quite a way,” Ellery said wearily. “The Muses, dadâthe 9 Muses. The 9 daughters of Mnemosyne and Zeus. Calliope, Clio, Eratoâit doesn't matter. Greek mythology.”
The Inspector shaded his eyes with a quivering hand.
“And, of course, again 9 words in the message. Did Importuna have a villa in Lugano?”
“What? Oh. Yes, I think so. No, I'm not sure. Ah, what difference does it make! This is a nightmare! And it's going to go on forever.”
It was intended as a rhetorical statement, requiring no acknowledgment. Nevertheless, Ellery acknowledged it.
“No, it's not,” he said. “There's going to be one more.”
And two mornings later there was another envelope in the Inspector's mail, and he opened it in view of an audience. The audience consisted of Ellery and a very few of the more stable departmental brass who had been aroused by Ellery's prophecy.
Out fell a new red-backed Bicycle playing card.
A 9 of clubs.
“But he's already sent me a 9 of clubs,” Inspector Queen protested, as if his anonymous correspondent had broken some rule of their mysterious game. “In his first envelope.”
“He sent you half a 9 of clubs,” Ellery said. “Quite different. By the way, this tells us one thing. To get a whole 9 of clubs after tearing a 9 of clubs in half, he had to go out and buy a second deck with the red backs.”
“That makes a difference?” one of the lesser brass asked anxiously.
“Not the slightest,” Ellery replied. “Simply noted it for the record. Well, gentlemen! You see what this means?”
There was a several-throated “
What
?”
“You recall, dad, I told you the meaning of a whole 9 of clubs.”
The Inspector flushed in depth. “I, uh, forget.”
“Last warning.”
“That's right! Last warning. Of course. Last warning about what, Ellery? To whom?”
“Haven't the ghost of a glimmer.”
The Inspector smiled feebly in the direction of his superiors, apologizing for the unsatisfactory performance of his progeny.
Roared the First Deputy Commissioner: “Doesn't
anybody
in this vooming place know
anything
about these bleepy, cronky, wither-tupping messages?”
Silence.
“If I may interject?” began Ellery.
“You don't even work here, Queen!”
“No, sir. But I'm in a position to assure you, Commissioner, this has been lover-boy's last message.”
“How can you know that!”
“Because, sir,” Ellery said, waving aloft all the fingers of his right hand and all but the thumb of his left, “this was the 9th one.”
The days passed and there were no further messages, Ellery deriving a tiny satisfaction from the tiny triumph. These days he was finding himself grateful for crumbs. For example, he was the first of those privileged to be in on the secret of the messages' very existence to point out that, with the initial envelope having been posted on Monday, September 18, and the 9th envelope on Sunday, October 15, the period spanned by the 9 messages was precisely 27 days.
And 27 was a multiple of 9.
And 2 plus 7 equaled 9.
While through his head ran the leitmotif of his existence these days:
He's deluging us with 9s. Why
?
Inspector Queen read, and reread, and rereread reports old and new until he could have repeated them perfectly with his eyes shut in a photographer's darkroom. None of them revealed the faintest streak of light in the absolute night of the case.
An early theory that Nino Importuna might have been murdered by poison before being struck on the head was not borne out by the toxicological examination of his internal organs. The cause of his gastric distress a few hours before his death was traced to a culinary crisis that, at worst, might have cost the late multimillionaire the services of his temperamental chef.
For a preliminary course of the birthday-and-anniversary dinner, Mrs. Importuna days before had ordered Cesar to prepare one of her husband's favorite dishes,
cacciucco alla Livornese
, a Leghorn seafood stew two of whose ingredients were lobster and squid. For this Italian recipe Cesar always insisted on going to the source, and the lobster and squid were flown in from Italy. Cesar prepared the sauce first, in which he then simmered the squid and lobster. When he tasted the result, he howled in anguish. The squid, he bellowed, had a
guasto gusto
, a bad taste; he would positively not proceed with the
cacciucco;
indeed, his honor as a chef was at stake, and he threatened to quit in humiliation. Importuna himself had come into the kitchens in the emergency; he had swallowed a substantial sampling of the squid; he had cast his vote unhesitatingly with Cesar who, mollified, withdrew his resignation. The
cacciucco
was ousted from the dinner menu. Cesar had experienced a very slight stomach distress later that evening, at roughly the same time as Importuna had the severer attack. Unfortunately, the contents of the casserole had been ground up in the waste-disposer, so no analysis of it could be made. However, a trace of the cephalopod flesh had been found in Importuna's stomach, and laboratory examination indicated that he had suffered a nonlethal, indeed rather mild, food poisoning. The spoiled squid could have nothing to do with his subsequent murder.