A Fine Profession (The Chambermaid's Tales Part One) (38 page)

February 2012 arrived a
nd with it, my 30th birthday. Noah had suggested all kinds of treats but all I wanted was a day in bed with him.

“
I love you, Charlotte,” he said, as I rode his magnificent cock and admired his arms circling me.

He had grown a bit of brown stubble to match his shorter hair and he was subservient beneath me, looking more handsome than ever before. A sharp pang of contentment swept through my core. I ran my fingers through his locks and bit his bottom lip, lingering on the plump flesh. I swung against his groin and moaned, while he embraced me. I was wearing his latest purchase: a corset that sat over fine cotton undergarments. The flimsy, frilly cotton was unlaced and falling down from my shoulders. He tugged the laces further so that my breasts emerged from beneath the cotton, spilling out over the boned structure that lay on top.

“These are my second favourite part of you,” he said, worshipping my large glands with fine kisses and caresses.

“
Which is the first?” I queried, watching his mouth working on me.

“
Your hair. I love the style.”

“
Really?” I asked, a little confused.

“
Yes.”

“
I've never really liked it.”

“
I love it,” he said, and threw me over.

I raised a leg against his shoulder and he bucked forward against me, making me
quiver and cry out. He kissed my mouth enough to make me melt. I enjoyed the sense of him being annoyed to be shut off from my stomach, with the corset still very much between us. He always much preferred me totally naked.

“
My favourite part of you is
your
hair,” I said.

“
We must be hair people.”

He rolled on his back and I lay flat on top of him, while he pressed his hands underneath my buttocks to move me up and down his cock.

“I love you,” I said.

He could not resist it. The corset was ripped apart, threads tossed aside, and my bare body was against him. Heat broke out like wildfire between us. We kissed with more intensity and I severed the meeting of our groins. I moved so
that my back was against his chest as he lay there. The soles of my feet were pressed together on the bed, between his splayed legs, so I could lever myself.

“
Charlotte, you're everything,” he said.

He found my vagina and began bucking into me, while squeezing my breasts. I allowed my body to rock with the demands he had. I lifted my arms above my head and reached for his hair behind me. He kissed the nape of my neck and groaned.

After I came, he pulled out swiftly and splashed cum all over my groin and abdomen. I rolled back to face him and he smiled. We embraced in a sticky fashion and he ran his large hands through my hair.

“
I do love you,” he tried to convince me, kissing my nose.

“
I love you,” I said, possibly without feeling.

“
You don't believe me, do you?” he said.

I looked into his eyes and tried to stare him out with a solemn look. For some reason, he avoided cumming inside me anymore. Another annoyance I was tiring of. I needed his very essence to keep me perky.

“I do believe you. I am just more realistic these days.”

“
What? You've had it with me then?” he asked.

“
No, just, maybe I accept that you will never change. You can't settle down. Maybe I accept that now.”

He stroked my cheek.
“I want to change. I'm trying.”

“
But maybe you never will, Noah. If this is it, then so be it.”

I was playing him at his own game and he knew it. I would no longer be made to beg. He wasn't the only one who could have his cake and eat it.

“How do I prove myself?” he said.

“
Prove?” I sniggered.

“
Yes,” he responded, with all seriousness.

“
Actions speak louder than words, Noah. They always have, always will.”

“
Oh,” he muttered, and picked me up to carry me to the bathroom, where he plonked me in the shower.

“
I do love you,” he said, again, with frustration.

“
Me too,” I said, but he knew I would not be swayed.

He rinsed me down and took me back to bed, fucking me intensely all night. Always I admitted my love, always he knew I would no longer appear the girl waiting for a change in him to occur. Perhaps I was then just like any other fuck, because I wasn't waiting for him to cement my happiness with a commitment from him of some sort. I was beyond needing anything anymore. 

Exhausted and drained at 3am, he and I sank against one another in a sweaty, breathless embrace. He had even decided to finally cum inside me but that had still not surpassed my renewed acceptance of us only being lovers. He seemed to feed off my desire for wanting more but I refused to give him the satisfaction of having that over me any longer.

“
I really love you, Noah,” I said, and he kissed me. He was the only man I would bend myself for. He was also the only man who might never see the real Charlotte.

We fell asleep swaddled by love, but not connected by shared desires outside of that.

A couple of weeks later,
I told my lover I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I told him that was all I could cope with for the time being. He accepted my choice when what I really wanted was some fight from him. Behind his back, I started sleeping with most of the clients I saw and warned them never to tell anyone, especially Noah. I actually wanted to get found out, however. I wasn't happy at all anymore. I felt trapped by a man who didn't love me. I wish I could say I felt any guilt, but, I didn't. He wasn't willing to fight for me and that really hurt so very much.

One day, when he turned up for one of our weekends, he confronted me.

“
Charlotte, we need to talk,” he said, sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands.

“
Yes?”

“
I spoke to your new doctor. He says you haven't been going to your counselling sessions. You agreed to that. And, have you been taking the medication?”

A sigh in my stomach. A groan, even. I had gotten my hopes up at him finally finding me out.

“I have been taking the pills but I don't like the way they make me feel. I get electric shocks and I feel loopy.”

“
Maybe they could change you to another?”

“
Maybe,” I said. His interference was something I hated.

“
And the counselling?”

“
I've tried it so many times before, Noah. It never gets me anywhere.”

He stood up and slammed his hand against the sofa.

“I haven't got a clue what will make you happy!” he shouted.

“
No, you never really did do,” I scathed.

“
Why are you pushing me away? I'm only trying to help you!”

“
Noah, do you think it pleases me to know that you think I need
help
! I don't want to be this person anymore than you want to be with this person!”

He charged
across the room towards me, holding my arms tightly, shaking me.

“
I love you Charley, goddamn I do. I do. Tell me what to do!”

The thoughts swirling around my
mind said,
Show some spunk. Spirit. Gusto. Fight. Propose to me. Fuck me. Impregnate me. Just don't try to peel away the defensive layers that are dangerously ebbing away.
He was too clever, and I hated how he saw through me and wanted to bait me and agitate me towards confession. He was my equal and I hated that. I cursed the day I met him. I cursed the day I started opening up to him. I cursed the very second of the very minute of the very hour of the very day I had let him into my heart. I wanted to be that parlour maid again, indifferent and cold, impervious to love or emotion. Who was I kidding? I was the most feeling person I knew, and when I got those flutters of feeling, I always held on to them to spite myself. God how I hated myself and everyone around me!

“
I don't know anymore. I don't know. Maybe time will tell, like you've always said. Time will tell…” I trailed off, hiding my inner malice.

“
Well, let me know when you figure yourself out!” he growled, and went marching to the fridge, slamming the door against the wall, taking a bottle of beer out and snapping the head off.

I sensed something.

“You're pretty angry,” I said, trembling.

He walked back to the sofa, finally tak
ing his coat off. He dropped himself into the leather and lay back.

It was a mutter, a kind of curse of
his own, and he mumbled, “I know what the Chambermaid has been getting up to lately.”

His eyes were facing the ceiling and I could not see his expression clearly enough. He did not say anything more for what felt like eternities but were probably milliseconds. He raised his face and his eyes dropped on mine with the weight of
a 300,000-tonne ship docking in my sockets.

“
I'm not leaving. I'm not going. I'm here to stay. You can't get rid of me.”

Oh, foul, detestable, rancid shit-sack of a man he was! I turned, unable to face him, and punched the air. I screeched. I wanted him to despise me and throw me out on the street. I wanted him to tell me I was filthy and vile and that he could never love a woman like me. I wanted his hatred and his scorn and his judgement of the muck I was. I wanted violation of the love we had so that I could finally be free.

“I've known for a while. Why do you think I bulked up, Lottie? Those men need to be made fearful of me when I interrogate them.”

“
You're insane,” I sneered.

“
And that may well be. But then, what does that make you? Or any of us?”

“
Fuckers,” I said, swirling to face him. “Fucks who only want to drive me down and prick me open and then leave me. Bastards who see only what they want to.”

“
You think I don't see you! You think I don't? Cut the bull. You know it and you hate it!”

I was shaking with the force of my venomous outpouring and I paced unnaturally, s
tumbling about with adrenalin and shock controlling me.

“
Tell me,” I said, quietly, “give me your verdict.”

He stood and threw his
half-empty bottle at the wall, smashing it, before throwing his arms in the air, tearing at his hair. He laughed maniacally.

“
Charlotte, you are like a rosebud with so much flesh and colour. So mature and multi-layered, with exquisite beauty. Yet, you refuse to bloom. You stay closed so that you don't have to face what comes next.”

“
Save your romantic notions for someone who gives a damn!” I scorned.

“
I knew who you were from day one and yet I still fucking fell in love with you. The person you really are is what I love. The Chambermaid is the one you use as a cover. She is who you really are! She is. That confident, swaggering wench, wielding her sexual prowess, that is you! You are really her! You only become you when you've got the slap and the costume on! The you wearing tracksuits in your flat is a convoluted version. She's hiding the simple fact of the matter: that you are a wicked person who loves to moan and bitch and cuss and fuck. You hid from all that for so long so that you didn't get attention. You couldn't stand to be unfurled. You and I both know, I unfurled you. I did. I didn't mean to, but I did. But I also knew, nothing kills a person like retirement. I know, if you give up Her, you're giving up the chance to be the real you. I never pushed you to quit because of that.”

My lip was trembling. His words were striking painful, throbbing, grating twangs through my
heart and brains. The truth was that he really did love me and I knew it. I'd always known it. I'd always sensed that he knew I was battling something, deep down, and he wouldn't be satisfied until I'd gotten it all out of my system by my own means. He was so, utterly, annoyingly, succinct in his judgement of me. It hurt so badly. I felt so terrible.

“
I want you to go, Noah. I can't cope with this.”

“
I'm not going.”

“
Well, I don't know what to say. I can't change overnight.”

“
I know that. But in what world did you think things would resolve themselves by cheating? Eh?”

I sat on the sof
a, weak and limp, and uttered, “I wanted you to dump me, so it was easier. I feel it's easier if I'm on my own. It hurts too much otherwise.”