A Forever Love (15 page)

Anger tightened his chest. Difficult for him to think that he’d not had the opportunity to meet his son in nearly fifteen years. For a moment he wanted to hurl insults at Aubrey, recriminations and disdain. What if he had died? What if he’d never known Max nor Max him?

“What kind of conversations did you have with Max about me?” He glanced from the road. “Aubrey?”

“I didn’t say much.” She turned toward the passenger window. “Until just before camp. I … We …” She turned her face back toward him and her lips turned down with an impossible look of sadness. “I tried to avoid the topic, and that worked until he went to Dad and asked him.”

Roy, the stern-faced man who’d saved him from the woods.

“Let me guess, your father answered his every question.”

“As best he could. But Dad didn’t even know the whole truth. No one did. I kept the fact that I hadn’t told you about Max to myself.”

His grip tightened on the steering wheel of the Range Rover. Anger thrummed through his chest. He cared for Aubrey, he might always care for her, she was the mother of his child, but there was still a resentment there about her decision, a decision that he still considered selfish.

“I see.”

“My reasons, now when I think of them, I realize that they were selfish, that they were wrong. You have the right to know your son. I know I’ve stolen time from you two … For that, I’m sorry.” She started to reach her hand toward his but stopped herself and pulled back. She turned her face from his and looked out the front of the car. “You must hate me.”

He shook his head. “Hate is too easy. I’m conflicted. Torn.” He was angry, but this pull he had toward Aubrey, this draw, this chemistry, wasn’t going away even with his anger.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me,” she nearly whispered. She reached for her purse, which lay at her feet, and started rummaging through her bag. She came out with a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “Seems like I’ve cried more in the past week than I have in the past fifteen years.”

Guilt cascaded through his chest. He didn’t want to punish Aubrey, really he didn’t. He’d meant what he’d said before they left Rockwater Farms, but he couldn’t seem to get his mind wrapped around the idea of forgiveness. While he might want her, desire her, even enjoy her company—hell, more than enjoy—he couldn’t see the path to forgiveness. It was though he was still trapped in those damned woods without any bars on his cell phone, only this time there was no grumpy old man to save him.

He reached out his hand and clasped Aubrey’s fingers. He turned off the frontage road and onto the gravel one that, according to his GPS, would lead directly to the entrance of Camp Willow. “I accept your apology.” And he did he truly did, but accepting her apology and forgiving her where two entirely different things.

He pulled the SUV into the parking lot of Camp Willow. Aubrey had called ahead and asked the camp director to have Max ready to come home to Rockwater Farms. They were to meet in the administrative offices. They climbed from the vehicle and headed up to the main cabin.

“You ready for this?”

Justin cleared his throat and pulled open the door to the administrative cabin. “Yes. Yes, I am. Are you?”

*

Aubrey didn’t answer Justin’s question. Instead, she walked into the cool air of the administration building, the only place in all of Camp Willow that had the luxury of air-conditioning. One of the camp counselors led them both into the office of Shirley Rossman, the current head of camp. Max sat in the chair facing Shirley’s desk, his black hair so similar to his father’s, his shoulders broad and just on the verge of becoming a man’s.

She stopped. Breath halted in her lungs. The moment he turned around, his world would be forever changed, her world would be forever changed. Never again would it be just her and Max and her family in the world. No, now Max would have the Travati family too, a host of successful uncles and a father to turn to for guidance. She pressed her hand to her chest. Damn. The change that was about to take place nearly knocked her to her knees.

“Ah, Aubrey, I see you made it.” Shirley glanced across the room.

Aubrey’s fingers tingled, and she tried to smile but guessed that it looked like a jagged line across her face. She didn’t feel happiness; no, instead a mix of fear and excitement and a kind of melancholy thrummed through her chest. So many emotions that she couldn’t seem to grab one. They all bounced about, searching for primacy. She held out her hand. “Director Rossman, thank you so much.”

Max’s head whipped around and his gaze caught hers, a hint of fear in his eyes. “Is Grandpa okay? Aunt Nina?”

Of course his first thoughts were that something horrible had happened, something bad that would cause her to pull him from camp.

“Of course, everyone is fine. That’s not why we’re here—”

Max’s eyes traveled past her. His jaw dropped open. And then his gaze flicked back to meet hers.

“We’re here because—”

“I’ll give you all a moment,” Director Rossman said. She smiled at Aubrey and squeezed her shoulder, then slipped out the door of her office and quietly pulled it closed.

Aubrey had to move; she needed to walk forward. Justin was just behind her, and he was trying to be respectful of her process, but her mouth … Her mouth didn’t seem able to form the words to tell Max that this man with her was his father. This moment would be seared into their brains for the rest of their lives. She needed to be strong and not wallow in her own guilt; she needed to do this the right way, to set the correct tone for the beginning of this new world that included Max’s father.

“We needed to come now because—” Aubrey stepped away from Justin and closer to her son. “Well, because it was time for you to meet your father.”

Max’s eyes widened. He looked at the man who stood before him.

“Max, I’m Justin. But if you want, you can call me dad. Or not. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.”

Suddenly her son didn’t look like a near-man anymore but instead, once again, the little boy she remembered. His eyes seemed a little lost, as though he didn’t know what to say or what to do, his body too big for the boy inside. He stood and his eyebrows furrowed. He pressed his hands into his pockets and again glanced from his mom to Justin.

Max thrust out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Justin did the same, a firm handshake between the two. Was that a tremble in Justin’s chin? He didn’t let go of Max’s hand. Instead, he stepped forward and pulled the boy into a hug. Pressed his hand to his back and Max, beautiful Max, seemed thankful for that, because he slung his arm around Justin and took the hug from this person who was a stranger and yet shared this bond with him.

Justin stepped back and his eyes were wet. “You are one fine-looking young man. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to meet you. I …” He stopped speaking and took a shuddering breath. “How pleased I was to get your e-mail and then to speak to your mom. I never thought I would ever be so lucky to have a son.”

Max nodded. His face flamed a bit. Aubrey knew that look. He was fighting his emotion, trying hard to keep in his feelings, to be a man, a near-man, to meet his father the right way for the first time. Aubrey pressed her fingertips to her lips. She had caused all this pent-up emotion, all this pain, all this confusion, and even though this moment wasn’t about her or the guilt that cascaded through her chest, those emotions combined with the joy of seeing these two together for the first time.

“So,” Justin said and released Max without stepping away, “we were thinking that maybe you’d come home now. If you don’t mind. It seems we have a lot to discuss. I know that this is your first week at camp—”

“I’ve got my stuff. I’m packed.” Max looked from his mother to Justin. “Yes, sir, I want to go home. I want to get to know you.”

“Excellent,” Justin said.

And with those words, the new world order in Aubrey’s life began.

The next week, Aubrey grounded herself with work. Many things had changed, but the consistency of The Red Barn and the two seatings every night and the preparation for the next wedding on the calendar and the ordering and the payroll and the farm kept her mind from straying too far from the day to day. When she allowed herself to think about the future, her chest tightened and her breathing shortened and she simply would begin to shut down with an overwhelming feeling that she was losing her son, that Max was on the verge of leaving and that their world, her world, would never be the same.

She clicked on her to-do list for the week and checked off another line. The vet had been out that morning for a routine inspection of their milk herd, and all was well according to both the vet and Bob.

“How you doing, mama?” Nina stood in the doorway of Aubrey’s office. She carried a tray with two bowls, both filled with greens and heirloom tomatoes and what looked to be fresh cheese. “Thought it might be time for you to eat.”

Aubrey glanced at the clock on her wall. Past time. She’d been trying desperately to stay busy during the day so that Max and Justin could have those hours together. So far they’d gone fishing, worked in Dad’s woodshop, taken a trip to Lawrence and one to Kansas City. Nothing too far afield, but still, with each event and each outing and each burst of enthusiasm from Max, a piece of Aubrey’s heart saddened. She wanted Max to love and be with his dad, but she didn’t want him to leave her.

“Thanks,” Aubrey said. She scooted her chair from behind her desk and rolled it over to where she could sit beside Nina.

“So where were they off to today?” Nina opened a cucumber soda and placed it on the windowsill.

“I think they were heading to the Future Farmers of America meeting.”

“Oh, that will be new for Mr. Travati. I’m quite certain he was never a member of FFA.”

Aubrey smiled. “No. Not much room to show cattle on Wall Street.” She took a bite of the greens and chewed. Of course the salad was delicious. Everything Nina touched was delicious.

“Thank you for this,” Aubrey said. “I haven’t been eating much.”

“I’ve noticed. Tough thing for a chef, to watch her sister not eat.”

“Sorry.”

“You’ve got a lot on your mind. Anything you want to talk about?”

Nina had given her a lot of room. Hadn’t pressed, hadn’t offered up opinions, hadn’t even asked many questions. Her little sister had been just a steady presence with a ready smile and a hug whenever Aubrey walked through the kitchen or came out of her office. Even Dad had been pretty quiet about the whole host of events that was taking place.

“Max seems happy,” Aubrey said. She speared a piece of kale. “That’s what’s important.”

“He does, and of course Max’s happiness is what’s important. But I’m not asking about Max, I’m asking about you. How are you? This is”—Nina took a sip of her soda—“this is a big change. For all of us, but especially for you.”

“They fit each other. There’s this natural camaraderie between the two of them. I couldn’t have asked for this to go any better for Max.” Aubrey sighed. How could she give voice to her fears? They all seemed so selfish, and hadn’t she been selfish enough?

“You won’t lose him,” Nina said. “You know that, right? Max loves you—he will always love you.”

Aubrey set down her fork. “It’s not so much about losing him. I know it may seem like that.” She stared out the window of her office. “It’s more about not being able to protect him. I can’t control what’s going to happen to him. I mean, Justin seems focused on Max now, but he is type A in every way. This is a blip in his life. I mean, I know here, now, the two of them are having a great time, but what about when there’s a big deal or Justin has to be gone for business for weeks or—”

“Then you’ll handle it. We’ll handle it. Max and you and Justin will find a way to handle it.”

“I shouldn’t even worry about those things, right? I mean none of it has happened yet, and here I am obsessing over possibilities.”

“You’re a mom. That’s what you do. At least, that’s what I think you do from observation. Mom did that with us, you do it with Max—it’s in the job description, I think. You’re supposed to worry about all the ‘what ifs’ and contingencies so that the kiddies only have to worry about learning to fly.”

Aubrey turned to Nina. Often her sister just nailed it. Completely nailed what Aubrey couldn’t seem to put into words. “Yes, I’ve spent the past fourteen years trying to make certain Max had a solid foundation so that he can fly, and now I’m passing some of that responsibility to someone else. Another person, and that scares the bejesus out of me.”

Nina nodded. “I understand. Can I help?”

Aubrey smiled and took a swig of her lemonade. “Just keep feeding me. I think that’s probably good. And listening.” She locked her gaze with Nina’s. “Thank you for listening and not judging.”

“Oh, Aub, that’s what family is for.”

*

The rest of the day jetted away. Earlier in the day, Aubrey had asked Cassidy to help with both evening seatings. She’d told Justin and Max she wanted the three of them to have dinner together away from The Red Barn. They’d both agreed to be back to the farmhouse by seven so that the three of them could sit down together for a meal. Aubrey was cooking. Well, not really cooking as much as moving all the dishes that the cooks at The Red Barn had prepared into serving dishes. Tonight there were caramelized brussels sprouts, whipped potatoes with chives, fresh beef tips braised in a honey-lavender sauce, kale salad, and a chocolate mousse that Aubrey was having a hard time not eating right that minute.

“Mom!” Max burst into the kitchen, excitement pulsing through his body. “Oh my God, you’re never going to believe who I met today!”

No. No, she wasn’t, because she’d thought they were going to an FFA meeting. But with Justin’s connections it could be anyone from the Queen of England to the President of the United States. She put on her excited smile and set the whipped potatoes on the center of the table.

“Who?” Her gaze trailed to Justin, who had followed Max into the farmhouse. He held a bouquet of fresh wildflowers and handed them to her.