A Fox's Family (9 page)

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Authors: Brandon Varnell

Tags: #Humor, #Fiction

BOOK: A Fox's Family
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Lindsay
wondered who this guy was. Sitting by her side, Christine’s
eyes had widened in horror. The yuki-onna stared at Juan like he was
an eldritch horror born from the transient nightmares of HP
Lovecraft.

“You
have no idea how much I’ve missed you,”
Juan
continued. “Every day since last we met, you have been all that
I can think about.”

Lilian’s
face turned green. “Um. Ew. That’s just creepy.”

“My
heart, it has ached without your presence to fill it with your sweet
apetecer
.”
Juan
held both hands to his chest.

“Yeah,
well, my heart hasn’t been aching at all. Not until you showed
up at least.”

Lindsay
watched, partially amused but mostly creeped out, as this strange guy
continued spewing corny lines that sounded like something from a
Harlequin romance novel. Actually, thinking about it, those lines
might have been even worse than the corniest, trashiest romance novel
around.

Juan
sighed, looking ready to swoon as he stared at Lilian. “Ah, you
are like a ray of bright sunshine caressing my skin,
ma
hermosa de flor.

That
seemed to be the final straw for Lilian. Her already green face
turned even greener and, before anyone could say another word, the
beautiful vixen rushed off.

“Scuse
me.”

Lindsay
watched as Lilian shoved her way through the crowd and jumped off the
bleachers, heedless of the nearly fifteen foot drop. She, Christine
and Juan all rushed over to the railing, and were just time to see
the redhead run into the women’s restroom.

“I
wonder why she was in such a hurry?”
Juan
pondered out loud, causing both Lindsay and Christine to stare at the
boy like he’d just offered them a packet of used condoms. The
young man turned to them, his hair bouncing with the motion. “Do
you think it was something I said?”

***

“Hey
man, good job today.”

“Nice
work, Kevin.”

“Man,
you were fast, dude.”

Ever
since the track meet had come to an end, Kevin had been congratulated
by just about everyone on his team. He would admit that it felt nice
to have so many people appreciate and respect the effort he put into
running, but it also made him feel more than a little awkward. His
head seemed almost ready to burst, and there was this inexplicable
feeling in his chest, a most bizarre warmth that caused him to feel
elated and uncomfortable.

“Ha
ha! You should see how red your face is!”

As
Chase pointed and laughed at him, Kevin felt his face, which had
already been fit to fry eggs on, burn hot enough to put the sun to
shame.

“Be
quiet,”
Kevin
snapped. “You’re just jealous because I beat you in both
the one-hundred and two-hundred meter dash.”

“Hmph!
Whatever.”
Kasey
Chase crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. “All
that means is I have to work harder to beat you next time. Nothing
more.”

“Keep
thinking that. Maybe one day it will come true.”

Chase
scowled at Kevin, who pulled down his eyelid and blew the older boy a
raspberry.

After
taking a shower, Kevin donned his normal clothes; faded blue jeans
and a dark orange T-shirt. He laced up his sneakers and was about to
make his way outside, when several members of the track team
intercepted him.

“Hey
man, we’re all about to head over to Katherine’s house to
celebrate,”
one
of them, a tall guy Kevin thought was named Ian, said. “You
wanna come?”

Kevin
was startled for a moment. Although he got along well enough with the
other track members, they were all older than him. He and his friends
were the only sophomores on the entire team, so while everyone was
nice, the older members tended to exclude them from their after track
activities.

“Uh,
thanks, but Lilian and I actually made plans tonight. Sorry.”

Ian
chuckled. “Spending some time with your girl? I completely
understand. Your girlfriend’s a fox.”

Kevin
felt wry amusement at that comment, even as his cheeks heated up.
“You’ve got no idea.”

Heading
outside after saying goodbye to his friends and the other track
members, Kevin went to meet up with Lilian.

Unfortunately,
Lilian wasn’t alone.

“I
told you to stop following me.”

“Now
don’t be like that my
más
eróticamente maravillosa harina
.
There is no need for such harsh words. Not when it is just the two of
us.”

Kevin
stared at Juan as he annoyed and harassed Lilian. The two were
standing in a hallway off to the side, and he correctly concluded
that Juan had intercepted the redhead on her way to the lockers. The
boy stood before Lilian, keeping her from passing by moving to block
her way every time she tried walking around him.

His
right eye began to twitch.

“Lilian.”

Juan
turned in his direction, and Lilian used that moment to slip past the
big-haired boy.

“Kevin!”

Despite
having been prepared for it, Kevin was still in no way ready for
Lilian’s pounce, which was so powerful that he had actually
christened it with a name. He called it
Lilian’s
Secret Technique: Pnevma Pounce
.

Lilian
jumped on him with all the strength of an oni on steroids. Only
Kevin’s increased strength, gained through hours of grueling
training with Kiara, kept him from crumbling like a house of cards.

A
pair of legs locked around his waist, forcing Kevin to place his
hands on Lilian’s shapely bottom so she wouldn’t fall. He
barely had time to grunt before his mate began a coordinated assault
on his mouth.

Kevin
tried to keep up with the girl’s raw, undiluted passion, but he
still lacked the ability to put up much of a fight. All Kevin could
do was ride out Lilian’s latest lip-lock and hope his legs,
which already felt like they were turning into jelly, didn’t
fail him.

“Whew!
Look at those two kiss!”

“I
see some tongue action there!”

“Holy
shit, that’s hot!”

“Since
when did Kevin learn to kiss like that?”

“I
think his girl is the one doing most of the kissing.”

Upon
hearing the voices, whistles and catcalls, Kevin let out a loud
squeak, only slightly muffled by Lilian’s mouth. He tried to
unsuccessfully jerk his mouth away from the two-tails, but she kept
him in place by grasping his head in her hands, which consequently
caused him to lose his balance as he tripped over his own two feet.

As
Kevin crashed to the floor, shame filling him as the other track team
members laughed and jeered and catcalled, one thought rose to his
mind.

I’m
never going to live this down, am I?

Somehow,
Kevin felt like he could live with that.

***

Arriving
home later that day, Lilian and an embarrassed Kevin found themselves
being greeted by a kimono-clad vision of loveliness.

“Welcome
home, Lilian-sama, Kevin-sama.”

Kotohime
offered them a bow. Well, she offered Lilian a bow. Kevin was pretty
sure the woman would only bow to him after he proved himself to her,
and the gods only knew when that would happen.

After
rising from her deferential bow, Kotohime offered him a conciliating
smile. “I believe congratulations are in order. Am I correct in
assuming you won first place in your races?”

“Of
course he did!”
Lilian
exploded with enthusiasm--a lot of enthusiasm. “He was
incredible! The moment the gun went off, he was speeding down the
track! I almost thought he was using Shunpo, he moved so fast.”

Kotohime
stared at her charge with a single, delicately raised eyebrow.
“Indeed? That is most intriguing, but might I suggest you keep
real life anime references to a minimum? Author-san has recently been
getting complaints that he breaks the fourth wall too much, and so
he’s been trying to keep any cracks from appearing within the
fabrics of this fragile reality.”

“I
don’t see why he would bother with something like that.”
Lilian
waved her hand dismissively. “Everyone knows he doesn’t
have the talent to write anything good.”

D-Do
you have to put it so bluntly?

“And
you have no room to say anything. You’re just as bad as I am.”

I
think you’re both terrible.

“Shut
up.”

“Indeed,
if you wish to continue living, I suggest you not talk any more than
necessary.”

My
own characters hate me!

“We
don’t hate you,”
Lilian
said reassuringly. “We just find you very annoying.”

U-ugh…

“Would
you two stop that already!”
a
red-faced Kevin shouted. “Stop talking to someone who isn’t
real!”

Kotohime
and Lilian looked at Kevin like he was an idiot.

“What
are you talking about?”
Lilian
asked. “Of course he’s real.”

“Indeed.”
Kotohime
nodded her agreement. “We wouldn’t exist if he wasn’t
real.”

The
next morning, the complex manager would arrive at their doorstep
after receiving numerous complaints about strange banging noises, as
if someone had been slamming their face into a wall, coming from the
Swift’s apartment.

***

Kotohime
led the pair onto the balcony, where she had prepared what appeared
to be a romantic dinner for two.

A
small round table with a white cloth placed over it sat in the center
of the balcony, with two comfortable-looking padded chairs situated
on opposite ends of the table. Kevin didn’t question where
Kotohime found the table and chairs, which he knew they hadn’t
possessed this morning. In the table’s center, a single candle
burned, its flame wavering and dancing to a transient tune beyond
human perception.

“Oh,
um, wow.”
Kevin
didn’t know what to say. “This is, uh…”

“I
didn’t really know what we should do to celebrate your last
track meet,”
Lilian
admitted as Kevin gawked at the scene before them. “My first
idea was to invite all of your friends over and have a really big
party, but we did that last time.”

Kevin
remembered that. They had done really well on their second to last
track meet, getting first place in almost all of the competitions
except for pole vaulting and the shot put. Having been so elated by
their success, Eric had invited all of them to his house for a party.

He
also recalled how that particular celebration had ended with Eric and
his pervy old man being laid flat by an irate Christine, who’d
shown up halfway through the party.

A
small droplet of sweat trailed down the left side of his face. “Yeah.
I think not having a party was a good decision on your part.”

“Thanks.
Anyway, that’s why I decided on doing this. I thought it would
be nice if we celebrated your success, just the two of us.”

When
Lilian’s cheeks tinged a soft pink, visible even in the
moonlight, Kevin thought he would die of moe. Some things existed in
this world that were just criminal, and a drop-dead gorgeous girl
like Lilian possessing such an enthralling look of sweet demureness
was one of those things.

“Uh…
ah…”

When
Kevin opened his mouth and only got a few monosyllables for his
trouble, he realized how close he was to losing it. He quickly closed
his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. He would not allow
himself to act like a jabbering idiot. Not anymore. He refused.

Opening
his eyes, Kevin showed Lilian his best smile. “I like this
idea. It’s sort of like we’re on a date at a nice
restaurant.”

Lilian’s
smile made Kevin feel both lighter than air and like there was a lead
bowling ball in his stomach.

“I’m
glad. Now then, shall we sit down?”

“Oh,
um, right!”

Remembering
his manners, Kevin held Lilian’s chair out for her before
sitting down in his own. Kotohime walked onto the balcony, carrying a
tray of food. Kevin followed the tray with his eyes, trying not to
let his mouth water as a delectable aroma wafted into his nose.

With
her usually placid smile, Kotohime set the tray down, and then placed
two glasses on the table, which she filled with what Kevin really
hoped was sparkling cider.

“For
a side dish, I have prepared
tiropsomo
,
warm bread stuffed with feta. For Lilian-sama, I made
bourtheto
,
and for Kevin-sama,
spetsofai
—sausages
with bell peppers.”

“You’ve
really outdone yourself, Kotohime.”
Lilian
sniffed the food, her own mouth watering. “This looks
delicious!”

The
perennial smile on Kotohime’s face grew at her charge’s
words. “Yes, well, it is a special occasion, after all. Now,
please enjoy the meal.”

With
one final bow, Kotohime retreated into the living room, leaving Kevin
and Lilian alone once more.

***

Dinner
that evening was a surreal experience.

He
and Lilian had gone on dates before, but those had mostly been the
kind of dates that all high school students went on: the movies, a
picnic, ice skating and so on. None of them had been super-serious
romantic dinners complete with candlelight and a table for two.

Kevin
didn’t know if this counted as one of those dates. But, even if
it didn’t, it had enough necessary components to be considered
as such. That alone made him nervous.

He
still did what he could to make it enjoyable, remembering to use his
best manners and doing everything possible to keep Lilian engaged in
conversation throughout dinner. It was more difficult than he thought
it would be. While talking to Lilian was surprisingly easy, coming up
with topics to discuss was tough. The butterflies fluttering about in
his chest and the scorpions poking his intestinal tract certainly
didn’t help.

“How
is your training with Kiara going?”

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