A Fresh Start (38 page)

She closed the door and locked it before dashing into the bathroom to wash her face. She didn’t have to scanned the bathroom for what she needed, the cleanser was exactly where she’d expected; right beside the sink, placed alongside with her toothbrush.

She stared into the mirror, water dripping down her chin, her tears mixed in among the droplets.

She had wasted three years of her life on fearing Daniel. Without the mask of anonymity, he didn’t seem so scary. She brushed away the tears and took in a deep breath, then slowly exhaled through her mouth.

Think,
she told herself. She had to get out of the house and get some help.

Smiling, she opened the cabinet above the sink and took out the shaver. Without any water or shaving cream, she shaved down her arms and legs. Then she turned on the shower and made herself step into the hot running water.

Paige opened her eyes and glanced over at the alarm next to her bed. She’d woken up every hour since she went to bed. She didn’t know if it was the overload of the day finally catching up on her or simply the unfamiliar bed.

It was only four in the morning.

She laid back against the pillow, her eyes wide opened.

Everything was so familiar but completely different.

The walls were of the same off-white color. The same table lamp stood on top of the cabinet beside the bed. Within the single drawer of the cabinet was a Kindle, and inside the Kindle were books that she had in her own Kindle.

She was wearing her comfortable cotton tank top and long cotton sweats as pajamas. Though the scent of detergent and softener was clear on her clothes, her top and comfortable pants also had the new clothes smell.

Even the bed sheets had the same smell that would only go away after a second or third wash.

The first time she woke up, she thought she had been dreaming.
 

No stalker. No Pine Bluffs. No Justin.

Only the smell from her pillow reminded her otherwise.

She had laid in bed then, waiting for the tears to come. But she couldn’t cry. No matter bad the situation was, it was a situation that led her to Justin.

She was afraid. She didn’t quite dare to think about what would happen if she failed in what she wanted to do. She didn’t dare to think where she would be a week from now.

The only time her eyes stung was when she thought about what she had in mind just before everything gone wrong. She hadn’t had the chance to tell Justin that when the time came, she would leave Pine Bluff’s with him.

No,
she told herself.
Choose anger.

She tossed over to the other side.

She would get out of this insanity. First step, getting out of the house. God would settle the rest.

She could already feel the prickling on her arms and legs.

Unlike all the other times when she had to resist the urge to scratch, she scratched each time her skin pricked, not caring that it’d probably cause her skin to bleed.

Another hot shower would definitely flare up her rashes.

She couldn’t help smiling at how a problem that had often given her trouble and frustration was now her key to perhaps getting out of this nightmare.

She needed her sleep. She would need her wits tomorrow and a slow reacting mind wouldn’t help her.
 

“Do not be afraid, for I am with you.” There were more to the bible phrase, but she couldn’t remember the rest of it.

She repeated that over and over again until she fell asleep.

A sudden sound of running water woke her up from her sleep. Her brain was in full alert the moment her eyes opened. Whatever was clouding her mind yesterday had lifted. She had a plan, and her mind was more than ready to help her begin what she needed.

She sat up in bed and scratched down her arms.

Glancing over at her arms, she could see the bumps that had formed after a whole night of scratching. Her upper arms were especially cooperative, it was bright red and the rashes were beginning to spread up her shoulders.

Another hot shower would make it worse.

She got off the bed and moved to the bookshelf over at the corner of the room. Since everything was arranged exactly as her original bedroom, she reached for the book she had in mind and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

She flipped through the pages and grinned when it was exactly the same edition. The string binding of that particular edition would allow her to tear a page off without leaving any telltale sign.

Unless Daniel was going to check each page number, he wouldn’t know what she’d done.

Placing the book on the vanity table beside the sink, she reached for her eyebrow pencil and rubbed the edges along the side of the paper that she had no intention of using. Once it was sharp enough, she set it aside and folded the paper.

She pinched the paper with her nails and went over the line several times before slowly splitting the paper into a smaller piece that she could easily hide. She quietly tore up the rest of the paper and dumped them into the toilet bowl.

Retrieving the pencil, she wrote down her name, added all the instructions that she had chanted over and over again in her head, and the amount of time Daniel had driven.

It wasn’t much, but it was everything she knew.

She tightened the grip on the pencil and tried to use the edge to make the letters thinner. The softness of the eyebrow pencil wasn’t exactly meant for writing. Each time she tried to control her handwriting, aiming to make it smaller, a part of the pencil would break off.

She put down the pencil and shook the tension from her hand before continuing. She blew away the broken lead and wrote again, squeezing the letters and words as closely as she could.

Two story house, brownish walls, gray roof, white window grills. Trees around, no neighbors.

Lastly, she sent a message using a method Andrew had taught her when they were young. That way, he’d know the message was from her.

When she was done, she flushed the toilet and watched to make sure that all the paper went down.

Then all she had to do was to step into another way too hot shower and let her sensitive skin get to work.

The moment she stepped out of the shower, she began perspiring. She wiped away the sweat on her forehead and the fog on the mirror. She got ready as per usual and picked out the thinnest cardigan she had in the wardrobe.
 

Though her sensitive skin never allowed her to stay too long in the sun without getting a bad reaction, she couldn’t tolerate cold either. All her sweaters were thick and unsuitable for her pretense.

She pulled on the thin cashmere sweater; an impulse buy. She’d loved the design so much and had somehow convinced herself that for some miraculous reason, her skin would be able to withstand the scratchy material.

She had only worn it once, and on that one occasion, she couldn’t even keep it on throughout the day. Just an hour into wearing it, she’d taken it off and her skin was red even without her scratching.

Cringing, she arched her shoulders back and stretched her neck at how rough the material was against her skin.
Endure.
She straightened her back and opened the door.

“Good morning, dear.”

“Morning.” She smiled at him even as her legs froze right by the door.

“Did you sleep well?”

She dropped the smile she’d conjured and fidgeted. “Yeah,” she said after a moment’s pause.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she quickly answered. She saw his brows furrowing for a moment and couldn’t help her inner self from jumping with excitement.

“You’re unhappy about being here, aren’t you? You’re thinking of a way to leave.” Daniel took a step toward her and shoved her against the wall. “We’re meant to be together. I’ve already overlooked your indiscretion with the construction guy! I won’t let you leave me.”

In the split second when the back of her head hit the wall, she forgot her plan. One of her hands reached up to the point of impact as her blood boiled.

She huffed and looked away, forgetting who she was dealing with.

Pulling her hand from her head, she checked her fingers to make sure there wasn’t any blood. Then, she threw her hands in the air and said, “If you don’t trust me at all, why did you bring me here? For you to yell at? For you to shove around simply because I was slow in answering your question?”

Daniel stared at her, dumbfounded.

“You know everything about me? Then you should’ve known that I can’t stand wearing new clothes or sleeping on new sheets unless they have been washed at least twice.” She was impressed with how well she was lying.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he muttered under his breath, “but you shouldn’t have left!”

The sudden yell startled her, but she wasn’t going to hand this fight over so easily.

She shouldn’t have lost control. She should have enough common sense to know that agitation and insanity wasn’t a good combination.

But now that she had, there was no turning back.

“Is this how things are going to be? Each time something is wrong, you’re going to remind me of that?” she retorted. “You want to know why I was distracted?” She pulled off part of her cardigan, showing him the bright red bumps and scratches from her own nails.

Again, Daniel fell silent.

“So, here’s your honest answer. No, I didn’t sleep well. And I think I need a doctor before I scratched out my skin.” She paused, taking a breath. “But I know you won’t trust me. I know you’d think I’m up to something. That was why I changed my mind and told you that I slept well.”

“What happened? You were fine yesterday.” Daniel took a step closer, reaching his arms toward her.

She slapped his arms away. “Forget it.” She pulled her cardigan back on.

“Wait, I’m sorry,” Daniel said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He took her hand and pulled her into his arms.

Ugh!
As if the uncomfortable material of her cardigan weren’t enough, he had to put his arms over her and rub the prickly material against her skin.

Then there was the smell.
 

Paige tightening her jaws and held her breath. She couldn’t stand the smell of him. It wasn’t that he was pungent, he had clearly just taken a bath, but she just couldn’t stand the smell from him.

She stood, frozen in his arms, standing for as long as she could without breathing. She took a step back when she ran out of breath. “Forget it, let’s just get something to eat. I’ll bear with it.”

“No, don’t you need to take some medicine to stop yourself from scratching?”

She hadn’t banked on him knowing that. “And you’ll let me see a doctor?”

“Of course, sweetheart. I know you can’t stand itch. We’ll eat something, then I’ll take you to the doctor.”

Perfect.
“Okay,” she said softly, making sure her face didn’t give away any emotions.

She trotted down the steps behind Daniel, trying to get her mind off how uncomfortable she was feeling. She stretched her neck and pulled on the material around her shoulder.
 

“Isn’t there another sweater you can wear?”

“The rest is too thick; it’s going to make my rashes worse.”

“Then we’ll get some later.”

Her lips curled. She couldn’t believe how well things were going. “Thanks.”

Nothing went as planned, but she did meet her objective.

At breakfast, she ate quietly as he rattled on about their wedding. He was going to get his suit made and was searching for places they could go for their honeymoon.

She nodded at everything he said, consciously checking that she was still smiling throughout it all. But when he turned the questions toward her, she couldn’t answer him.

Where would she like the wedding? Where would she like to go on a honeymoon? Nowhere.

She didn’t want a wedding, not with him. She couldn’t even bring herself to lie, to say something to patronize him.
 

“What’s wrong? Are you still angry?”
 

Again, the relaxed look in his eyes vanished in an instant and a look of wild frenzy rushed into his eyes.
 

“I forgave you over your indiscretion, you can’t do the same for me?” He pushed his chair back and stood, then began pacing beside her chair. “I shouldn’t have pushed you, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He began slapping his palm against his forehead. “But you, you left, you moved in with him.”

That line of topic wasn’t safe.

She stood and stepped in front of him. “Daniel,” she said gently.

“Did you sleep with him?” he bellowed.

Her eyes flew open at his sudden explosion. She took a step back, but his fingers were digging into her shoulders.
 

“Did you?” he shook her.

This time, she managed to suppress her anger.

“No,” she answered calmly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you an answer. All I can think about is how I want to scratch my skin raw.”

There was silence for a moment as Daniel stared at her.

She looked back at him, unflinching. She couldn’t back down now.
 

After a moment, she finally said, “I think I should return to my room.”

“No, no. Finish your breakfast and we’ll do something about your rashes.” He returned to his seat as though nothing had happened.

Following his cue, Paige sat and continued eating.

It was difficult to force food down her throat. She had no appetite for anything, but when the chance for her to run came, she’d need the energy.

While she ate, he moved over to switch on the television, turning to a news channel. Then, he returned and had his breakfast, periodically looking up at the TV.

She was glad his attention was otherwise occupied. Daniel’s mood swings were chilling, and having to react appropriately to them were exhausting. The day had just started, and she had already dealt with two outbursts.
 

The thought on the rest of the day only drained more energy out of her.

Stuffing another mouthful of cereal into her mouth, she slummed back against the chair.