A Fresh Start for Two (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-One

She held her daughter’s hand in hers and continued. “I’m so sorry I let you believe it was your fault. I know Tiffany broke the head off your doll that night. And you remember screaming and crying and carrying on…and then you remember hearing your father say he couldn’t handle all the crying. After that he stormed out of the house. That’s all true.”

She sniffled again, drawing the strength to continue. “What you didn’t know is that he wasn’t referring to your crying. He meant mine.” Her breath hitched a few times before she continued. “You see, we never talked about that night, you and I, for a long time after your father passed away. Then one day you asked me about it, and I didn’t realize you had taken all that guilt onto your shoulders. When you told me that you thought it was your fault, I guess you took some of the guilt from my shoulders—guilt I had carried for years. I did the selfish thing, and I let you.

“I know I can never apologize enough to make up for that. It was wrong, I am ashamed, and it never should have happened.”

She stopped again to get another tissue, and when she couldn’t find one in her pocket, Jake grabbed the box on the other side of the bed and handed it to her. While she blew her nose, Julia’s eyes opened, and she stared at her mother.

“Mama? Why are you crying?”

Jake rushed to her side and took her other hand in his. Her attention was on her mother, but that was right, that was good. This relationship was like his and Ryan’s had been—they’d allowed something to put space between them. And now it was time to set things to rights.

The two women stared into each other’s eyes, and then Julia’s mom placed her hand on her daughter’s cheek. “Julia? Please tell me you’ll be all right. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

“Mama, I’ll be okay. But what were you talking about?”

Her mother set her purse down on the chair and turned to face her daughter again. “I was telling you the truth, Julia. Something I should have done years ago. Instead, I let a little girl bear my guilt for me, and it was wrong. I’ll understand if you decide not to forgive me. I don’t deserve it.”

“But what happened?”

She stared up at the ceiling for a few moments before she continued. “I was crying. It was
my
crying that your father was sick of that night, not yours.”

“What?”

“I was crying, too. But I was crying for the same reason I had been crying for the whole month preceding that night. Your father had been diagnosed with lymphoma, a cancer of the blood. He had less than a year to live, and I could not handle it. I loved him too much to contemplate losing him. I cried every night he came in from work, and work was becoming more and more difficult for him. I cried for a lot of reasons. I didn’t want to lose him, I didn’t want you girls to lose their daddy, and I didn’t know how I’d support you after he died.

“That night, he had told me how hard it was for him to work eight hours in a row as exhausted as he was. If he didn’t work in construction, it wouldn’t have been so bad. He couldn’t do it anymore. The sight of the dark circles under his eyes and his fatigue was enough to set me off that night. He’d lost so much weight. And how could I hope to take care of him and you girls and make enough money to support us all? We had no savings, no health insurance, and no disability. He had no life insurance, either. I wasn’t sure how we’d survive.”

She stared at the floor, apparently embarrassed by her words. “I cried my eyes out, and you girls were giggling on the floor. Then Tiffany broke the head off your doll and you started crying, too.

“You didn’t hear him, but your father leaned down to me and said, ‘I am sick of hearing you cry every night. There’s nothing I can do. Stop crying, please stop.’”

She swiped at her cheeks. “And then he walked out the door. We didn’t talk about what happened for so long, and when I finally realized you believed you were responsible…well, I let you. It eased some of the guilt off my own shoulders, and I let myself believe that it might actually be true…that I might not be to blame.

“When Vincent came along, I thought he would take care of us financially. It’s why I wanted you to stay with him. But…Vincent never loved you, and I don’t believe you ever loved him. I’m sorry I forced him on you, Julia. Now you know, and I want you to stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t you, it was me. My fault, not yours.”

Then she pointed her finger at Jake. “And this man really loves you. I hope you can see that, and I hope you love him, too.”

“Oh, Mama. I do love him, so much that it helps me understand how hard it was for you to lose Daddy.”

Mrs. Ross leaned down and kissed Julia’s cheek. “I’m going to go now because I don’t wish to tire you. I want you to take some time to think about what I said. I’ll understand if you can’t get beyond it, but if you do want me to visit you again, text me and I’ll be right here. I love you, and I’m sorry. You could have died without ever knowing the truth. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Julia wasn’t in a position to move much, so her mother kissed her on the cheek once more. Before she left, she turned back to Jake and said, “You have my gratitude for taking such good care of my girl.”

***

When Julia awoke the next morning, the first thing she noticed was the throbbing pain in her leg. She remembered something about a button, so she felt around for one, hoping to figure out how to summon a nurse.

Jake jumped out of the chair. “Babe, you okay?”

She shook her head and tried to reposition herself to ease the pain.

“It hurts? Here, push the button and the medication will go in your IV.”

“Oh, I thought it was the button for the nurse. Yes, I need something to take the edge off.”

He kissed her hand and showed her the button for her pain medication.

“But I don’t want to take much. How much is in there? I just need a little bit because it hurts so bad.”

“You can’t take too much. The nurse explained it will only give you medicine every so often, so just push the button if you need it. It keeps track of it, so don’t worry. But you have to push it, I can’t push if for you. She said it works pretty quickly.”

She pushed the button once and waited a few minutes. “Oh, she’s right. It’s starting to ease already.” She only then realized she had been clenching her jaw so tight it hurt. “Okay,” she sighed. “It’s getting better.”

Jake pulled the tray over. “They just brought you breakfast. Would you like to eat something?”

She glanced at it, but shook her head. “I don’t think I can eat anything yet.”

“They just brought eggs and oatmeal. Last night, they only gave you liquids, though you weren’t awake long enough to have anything more than the broth. She said you’ll progress slowly back to a normal diet.”

“Actually, I’ll try the oatmeal. Anything to drink? I’m thirsty.”

“Yeah, there’s apple juice and tea. You want either?”

“I’ll have the apple juice first, please. Jake, thank you for staying with me.” She took a few sips and said, “I think I need to brush my teeth.”

He gave her the basin with the toothbrush and paste, along with water from the pitcher. “Here, do you need help?”

“No, I can do it.” She managed to maneuver all the tubes connected to her out of the way so she could brush her teeth. Jake was a saint. How long had he been in here?

The nurse came in and assisted her with the basin. “How’s your pain, Julia? On a scale of 1-10, 1 being just a touch, and ten being the worst you’ve ever had, what would you rate it right now?”

“Probably a seven. I took some medication and it helped a little.”

“Push it again. We don’t want you hurting that much. Push it enough to get your pain to a tolerable level.”

“Okay.” Julia found the pump button and pushed it again. “How will I shower today?”

“Oh, you’ll get a bed bath later. No showers in the ICU. Hopefully, we’ll move you to a regular room later today. I need to check you over. Do you know what day today is?”

Julia glanced at Jake and answered all the nurse’s questions to the best of her ability. Her mind was a little foggy, but bits and pieces of information came back to her. The nurse shined a light in her eyes, asked her to do a few other things, like grip her fingers, but they were all easy. She noticed her headache was improving with the pain medicine.

As her memory returned, she stared at Jake. Hadn’t Vincent made her get into a boat? Yes, and the last thing she remembered about the boat ride was Vincent swinging his gun toward her face.

His gun? What else had happened? She remembered being in a strange house and Vincent getting a towel to stop the bleeding in her leg.

And her mother…something had happened with her mother. Suddenly, the bits and pieces all fell into place from last night. Her mother had come in and confessed that she had been the one crying that fateful night. Daddy had been angry with her mother, not her. Was that possible? Maybe she had dreamed it.

The nurse continued to fuss with her IV, explaining she was hooking up an antibiotic. Her gaze caught Jake’s and she felt tears form behind her eyes. Had her mother truly lied to her for all these years?

Jake moved to the other side of the bed and caught her hand, rubbing her pulse with his thumb. “It’s all right. You’re doing much better.”

“My mother? Was she here last night? I need to know. I remember something strange…”

He kissed her hand and said, “I’ll explain in a minute.”

As the nurse continued with her tasks, Julia’s memory of her mother’s confession came back to her. After the other woman left, Julia whispered to Jake. “My mother? Did my mother tell me it was her fault last night?” she whispered.

Jake nodded. “Yeah, she asked me to stay, so I did hear her tell you that.” He leaned in to give her a kiss. “She was distraught. Do you remember anything else?”

“No.”

“She said she would understand if you didn’t forgive her, but that you should text her if you wanted to see her again. Do you remember everything? She also told you that your father had been diagnosed with some kind of cancer.”

“Yes.” Julia caught his gaze, but bless him, he wasn’t going to give his opinion. She wasn’t ready to see her mother yet.

“Do you want to text her?” He held up his phone.

“No, not yet. Does that make me awful? I’m just not ready. I need some time to process it, I guess.”

“It’s okay, babe. I understand, and I think she does, too.” He brushed her hair back from her face.

The nurse stuck her head back in through the opening of the door and said, “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“No, thank you.”

She added, “Okay then, the aide will be in to help you bathe later. Don’t forget to use your pump when your pain gets worse. Don’t let yourself suffer needlessly.”

It had come time to ask the question that had been dancing at the edges of her mind. Jake still held her hand in his, lending her strength. “Vincent. He hasn’t come by, has he?”

Jake stared at her for a moment before dropping his gaze. “He’s dead, Julia. I’m sorry. He set you down on the porch and fired his gun at me. He was killed instantly. Three different policemen shot him. We had the place surrounded.”

“Vincent’s dead?” Her brain ran through all the implications of this. She no longer needed to be afraid. She was free of him, of his manipulations. She hadn’t wished him dead, but she couldn’t picture him in jail. He had to have known the possible consequences of kidnapping her from the Ramsay home. And then there was that potshot he’d made at Maria and his various attempts to injure or kill Jake. She decided he had gotten what he deserved, and besides, if Vincent had been given the choice between jail and death, he would likely have chosen to die.

Her mind darted from one incident to another. “Maria, Lucia, are they all right? I know Maria wasn’t hit by the gunshot, but…”

His thumb began his caress on her hand again. “They’re fine.”

“Did you kill him?” she whispered. “I mean, were you one of the three?”

Jake nodded, but added, “But I’m not going to apologize. He hurt the woman I love. It killed me to see you lying limp in his arms, bleeding out. I don’t know how you broke your leg, but I can guess where the lumps on your head came from. He’ll never hurt you again.”

Tears slid down her cheeks. “What did you say?”

“I said he’ll never hurt you again.”

“No, before that. After you said you wouldn’t apologize. I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

He grinned, flashing his beautiful white smile at her. “You mean the part where I said he hurt the woman I love?”

“Yes,” she sniffled. “Say it again.”

He cupped her face and kissed her, and she parted her lips for him, teasing him with her tongue. When he ended the kiss, he said, “I love you, Julia Ross. I told you yesterday when you were lying limp in my arms, but I guess you didn’t hear me.”

“Oh, Jake. I love you. You have made me so happy. Thank you for staying with me, and for caring enough about me to get me away from a very sick man.”

He stroked the hair off her forehead, careful to avoid her injury. “He was obsessed with you, and I can tell you that he still believed he loved you up until the bitter end, though his idea of love is not the same as the rest of us. But he won’t bother you again.”