A Girl's Guide to Moving On (21 page)

“I see him watch you,” Nikolai whispered. “He see you happy and he jealous.”

I couldn't keep from laughing. “You've got that all wrong. Sean has no feelings for me. Not love, not hate. We were married thirty-five years and after the first few years all there was between us was indifference.”

“I don't know how you mean indifference,” Nikolai said, frowning.

“It's not important. I don't want to spend the rest of our evening talking about Sean.” I'd learned my lesson, though. The next time Sean called I'd answer no matter how I felt at the time. I didn't want any more of these unexpected visits.

As for his concern about Nichole seeing Rocco and the influence Rocco had on Owen, that had all been a convenient excuse. I didn't know what was up with my ex-husband, but clearly something was. Whatever it was, I didn't have time to think about it now.

Perhaps Nikolai had been right when he suggested that Sean didn't like the idea of seeing me happy. Sean's ego was too big to deal with that. When I left him, my husband assumed that I would fall apart; that I wouldn't be able to survive without him dictating my life, my friends, how I spent my time.

It embarrassed me to admit that I'd wanted the same for him. When I packed my bags to leave Sean, my head had been in a strange place. I desperately wanted Sean to miss me and the comforts of the home I'd meticulously maintained for him. I dreamed about him struggling to figure out how to wash his own clothes and cook his own meals. I wanted him to miss me to the point he would be willing to admit that the thirty-five years I'd dedicated to him and his career meant something.

It was ridiculous, of course. One of the first things Sean did after my departure was hire a housecleaning service. From what Kacey told me, he ate most of his meals at the club. As far as I could tell, he'd garnered the sympathy of our friends by telling everyone I'd walked out on him—leaving him, in his words, “high and dry.”

The divorce had given him the opportunity to parade his “flavor of the month” around publicly. He was living the good life and doing it without me. That didn't bother me now. I'd found my own happiness.

The naked truth was Sean and I did much better apart than we ever did as a married couple.

My sister's wedding was set for the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. I was thrilled for Cassie and excited to be a part of her wedding.

I'd been angry and hurt when my eighteen-year-old sister had run away with Duke and not eager to forgive her when she returned all those years later with her daughter, Amiee. Cassie had been a stranger to me; I no longer knew her and I wasn't sure I wanted to. My judgmental attitude shocked me now. I was filled with regret at the way I'd been willing to write her off and keep her out of my life.

And yet Cassie had been the first one to reach out and support me when she learned about Jake. I'd gone to her often for advice. She'd been generous with her love and support. We were close now, closer even than we'd been as children. She knew about my relationship with Rocco and had invited him and Kaylene to attend the wedding with Owen and me.

I'd driven up to Seattle for a visit. My other sister, Karen, had managed to get the weekend off as well. It would be the first time the three of us had gotten together since last August. We talked nearly every week, but it wasn't the same as being together.

We all crowded into the house Cassie had built through Habitat for Humanity. I'd missed seeing my sisters. Missed the camaraderie we shared and was so very grateful to have Cassie back in our lives.

I sat with my legs folded on the carpet in Cassie's living room with Owen tucked in front of me. I didn't expect him to stay content for long. He was still shy around Amiee, Cassie's teenage daughter. That wouldn't last long, though.

“I don't want you two to get stuck with dresses you'll never wear again,” Cassie had insisted. “So wear whatever you want and it'll be fine.”

That worked great for me. I had a number of fancy gowns that would be suitable to wear as a bridesmaid. Jake had always made sure I had the best for the annual Commander's Ball at the country club.

I'd decided to wear the midnight-blue one I'd worn the year before I got pregnant with Owen. I saw it in the back of my closet and tried it on for fun. I'd been surprised when it was a perfect fit again. The baby weight was gone. Guess that was what a long, drawn-out divorce will do for a woman.

Cassie turned to me with a regretful look. “Nichole, I think I made a big mistake.”

“Really. How so?”

“When you mentioned you hadn't gotten the wedding invitation, I checked my address book. I think I might have mailed it to your old address in Lake Oswego.”

“Don't worry. I know when the wedding is.” Jake hadn't forwarded it on, which didn't surprise me. He'd been short-tempered and nasty to me ever since he learned about Rocco.

Fifteen-year-old Amiee sat down next to me and pretended not to notice Owen. My toddler covered his eyes and then cautiously peeked over at his cousin. Amiee reached for his toy tow truck, which got an immediate reaction from Owen.

“Mine.”

“Oh, sorry,” Amiee said, pretending she didn't know. “It's such a cool truck, I thought I'd like to see how it runs.”

“I show you.” Owen sprang out of my lap as if he'd been sitting inside a jack-in-the-box. The two of them went into the kitchen, where the floor made it easier to scoot the truck around.

“You doing okay?” Karen asked. She'd been worried about me since the divorce, and our regular long-distance conversations weren't enough to ease her mind. We were all busy, but Karen and Garth, her husband, had recently started their own business having to do with listing and selling commercial real estate and were busier than ever. Both Lily and Buddy had stayed in Spokane with their father for the weekend.

“Actually, I'm doing great.” And it was the truth. I enjoyed teaching, and having a regular income had done a lot to help my budget. I was scheduled to fill in until the first of the year. I got along well with the staff and had learned that a full-time position was opening up in the spring for a French teacher. I planned to apply for it, as I was fluent in the language, and felt I'd have a good chance of getting hired.

“Rocco's coming to the wedding, right?” Cassie asked. “I'm anxious to meet him.”

“He said he would.” Which surprised and delighted me. I was eager for my sisters to meet Rocco. He was becoming an important part of my life. Although he had a rough and gruff exterior, he was thoughtful and smart and a good father. Owen loved him, and I found myself thinking about him more and more. We were very different people outwardly but we shared the same core values and beliefs.

Cassie, who sat on the carpet next to me, said, “After everything you said, I'm really looking forward to meeting him.”

I thought I should give my sisters fair warning. “He's not your typical guy. He's got tattoos and he's big and tall.”

“But you like him.”

“I do.” I wasn't going to downplay how attracted I was to Rocco. Yes, he was handsome, but not in the same way Jake was. Rocco oozed masculinity, whereas Jake was suave and urbane. No two men could be more different.

“Is it serious?” Karen asked me.

I needed time to think about my answer. We'd agreed not to date others and to give our relationship a chance to grow. I wasn't sure if that meant we were serious. “Not yet. We're still getting to know each other, but it could be serious at some point. We both have a lot of stuff to work through. Two of my college friends rebounded from divorces with fast second marriages that lasted less than a year. I don't want to make that mistake.”

“Steve is bringing dinner over later,” Cassie said.

Amiee stuck her head out from the kitchen. “Is it KFC?”

“No,” Cassie answered, laughing.

“Darn,” Amiee muttered, and retreated back to the kitchen.

Karen, Cassie, and I spent the afternoon assembling wedding favors for the tabletops at the reception. We laughed and rolled through childhood memories, and cried when we talked about our parents, both of whom had died far too young.

Steve arrived with Chinese takeout and we sat around and ate with chopsticks and talked well into the night. Sunday morning, Cassie cooked us breakfast and Karen and I headed back to our respective homes.

When Owen and I stopped at a rest stop I called Rocco to tell him we were on our way back.

“Hey,” I said when he answered.

“Hey.”

The rough timbre of his voice gave me a warm, happy feeling.

“Did you have a good time with your sisters?”

“The best.”

“How far out are you?”

I gave him my best guesstimate. “Maybe an hour or more.”

He hesitated. “Can I see you when you're back?”

I looked down at the asphalt and kicked a small rock. I was hoping he'd suggest we get together. “I'd like that.”

“Come to my place.”

“Okay.”

He hesitated, as if unsure whether he should say anything. “I missed you.”

I closed my eyes. Rocco wasn't one to make flowery speeches or romantic declarations. His simple words had a strong impact on me. “I've missed you, too. My sisters are anxious to meet you.”

Again, the hesitation. “You sure you want me with you at this wedding? I mean, it won't upset me if you'd rather I didn't come.”

“Rocco, of course I want you at the wedding. Why would you think otherwise?”

He didn't answer.

“Rocco?”

“I'll tell you when you get here.”

I'll admit he had me worried. All the times I'd talked about my sisters with Rocco, I knew he was looking forward to meeting them. He teased me that he was going to learn all the weird things I'd done as a kid from Karen and Cassie so he could taunt me.

Rocco had one sister who currently lived in Texas. Her husband was in the military and they moved around quite a bit. Although he hadn't said much, I got the idea that the two of them were close. His parents had moved to be near his sister, and his mother was in poor health.

Because I was curious about Rocco's concerns over the wedding, instead of returning to the apartment I drove directly to his house. He must have been watching for me, because as soon as I pulled up, he stepped out of the house. By the time I had the engine off, he'd opened the back door and was getting Owen out of his car seat.

“How're you doing, little man?” Rocco asked my son.

Owen laid his head on Rocco's shoulder and yawned. “Amiee liked my twuck.”

Rocco looked to me. “His cousin?”

I nodded. “It took him a while to warm up to her, but they were best buds by the time we left.”

Rocco led the way into the house, his hand at the small of my back. I followed him into the kitchen and he automatically brewed me a cup of coffee. Owen sat in my lap, asleep with his head against my shoulder. Kaylene was either in her bedroom or out with friends.

“You want to tell me what your hang-up is about the wedding?” I'd been stewing about this ever since he first mentioned it.

Rocco shrugged and looked uneasy. He expelled his breath and then said, “I've never been to a wedding before.” He made it sound as if this was a major flaw in his character.

“Never?” I found that hard to believe.

“Not one that took place in an actual church,” he elaborated. “A friend of mine knocked up a girl and they got married in a tavern. I sat at the bar, but that's as close to a formal wedding as I've come.”

I wasn't sure what to say.

He tucked his hands into his back pockets and then promptly removed them. “I told you, Nichole, I'm no prize.”

“Attending a church wedding isn't the criteria I consider necessary.” Frankly, I was relieved. I thought he didn't want to go.

“Will I have to do anything special?” Leaning against the counter, he crossed his thick arms.

“Not a thing. I won't be sitting with you during the actual ceremony. I'll be standing next to my two sisters and Amiee at the altar. But as soon as the wedding is over I'll be with you.”

He studied me for a long moment. “You sure you still want me attending this shindig?”

“More than ever,” I assured him.

He shook his head. “Before I know it you'll have me sipping tea with my pinkie in the air.”

I laughed and Rocco grinned. He had the most beautiful smile. I could drown in it, just the way it made me feel.

He momentarily looked away. “The thing is I'd be willing to do just about anything if it meant I could be with you.”

Stunned, I leaned forward and stretched out my arm. “Come here so I can feel your forehead to see if you have a temperature. You okay?”

His head came back. “Yes, why?”

“That was the most romantic thing you've ever said to me.”

“Don't get used to it,” he teased.

The front door opened and Kaylene burst into the house, shouting, “Dad.”

“In here.”

“Where's Nichole? I saw her car parked outside.”

“In here with your dad,” I called back. By the time I finished, the teenager was in the kitchen.

“We're still going, aren't we?” Kaylene asked, looking from her dad to me and then back again.

“It seems we are,” Rocco said, grinning over at me.

Kaylene gleamed with delight. “I've never been to a real wedding and Dad let me get a new dress and shoes and he even liked what Kelly and I picked out. Dad looks handsome in his suit, too.”

I looked to Rocco. “I remember.”

He shrugged and grinned. “Glad you think so.”

“About Thanksgiving,” I said, looking to the two of them. “We're all invited to Steve's house.”

“All of us?” Kaylene said, eyes widening.

“Yes. Cassie and I are cooking all our family's favorite recipes. Steve's house is much bigger than Cassie's. The wedding is Saturday, so it makes sense for us to spend the holiday together.”

“What about your older sister?” Rocco asked.

“Karen and her family are going to her in-laws' place. She'll arrive Friday.”