A Good Dude (29 page)

“Candace, I’m standing here shaking. I’ve been through so many ups and downs with this. Do you mean it, baby? Can we really come see you?”

“Yes, Mom. I’ll give you my address now, if you want.”

Her mother breathed deeply into the phone. “Mama, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, baby. Nothing’s wrong.”

“Are you crying?”

Katherine Hendricks sniffled. “It’s okay, Candace. Lord knows this is a good cry. It’s okay, baby. This, it’s just fine.”

Candace called Tino after she got off the phone with her mom. She wasn’t prepared for the multitude of deceit she’d have to dispense.

“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s going on?” she asked.

“Nothing. Thinking about you.”

“You say that every time I call.”

“You don’t think it’s possible?”

“Not twenty-four hours.”

“How come?”

“Cause you’d be a blubbering idiot,” she teased. “Or a psychopath. And I wouldn’t go out with either.”

“Touché,” he said.

“You busy?”

“I’m playing Madden with
mi tio
.”

“
Uncle?
”

“Yeah, that’s right.
Ugh!
I’m getting my ass kicked over here. He gets a first down every time. What’s going on with you? Did you go to the airport yet?”

“Yeah. I’m on my way back,” Candace said. “I got my little girl.”

“That’s great! I can’t wait to see her. Hold on, dude,” he said off-line. “Are your parents staying for a while?”

“No. They’re on their way back already. And it was just my mom. She came by herself.”

“She flew all the way from New York and she’s flying right back? She’s not staying overnight?”

All of Candace’s lies were pretty far-fetched, but now they were getting ridiculous.

“Yeah. But she flies all the time. That’s nothing to her.”

“Still . . . .”

Candace bit her lip. She knew her story was dumb. And now she had to tell him the truth, which was going to sound even dumber.

“My mom and dad are both coming down next week,” she said. “Probably Monday or Tuesday. They’ll stay a little while then.”

“They’re coming
back
?” Tino exclaimed.

“They didn’t get a chance to visit this time.”

“I know, but . . . . Listen, don’t get me wrong. I’m not dissing your parents or anything, but why didn’t they both come today? Why would they waste a ticket if they’re coming next week anyway?”

What a tangled web we weave.

Candace thought fast. “I guess I’m spoiled, Tino. I told them I wanted Leila back. My mom told me to wait till they come next week, but I told her I wanted my baby
today
. So she brought her.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah.”

“And they’re still coming next week?” Tino asked. “Yeah.”

“
Damn
,” he said. “Your parents must have a shitload of money! If I asked my mom to do something like that, she would laugh in my face.”

Mine would, too
, Candace thought, hating that she suddenly felt like shit on such a wonderful day.

She couldn’t call her friend to tell her the good news, so Candace stopped by Trisha’s on the way home. Leila had been so quiet during the drive, Candace thought she was asleep, but when she opened the back door, the infant stared up at her curiously.

“Hi there,” Candace said. “You doing okay?” She spoke cheerily as she undid the straps on the car seat. Everything was going fine until Candace reached in and actually
touched
her baby. When she did that, Leila’s features molded into an unmistakable frown of displeasure.

It was one of those
who the hell are you
looks.

Undaunted, Candace lifted her baby from the car seat. Leila immediately began to scream,
loudly
, as if she were in pain. In her eighteen years on earth, Candace had loved and lost and even had her heart broken a few times. But no pain she ever felt could compare to being rejected by her own baby. She put Leila on her shoulder and tried to comfort her in the parking lot.

“Shhh,” she cooed. “It’s okay, baby.
I’m your mother
.”

But Leila didn’t care to hear that. She didn’t want this strange woman holding her, and she didn’t want Candace talking to her, either.

“Come on, baby.” She rubbed Leila’s back and the baby stopped crying for a second. Candace let out a sigh of relief, but it had only been a ploy. Leila was simply taking a breath. With fresh lungs, she belted out a prolonged shriek that nearly split Candace’s eardrum.

“Oh, don’t do this,” Candace pleaded. She bounced her daughter up and down. She rocked side to side. She even twisted right and left, but Leila didn’t respond to anything. Candace grabbed the diaper bag and quickly climbed the steps to her friend’s apartment. Leila screamed like a banshee the whole time. Candace busted through her friend’s door with sweat and tears streaming down her face. Instead of the beautiful baby she promised, Candace looked like she found a wounded animal outside and wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“
Whoa!
What the—” Trisha sat up in the couch, spilling a bag of Cheetos from her stomach. “Candace! You got your baby! Girl, what’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know,” Candace moaned. She dropped the diaper bag and wiped her face roughly.

“Is she wet?”

“Huh?”

“
Is she wet
?” Trisha almost had to yell over Leila’s racket.

Candace felt the bottom of her child’s diaper and shook her head.

“Is she hungry?” Trisha came closer so she could see the baby’s face. “Let me hold her, Candace.”

Candace reluctantly gave the baby up. She planned to snatch her back if Leila stopped crying in Trisha’s arms, but that didn’t happen. Even this well-seasoned mother couldn’t get the baby to stop fussing.

Candace stayed there twenty minutes. Leila didn’t scream the whole time, but she never stopped crying. She never stopped frowning or looking like the saddest baby in the world. They tried to feed her, sing to her, and entertain her with shiny toys, but nothing worked.

“What should I do?” Candace asked. She managed to stop her own tears from falling, but was still close to panic. Maybe her baby was hurting somewhere. Maybe she swallowed something while riding in the back. Candace wondered if one of Mrs. Whitley’s last-minute instructions might pertain to this.

“I don’t know what her problem is,” Trisha said after a while. She handed the infant back to her befuddled friend. “Take her home and hold her for a while. She can’t keep this up. She’ll tire herself out sooner or later.”

Sooner or later?

“That’s it?” Candace asked. “Let her tire herself out
?
” That seemed grossly inadequate. Maybe even dangerous. “She needs to get used to you,” Trisha said.

“But can’t you—”

“She needs to get used to
you
,” Trisha said. “That’s what your problem is now. She doesn’t know who her mama is. You keep letting other people take care of her, and she ain’t never gon’ get it right.”

Candace knew her friend had a point because she felt the same way a couple of weeks ago. “I have to work tonight,” she said. “Are you still going to watch her?”

“Yeah,” Trisha said. “Whenever you need. But right now . . . .” she looked at the wall clock, “. . . it’s eleven o’clock. That gives you seven hours to bond with your baby. So take her home. I’ll see you later.” Trisha yawned and rubbed her eyes.

“You’re kicking me out?” Candace asked.

“Naw, girl. I wouldn’t kick you out.” But Trisha walked to the door and opened it as she spoke.

Candace followed. “What if she doesn’t stop?”

“She will,” Trisha said. “She can’t keep that up much longer.”

* * *

When Candace put Leila back in her car seat, the baby stopped crying almost immediately. Candace bit her nails and drove across the street as slowly as possible. She thought the ugly episode was over, but Leila started up again when Candace took her out of the car a second time. The baby continued to cry when they got in the apartment.

Candace tried everything she learned in her parenting classes, but her baby wasn’t hot or cold. Leila wasn’t hungry or full or sick. There was nothing in her child-rearing books about what to do when your baby doesn’t know you, and that sour fact was enough to make Candace start crying again, too. So she sat on the couch with the baby in her arms and they cried together, just two little kids who didn’t know what the hell was going on in the world.

Leila stopped first. Out of sheer exhaustion, her yells eventually slowed to sobs and finally soft pants. When Candace looked down and saw that she was finally asleep, she didn’t take her to the crib as she originally planned. Instead Candace unbuttoned her shirt and positioned the baby’s head between her breasts. She hoped her scent would trigger something in the infant’s memory.

“
I’m
your mother,” she whispered. “
I’m
your mother.”

* * *

Candace’s cell phone rang at two o’clock. She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep. Leila was still on her chest, snoring lightly. Candace carefully placed the baby on the couch next to her, but the gentle move was enough to wake her. Candace rushed to the love seat, where her phone called out from her purse.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Candace. What’s going on?” It was Tino.

“I must’ve fallen asleep,” she said. “I gotta—I need to feed the baby.” She dug for a bottle in the diaper bag Mrs. Whitley gave her. She really didn’t want to keep or use anything from those people’s house, but Candace didn’t think she’d have time to mix her own formula.

“That’s just like parents,” Tino said. “Borrow your baby and don’t fill it up when they bring it back.”

Candace laughed. She took the bottle to the kitchen and yanked the nipple off. In the living room Leila had gone from fussing to crying already. Candace threw the bottle in the microwave and rushed back to the front room. She scooped her baby from the couch, and Leila actually quieted down. Candace crooked the phone on her shoulder and headed back to the kitchen.

“Hey, let me call you back,” she told Tino.

“All right. I just wanted to let you know I was coming by later.”

“Tino, I work tonight.”