A Graceful Mess (22 page)

“Oh, no! I am so sorry!” Letting go of me she backs away. Tears start to fall from her face as her eyes take in my body. Her once beautiful eyes are now swollen and puffy. I wonder how long she has been crying. Moving away from the door frame I gesture her in. She looks over her shoulder and around the field before walking inside. She is still scared of Brody; sadly, I am too.

“Parker, I am so glad to see you. I am so sorry. I wish it were me. It was meant for me. He wanted me dead, not you. Parker, please forgive me.” Her voice shakes as she rambles.

What is she talking about? Why would he want her dead? My brain doesn’t have time to form questions and ask her what she is talking about before her needy hands start to roam my body.

“Parker…” Kisses trail down my face to my neck. Her petite stature is too short so she makes do and moves her kisses to my chest. Not satisfied with the cloth in between her lips and my skin she starts to raise my shirt.

“Whoa…hold on…Grace, be easy, sweetheart.” I know there is plenty to talk about, but who would deny the woman they love when she is throwing herself at you? Not me. No fucking way.

“Hold on, let me help you. Raise the hem up and slide it up, but watch my sling. I’m still really sore.” Nodding her head, she does as instructed. She is breathing heavily like she just ran a marathon.

“Parker, I need you. I want you inside me. Please fuck me. Use your mouth to take away my pain. I’m begging you.” Her words are raw, and I know they are packed with emotion. I can see it in her eyes. They need me; she needs me. Now more than ever.

Her knees drop to the floor as her fingers fumble around the elastic of my shorts. Pulling them down slightly, she kisses the soft area above my dick. Tilting my head back, I am amazed at this woman bending down in front of me. I reach behind my back and pull the gun out of its hiding place and lie it facing away from us on the back of the couch cushion. Grace doesn’t notice, which is good. I don’t want to startle her; she has been through enough. Her hands move the silk material down farther as my hard-on springs up and says hello to the world. Opening her mouth like my dick is her favorite flavored popsicle, she licks the tip. After taking a moment to gauge my reaction, her lips spread wider as she takes me in. Last time she wasn’t so sure of herself. This time there is no stopping her. The sounds of wetness as her head bobs up and down fill the air. A blow job never felt so good, but I’m not about to blow my fucking load right here in the middle of my living room. Interrupting her steady movement, my hand grabs the back of her head. Tilting her head up towards me, with her lips parted around my cock, her blue eyes beg to be told what to do.

“Go to the bedroom and lie down on my bed, naked.” Without a word she stands up and turns on her heels headed in the direction of my bedroom. Grabbing my gun, I tuck it back in my pants and slowly make my way down the hallway after her. Opening the door, I can see she listened to my instructions. I find her lying on my bed naked, staring up at the ceiling fan that is spinning around and around. Walking over to the side of the bed I remove the gun from my pants and place it pointing towards the wall. Her eyes trail to the nightstand where it sits, but she doesn’t say anything. I figured she would be terrified of guns, especially after what just happened, but she doesn’t seem fazed. My knees bend in front of me as my hand grabs her ankles and pulls her body to the side of the bed. Silence lingers in the air as I lower my head to kiss her core. This is my attempt at making her forget. A few minutes pass before she makes a sound and then I feel her start to sit up as her hands grasp my biceps.

“Thank you, Parker.” My lips pause. “Thank you for being here with me. I was so scared I was going to lose you.”

“Lose me? Sweetheart, it would take more than one bullet to keep me away from you. You can trust me on that.”

“Then why do you keep leaving me letters saying goodbye? I don’t get it. Why don’t you want to be with me?”

Women love to talk about their feelings. We all know that, but right now, right here, I don’t really mind talking about things. Other than the damper it puts on my throbbing cock. As I stand up, she scoots back on the bed. I bend to sit on the mattress and sit directly in front of her. It’s hard not to look down at her beautiful, naked body and want to plow right into her, but I try my best. I take her hands in mine, and she starts to sniffle.

“Why are you so sad?”

“I’m not sad; I’m happy. These are happy tears. I was so, so scared, Parker, and then I didn’t know what was going on. Poor Carson had to keep me updated through text messages while I was at the police station.”

I already knew all of that from what Carson had told me on the ride home from the hospital. What I didn’t know was the emotional toll it actually took on her. This poor woman sitting in front of me looks like a mess. Her cheeks are noticeably red from crying.

“I know. I can’t imagine if I were in your shoes, but everything is okay. Look. Look at my shoulder. The doctors fixed me up and there is nothing to worry about now.” Trying to make her feel better I lean in and plant a kiss on her forehead.

“Then tell me why you don’t want us to be together. All we do when we see each other is have sex. Is that all I am to you, some girl you fuck when your dick is hard?” Reaching up with my hand I cradle her face. My fingers rest on her soft cheeks as I hold her head firmly in place.

“Don’t you ever talk about yourself like that again, do you hear me? You know damn well I don’t think of you like that, or at least you should. Or is that really all you think you are is some cheap skank I met at a bar and screwed a couple of times?” Her silence answers my question.

“That’s fucking great, Grace.” She flinches as I jump up off of the bed and pace my bedroom.

What the fuck?

Does she honestly not know how much I care about her? For Christ’s sake, I took a bullet trying to protect her! Sobs catch in her throat making her choke. Pinching the bridge of my nose I know what I have to do.

“Grace…”

“Stop calling me that! You never call me Grace. Not once, not ever, and now it’s Grace this, Grace that!” Her petite body slinks down into the bed as she covers her face with a pillow.

“I love you, sweetheart. Okay? Do you hear me or are you even listening? I fucking love you, Grace. I probably have since the night I first laid eyes on you.” I omit the part where I first saw her beautiful face in a manila folder at my office.

Her crying stops and I can tell she is holding her breath. I am too, if we’re being honest. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders to say those words out loud. Slowly she sits up. I wish I could say she looked happy, ecstatic maybe, but really she looks like she is about to bite my head off and hand it to me on a silver platter. As she moves to the end of the bed on her knees, I walk over to stand in front of her. Opening her mouth, she starts to talk, but then stops. Shutting her eyes, she bites her lower lip.

“You love me, do you? You love me enough to leave me, on, not one, but two occasions without so much as a proper goodbye? Do you know what kind of hell I have been through? Well, let me fill you in. That son of a bitch, who shot you, got me pregnant, and you want to know the worst part, sweetheart? He fucking raped me over and over until the fetus died inside of me…” Tears stream down her face causing her to pause mid-sentence as she wipes them away with the back of her hand. “And then he tried to cut my own baby, my flesh and blood, out of me with a pocket knife. So, Parker, when you claim you love me, well, I’ve heard that line before, and it didn’t end so well.”

Bile rises in my throat as her words slap me in the face. She doesn’t believe me and why would she? Brody royally screwed her up. Suddenly it all makes sense and I want to punch myself for not noticing it sooner. That night in the bar, that first time I met her, he was the creep watching her. The second time at Shameless, I thought I recognized the same dude, but I couldn’t recall from where. The third time, the hand that pulled the trigger, the man behind it had a tattoo across his fingers that read
Grace
. What a fucking idiot. How could I have been so blind, and how can I keep denying my feelings for her? She doesn’t deserve that, especially not after the hell she has been through. I remember her talking about an ex-boyfriend that was a total douchebag before, but she didn’t really give me any details. I would have never imagined she would be harboring all of this screwed up shit. No wonder she doesn’t believe I love her. Every man she has ever known has deceived her in one way or another. Mark Jacobs gave her away, Mr. Clearwater has been lying to her about being adopted, and now Brody, her psycho ex-boyfriend, tried to practically kill her – again.

Why are you so fucking stupid, Parker? How could you keep pushing such a perfect woman away?

Trying to protect her, I’ve caused her more pain. The worst part is I know I’m just going to hurt her like every other man she has ever known. Once she finds out who I am, and what I really do for work, she will hate me, but that’s a chance I’m going to have to take because I can’t continue to push her away.

Raising my hand, I use the tips of my fingers to wipe away the tears that are streaming from her face. She lets me, which is a shocker. I figured she would swat my hands away the moment they touched her face. With both of my hands I hold her hand in front of me.

“Grace Clearwater, I am in love with you. I’m sorry I’ve been a royal douche…”

“Shh…it doesn’t matter. Whatever made you want to push me away, none of it matters. All that matters is you and I, right here, right now. Make me forget about all the bad, Parker. Help me forget, please.”

His lips crush into mine. It’s like my mind turns off. The pain, the anger, it all disappears as our mouths become one. Pushing me backwards he starts to shed his clothes in a frantic hurry. I catch him wincing a few times from the pain in his shoulder, but it doesn’t slow him down. Climbing on top of me, he puts his index finger and middle finger into my mouth. I know what he is doing; he has done it before. I suck on them, just enough so they are wet enough to rub on my core. Little does he know I am already horny and ready to go. Without warning he shoves the two fingers I just sucked into me.

“Ahh…” He isn’t being gentle, but it doesn’t hurt. It turns me on more than I think it should. The look he has on his face and the glow in his eye is screaming with a yearning to be inside me. His fingers pump into me at a rapid pace until I feel like I am coming unglued. My hands grip the covers as my body bends and arches with pleasure.

“Parker, I’m going to come!” His fingers pull out of me suddenly right before my release and I am left panting and begging for more. Making eye contact again, I am reminded of our little argument and I know that he did it out of spite. That’s fine. I’m mad too. I’m hurt and sad and angry. I push myself up on my knees and bring my hand up to push his body back. I forget about his shoulder in the heat of the moment, and he grabs my hand right before it connects with his chest.

“Easy, sweetheart, you don’t want me to have to tie you up.”

Is he joking?

I doubt it, and honestly right now I think I would let him. I don’t know why I am so turned on by that. It’s like I want to be bossed around and treated like the tramp I claimed he treated me as. I do like it and two can play this game. Pushing my limits, I raise my hand again and act like I am going to push him backwards. His hand flies up and grabs me around the wrist, and before I know it I am lying backwards on the mattress. Staring up at him, he has a grin on his face. He likes this. This is what he meant when he talked about playing games. I vaguely remember the conversation, but I do remember him talking about some woman he used to play them with.

Okay, I’ll play.

“I’m not afraid of you. Just like I’m not afraid of Brody anymore. If you want me, you know you can take me, but if you want me to fight, I can do that too.” He looks shocked. Honestly, I am too by the words that just came out of my mouth. I feel like these desires have been hidden deep down within me and his sudden sexual taunting unleashed the inner me, one that even I am stunned to hear. The adventurous woman who just spoke wants him to take control. At least then, I won’t have to think.

“You want to fight?” His voice is harsh as he peers down at me with a clenched jaw. Oh, no, maybe I shouldn’t have tempted him. It’s like holding a juicy steak out in front of a hungry Rottweiler. It’s something that no one in their right mind should ever do. That’s about how I feel right now as he stares down at me with a wicked look on his face.

“Umm, not necessarily, but if that’s what we need to do to hash out this little situation, I suppose we can.”

“Lie on your stomach. Now.” Doing as instructed, I flip from my back to my stomach. My head is to the side. I don’t think he notices I am looking at him, but I watch him as he looks me over, from my toes back up to my head, and then tilts his head back, all the while stroking his penis.

“Close your fucking eyes and put your butt in the air. That’s good. Now spread your legs apart, just a little bit. Can you reach your pussy?”