A Guardians Angel (25 page)

“Instead of Dr. Young?”

“He is an inept quacksalver.” He sighed. “He did manage to save Delicia, but not Elizabeth. Nearly a year later, we discovered Delicia could not hear.” Coming to his feet again, he turned his back on her, as if he could not bear to let her see his expression when he said, “I have asked myself over and over if things might have been different if I had not rushed off in a caper-witted quest for glory.”

Angela tried to keep her tears in her eyes. It was impossible. She put her hands to her face and sobbed. He had been right when he warned her that the grief was too fresh for him, even years later.

Her hands were drawn down, and she met Justin’s sorrowful eyes. “Angela, I did not mean to make you cry. This pain is not one I intended to inflict on you.”

“How could I not be moved by what you have endured?” She raised her hand to edge along his cheek as he had done to her so often. “I love you, Justin.”

All color raced from his face. He released her hands and stood. “Are you mad?”

“No, I am being honest.” She reached up for his hands, but he held them away from her. A sickness burst from her heart to fall through her like a stone through water. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I had hoped that you would not be as foolish as I have been.”

Slowly she stood. “Are you saying that you love me, too? Or are you saying …?” She choked on the words she could not speak.

“I thought you realized why I told you the truth.”

“Because you wanted to be honest with me.” She grasped his sleeves as she stepped around him so she could see his face. “And I am being honest with you. For some reason that I cannot explain or some fate that has been determined to complicate my stay at Oslington Court, I have fallen in love with you, Justin.”

He plucked her hands off his sleeves. “I never thought you would be so foolish.”

“Foolish? You think falling in love with you is foolish?”

“Yes.” Again he walked away from her.

“Mayhap you are right, but I cannot halt my heart from wanting to be yours.” She went to him and put her fingertips on his back. “Will you take it?”

“No.”

“No?” She recoiled as if he had struck her.

“No. I was a fool for love once. I shall not be one again.”

Her eyes widened, and she grasped his sleeve. When he did not face her, she stepped around him so he could not evade her. “So that is it?”

“It must be.”

“Then I suspect there is nothing more to say,” she whispered.

“You probably are right.”

“Save that a heart that refuses to risk itself again is already dead.”

This time, he winced, but he only repeated, “You probably are right.”

Angela waited for him to add something else. Anything that would suggest this wraith was not the vibrant man she had fallen in love with. That man loved life and all its experiences while he filled her dreams with laughter and the luscious memory of his embrace.

He said nothing.

She walked out of the parlor and then out of the house. Thomas was waiting with impatience by the pony cart, which was stacked high with rolled papers and the butterfly net.

“I was wondering if you were going to make me wait all day,” he grumbled.

“Completing my conversation with Lord Harrington took longer than I had expected.” That was a lie. She had hoped that the conversation would go on and on as they spoke of a love they shared.

“You should have considered that before you banished me prematurely from Harrington Grange.”

“Do not get into a pelter with me! ’Tis your guardian who has insisted that you do not call here again.”

“And you are determined not to do anything to fall out of favor with him, aren’t you?” His lip twisted in a sneer. “Guardian’s angel!”

She looked away from his anger, not wanting him to discover how that name hurt today when he had not used it in so long. Her heart was too fragile now to argue with him. She motioned for him to get into the cart, then climbed in herself. Picking up the reins, she did not look back as they drove away from Harrington Grange for the last time.

Seventeen

“Bow first, then turn,” Angela said as she clapped her hands to mark the rhythm of the quadrille. “Otherwise, you will run into another lady in the pattern.”

Leonia nodded. “It looks so much easier than it is to do it myself.”

“You will learn.”

Running to where Angela sat on a low bench in the parlor, Leonia took her hands. “What is amiss, Angela? I swear that I have not seen you smile in more than a week.”

“How can I smile when you are not working on your dance steps? Her Grace will be irritated at us.”

“She is always irritated at one or another of us. Mayhap we should give her cause to be for once instead of her just deciding on what we have failed at today.”

“That is cynical.”

“Why are you decrying me as cynical when you have been utterly dejected?”

Angela drew her hands from Leonia’s. She owed the young woman an explanation, and she would give Leonia one once she had devised it. To speak the truth now was too painful. She could not talk of how she had dared to offer her heart to a man who did not want it.

It would be a good lesson for Leonia to know that she is not the only one whose love is not reciprocated
.

She paid that small, taunting voice no mind. Raising her hands, she said, “Let’s continue, Leonia. I would like to have you have one set perfect before Her Grace comes to see your progress.”

“I do not care a rap what Her Grace thinks of my ability to cavort about a ballroom.”

“By all that’s blue, Leonia! You should not speak so.”

“Me?” Leonia’s eyes were in danger of popping clear out of her head. “I thought you said such cant was not appropriate for a lady.”

Angela nodded. “You are correct, for I was correct. I fear I have quite forgotten myself.”

“Why?” Again Leonia seized Angela’s hand. “You are trembling. Either you are frightened, or you are suffering from some great emotion you do not wish to share. As I have seen that you are less daunted by Her Grace than the rest of us, I can only deduce that it must be the latter.”

“Leonia, please leave well enough alone.”

“But you are my friend, Angela! I do not want you to be upset.”

“I am your
companion
, here to teach you the niceties of the Polite World. I must not disappoint my employer, or I shall find myself without a roof over my head.”

Lowering her eyes, Leonia said, “You do not disappoint Rodney. He has told me so himself not more than a day ago. He said you had proven yourself to be far more adept in teaching me than he had imagined when his mother arranged for you to come here.” Puzzlement filled her voice. “That I comprehended, for I share his opinion on that. However, I do not know why he continued by saying that he suspected you would prove your value to this household to an even greater measure soon.”

Angela was not sure how to answer. That the duke was pleased with her work and intended to keep her on at Oslington Court should be a great relief, for she would not have to crawl back to London to beg her brother’s charity. Yet, she longed to leave so she did not find herself, far too frequently, gazing out a window like an abandoned child toward Harrington Grange. Justin had made his opinion clear, and, now that she had made certain he had the information he needed to help Delicia, she should banish him from her mind and her heart.

“You are,” Angela said in her sternest voice, “spending too much time in prattling that could be better spent with you learning this quadrille.”

For a moment, she thought that Leonia would balk, but the young woman nodded and went back to the center of the room. Angela began again to call out the steps while she clapped her hands to match the rhythm of the dance.

Leonia was halfway through the set of steps when slow footfalls paused by the doorway. When Leonia whirled, and her eyes filled with joy, Angela knew the duke must be entering the room.

Coming to her feet, Angela forced a smile. The duke was looking much better than he had a week before. His healthy color was returning, and his gait was much steadier. Dressed in prime twig, as if he were about to embark on calls in Town, he gave Leonia a pat on the cheek as he passed her to go to where Angela stood.

“Good morning, Miss Needham,” he said. “I see Leonia’s lessons are going well.”

“Very well, Your Grace.” She glanced at Leonia, who was now quite crestfallen, but trying to keep a brave façade in front of her beloved guardian. “She is mastering these steps with a skill that many would envy.”

“I am pleased to hear that.” Without looking at Leonia, he said, “Go to the nursery and collect your siblings. Please take them into the garden for some fresh air, Leonia, before the rain in those gathering clouds on the horizon starts falling.”

Dismay filled the young woman’s eyes, and she gave Angela a pleading look.

Knowing it was useless, Angela began, “Your Grace—”

He held up his hand. “One moment, Miss Needham. Is there something you wish to say before you take your leave, Leonia?”

“Yes … I mean …” She clenched her hands at her sides, then said, “I shall see you for luncheon, Rodney.”

“Mayhap.” He seemed to take note of her despair, for he added, “You and the other children will be joining Mother and me for dinner this evening, because I have something I wish to tell you.”

“About what?” Leonia gazed up at him with adoration.

He either did not see it or acted as if he had not. “Be patient, Leonia. Now go and retrieve your siblings from the nursery.”

Her “Yes, Rodney” was barely audible.

Angela tried to stifle the pulse of anger that swept through her. How she would like to dress down both Justin and the duke! They might deride one another for leather-heads, but, if the truth be owned, they were much alike. Too much alike, because they could not see the truth on the faces—and in the hearts—of those around them.

Knowing that she would be wise to keep her tongue between her teeth, Angela said quietly, “Your Grace, Leonia is no longer a child.”

He arched an eyebrow. “She is barely out of the schoolroom. You have said yourself that she still has many lessons to learn before she can enjoy her coming-out.”

“But she is older by several years than the other children, and she yearns to be separated from them. Not by distance, for she loves them dearly. But she aches to be welcomed into the adult world.”

“That time will come when it is right.”

“You may be surprised how close that time is, Your Grace.” Again she knew she was overstepping herself, but she wanted to ease Leonia’s distress. “Are you still planning to fire her off during the next Season?”

Instead of answering, he gestured, “Please sit down, Miss Needham. I would like to speak to you of a sensitive matter.”

Angela stiffened. Mayhap Leonia had been mistaken when she heard the duke speak of keeping Angela here at Oslington Court. As she sat where she had been watching Leonia practice her steps, she fought her yearning to rush to the window and peer out at the roof of Harrington Grange. How much more want-witted could she be? She should be thinking of a way to avoid returning to London rather than lamenting about not seeing Justin again.

But it was futile. Her heart sent a flood of tears to her eyes. Even worse than being beneath her sister-in-law’s thumb, required to listen to a litany of her complaints about Angela, would be to know that there was no hope of chancing upon Justin during a walk or at an assembly. She could live with a broken heart. That she had learned during the past week. Living without hope was something she was unsure if she could endure.

The duke proved once again that he was oblivious to anyone else’s emotions when he was focused on his own goals. She let her sigh sift soundlessly through her teeth. Faulting the duke for something that was part of his nature would gain her nothing but more misery.

Reaching for a piece of folded paper, he opened it on his lap. His fingers tapped the page as he said, “I own that I have given firing-off Leonia some thought, but I have made no decision.”

“Because you still see her as a child, I am afraid.”

“Not exactly a child, Miss Needham, even though I have known her since she was very young.” He continued to drum on the paper. “I realize she is nearly grown, but I also acknowledge my obligations to her father. The colonel would not be pleased if I abandoned even one of my duties as Leonia’s guardian.”

“I did not mean to suggest that.”

“I know.” A rare smile barely tipped his lips. “Forgive me, Miss Needham. It is an effort for me not to take my duties
too
seriously.”

She smiled. “I understand that.”

“Yes, I am certain you do, for you have taken your duties here very seriously.” Again that ghost of a grin appeared. “Even when Mother has made every effort to get in your way. She will be leaving to return to London by the week’s end.”

Angela was not sure how to reply. She must never give any hint of her relief at the thought of Her Grace being far from Oslington Court, and she must caution the children to be as circumspect. Was that possible? She almost laughed aloud at the idea of Esther or Seth keeping the truth to themselves.

“I trust she has enjoyed her visit,” Angela said, knowing she must not remain silent.

“She is leaving, not because she does not enjoy Oslington Court, but because the rest of us are leaving, too.”

“Leaving?” A heaviness dropped deep through her stomach. If the duke was planning to depart from Oslington Court, he might have no further need of her services … and she would have no choice but to return to London far from Justin.

“It is clear that the children are not happy here.”

“They have been adjusting.”

He waved aside her words as if she had said nothing of import. Holding up the page, he said, “I have arranged passage on a ship from Dover to take the children to Europe and Africa and eventually back to India.”

“India?”

“They are homesick for the world they knew.”

“Mayhap the younger ones, but I know that Leonia is anxious for her Season.”