A Heart for Rebel (6 page)

T
HE SOUND OF arguing broke me out of my revelry. I
looked out the window and saw that Bailey was home.

“Mrs. Sullivan, I
have to go. Bailey is home and it sounds like Victor is in a heated argument. Bailey
and I will be by later for dinner,” I said.

“Alright Rebel. Be
careful,” Mrs. Sullivan said. I made my way to her door and stepped out. The
sight that greeted me made me want to bang my head against the wall. Victor had
Benny by the throat.

“Victor, what’s
wrong,” I asked.

“Jesus, Reby, I
thought you were with this fuckwad,” he said as he backed off and let Benny go.

“Why would you
think that?” I asked.

“I thought that
because when I rang the bell downstairs he answered. I asked for you and the
fucker laughed, but buzzed me up. I didn’t get a chance to knock on the door. This
scumbag was already waiting. He wouldn’t let me see you. He said you were indisposed
at the moment. What was I supposed to think?” he growled.

Benny did nothing,
nor did he say anything. The dirt bag only laughed. I wanted to smack the
hilarity out of him. It didn’t take long for my mother to appear looking like a
hot mess. She came out in only her bra and panties. She looked high. Her eyes
were blood shot red, her hair was a mess and she was literally dry humping
Benny.

“Benny, come back
to bed. I need you,” she said. What the hell? Is she for real?

“Rebel, go pack
Bailey’s things and while you are at it pack up your shit too. You both are
coming home with me,” Victor snarled. I was struck speechless. What do I say to
that? I know he’s right. Bailey shouldn’t be subjected to this shit, but could
I leave my mother? Who would look out for her?

“Victor, I
understand where you are coming from and I agree Bailey should return with you,
but I don’t know if I could leave my mother,” I said.

“It’s not up for a
debate, Rebel. You are coming home with me. What kind of father would I be if I
left you here,” he said.

“Victor, you’re not
my father. I don’t have a father, besides I’m all she has,” I said defensively.

“I may not be your
father Rebel, but the years I lived with your mother I took care of you. I
treated you like my daughter. Yes, I’ll admit I was strung out half the time,
but once I knew about Bailey I changed. So yes, I might not be your father, but
in my heart Rebel, you are my daughter,” he said. Oh.My.God, I had no idea he
saw me as a daughter. Yes, Victor was an alcoholic drug user when he first
lived with us, but the minute he knew my mother was having his baby he changed.
He tried to help my mother get clean, but that was a losing battle. She was
clean for nine months. The minute Bailey was born and she was sent home she
left Bailey alone with me while she went out. She scored drugs that day and
didn’t return home until the following day. Victor got fed up and left. I was
hurt. I was angry, but most of all I felt abandon because he left me. He was
the closest to a father I ever had. I knew Victor was right. Bailey didn't need
to be subjected to this intolerable living arrangement. I knew my mother was
out of control, but due to the circumstances of today, I knew it was spiraling
into something sinister, and disgusting. Bailey had to leave. She needed to
live a life that was nurturing and healthy. She certainly did not need a life
filled with the dementing, and perverted ways our mother was inflicting on us. I
was caught between a rock and a hard place. If I left, who will take care of
Ma? If I stayed, who will watch out for me? In the end, I opted for what was
best for my little sister.

“Victor, I agree.
Bailey doesn’t need to see our mother’s destructive life style. She needs
someplace safe. I’ll get her things ready. Please give her a good home, but I
need to stay. I need to take care of my mother,” I said.

“Reby, do you
honestly think I can just go and leave you here? I’m afraid I can’t do that. You
need to go pack your things as well. Your mother is a grown woman. You are not
responsible for her. She made her choice and this is how she chooses to live
her life. I refuse to leave you here and allow her to drag you down with her,”
he said.

Benny gripped my mother’s
elbows and pushed her away, "Anna, I want my money. If you don't get my
money soon, I'm taking what's mine. You know exactly what I want. You were good
in the sack, but what I want I feel will be a whole lot better. You feel
me?" My mother shook her head in agreement. Victor has his fist clenched.
I think he knows what Benny wants. Benny heads towards the stairs and starts
heading down them, but not before saying, "I'll be seeing you real soon,
Rebel."

"In your
dreams asshole," I yelled back.

"You're
feisty. I like it. It will be my pleasure to break you," he yelled back. Victor
pinned me with a stare then turns to my mother, “What the fuck did you just do,
Anna?"

"What I do
with my life is no longer your concern. Don't get all high and mighty with me
Victor," my mother snarled.

Victor turns to me,
"Reby, baby go get Bailey's things. I need to have a few words with your
mother." I look at him, nod my head, and grab Bailey’s hand. We walk
inside and head to her room.

"Wait here
munchkin. I will be right back, okay," I told her.

"Okay,
Reby," she whispered. I know she's scared out of her mind, but I need to
know what's going on with my mother and Victor. I sneak back to the door and
listen in.

“Go fuck yourself,
Victor. We are no longer together. You left me, remember?" my mother
snarled, sounding bitter.

"Anna, you
know why I left. I couldn't live like that anymore. I wanted to be a different
person for Bailey and Rebel. I wanted you to change. I wanted you to stop
drinking and doing drugs, but you wouldn't let that shit go. You made your
choice. I made my own. I understand you had a rough life and a miserable
childhood, but Anna, just because the past didn't turn out like you wanted it
to, doesn't mean your future can't be better than you've ever imagined. Get
your shit together and keep that douche away from Rebel, you hear me?" he
asked.

I sucked in a
breath. My chest hurt. My mother was willing to trade my body for the debt she
owes Benny. I would do anything for my mother, but never that. I'm done with
her and her fucked up life. I'm done with her screwing me over for her own needs.

“Fuck you, Victor. What
I do with my life is my business," my mother growled.

"I don't care
anymore. Kill yourself if you want. I'm taking Bailey with me, Rebel too if
she'll come with me," he said.

"You have no
right to take my daughters," my mother said.

"Watch me. Try
to fight me on this Anna, I will take you to court and I will fight you. I will
fight for them. They deserve to live a good life, and Anna living here with you
is not good," Victor growled. I heard enough. I ran back to Bailey’s room,
and packed as much of her belongings as I could. Then I went to my room and
packed the little shit I had. One last look around the room told me I was never
coming back. I grabbed my bag and walked out my room, closing the door behind
me. I grabbed Bailey’s bags and we both made our way outside the apartment.

"We're ready
Victor," I said. My voice was filled with emotions. I was sad. I was hurt.
I was angry, but most of all I was lost and broken. My mother whips her head
towards me, "Reby, you're leaving me?" she asked.

"Yeah, Ma. I'm
leaving. I can't keep living this hopelessness. I have dreams for a better life
and if I stay here I will never see my dreams come true. I heard what plans you
have for paying down your debt to Benny. I'm sorry, but my body is not for
sale. Good-bye mother, this will be the last time you will ever see me," I
said with conviction in my voice. She crumbles to the floor. She gets on her
knees and claps her hands together as if in prayer, "Please don't leave
me, Rebel. Who will take care of me?"

"Mother, it's
time you grow-up. I'm twenty-two years old and I'm more responsible than you
are. It's time for me to leave. It's time I live my life, for me. I can't keep
living your life. You decided what path you wanted. I know you had a rough one,
but guess what? There are a lot of people out there who have it rougher than
you, but they try, and struggle to rise for a better life.. Some succeed and
some don't, but Ma, you never even tried. You never tried for me, Bailey or for
yourself. You have no one to blame, but yourself. I really hope you get it
together," I said, walking towards the stairs. I heard her gut-wrenching
sobs, but I held strong and didn't look back. I knew if my mother did not
change this would be the last time I would ever see her again.

B
AILEY AND I have been living with Victor for several
months now. At first I was lost, confused, and jealous. Victor has a fiancée,
Camille Martin. She is absolutely the nicest person I've ever met. She dotes on
Bailey. This is where my jealousy comes from. I'm no longer making breakfast
for Bailey. Camille has taken over making her breakfast. I feel like a stranger
looking in on my little sister's life. I no longer work at the diner. Camille
was nice enough to get me employment in an art gallery. I love my new job, but
I miss Marissa. If I'm honest with myself, I miss Wyatt more. I only got one
night with him.

I replayed a
conversation I had with Victor a few days ago. "Life isn't about finding
yourself, Rebel. It's about discovering who God created you to be. Don't let
your upbringing define you. None of that was on you, but your mother. Don't
regret taking chances, because in the end, we only regret chances we didn't
take, relationships we are afraid to have, and decisions we waited too long to
make. If you have a chance on something beautiful, grab it and hold on for as long
as you can," Victor said.

"When did you
become a sage, Victor?" I playfully asked.

"Since I found
the strength to start over," he quietly said. He's absolutely right. I
need to let go and take a giant leap of faith. Hopefully, Wyatt is still free
to take that leap with me.

It was time for me
to start my life. It had been months since I'd spoken or seen Marissa. I've
been busy trying to get my bearings with work and trying to find myself, but I
needed to make time for her. I needed to have some fun.

I got a sweet
apartment above Victor's garage. It's not big by any standards, but it's mine.
The best thing about it is its rent free. Camille hooked it up for me with furniture.
I have a small living room, kitchenette, bedroom and a bathroom. It has the
basic furniture, sofa, TV, bed, and dresser. I now have a cell phone, courtesy
of Victor, who put me on his plan. I send Marissa a text asking to meet up
tonight at our favorite club.