A Holiday To Remember (4 page)

“That’ll take a long time. I’ve got
a lot
of stories.”

Ben cleared his throat. “I’ll look forward to hearing them.”

Which was just the opportunity she was looking for—a chance to leave. Debra’s chest felt tight. So many painful emotions were beating right along with her heart and she still felt vulnerable. Her defenses were down. Way down. This wasn’t how she was used to feeling. She took a step backward. “Mia and I will meet you at the hotel’s dining room, then, and we’ll bring our best stories of Mom with us.”

“I’d like that.” Ben swallowed hard, emotions playing on his face.

This had to be hard for him, too, she realized. That she’d never considered his end of things before surprised her now. It just went to show how off-center she’d been, how jumbled up, wrestling with grief over their mom’s loss and so many past issues being dug up. Ben seemed like a strong, assured man, but maybe he had the same worries. How would this work out in the long run? Would they find a way to bond? Or would, in the end, this attempt to get to know one another not work out?

Ben had taken the first risky steps. Maybe she could make one, too. “I’m so glad you invited us to visit. I look forward to getting to know my older brother better.”

He dipped his chin in thanks and his throat worked. He said nothing, but Debra knew she’d done the right thing. While she didn’t know how this would all turn out, she suddenly wanted it to work out, not just for Mia, but for herself. Mia was right. They’d lost Mom and now it seemed they were being given a chance for more family to love.

Would this help to heal the pain in her own life? Debra had to wonder. Either way, she had to make sure she did her part in all this, for Mia’s sake. She could see beyond the girl’s excitement and hope right down to the pain she carried inside. The pain of her grandmother’s loss. Maybe this would help heal that, too.

“Tonight, then.” Debra nodded to her brother, taking another step back, and there was Jonah, once again, within her sight. “You’ll let me know about the furniture? I imagine you’ll need a deposit or you’ll have an invoice or something to that effect?”

“Ben has your number. I’ll have him get ahold of you.” The carpenter looked up from his work, frozen in motion. “I’ll write up an invoice so you’ll know the cost of things. I’ll draw up some plans, just to make sure Miss Mia gets exactly what she wants. Would you like that, little lady?”

“Oh, yes!”

Debra knew one thing—it was safer to take another step backward and another until she was at the door and far from Jonah. “Come now, Mia. We need to get ready for tonight and I’m sure your uncle and Mr. Fraser want to get back to their work.”

“But Mom, I’ve got the best idea.” Mia clasped her hands together. “Uncle Ben, would it be all right if Jonah came with us tonight?”

Ben gave her a friendly wink. “You don’t think I’ve already tried that? I asked him and he said no.”

To Debra’s horror, Mia bounded up to Jonah. “You’ll come, right? If you do, we’ll have the greatest time. Plus, my mom will have someone to talk to. She really needs that.”

What?
Debra’s jaw dropped.
What had her daughter just said?

If Jonah was uncomfortable before, he looked embarrassed now. A blush swept across his stony face, but his eyes when he answered looked infinitely sad. “Sorry, Mia. I have to say no.”

“But my mom—”

“Mia.” Debra hoped she sounded unaffected as she held out a hand for her daughter, but that wasn’t how she felt at all. Mortified, yes. Embarrassed, absolutely. And surprisingly intrigued. But that wasn’t a feeling she wanted to examine too closely. “Don’t traumatize poor Mr. Fraser any more. I’m sure he has better things to do than to be forced to talk with me through dinner.”

“But Mom—”

“No buts.” She smiled when her daughter clomped closer and took her hand, such a good girl at heart. “We should have time to stop by that bookstore you saw on our way back to the Inn.”

“Okay.” Mia didn’t look satisfied, but she apparently was willing to retreat a little bit for the moment. “’Bye, Uncle Ben and Jonah. See you later!”

The men called out their goodbyes and Debra gave them one last look before she headed outdoors. The chill of the December afternoon wrapped around her, but her face, by contrast, felt shockingly hot. As the door snapped shut and Mia hopped cheerfully through the snow to the SUV, Debra caught one last sight of Jonah, head bowed and kneeling before the cradle in that soft gray fall of light, already back to work.

She felt vulnerable, oddly open at heart, and she didn’t know why. Debra dug out her keys, resolved to put the man out of her thoughts and followed her daughter through the falling snow.

Inside the warm building kneeling before the crib, Jonah kept his head bowed over his work. But was he paying attention to what he was doing? No. He couldn’t seem to keep his gaze from the sight of Debra Cunningham Watson sweeping the mantle of snow off the windshield of her fancy vehicle.

“What do you think of that?” Ben asked with a smile in his voice.

Jonah didn’t look at him, but swung his attention back to his work. Ben didn’t sound as anxious as he had earlier. No, he sounded almost…amused. “Looks like you’ve got a real nice sister and niece.”

“I think so, too.” Ben gave a chuckle as he nodded toward the window. “Maybe you should come along tonight. I might need some help.”

So that’s what this was about. Jonah set down the square of sandpaper and straightened up. “Ben, don’t. You already know my answer.”

“True, but you can’t blame me for trying again. I know you, Jonah. Before you went off to right the world’s wrongs, you always used to talk about wanting a wife one day. A family.”

Jonah grimaced inside, remembering how idealistic he’d once been. “I was just out of boot. What did I know? I was young then.”

“Well. You went off, saved the world just like you wanted to. Now it’s time to work on those other dreams.”

“Not so easy, bud.” Jonah tried to act like it was no big deal, but his friend’s words made him bleed from a wound so deep, there was no measure of it. Ben had no idea what he’d said. Jonah cleared his throat, determined to make the best of it. After all, he had nothing to complain about, not really. Not when he was alive and well unlike—He stopped that thought. “These days, I’m a busy man and getting busier by the minute. I just got a huge order from that classy sister of yours. I’m making a bedroom set for your niece.”

“So that’s what all that invoice talk was about.”

“You think I’m interested in her?”

“It’s the Christmas season.” Ben seemed to dodge the question. “You never miss the tree lighting so you’ll be there anyway. You might as well come along with us tonight. Make an evening of it.”

“That’s your family time. I won’t intrude on that.”

“You’re practically part of the family.” Ben gestured to the window. “Besides, I’m not the only one who would like you to come along.”

There was Mia, sitting in the passenger seat, her hands clasped tightly together. Their gazes met and her eyes widened. There was no mistaking the single word she was saying. “Please, please, please, please.”

Ben chuckled. “I think she’s serious.”

“Sure looks like it.” Okay, so he was a little tempted to change his mind.

“You and Debra seemed to get along pretty well,” Ben said.

Debra. She wasn’t watching him as she backed her top-of-the-line SUV out of the parking spot. Hard to tell exactly what she thought of him, but he knew one thing. She was out of his league. Which was too bad. He liked her—then a powerful wave of old guilt crashed through him. He had no right to take that thought any further.

“Well, buddy, at least think about coming with us. Olivia will be disappointed, too. You don’t want to let down two little girls now, do you?”

“When you put it like that, you know I can’t.”

“I know.” Ben grinned and because his business cell phone chose that moment to ring, he answered it.

Debra’s SUV pulled into traffic and out of his sight, but the woman seemed to linger in his thoughts. Grimly, he went back to work, ignoring the sting of an emotion he would not admit or give name to.

“I
’m sorry you didn’t have a better time at dinner,” Debra said, tongue in cheek, to Mia as they drove through the nighttime residential streets of Chestnut Grove.

“I know!” If she hadn’t been held secure by the seat belt, Mia would have bounced out of the seat with happiness. “Aren’t you glad we came? I sure am! Dinner with our new family was great and it was so fun. Oh, look at that. It’s so cute!”

And so it went as Debra tried to keep Ben and Leah’s minivan in sight. The falling snow made it difficult and the streets as they approached the mayor’s mansion were increasingly busy. Debra halted at a crosswalk for a family of four to cross safely and lost sight of the van completely. While they waited for the happy-looking family to cross, Mia went on about the decorated houses and light displays and how Christmassy it was in this small town. That was, of course, when she wasn’t going on about the new members of their family.

Another family stepped into the crosswalk and she waited, the windshield wipers swiping on high speed at the furiously falling snow. Mia’s singsong voice, bright with joy, did add to this special evening. Her daughter was happy. That was all that mattered.

When there was both a break in the pedestrian traffic and a pause in her daughter’s monologue, Debra managed to get a word in. “The directions Leah gave me are in the glove compartment. Could you get them out please?”

“Sure. Didn’t we have the best time? I just love my new cousins. I knew I would! Baby Joseph is so sweet! They have a dog named Bear. I want to get a dog one day. And can you believe Olivia is a singer? She loves singing in the choir, too!”

“You were like two peas in a pod at dinner.”

“Can you believe it? I just love her. And Aunt Leah is so nice and pretty. Don’t you just love her, too?”

“It’s hard not to.” That was only the truth. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such a pleasant meal with kinder people. Ben’s wife, Leah, was even nicer in person than she’d been in her letter and on the phone. Before the appetizers had been served, Debra had already felt comfortable with her new sister-in-law. And Ben and Leah’s children were as delightful as could be.

Nine-year-old Olivia and Mia had been instantly taken with one another and, although a few years separated them, they’d talked on and on about their new boots, which were a match, their schools, Olivia’s dog and the books they liked to read. They both loved music and singing and church. Ben and Leah’s baby, Joseph, was obviously well-loved and adorable with a wide baby grin and fine, fuzzy light brown hair.

“Here’s the directions!” Mia handed over the note from Leah and strained against her seat belt, trying to see all the decorated homes that lined the way. “Mom! Look! There’s an entire street all done up in lights. It’s perfect!”

Debra didn’t dare take her eyes from the road, so she couldn’t look to where her daughter was pointing. She held the directions against the steering wheel so she could watch the weather, the traffic, the pedestrians who were crowding along the sidewalks and crosswalks and follow Leah’s step-by-step instructions all at the same time.

“Oh, I want to drive down that way and see the street of lights. Can we? Please?”

“We can’t, not now. We’ll miss the ceremony that you
so-oo
wanted to see.” Debra imitated Mia’s cool, teenagery tone and they both laughed.

“I meant later, not now.” Mia rolled her eyes, but the wide smile remained on her sweet face.

Seeing her daughter so happy felt like an answered prayer. Did she dare hope that the worst of their recent conflicts was over? Debra spotted a space along the curb and hoped they’d be able to squeeze into it. She turned on her blinker and began to back into the spot.

“Mom! Mom! I can see the mayor’s mansion! See all those lights?”

“Not at the moment.” Amused, Debra straightened out the wheel and watched the mirrors carefully as the SUV came to a stop against the curb.

“But I can see our new family, too.” So much excitement. Mia escaped from her seat belt. “See? Don’t they look like a Christmas card with the way they are right in front of the lights?”

Debra gave the wheel a final turn, the front tire nudged the curb and she turned off the engine. As she squinted through the snow-flecked windshield, she didn’t notice the blaze of decorations that had Mia so enraptured.

No, her gaze went straight to the perfect family. The crowd, the storm and her worries faded as she watched her older brother—she still wasn’t used to saying that—with his family. He held his wife’s hand and as the two gazed at one another, the tender look and loving smile they shared was unmistakable. Theirs was a deeply loving and close marriage. Even from across the street and through the haze of snowfall, Debra could recognize that.

If she had any worries left about the kind of man Ben was, they melted like the snow on the windshield. He was the kind of man his family could trust. The kind of husband his wife could not only depend on, but turn to, always. Earlier, through their dinner at the hotel, Leah’s opinion of her husband was hard to miss. The trusting way she turned to him, the secret smiles they shared, the adoring way she watched him when he wasn’t looking—it wasn’t superficial. Even someone as jaded as she could see that Ben was a wonderful husband and father. One of the good ones.

Proof that there were a few good ones in the world.

“Mom!” Mia tumbled out of the SUV. “Look! There’s Jonah!”

Talk about another good one. Not that she was noticing. And to prove it to herself, she kept her eyes down, turned away, gathered her purse and her gloves and opened the door. The cold night air took her breath away. It couldn’t be the big, stoic man striding toward her with the crunch of ice beneath his boots. She closed the door and realized she’d left her keys in the ignition.

Way to go, Debra. Way to act unaffected.
She grabbed the keys, aware of the man’s presence like the gravity on her feet. She was as aware, too, of the rumble of his baritone over the beat of her own heart. She closed the door, locked up and zipped the keys into the outside pocket on her handbag.

“Jonah, you came!” Mia clasped her hands together in pure delight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I knew you would. But you should have had dinner with us. I had a chocolate-cookie cheesecake and it was the best ever!”

“I’m sorry I missed it.”

“Plus, then you could have talked with my mom.”

Jonah chuckled in that easy way of his. “I’m sure your lovely mother had plenty of people to talk to at the table, especially if you were there.”

Debra bit her lip, trying to keep from smiling, but it didn’t work. She pulled on her gloves and joined her daughter and the amicable Mr. Fraser on the sidewalk, trying to ignore the wash of peace she felt simply from being near to him.

Mia rolled her eyes, lighthearted. “Okay, okay, so I talk just a little too much.”

“Just a little?” Jonah gently teased.

Mia only seemed more delighted. “I know, sure, I talk too much. But I just have so much bubbling up from my spirit. My grandmother Millie used to say I’m like the sun shining, except I don’t shine, I talk.”

“Hey, I wasn’t complaining. Your grandmother must have been a very fine lady. You both must miss her a lot.”

Mia added sweetly and sadly all at once. “We really do.”

Debra watched, riveted by this man. “Mom would have loved being here, meeting her son, his family and his friends. She would have loved this town.”

“There’s a lot to love about it.” Jonah didn’t meet her gaze as they walked along. “It’s the reason I always come back.”

“You’ve lived in other places?” she found herself asking. Hadn’t she decided not to ask questions about this man?

“I’ve been around. I joined the marines for a few hitches. The greater good and all that.” His voice sounded light and dark all at once, but if that made him sad, he didn’t let it show. “But the old adage is true. There’s no place like home.”

The marines. It didn’t come as a big surprise. His being like a soldier had been her first impression of him. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d said he was Special Forces. He kept to the outside edge of the sidewalk protectively and it was an old-fashioned thing to do, gentlemanly.

Wasn’t she going to stop noticing all of Jonah’s fine attributes? She wasn’t the kind of woman who looked twice at men. And yet her gaze kept finding him in the half-shadows.

Mia chimed in. “That’s what I keep telling my mom. The Stanton School is not home and I don’t want it to be.”

Here we go again. Debra wasn’t sure what to do with her daughter’s stubborn streak. Once she decided something, she was like a speeding train on a track. “It’s a big adjustment to get used to living away from home. You have to give it time, Mia.”

“Wait one minute. Why the new bedroom set?” Jonah sounded surprised. “I thought you’d be using it.”

“Only when I’m home for a school break.” Mia sighed, greatly burdened, but beneath the bit of dramatics, there lurked an honest note of sorrow. “Mom and me are hardly together at all because I’m away from home. And now that Grandmother Millie’s gone, it’s like I’m a-loone.”

She’d never heard Mia say it quite that way before, and it made her heart ache. “I get lonely for you, too, kid.”

“I know.” Mia didn’t seem to doubt that. “I’m all miserable and stuff, but, hey, I gotta go because it’s
tradition
and it’s sooo important.”

Why hadn’t she ever heard the pain beneath her daughter’s sarcasm before this? It was Jonah. It was as if her inner defenses went down when he was near. With the shields around her heart nonoperational, she felt her daughter’s loneliness as sorely as her own. “We’ll talk about this later, Mia. This isn’t the time.”

“But—”

“Tradition
is
important.” Jonah spoke up. “I bet that’s an awful nice school you get to go to. Not everyone gets an educational opportunity like that.”

“I guess.” Mia was polite about it, but she clearly didn’t agree. “I just don’t like going away to school.”

“There are worse things in this world.”

Although he’d said the words simply, why did she feel the weight of his grief in them? It was Jonah. Being near to him made her vulnerable and oddly open at heart.

To make matters worse, Debra couldn’t help admiring the way Jonah was the first to step into the sidewalk, protectively checking traffic before she and Mia followed a half a step behind. It was a small thing, but a nice thing to do and it just went to show what a gentleman Jonah Fraser truly was.

Wasn’t she going to stop noticing all of Jonah’s fine attributes? It only proved how overworked and overstressed she was. She breathed in the fresh crisp air, felt the caress of snow against her face and smiled at the family who had stepped out of line to greet them.

Debra wished she’d worn earmuffs when Mia and Olivia ran toward each other with a few shrieks and giggles and joined hands, talking excitedly.

“I’m so glad for the girls.” Leah, with the baby cradled against her, smiled in that kind, lovely way of hers. “Look at the two of them. They’re like long-lost friends.”

“It’s wonderful,” Debra agreed, aware of Jonah as he and Ben exchanged pleasantries. “It’s just what Mia needed.”

“Olivia, too. I hope you and Mia can spend a lot more time with us before you have to head home.” Leah paused as the infant stirred. “I was hoping you might want to spend tomorrow afternoon with us. Maybe stay for dinner?”

“We would love to.” Debra truly meant that. She heard Jonah’s low rolling chuckle, and it was a warm cozy sound that seemed to chase the chill out of the wintry night. Since she wasn’t noticing Jonah Fraser at all, in the slightest, Debra kept her back turned to him and leaned to get a glimpse of the baby as he stretched and yawned. “He’s adorable. You are so lucky.”

“I’m greatly blessed and I know it.” Leah’s contented sigh said everything. “Two years ago I was alone and now look. I have my daughter back and my wonderful Ben. Joseph came along to add even more happiness. Now I have a new sister and niece and the rest of your family we have yet to meet. God is gracious, indeed.”

“That’s what my mother would always say.”

“I know I would have liked her.”

“She would have liked you right back.” Time was making the sorrow easier, but now and then it came fresh in waves. So many emotions tugged at her from different directions. The issues with Mia. Her unusual reaction to Jonah. Ben, and all the lies her mother had told her. And now this, seeing her little nephew, so sweet and dear, and wanting—Oh, everything she could not have. “You need to come to Baltimore and meet everyone there. I was hoping you could come stay for New Year’s.”

“I’d like that. I’d have to talk it over with Ben.”

“I understand. I have a big house with room for everyone. You would be welcome to stay. We don’t do much for New Year’s Eve, but we always have a feast on the first. We would love to have you come visit.”

The baby chose that moment to let out a whimper. Leah snuggled him and, pleased with the attention, he blew a bubble and grinned. Ben settled his hand on Leah’s shoulder and gazed down at their son. “Want me to take over?”

“I think he’s missing his daddy.”

“Good thing. I was missing him, too.” As Ben lifted his son from his wife’s arms, Olivia skipped up to him with Mia at her side.

“Dad, they’re giving out
huge
bags of candy this year. Did you see them? Can we hurry, please?”

“Sure thing, peanut,” Ben said tenderly.

There was no mistaking Ben’s deep love for his wife as their gazes locked. Dusted with snow and the glow from the Christmas lights, they looked picture perfect. He took Leah’s hand in his and they headed off together.

Clearly, her big brother and his wife had something beyond a good match. True love.

Good for them.

Debra’s heart sighed, just a little. She wished real love was a little easier to find. So far, true love had been elusive for her. Deep down, she was afraid she would never find it. Deep down, she was afraid to admit she had never given up hope that she might.