Read A Hologram for the King Online
Authors: Dave Eggers
He looked at the pillows at the head of the bed. You are so white, he thought. He liked the sound of that and wanted the pillow to hear it. âYou are so white, he said. Now stop staring.
He downed the last swallow and refilled the glass. This is an adventure, he thought. The moonshine makes me an adventurer. And then he finally understood why people drink alone, and drink more than they should drink alone. An adventure every night! It made a hell of a lot of sense.
He had to call Kit. No, not Kit. Someone, though. He picked up his phone. There was one message on it. It had come in the last hour. Morning in Boston. He listened to the voice mail. The first was from Eric Ingvall. âHey buddy. Haven't heard from you, so I assume all is good. Check in tomorrow if you get a chance. I need a status report.
The second message was from Kit. âCall me. It's nothing bad.
This made him want to call her all the more, but somewhere in the listening to her very sober and very small voice â she was diminutive and her voice was high, though always firm and always clear â he realized that he would not sound good tonight. He was tired, and he was drunk, he now knew unequivocally that he was drunk, and one should not call one's daughter in such a state, especially when trying to instill her with confidence about his ability to provide for her.
He sat at the desk and wrote.
âDear Kit, Parenting is a test of endurance. You have to have the fortitude of a triathlete. People say,
It goes so fast. They grow up so fast
. But I don't remember it ever going fast. It was ten thousand days, Kit, requiring a military sense of order and precision. You were never late for
school, for practice, for anything. Think of it! It was an intricate architecture of daily meals, appointments, check-ups, rules enacted and enforced, sympathy begged for and granted, frustration felt, ruinously, and stamped down. That's not to say it went slowly or seemed overlong. Just that it wasn't fast.'
He would probably have to cut that part. It didn't sound right, any way he put it. But it was true. The raising of a child is the building of a cathedral. You can't cut corners.
âSo can I get some latitude here? Cut us both some slack. I remember when I realized my parents were hypocrites like everyone else. I was eighteen. And after that I was high on the power brought by that realization. What did I know, though? I guess I'd realized that they lied from time to time. And that my mom took pills, had been hooked on morphine for a while when I was younger. And so I lorded it over them. I was the perfected version of them, I thought. Makes you think of Hitler Youth or the Khmer Rouge, right? The children, full of themselves and their purity, shooting the adults in the rice paddies.'
He put the pen down. He could barely see the page.
He stood and the ceiling whirled over him. He fell to the bed and looked at the wall. He had underestimated the moonshine. Even when he had realized its power he had underestimated it. Hanne, you devil! he thought. I really love this world, he thought. The making of this wall. I love the people who did it. They did good things here.
A
LAN OPENED HIS EYES.
10:08. He'd missed the shuttle again. He would call Yousef.
He threw his legs off the bed and stood in the dark room. Beyond the heavy curtains he knew the day was bright, too bright to be part of. There was an acute pain in the back of his neck. He made a mental note to investigate that in the shower.
He stood, found the mirror over the desk, and looked at himself. His face was wrecked, his cheeks sinking to his jowls, his jowls sinking, with some flourish, into his shirt.
In the shower he washed his hair and body and thought, Who is this man who could miss the shuttle not once but twice in three days? Who is this man who could again wake at 10 a.m., having no doubt missed calls to his cellphone, knocks on the door?
At that moment he had a clear recollection of a woman knocking,
saying Alan? Alan? He'd barked at them, sending them away, thinking she was a maid. But now, he realized, a maid would not have been calling his name. It must have been Rachel or Cayley. It was Rachel. He knew it now.
He dried himself and picked up the hotel phone. It had been disconnected. When had he done that? Much about the previous night he remembered, but at a certain point it fell off a cliff. He found a dent in the bathroom door, at foot level. His laptop was under the bed. A flash of inspiration: Had his room been ransacked? Maybe Hanne's worries about the secret police were well-founded. The muttawa had been here. They'd heard their conversation and had come in to investigate while he slept. No. For starters, the moonshine was still there, half-full.
He called Yousef.
âYou available?
âAlan? You sound terrible. Were you attacked?
âCan you drive me to KAEC?
âOf course. But I have to ask, are you missing these shuttles on purpose, to spend more time with Yousef, your guide and hero?
âYou're using too many words, Alan said.
âI'll be there in twenty minutes.
Alan threaded his heavy arms through a clean shirt, feeling he was despoiling its immaculate cotton. As he buttoned it, the collar rubbed against his neck, and the pain was extreme. He went to the bathroom mirror and turned himself around, but could see nothing. He needed two mirrors held strategically to see what looked like a gunshot wound.
Or more like he'd been gnawed on by a rat, a rat trying to dig a hole into Alan's back. A faint recollection came swimming into view: had he taken a knife to the growth on his neck? Was that possible? And again the battle was on, between the responsible self he knew this morning, who would engage a driver at great cost to take him to his duties at the city-to-be in the desert by the sea, and the self who would carouse around the hotel room, stabbing phantom tumors, kicking doors and writing unsendable letters. Which among the selves was expendable? This was eternally the question.
Alan looked around the bathroom for something like a bandage or antiseptic. There was nothing. He buttoned his shirt and hoped no one would see what he'd done.
He went downstairs. He sat in the atrium, ordered coffee. By the concierge desk, there was an electronic sign announcing the events to be held that day at the hotel.
NEW FUTURES: Medina Room
ARABIAN TRADING SUPPLIES: Mezzanine Floor
PRINCIPLES OF BANKING: Hilton Hall
SUCCESS STEPS, PART I: 10 a.m.
SUCCESS STEPS, PART II: 11 a.m.
He could be successful by noon, here at the Hilton. Why, then, was he going to the tent by the sea?
Alan was taking his first sip of coffee when Yousef appeared.
âAlan.
âAlan tried to smile. Hello, he said.
âYou look worse than I expected. What happened?
âJust a night of⦠Alan caught himself. As friendly as they were, he couldn't tell where Yousef stood on the subject of alcohol.
âJust jet lag. Never had it so bad.
Yousef smirked. âI went to college in Alabama. I know a hangover when I see one. Where'd you get the booze?
âI'd rather not say.
Yousef laughed. âYou'd
rather not say?
What, you think you've come upon some rare commodity? That you might endanger your source?
âYou think this is funny.
âI do.
âI made a promise.
âNot to tell?
âI don't break promises.
âOh God. Fine. But listen: You don't have to go to KAEC. There's no way the King is coming today. He's in Yemen. Look.
Yousef took Alan's newspaper and showed him page 3: a photo of Abdullah on the tarmac of the Yemeni airport. Alan hadn't been told anything about this.
âI should go, though, for appearances.
âYou want to get some food first? You're already late.
They walked outside, and the daylight, which Alan had dreaded, was diffuse, forgiving. He felt attended to, as if the sky and sun would cleanse him, might wash away last night's debauchery.
The bellhop, a huge man with a walrus mustache, was grinning at Yousef.
âSalaam, Yousef said to him, and shook his hand. He comes into
my dad's shop, Yousef explained. He buys a lot of sandals.
Alan got in the car while Yousef searched under the hood. After a minute Alan got out again and came around to help.
âWhat are we looking for? Red sticks of dynamite?
âI'm not sure, Yousef said. Maybe some unusual wires?
Alan had been kidding. âYou really don't know? he asked.
âHow would I know? I watch the same TV shows as you.
Together the two men, neither of them having ever seen a bomb, looked at Yousef's engine to detect whether or not it contained one.
âI don't see anything, Alan said.
âI don't either.
They got in the car. Yousef put the key in the ignition.
âReady?
âDon't make it more dramatic.
Yousef turned the key. The engine roared. Alan's heart was popping.
They drove away from the hotel, again passing the same Saudi soldier atop the Humvee, his face in the shadow of the beach umbrella above, his feet soaking in the baby pool.
âSo your dad has a shop?
âIn the old city. He sells sandals.
âWait. Your dad sells shoes?
âYup.
âMy dad, too. That's incredible.
Alan looked over to Yousef, half expecting this to be a joke of some
kind. The coincidence was too much.
âYou don't believe me? Yousef said. I'll show you the shop while you're here. That's where I worked growing up. We all had to, my brothers and me. But my dad's a dictator. He won't listen to us. Especially me. I could help that place a lot, modernize it. But he's old now. He doesn't want to hear anything new.
Yousef's brothers had all gone into other professions. One brother was a doctor in Jordan. Another was an imam in Riyadh. The last one was in college in Bahrain.
They were on the highway now.
âLet's have a joke, Yousef said. For good luck.
âThat a Saudi custom?
âI don't know. I never know about our customs. Or what people think our customs are. I'm not sure we have customs.
âI don't have any jokes today, Alan said.
But then one occurred to him.
âOkay. A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. âYou know, dear,' she says, âI look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.' She turns to her husband and says, âTell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.' He studies her hard for a moment, thinking about it, and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, âWell, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight.'
Yousef laughed out loud. Too loud.
âPlease be quiet.
âYour head hurts that much? Must have been some bad
siddiqi
.
âWhat's
siddiqi
?
âIt means
my friend
. That's what you've been drinking.
âI deny it.
âAlan, I'm not the muttawa. And you're not the first businessman I've driven around. Wait a second.
Ahead there was a checkpoint. A pair of young soldiers stood in the median, stopping cars. On the side of the road, three more uniformed men sat in a police car. Yousef rolled down his window. The soldier mumbled a question to Yousef, Yousef answered, and the soldier waved him through. And that was that. Yousef drove on.
âThat's it? He didn't want to actually see anything?
âSometimes they do.
âThey looking for someone in particular?
âMaybe. It's all for show. No one wants to be a soldier here. They'd give the jobs to foreign workers if they could.
They left the city and were soon on the same desolate highway. A truck carrying palm trees passed them, spraying dust.
âYou hungry or not? Yousef asked.
âI'm not sure.
âBetter to be very late than just a little late. I drove a guy from Texas around for a few weeks last year. He told me that. If you're half an hour late, it looks like a mistake. If you're two hours late, it looks intentional.
Yousef chose a roadside place a few miles up the road. They pulled
over. The restaurant was open-air, a series of low-walled rooms. They walked inside the main building, and the smell of fish overwhelmed. Seafood was not what Alan had had in mind when imagining his first meal after the moonshine bender. He wanted bread and bacon.
Yousef led him to a wide display case, hundreds of fish on ice.
Alan almost retched.
âYou have a preference? Yousef asked.