A Home for Christmas (20 page)

“You were amazing in there.”

A shiver rocked her.

“You're freezing.” He rubbed her arms. “Did you bring your coat?”

“I must have left it at your brother's house.”

“Here.” He settled his coat around her shoulders and said, “Let's get you inside, and the truck running.”

He helped her up and went around to the driver's side. It was dark. No stars dotted the sky. She didn't even know what time it was. Blake started the truck and put it in motion.

He picked up the earlier conversation where he'd left off. “You were amazing back there. I've never seen anything like that. I would have been freaking out, but you were so calm. You calmed Sally, too. She didn't seem at all afraid. She just put her trust in you.”

Janice closed her eyes and leaned back into the soft bucket seat.

“Janice?”

“
Hmm?
”

“You're awfully quiet.”

He cranked up the fan and comforting warm heat filled the truck cab. Janice sighed. “I guess I'm just tried.”

“And here I am, talkin' your ear off.” He reached over and squeezed her hand. “I'm sorry. Sit back and relax. I'll have you home, safe and sound, in no time.”

Home. With Blake . . . she closed her eyes and allowed the fantasy to come. After a long day at work, she'd come home. Blake would meet her at the door with a long, lingering kiss. They'd sit on the couch in front of the fire and talk about their days over a nice glass of wine. They'd prepare a meal together and talk some more. Then, they'd retire to the study to finish up with work they'd brought home or just to read. When the hour grew late, Blake would take her book, set it aside, and pull her out of her chair. Hand in hand, they'd walk to their bedroom. They'd undress each other, make long, sweet love, and fall asleep in each other's arms.

“Wake up, sleepy head.”

“
Mmm.
” The dream seemed so real. Blake, she could smell his enticing cologne, reach out and touch his face, feel his lips on her wrist. She curled her hand around his neck and pulled his face to hers. His lips were warm and inviting, but she wasn't satisfied. Janice deepened the kiss, tilting her head for better access. Their tongues danced a heady tango that led to thoughts of a soft bed, tangled sheets . . . .

Blake lifted her off the couch and settled her across his lap. Janice blinked. She looked around. The couch sat in front of a crackling fire. A tall pine Christmas tree stood in a bay window. Blake supported her back with an arm while trailing hot kisses down her throat to her shirt collar.

Oh, Lord. This
was
real. Her brain must have short-circuited. Nothing was connecting. “Where am I?”

“My house.”

Janice braced her hands against his chest and broke contact with his lips. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“Me, too. I think I've just been kissed by an angel.”

“Oh, Blake. I'm sorry.” She slid off his lap and backed up to the opposite end of the couch. “I wasn't fully awake.”

“Don't go apologizin'. I'm not complaining. Well, I could complain because you stopped.” His grin was wide and rakish.

She belatedly realized that not only was she not at her uncle's, but she was also not wearing her clothes. She looked down. She wore only the green flannel shirt she'd seen Blake in on Sunday when she'd brought the cat over. He'd looked sexy enough to pull her up short standing there casually leaning against the doorframe leading into his kitchen, fresh out of the shower, barefoot in jeans that were zipped only halfway up and, like his shirt, not buttoned.

She had to shake her head to clear the image. Back to the here and now. “Where are my clothes?”

“They were soiled, so I put them in the wash. They should be dry soon.”

“Did you—” She made a wiggling motion with her finger. “I mean, I don't remember . . . ”

“Don't worry. You disappeared into the bathroom and came out properly covered carrying your clothes.”

“Oh.” Good. Or was it?

She leaned back into the corner of the couch, and tucked her feet under her. Blake traced the line of her jaw, his arm resting along the couch behind her, his body enticingly close.

“I made some vegetable soup and corn muffins. Are you hungry?”

It was all coming back to her. Their argument last night. The crazy scene with Blake in Heart's Desire. She'd hurried back to her uncle's office to treat Sammy Houston. Then Blake's sister-in-law had lost her baby. The long drive up to the Crawford’s to deliver their son.

Janice looked over at Blake. “I don't remember the drive back or anything that happened after we got here. How long was I asleep?”

“About an hour and a half.”

“How did I get inside?”

“I carried you.”

That thought gave her pause. Her in Blake's arms and she didn't remember it? She really was out of it. She was still buzzing from the kiss they'd just shared, too. “Why didn't you take me back to my uncle's?”

Blake caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I wasn't ready to let you go. I was hopin' we could talk.”

It would be so easy to get lost in his touch. Janice stood. “I should check in with my uncle. See how Susan is, and then call to check on your sister-in-law.”

“Whoa.” He took her hand as she passed by and looked up at her. “It's all taken care of. I called your uncle as soon as we got in. I didn't want him to worry. He had called Mable to let her know he stopped off at his cabin on the way back to town. He's spending the night there.”

“Susan?”

He pulled her down to the couch with him. When he curved his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side again, every nerve ending in her body rocketed back to high alert.

“That doctor you sent her to must be a miracle worker. He talked her into havin' some radiation treatments. Told her if it shrinks her tumors, it could make a real difference in the way she feels and in her prognosis. So, they're going to keep her for a couple of days.”

“That's wonderful.”

“You're wonderful.”

Janice had to look away from the intensity in his eyes. She tucked her hair behind her ear, then remembered she'd pulled it back into a ponytail. She must look a mess. She pulled the band out and combed her fingers through it. “What about your sister-in-law?”

“She's at home. She's having a rough time, but that's not surprising. She wanted that baby so bad.”

“She's young. They can try again.”

A muscle ticked in Blake's jaw. “Yeah. If my brother wasn't so worthless, they could.”

Janice frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He doesn't want kids. Doesn't want to be saddled with them. But Bebe, havin' a baby is all she's thought about since they got married.”

When Blake trailed a hand through her hair, Janice gave up and leaned into his touch. “That's too bad.”

Blake pulled her closer and kissed her hair. “You didn't answer my question earlier. Are you hungry?”

“Starved. I skipped lunch.” His arms felt so good around her. She suddenly found she didn't have the will to push him away.

“I'll fix a tray and bring it in here. We can eat in front of the fire.”

He said the words, but didn't release her. Janice didn't care. The kitchen was too far away. “I'll go with you.”

“No. Stay. Relax.”

He slowly released her and stood. Janice grasped his hand and stood, too. “I want to come.” She needed to be with him. To keep touching him.

“Okay.”

They strolled back to the kitchen, hand in hand. Despite her misgivings, it felt right. Natural. And she was too exhausted to fight it.

While Janice watched, Blake ladled up bowls of steaming soup, poured iced tea, and filled a basket with corn muffins. He put everything on a tray and they returned to the parlor. They settled in front of the fireplace and ate.

“
Mmm.
This is delicious.”

“Glad you like it.”

“It was so nice of you to do this.”

“I enjoyed doing it for you.”

It was just like her dream, only better. Janice continued to eat, but she couldn't help asking, “Why?”

“Because I care about you.”

She shook her head. “No,” she waved a spoon back and forth between them. “This is just attraction.”

Blake set his bowl aside and moved the tray from between them. “It's more than that for me.”

“You hardly know me.”

He took her hand in his. “I know plenty. I know that you are absolutely amazing. I watched you today. The way you calmly and confidently tackled every situation that was thrown at you.”

“I must be a good actress. I was scared to death we were going to lose
two
babies today.”

“But you dealt with each of those situations with such finesse. It got your patients through two very difficult situations. I still can't get over seeing that baby being born. Watching you bring that life into the world. Holding it in your hands. A perfect, precious little boy, alive, kicking and screaming, because of you.”

“Some days, it's a good day. I'm able to take the things I've learned and use them to make a difference. Other days . . . ”

“Other days, you still make a difference, because your patients know you've done everything you can for them.”

It struck Janice again. This was so like the dream she'd had. She and Blake, in this house, sharing their days with each other. It would be so easy to believe the dream could become reality. Something she could claim for her own. But . . . .

Blake took her bowl. “What are you thinking?”

Janice welcomed his arms when they came around her. She put her hands around his waist and leaned her head against his shoulder. “You don't want to know.”

“You're wrong. I want to know everything that's going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

He kissed a spot near the top of her forehead. Janice chewed on her lower lip. She wanted to tell him everything in her heart and in her thoughts. Maybe if she said the words, it would all somehow make sense. Inside, it was just a jumbled mess of confusion.

He tipped her chin up with a finger until their gazes locked. “Janice, I don't know all the details of your life up until now. I know you pretty much raised yourself, and that you never had anyone you could count on. I'm tellin' you, if you give me the chance, I'll give you everything you never had. A home to come to every day after work. A husband who loves and cares for you. Children to fill your life with happiness and laughter.”

“Blake . . . you may be willing to give me those things, but how can I give them to you? You'll spend most of your time here alone while I'm out treating patients.”

He shrugged. “So it won't be a traditional family. Who has that anymore? We'll make it work just like everyone else.”

She just shook her head.

He touched her face. “What's really holding you back?” A look of dread pulled at his handsome features. “Is this just attraction for you?”

She had to look away. She wanted what he was offering so much it hurt.

He hugged her tighter. “Tell me.”

She chewed on her lower lip, still not looking at him. “I don't know what a real family is like.” Her gaze collided with his then, and she felt tears fill her eyes. “How can I make a home for you when I've never had one?”

Could Blake be right? Had she been hiding behind her career all these years, keeping her personal life at bay because she was afraid of being proven inadequate in an area of her life where she desperately wanted to succeed?

“All I know about love is loneliness and disappointment. So—” her voice broke, “how can I love a person when I don't know how?”

Chapter 11

“Oh, Janice,” Blake touched her face. The fear and longing warring against each other in her eyes broke his heart. Her screwed up family had really done a number on her.

“Come here.” He pulled her up against his chest and followed his heart. He kissed her, again and again until the feelings he knew they shared took over and the kisses became longer, deeper, hotter. She was so responsive to his touch. To his kisses. They were perfect for each other. Why couldn't she see that?

He broke the kiss and brushed her hair off her face. “Baby, I have no worries about your capacity to love. I've seen it in the way you care for your patients. In the way you obviously care for your uncle. Your heart's been so full for so long, it's got to be overflowin'. Just let it come.” He kissed her again. “Let it come. Don't hold back.”

The fear in her eyes was winning the battle. He could see it. “Don't be afraid.” He cupped the back of her head and stared the fear down. “Tell me what you want. Let yourself say it.”

“I don't want to be alone anymore.” The words were barely more than a whisper. A tear fell from the corner of her eye.

Blake caught it with his thumb. “You're not alone here. You have an uncle who loves you and wants to get to know you. God, there's a whole town full of crazy people ready to accept and love you.” He chuckled. “Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. I don't want you to run in the opposite direction.”

“I don't want to run,” she whispered, her gaze focused on the Christmas tree.

“Then stay.” He tried to kiss her again, but she resisted.

“There's someone you're leaving out.”

“What do you mean?” he said, confused by the mixed messages he was getting.

“You mentioned my uncle and the town, but . . . ”

“But what?”

She looked up at him with those devastating green eyes and yanked his heart right out of his chest. “What about you?”

“Darlin', I've been yours since you found me in the front yard flat of my back.”

“Blake . . . ”

Janice worried her full, lower lip with her teeth, but didn't continue.

He kissed her. A quick, gentle pressure, then he squeezed her arms. “It's okay. Tell me what you're thinking. What you're feeling.”

“When I was younger, I wanted a home and family. People who would love me and be there for me no matter what. That need was always met with disappointment. I was away at school. During breaks, I either went home with friends or to camps. Sometimes I studied abroad. I very rarely stayed to visit with my mother and father, which was fine with me, because when I did, I couldn't wait to leave.”