A Hope Beyond (41 page)
“The P&GF? You mean that you are still working to see that line built?”
“Hasn’t your father mentioned it?” Carolina asked quite seriously.
“We scarcely talk, but no, he’s not mentioned it to me.”
“I thought as much.” Now a fiery intensity grew in her eyes. “James, I would like to speak quite frankly with you about the Potomac and Great Falls Railroad.”
“By my leave,” he replied, intrigued with her air of hostility.
Carolina replaced her cup and looked at him as though sizing up an opponent. “I believe there are more problems with the line than anyone realizes, with exception to your father.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I believe your father has poorly managed this matter, and I intend to get to the bottom of it.”
She got to her feet and walked slowly about the room, apparently waiting for James to respond to her accusation. James could hardly keep his thoughts on what she was saying, thinking only of her beauty as he watched her walk slowly back toward him. His heart began to pound ever harder. “I’m still uncertain . . . ah . . . as to what you . . . ah . . .” he stammered.
“I’m simply stating the facts of the account. Your father sends me reports of the status of our line and financial statements regarding investors, supply shipments, and subscription sales. There are many errors, both glaring and subtle, and I believe that in five years we could surely have seen a portion of the line built, if not indeed all of it put together.”
“But these have been extremely lean years,” James countered, regaining his composure. “Even the B&O, or maybe I should say, especially the B&O, has suffered because of the depression. Investors can refuse to come through, and the money is not always a certain thing.”
“Yes, but my father, if you remember, is the main investor in this proposal. He may have limited large sums, but he never pulled his funding altogether.” She finally took her seat and, twisting her hands together, appeared to struggle for what she might say next. “I’m not trying to cause a scene between us, James, but I believe your father is not dealing honestly with the investors.”
“You are calling him some kind of a cheat?” James heard his voice edge with irritation.
“I am merely saying that things are simply not adding up. I want a better look at the ledgers and the financial reports, but so far he has put me off with one excuse after another. Of late, it has simply been impossible to get ahold of him, and my letters go unanswered.”
“Perhaps because my father finds your interference to be objectionable,” James retorted before he could stop himself. He knew his anger was less about Carolina’s accusations than it was about the way she seemed so unmoved by his presence, while he, on the other hand, was falling apart inside.
Getting to his feet rather abruptly, he took hold of the sudden animosity and thrust it between them like a shield. “I can’t believe you would call my father a liar and a swindler, and yet that is surely what you must be suggesting.”
Carolina stood as well and faced him squarely. “If there is no other explanation for the miscalculations I find, then let that stand as a possibility. Your father need only answer for himself.”
“My father’s word should be enough.” James shoved his hat on his head and bowed. “I believe we have nothing further to say to each other.” With that he let himself out and hurried down the street, angry with Carolina, yet half wishing that she might call him back. Which of course, she didn’t.
Irritated beyond reason, James found himself walking in circles before finally deciding to seek the company of Annabelle Bryce. Perhaps Annabelle could suggest how best to rid himself of the heartache that threatened to smother his very breath.
“Is there a possibility that her concerns are valid?” Annabelle Bryce asked James.
He scowled at her, knowing full well that she’d stand firm and not take offense. “I cannot even imagine such a thing. My father has always prided himself on being a man of integrity.”
“But you yourself told me that he had wanted your help in making a good marriage,” Annabelle said softly and joined James on the settee. “What if things went terribly wrong after that failed and your father had to use the investment money to keep himself solvent?”
“Then it would really be my fault,” James replied.
“And that is what frightens you more than the truth of whether or not he has cheated your friends, is it not?”
“I don’t know. It’s just that—” James buried his head in his hands. “She is married, Annabelle. She has married that St. John man and is now a mother to his child. When I think of her in his arms instead of mine—”
“Poor James,” she whispered and put a comforting arm around his shoulder. “If only you had acted sooner.”
James threw off her attempts at solace and got to his feet. “I have ruined my life many times over. I followed by own course of study at college. I rejected my father’s designs for a career, and I left my family to figure for themselves how they would survive the depression.” He shook his head as Annabelle opened her mouth to speak. “No. Do not offer me any words of comfort, for there are none. I left one woman because of love for another, and yet I let that love founder. Five years, Annabelle. Five years and I sat back and held my thoughts to myself and said nothing, and now I am paying the price for my silence.”
“James, you must think this through, and you must find the truth of what is happening with your father. You wouldn’t want him to be disgraced before his peers, and if Carolina’s suspicions are true, it is only a matter of time before she makes such things public. She will protect her own father first, and rightfully so.”
“I know. I know. Just as I should have protected mine.”
Annabelle sat back and looked very thoughtful for a moment. “You should have told her how you felt.”
“For what purpose?” he asked in disbelief. “Further humiliation?”
“No,” she replied softly. “I simply believe that the truth of things should have started there. You could have made clear the mistakes of the past, and you could have explained your feelings for her without making a fool of yourself or of her. From what you’ve told me, I don’t believe for one minute that she is without feelings for you.”
“It doesn’t matter now. My pride kept me away too long, and now she is lost to me forever.”
“It would seem so . . . lost at least as a wife . . . but her friendship meant something to you also, did it not?”
“The last thing I want is the friendship of another woman,” he replied bitterly. Then, relenting, he added softly, “Yes . . . it did.”
“Then you should tell her everything. Go back to her and explain the past. Set the record straight and then promise her that you will seek out the truth on the railroad issue.”
“She’ll think me a complete fool.”
“Does it matter? You will know the truth, and the truth within you is far more relevant than the misconceptions of those around you. With the truth firmly established within your own heart and soul, God will set the rest of the world at peace for you. The Bible itself states that when a man is trying to please God, He makes even his worst enemies to be at peace with him.” She paused to smile in a rather sad, sweet way. “And, James, in your case,
you
are your worst enemy.”
He calmed and smiled at this. “You are right, but I wonder how it is that you know me so well.”
“Because I see myself in you. You must make peace with yourself and with God, otherwise you will never know the truth of any matter.”
James studied her for a moment. She had remained a good friend through his years of suffering. She had known the real reason behind his turmoil, and yet she’d not rejected his company for it. In spite of all his misgivings, his ramblings and runnings, Annabelle Bryce had been a rather soothing constant in his life.
“I have to think about all of this,” he said, reaching for his coat. “May I come back tomorrow?”
“I am afraid not,” she said, getting to her feet. “I leave in the morning.”
“Leave?”
“I am an actress, remember? I’m headed for Chicago.”
“Chicago? Why in the world would you trek across the wilds to Chicago?”
She laughed. “Because the money is good and the acting easy. It’s been so long since they’ve seen much in the way of entertainment that they’ll believe me to be a gift from God.”
James reached out to take hold of her hands. “You are a gift from God,” he said quite seriously. “I honestly do not know what I would have done without you. I sometimes wish—”
She hushed him with a finger to his lips. “No, don’t speak it. Wishing has its merits, but in this case it would be quite moot.”
He nodded, kissed her finger, then stepped back and bowed. “I shall miss you. Will you return soon?”
“I have no way of knowing.” She walked with him to the door. “I will better know my way once I’ve seen what is before me.”
“As will I.”
With that, James stepped into the fading light of the August day. The yearning within him was as strong as when he’d first come to Annabelle. His heart still ached and felt as though it would never again beat without a reminder of what might have been. He started for home, but just then a steam whistle blasted from somewhere in the early evening, and James felt a strong need to go to the rail yard.
Perhaps that is the only place I truly belong, he thought, and stuffing his hands in his pockets, he quickened his step.
“Do you think the new baby will like my present?” Victoria asked, clutching the brown-paper-wrapped parcel to her body.
Carolina smiled. “Of course he will.” Word had come that Virginia had been delivered of a son on the twenty-first day of September, and nothing would do by Victoria but that they should go shopping for the new child. “Master Nathaniel Cabot will be completely won over by such a perfect rattle.”
Victoria beamed proudly. “And you will tell Mrs. Cabot that I picked it out myself?”
Carolina knew it would never matter to Virginia that the child had painstakingly sought the gift, but she assured her little daughter that the information would be relayed.
When they arrived home, Carolina allowed the footman to help her down, then directed him to carry in the purchases. “Cook will be expecting that basket of seafood,” she told him. “See that it gets to her right away.” The man nodded and immediately went to the task. “Come along, Victoria. We will see about something to eat.”
She had barely reached the door when Mrs. Graves pulled it open and offered up the words, “You have a visitor.”
Carolina felt her heart lurch. Could it be James again? She’d never been the same since his visit. Each night she had restlessly tossed and turned in her huge empty bed, realizing she had made a very serious trade in marrying Blake St. John in order to keep Victoria in her life.
“Who is it?” she asked cautiously.
“Mr. Swann.”
She breathed an audible sigh of relief, but Isadora thought it to be irritation. “I can send him away if you like.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. However, if you would see about something for Victoria to eat.”
“Look at this, Mrs. Graves.” The child was already tearing away the brown paper of her purchase. “I found a rattle for Mrs. Cabot’s new baby.”
Mrs. Graves smiled and acknowledged the piece while Carolina pulled off her gloves and hat. “You go along now with Mrs. Graves while I speak with Mr. Swann.”
She waited until they were well down the hall before sliding open the sitting room doors. “Mr. Swann, I had no idea you might pay us a visit today.”
The man instantly jumped to his feet and bowed. “I apologize for this intrusion, but it could not be helped.”
Carolina noted his grim expression and waved him back to the seat. “By all means then, pray continue.” She sat opposite him and waited for his news.
“This will come as some shock, but there is no other way to say it but to come right out with it.”
“I see,” she said, even though her mind was racing with the possibilities of what “it” might be.
“No, I’m afraid you don’t.” Swann shifted uncomfortably. “I was posted a letter this morning sent two days ago by Mr. Ramsey, your husband’s man.”
“Yes?”
“It seems that Mr. St. John has . . . well, he’s been . . . ah . . .”
He paused as if trying to think of the word, then suddenly he spilled it out without warning—“Killed.”
“What!” Carolina exclaimed, her hand quickly going to her heart. “What in the world are you saying?”
“It seems there was a carriage accident in New York City. Another man was injured, as was Ramsey, but Mr. St. John sustained enough injury to bring about his instantaneous death.”
Carolina was stunned. Suddenly, after only two months of marriage, she was a widow. Her thoughts went to Victoria, who was now truly orphaned.
No, Carolina thought. She has me and she will always know that I love her. She is no orphan. She is my daughter.
“I know this is hard for you to take in, but I needed to make arrangements for the body, and it seemed only appropriate that you be the one to decide those things,” Swann continued.
Carolina looked at him, feeling nothing but concern for her child. “Mr. Swann, you are one of the few people to know the truth behind my marriage to Blake St. John. I have little doubt that you, more so than me, should make such arrangements. I barely knew the man for all the years I spent in his house.”
Mr. Swann smiled sympathetically. “I do understand. I suppose the best thing would be to arrange a plot beside his wife.”
“Yes, I do believe that would be best. He disdained the church, but surely in death he would expect a Christian burial.”
“Whether or not he would, the living survivors who cared for him probably would.”
“Yes, I agree. Oh, how is Mr. Ramsey? Were his injuries bad?”
“A broken leg and some cuts and such. He cannot travel to accompany the body and has in fact informed me that he will stay on in New York. He felt there was little reason for him to return to Baltimore.”
“I suppose I can understand that. Pay his expenses and give him a tidy sum to set him on his way,” Carolina told Swann.
