A Hope Christmas Love Story (3 page)

***

It’s taken me a week to pluck up the courage to ask her meet me in half term. She’s always so evasive if I suggest meeting at the weekend. So I really think she’s going to say no. But to my amazement she agrees.

“I haven’t told you what I’m planning yet,” I say. “You might say no when I tell you.”

Melanie looked at me curiously.

“Do you like walking?” I say.

“Yes,” says Melanie looking curious. “I love it. One of the best things about living round here is the walking.”

“Have you ever climbed the Wrekin?”

“No, I haven’t” says Melanie

“Well how about it?” I say.

“I’d love to,” says Melanie. “I don’t get to walk as much as I’d like to anymore.”

She looks a little wistful and again, I sense a mystery. But she brushes off my why not?” with “Oh, just family stuff you know.” Her granny has been ill apparently, and is staying with them. So I guess she gets more domestic stuff dumped on her. I don’t quiz her too closely. I’ve got her to agree to meet me outside college. That will do for now.

“Nearly at the top,” Will leans down to grab my hand and pull me over a rock I’m stumbling across. A little frisson of pleasure goes through me, and I hold onto his hand just a second longer than I need to. I wonder if he’s noticed. But I’m so wrapped up in being this close to him, having this time with him, I don’t care. It’s taken us over an hour to get to the top of the Wrekin on a cold rainy Shropshire day. We can barely see the view because it’s raining so hard I’m soaked through and freezing cold, but I don’t care, because I’m with Will and that’s all that matters.

“I made you some hot chocolate,” he says, as we get to the top, producing a flask from his back pack.

It’s so sweet and thoughtful of him, and so completely unlike anything Andy would have done, I lean in and kiss him.

“Oh,” I say with sudden embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m not,” says Will and he gives me a look that simultaneously makes my heart sing and my stomach plummet. Then he gently cups my chin in his hands and kisses me.

It’s a long slow drawn out kiss that seems to go on forever. I haven’t realised till this moment, how much I have longed to do this. Little tingles shoot up my spine as he draws me in. I feel like I’m falling, and never want this moment to end. I’ve forgotten everything but me, and him, and just being here on this windswept hillside. I never thought I could feel like this. And I realise that Andy was nothing in comparison.

This is the real deal.

And then I come to with a jolt.
Lou Lou
. How could I have forgotten Lou Lou? I swore I wouldn’t do this. Not till she’s older at least. And here I am taking a day off with a boy I like as if I’m a normal teenager. What kind of mum does that make me?

I withdraw slightly, hoping Will won’t notice.

But he does. Immediately. The downside of meeting an empathetic guy.

“What’s up?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say. “That was … amazing. But a little overwhelming.”

` “I know,” he says happily. He kisses me again and then pours me a hot chocolate, and we sit there sipping it together, on top of the hill, in the rain and the wind. And though I’m confused, part of me has never felt happier.

***

We don’t linger at the top of the Wrekin. The weather is too rotten. Which is a shame as I wanted to show Melanie the Iron Hill Fort. My dad took me there years ago, when I was a kid. That was when he was being a dad and paid attention to me.

We make our way slowly back to down the hill, and by the time we get to the bottom we’re soaked through. Melanie has been quiet all the way down. I can’t figure it out. She was the one who kissed
me.
Maybe I misread the situation. It has been known. I seemed to get it constantly wrong with Debbie, my last girlfriend. But then I think,
no
, she was definitely up for it.

So when we finally get to into a cafe, for another hot chocolate each, I say, “This is daft, we still don’t know very much about each other.”

“There’s not very much to tell,” says Melanie, shrugging her shoulders. “I have a nice ordinary family, with a nice ordinary life. I work hard and I want to go to college to study journalism. That’s all there is.”

“That’s never all there is,” I say, but I can see that guarded look coming over her, which is beginning to be very familiar. So I don’t press it. Instead I say, “Well ordinary is great as far as I’m concerned. My family has got to be the most dysfunctional ever.”

“Oh,” says Melanie, and I can see she’s intrigued. “Why?”

I take a deep breath. I haven’t told anyone at college about this, but I know instinctively I can trust her.

“My parents got divorced this year.”

“I’m sorry, “says Melanie.

“Don’t be,” I say. “They’ve been rowing and cheating on each other ever since I can remember. They had me far too young and never really coped with family life. It’s better this way.”

“You poor thing,” she says reaching over for my hand, “my parents are still sickeningly in love. I can’t imagine them ever getting divorced.”

I treasure that nugget.

“Anyway, Mum left earlier this year, and she’s set up home with her new boyfriend. They’re expecting a new baby, and they don’t have time for us.”

“Us?”

“Me and my sister, Izzy” I say. “She’s sixteen.”

“What about your dad?” asks Melanie.

And then I take a deep breath because I think she might be shocked at how rubbish my parents really are. It’s been six months, and I’m still shocked and hurt by their behaviour.

“As soon as I turned eighteen in March,” I say, “my dad left too. Izzy my sister, has been a nightmare ever since, smoking, drinking, staying out late. Only this week she stayed out till midnight on a school night. She turned her phone off, and I couldn’t track her down. I drove round everywhere I knew looking for her, then she rolled in paralytic. We had a huge row about it. It’s been like that since Dad went.There’s only me to look out for Izzy. Hence the reason I stuffed up my AS’s. Dad pays the bills, but we’re pretty much alone in his house now.”

There’s a silence, and Melanie says, “Well that sucks.”

“Yes,” I say, feeling sad, “yes it does.”

“Mum,” I say in a rush – I’ve been building up to this all evening –“theresaparty tomorrownightandeveryonesstayingoversocanI?”

Mum looks at me with a grin, and I know she
knows
. It’s not that I don’t want to tell her exactly. I never told her about Andy and look how well that turned out. But this feels new and sparkling and special. And I want to keep it to myself. Just for now.

I am so nervous before the party, I spend ages trying things on. This is made more difficult by Lou Lou, who, picking up that something’s different tonight, won’t go to bed. And since Granny’s been here, we’re sharing a room. Paige and Ruby come in to help but cause more chaos, as they start playing with her instead of getting her settled.

“You’re no help,” I say as Lou Lou starts putting on my shoes, and stomping round the room, declaring, “I’m Mummy,” with Paige and Ruby in hysterics, In the end, I give up and let her carry on causing mayhem while I’m getting ready.

And I’m so desperate to tell someone, I end up spilling everything about Will. We do our pinky promise and say Sister’s secrets, just like we did when we were little. I know they won’t say anything. What’s said among sisters stays among sisters …

At last I’m ready. I’ve chosen to wear a pretty floaty dress I got last summer, with high heels I’ve borrowed from Paige as I don’t wear them normally. I’ve got my hair loose and have found a jacket of Mum’s which I like. For once I’ve even got make up on. I find I don’t normally have time.

“How do I look?” I say.

“Fab,” says Paige, and insists we snapchat Shaz in Nottingham to see what she thinks too. Shaz is apparently in a bar somewhere, slightly pissed, but she gives us a thumbs up.

“He’s going to love you,” says Ruby,
like
she knows anything about it.

“Lovely Mummy!” says Lou Lou, jumping on the bed. So I give her a cuddle and read her a story and then she eventually snuggles up with her favourite teddy. She looks like she might be about to get out of bed again, as I go to leave, but Paige sweetly says she’ll sit and read her another story.

I feel a pang as I leave. I’ve only ever left Lou Lou once at night before, when I went out with Shaz just before she went to uni. I feel guilty, even though I know Mum is here, and Lou Lou will be perfectly happy and safe. And at the same time I feel excited, and liberated. I have one glorious night of freedom. One night, when I can go out with friends and dance and drink like all my peers do, and pretend for a moment I’m just like them. I feel guilty about thinking like it, and I’m ridiculously nervous about seeing Will, but it’s my night off, and I plan to enjoy it.

***

I arrive far too early, and the girl whose party it is, Karen, looks vaguely surprised to see me. I’m not surprised, I hardly talk to anyone at college apart from Melanie. She probably has no idea who I am.

I’m one of the first people there, I’m so impatient to see Melanie, but then she texts to say she’s running late, and I feel a right idiot.

Hardly anyone at college knows me, apart from Melanie. I’ve played football once or twice with the guys, but I knocked it on the head when Izzy rang me frantically one evening having got in a row with Mum. So while everyone’s pleasant enough, I still haven’t got any solid friends. We wouldn’t have been invited to this party at all if Karen hadn’t invited the entire year. It’s her eighteenth, her parents have gone away and everyone’s allowed to crash.

She looks me up and down with a faint air of disgust, and waves her hand and says, “Drinks are in the kitchen, help yourself.”

So I go into the kitchen and have a beer, and then stand awkwardly in the lounge making conversation with the only other lad there, a guy called Matt Wilson who is smoking dope and has nothing very entertaining to say.

Gradually people start trickling in, and I say hi to the few people I know. I graduate from the pot head to the kitchen where I end up having a bleak existential discussion with Marlon Hilton, the guy reading Catcher in the Rye on my first day. Some girl is already throwing up in the garden, and Mr Pothead has found a friend. They’re having in insanely boring and nonsensical conversation, which they both find highly entertaining. It isn’t. I’m sure everyone here would say it’s a great party, but it’s not really my scene.

The later Melanie is the more nervous I get. Since we kissed on the hill top, we’ve fallen into the habit of holding hands, and kissing occasionally, but opportunities are limited. And I haven’t even asked her out. I still sense she’s holding out on me, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Should I push it, and scare her off? Or leave it and get more frustrated?

As it gets towards nine thirty, I begin to think that’s not going to be an option. Maybe she’s going to blow me out. My stomach plummets at the thought. Would she, could she do that to me? I don’t think so, but there’s so much about her I don’t know, I may be putting too much trust in her. It wouldn’t be the first time she’s had an undisclosed family crisis and had to leave in a hurry. I text her for the millionth time, but there’s no reply.

I’m thinking that maybe I should give up and go home. The only reason I’m here is to see Melanie. And then there’s a tap on my shoulder, I turn around, and there she is. And all is right with the world.

I’m so late, by the time I get to the party, I’m worried Will has gone home. Karen lives the other side of Shrewsbury, and it’s further than I think it is. It’s times like this, when I hate living so far from college. It’s along miserable drive in the dark, and it will get worse as winter comes on.When I pull over to call Will, I seem to be in a mobile blackspot and can’t get a signal. I’m feeling sick with nerves by the time I arrive. What if he’s given up on me? What if he thinks I’ve given up on him?

So it’s a relief to get to the party, and after pushing my way through the crowds, finding him chatting to Marlon from our course, who has to be the gloomiest person I know. He sees the apocalypse round every corner. I’m surprised Will hasn’t slashed his wrists by now.

I feel suddenly shy when I see him. What if he’s cross with me for being late? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me after all. Even though I know deep down that’s not true.

“Melanie,” his smile is so warm and welcoming my heart does a little jump, and I wonder what I was worrying about. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”

“Oh I was never not coming,” I say, “I mean I was always going to turn up, but getting of my house of an evening is just crazy and then I left too late to phone you and then when I tried I couldn’t get a signal and then …”

I realise he’s laughing at me.

“I’m gabbling aren’t I?” I say, a deep blush spreading across my face.

“A bit,” he says, “but that’s ok, because I quite like it. Drink?”

And then it’s all ok, and I forget my nerves and being late and feeling guilty about Lou Lou, and just drink up the nearness of him.

It’s like my eyes have suddenly opened and I’m floating on air. Will makes me happier than I thought it was possible to be. I mean being with Lou Lou makes me
happy.
But not like this. Not this dizzy intoxicating pleasure that I never ever want to end.

Several people nod at us as Will leads me to the dance floor. No one had clocked we’re together till this evening, and several of the girls give me knowing looks, and Lizzie sidles up beside me and says, “I thought there was something going on!” But I don’t care. Because this is my evening; my one little slice of normal teenage life and I am going to have fun.

***

I think for a horrible moment when Melanie arrives she is still going to blow me out. But then she starts gabbling nonsense at me, and it suddenly dawns on me, she is as nervous as I am. And then everything is ok.

The evening goes by in a blur. There is the usual crush at these things, and around midnight, people start playing stupid drinking games, which isn’t really my thing. It’s hot and sweaty inside, so I say, “Fancy some fresh air?” and we wander out in the garden. Karen’s garden is massive and it’s been decked out with fairy lights.