A House for Happy Mothers: A Novel (11 page)

“Another baby?” Nayantara asked when she noticed Asha’s belly. “In India the way things are, no one should have more than one child. You already have two. Do you know that in China for the longest time people could have only one child? If they had another, it was a crime. Now they can have only two and no more.”

Srinivas looked apologetically at Asha and was about to say something when Nayantara shushed him. “I don’t mean to be rude, but can you even afford to have a third child? I mean . . . you’re living with Kaveri and Raman.”

“We’re going to buy our own flat very soon,” Pratap said defensively. “This is just temporary until we find our feet. We just moved from the village.”

“But still, three children?” Nayantara wouldn’t let the matter go.

“Children are Lord Venkateshwara Swami’s blessing,” Srinivas’s mother, Tarla Devi, said. “And I think Asha is doing a wonderful thing by having one more child. He might be like Manoj, another gem of a boy, or like Mohini, such a beautiful girl.”

“God doesn’t provide for children; money does,” Nayantara said.

“Money isn’t a problem.” Raman spoke this time to defend his older brother and his wife.

“Please,” Asha protested. “This is not an appropriate conversation in front of the children.”

Even though the children were sitting in another circle in the TV room, Asha used them as an excuse. She could hardly explain to Nayantara that the child she was having wasn’t hers. That all her concerns were meaningless.

“Oh,” Nayantara said, immediately looking guilty. “I guess they’re happy about having another brother or sister.”

There won’t be a brother or sister,
Asha wanted to tell the stupid, arrogant girl. But she nodded and smiled and asked if anyone wanted more
sambhar
.

“Don’t listen to her,” Srinivas’s mother said to Asha after dinner when they were alone in the kitchen making tea. “She is a she-devil who doesn’t want children. You have the children you want. You are a wonderful mother, and your children are such a pleasure. I would love to have grandchildren like them. But I doubt sweet children will ever come out of my daughter-in-law’s acid womb.”

Asha quietly stirred the tea, adding the right amount of milk and sugar to the pot.

“And Mohini’s dress . . . it’s so beautiful,” Tarla Devi said. “Where did you buy it?”

“A gift from friends,” Asha said, and couldn’t resist adding, “from America.”

“You have friends in America,” Tarla Devi said admiringly.

“Yes,” Asha said, and didn’t even flinch as she lied.

CHAPTER SEVEN

“Do we fight too much?” Priya asked the next morning.

Madhu had made an elaborate breakfast: a Spanish omelet with a spicy tomato salsa, yogurt with muesli, and a fruit salad. It was their Saturday-morning ritual. They woke up late, and one of them cooked a big brunch that they ate while they leisurely read the paper in the dining room.

“The fight wasn’t my fault,” Priya added as she put a triangle of Spanish omelet on her plate.

“I said I was sorry,” Madhu said. “I know women think it’s their exclusive, God-given right to talk to their friends about their problems, but men do it, too, you know.”

“You bet I know,” Priya said. “But Athar tells Farah everything, and she tells everybody, so that’s probably not the right friend to confide in.”

“Got it. Can we move on?”

Priya looked at him while she chewed on the omelet and nodded.

“Thank you,” Madhu said sarcastically, and turned on the television, flipping channels until he found CNN.

“I think our Saturdays are going to be very different when the baby comes home,” Priya said.

“Why? I think we can still have brunch with a baby in the house,” Madhu said. “We shouldn’t become the kind of parents who give up being a couple to become parents.”

“I don’t think it’s a conscious thing,” Priya said. “I think it’s one of those things that just happens. Nina and Jordan were a normal couple until they had kids, and suddenly they had no time for anything. Either their kid is sick or she has a birthday party—something or other to keep her from seeing us on weekends.”

Madhu stirred sugar into his filter coffee. “And look what happened? Jordan was sleeping with someone else, and Nina was having a nervous breakdown.”

Priya grinned. “I don’t think Jordan cheated on Nina because they became parents. Or is that something you intend to do?”

“No. But Nina won’t even have a babysitter over so she and Jordan can go out. Hell, they’ve never spent a night away from their girls,” Madhu said.

Priya wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know if I will, either. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that we have to be a couple as well as parents, but right now, as I wait for this baby, I can’t imagine letting her out of my sight once I have her.”

“But you will,” Madhu said, looking her in the eye. “Just because it’s been a long way to a baby doesn’t mean we have to sacrifice our lives for it.”

“But we do have to, Madhu,” Priya said, licking her lips. “A baby will change our lives. We will not be able to sit down and eat every meal in peace.”

“As long as we can do it once in a while, that will be enough,” Madhu said, reaching over to place his hand on his wife’s.

Priya didn’t think Madhu truly grasped the concept of what this baby would do to their lives. He was living with the idea that the baby would calmly follow his plans and agenda and not screw anything up. Nina told Priya how shocked she’d been at the loss of her freedom once she’d had Rebecca. It had been a huge blow to all of a sudden not even be able to go to the supermarket without having a baby hang about her. It had taken getting used to, but for the first few months she thought her life was over.

“Do you think we should shop a little this weekend? Buy something for Asha and her family?” Priya asked.

“Didn’t we just buy them stuff?” Madhu said. “I think it can wait. Or do you just want to go baby shopping?”

“I always want to go baby shopping,” Priya said, and then bit her lip. “But I think I’ll wait. Just in case.”

Madhu leaned and kissed her. “It’s going to be fine.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

But Madhu couldn’t quite keep his promise. That night the phone rang and an old, familiar fear reared its ugly head.

“There is some bleeding,” Doctor Swati said to Priya.

“What?” Priya could hardly form the word. Madhu had woken up as well, and they were huddled by Priya’s phone, set on speaker.

“How much bleeding?” Madhu asked.

“Calm down. I suspect it’s because of the examination we did yesterday,” Doctor Swati said. “It happens; it’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal?
Priya wanted to scream. This is how her miscarriages had begun: a little bleeding here and there, and then one day the baby was gone.

“How’s the baby?” Priya demanded.

“We did an ultrasound, and it looks just fine. The baby is under no distress; it’s healthy and growing as it should,” Doctor Swati said. “I sent some pictures by e-mail for you.”

Madhu immediately pulled his iPad onto the bed to look at his e-mail.

“So what does this mean?” Priya asked.

“Well, bleeding is never a good thing. But it was just a small amount, and it’s already stopped. However, since we want to be careful, I think it’s best if we move Asha to the surrogate house now instead of in two more months,” Doctor Swati said.

In the surrogate house, Asha would have twenty-four-hour care. There would be no accidents, no time lag from something going wrong to it being fixed. It was the best option, considering she was bleeding.

“But she will be away from her family then,” Madhu said.

“Just for two months more than planned,” Priya interjected before Doctor Swati said anything. “I understand it isn’t easy but . . . it’s our baby, Madhu.”

“Asha’s family lives close by, so she will be able to see them every day,” Doctor Swati said. “They will come and visit, and on weekends she can even go see them for a few hours if she wishes to. But from now on she will live and sleep in the surrogate house.”

Priya and Madhu had had a tour of the surrogate house. It was a clean and cozy place with room for about sixteen women in eight bedrooms. There were a couple of living rooms with televisions and sofas, a big garden, a spacious veranda, an oversize kitchen with a dining table, and a computer room where they were given computer classes. One of the living rooms was used for yoga lessons that the women were expected to take every day for fifteen minutes to a half hour.

The house had a full-time nurse, a den mother who used to be a surrogate herself, and two maids who cooked and cleaned. It was nice, halfway between a house and a hospital.

“Will Asha have a problem with this?” Priya asked.

“I have already spoken with her, and I think she understands the importance of her being taken care of,” Doctor Swati said.

“But is she happy about this?” Madhu asked.

There was a pause before Doctor Swati said, “Well, she isn’t happy about leaving her family, but it’s for a short time, and she will be in the company of several other women like her. It’s a place where she can bond and learn some new skills. And she will get better care than at home. She won’t have to cook or clean or anything. We have help to do that. All she will have to do is relax and be taken care of. A lot of women love staying at the house and actually miss it when they leave. It’s like being on vacation.”

Madhu and Priya both had doubts that being away from one’s family could ever be like a vacation, but it was their baby and they wanted what was best for their child.

“When will she move into the surrogate house?” Priya asked.

“Tomorrow, if you agree with me that it’s a good idea,” Doctor Swati said. “It’s my professional opinion that she should. It’s the best way to keep your baby and Asha healthy.”

“Then let’s do it,” Madhu said, looking for confirmation at Priya, who nodded.

They couldn’t sleep after the phone call. They lay in bed, just staring at the ceiling.

“My heart is still pounding,” Priya said.

“Mine, too,” Madhu admitted.

“Are we being selfish, Madhu?” Priya asked.

“It’s a bit late, don’t you think, to worry about that?”

“What does that mean?” Priya demanded.

“Just that our baby will always come first, and Asha knew what she was doing when she signed the contract,” Madhu said.

“Still makes me feel guilty,” Priya said.

“Me, too.”

Priya turned to Madhu, tears in her eyes.

“But you know what, I’m not just scared about the baby,” Priya said.

Madhu turned to face her. “What else are you scared about?”

“Losing you,” Priya said. “I’m scared that if something happens to the baby, you’ll leave . . . again.”

Madhu sighed and turned so he was once again staring at the ceiling. “Priya, it was a mistake. I thought we moved past this.”

“We did,” Priya said. “But that doesn’t mean a part of me . . . I still have this niggling fear that . . . Forget it. You’re getting angry.”

Madhu sat up. “I’m not angry. I’m frustrated that you bring it up again and again.”

“That’s not fair,” Priya said, sitting up as well. “I hardly ever bring it up.”

“I said I was sorry and I was. I still am. But I can’t take back what I did. It was stupid, but . . . why can’t you just let it go?”

Priya wiped the tears off her cheek. “I have let it go. But it comes back. Come on, Madhu, you left me while I was bleeding. You left. You were gone for three weeks.”

“And I came back,” Madhu said. “I came back. That was three fucking years ago, Priya.”

“I know,” Priya said. “I’m being unfair.”

Madhu hugged her. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I have no life without you. I love you.”

“I’m being silly,” Priya said, resting her head on his chest.

“No. I’m at fault here. I fucked up. I was . . . I fucked up, and there’s nothing I can do to take it back, but it’ll never happen again. You know that, don’t you?” Madhu asked.

Priya nodded, not lifting her head.

“I’m sorry I brought it up. I don’t think about it all the time or anything. I’m not upset about it, but . . . it comes back, that fear. Losing you, losing a baby, it’s all mixed up in my head,” she said.

“I know,” he said, and stroked her hair. “I know. And I’m with you all the way. I’ll never leave you again.”

“And I’ll never push you away as I had, either,” Priya said.

They held each other for a long time, not wanting to let go. They were the only two people in the world who knew how they felt, knew enough to comfort each other.

“Will this baby be OK, Madhu?” Priya asked, sobbing.

“Yes,” Madhu said, but Priya could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

The whole thing had been so out of character for Madhu that sometimes Priya wondered if it had actually happened. It was after her second miscarriage, and it seemed at the time like they were beginning to fall apart. The cracks in their marriage were starting to show. The stress of losing yet another baby and the doctor telling them that there could be more miscarriages had devastated both of them. They didn’t officially decide to stop trying to have a baby, because they never used any protection anyway. Instead, their sex life had gone from prolific to once in a while. Depression was hell on the libido.

When Priya got pregnant for the third time, she didn’t tell Madhu about it right away. And that had been the sledgehammer that devastated their already cracked marriage. Priya always felt that what really broke Madhu’s heart was not losing another baby, but that she hadn’t trusted him to be supportive enough to tell him as soon as she knew.

She waited nearly six weeks. They had started spending less and less time together by that point. Both were busy with their work, and Madhu had been traveling a lot. Like the sex, they hadn’t deliberately set about distancing from each other; it had just happened.