A Late Divorce (5 page)

Just then the door opened and mom walked in with her arms full of packages she was wet from the rain. She smiled at us both. I see you're up father. I went to her I could see from the shape of the bags that she hadn't bought me my airplane just flat things like clothes grandpa went to kiss her she took off her coat and wanted to kiss me too.

“How's Rakefet?”

“She didn't sleep. You were wrong again. We had terrible problems with her, grandpa too, and it's all your fault. Where did you disappear to? We had to give her a bath and grandpa cut himself.”

“It's nothing.” Grandpa laughed. Mom was all confused.

“You gave her a bath?” She laughed. I left them I went to the kitchen I took a knife I put on my coat I opened the front door.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to pick mulberry leaves,” I said. “Do you want all my worms to die?”

“Now? In the dark? In the rain?” She tried stopping me but I slipped past her down the stairs to the street. It wasn't raining I crossed to the other side I walked toward the bus stop I reached the mulberry tree and tried shinnying up it but it was too slippery a man with a hat on was standing at the bus stop he saw me and helped me grab a branch it was an old man who limped a little I took out my knife and quickly cut the fresh wet leaves.

I gathered a bunch of them and stuck them inside my coat.

“Do you raise silkworms?”

“That's right.”

He approached me now in the light I could see he was a dirty miserable old man. I started home he turned around and came with me kind of limping.

“Do you have cocoons yet?”

“Yes, five.”

“Soon you'll have butterflies.”

“I guess so.”

I couldn't figure out what he wanted.

“Do you know how a cocoon turns into a butterfly?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

But I didn't. So he began explaining to me what happens inside the sealed white cocoon. He wouldn't leave me alone he limped along beside me he even offered me candy. Just then the lights of dad's car shone on us he had driven up quickly. He flung open the door and stepped out with his briefcase.

“Gaddi, what are you doing here?”

The old man stepped to the side.

“Yes? Can I help you?” dad asked.

The man started to mumble something.

“What does he want from you?”

“Nothing.”

“Where do you live?” dad asked him harshly.

The old man didn't answer he turned to go.

“Beat it! This isn't the place for you ... get a move on, mister! ... What did he want from you? How could you have let him accost you like that? Be more careful, Gaddi, don't you realize whom you're dealing with? What's come over you lately?”

“He helped me pick mulberry leaves. He held the branch for me.”

“All right, come on home. Is grandpa up?”

“Yes.”

“It's about time.”

I followed him up the stairs how could I have told grandpa all about them now he must be telling mom. I saw her face in the doorway looking at me seriously I went to my room.

It was dark the baby was sleeping you couldn't even tell she was there I put the new leaves in the box and took out the old ones suddenly I remembered the worm that was lost I went to look for it dad was talking to grandpa by the door of grandpa's room he gave him some papers the radio was on in the kitchen mom was setting the table in the dining nook. I went to look for the worm in the kitchen.

“What's the matter, Gaddi?” Her voice was gentle. “Grandpa says you were a wonderful helper.”

I didn't answer I was looking for that worm maybe it had spun a cocoon. Finally I said:

“You promised the baby would sleep. She cried all the time and even made in her crib.”

“I thought she would sleep. She was up all morning. How was I to know?”

“But you promised.”

“What do you mean, I promised? Don't be idiotic. How can I promise what she'll do?”

“Then don't. But you did.”

She looked tired. Why did I say bad things about her to grandpa? I went to the toy basket I turned it over the worm wasn't there. I took all my cars and went back to the kitchen and started to throw them in the garbage pail.

“What's going on there?”

“I'm throwing out some old toys I don't need.”

“Must you do it now?”

“Yes.”

Dad came to butt in to check up to take over.

“What are you throwing out there? Are you out of your mind?”

“I don't need them anymore.”

He stood watching the garbage pail fill up.

“Now go empty it downstairs.”

I went down with the plastic bag. Cars sped along the wet street but the rain had stopped the sky was clear. I opened the garbage bin a cat jumped out I dumped the plastic bag in a can the cat stood meowing as soon as I moved away it jumped back into the can I covered it with the lid. Suddenly I didn't want to go home. What made me tell grandpa everything he didn't bring me anything he didn't give me a thing. The old man saw me he came out from the doorway of another house he'd been poking around in the garbage there. I ran up the stairs I felt sorry now about some of those toys.

Dad was eating already grandpa was sitting beside him at the table with an empty plate. I sat down to eat but they made me wash my hands when I returned dad was making some joke about the government grandpa smiled then he talked about America. I didn't listen I ate as fast as I could. Then I was sent to wash up. When I came back in my pajamas they were sitting in the living room. Dad was saying something nasty to grandpa they were talking about grandma grandpa was hunched in the armchair looking at the floor I wanted to hear but mom put her hand on me.

“Go to bed.”

“I want to watch TV.”

“Absolutely not tonight.”

I went to bed. Rakefet was sleeping like a log she'd sleep on and on like grandpa now like she'd come from America too. Mom took off the bedspread she took a pillow from the closet she pulled back the blanket I crawled quickly into bed before she could see the faint stains from the morning. She covered me all at once she put her lips on my forehead.

“Are you warm? I have a feeling that you're coming down with something.”

But I wasn't.

“There are report cards tomorrow,” I reminded her.

She didn't hear me though she was sad. Had grandpa told her what I told him?

“Grandpa thinks the world of you. He says that you know so much, that you understand so much ...”

I didn't say anything. She turned off the light and went out. I lay there in the dark. Then I got up and went barefoot to pee. In the hallway I saw them dad was showing grandpa some more papers and grandpa was reading them. Mom stood off to one side. They were talking about grandma I understood it right away. She wasn't in a hospital she was in a prison I knew it I knew it all along. Grandpa had come to get her out. Suddenly dad felt me standing in the dark.

“Scram! Back to bed,” he said.

I ran to my room. I felt sorry for grandpa. I looked at the worms they had nibbled the fresh leaves. One of them was loose in the house it would turn into a cocoon and then into a butterfly if dad didn't squash it on purpose.

I covered myself with the blanket. The baby sighed. All at once her breath came in jerks. She must want to wake up and cry again. If I'm quick enough I'll fall asleep before it starts.

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world...

W. B. Yeats

 

What do I care? We have to talk in whispers in the morning to keep the radio down to hold the baby all the time so she won't cry when I called at noon yesterday and she said he was still sleeping I warned her she better wake him or he'd never sleep at night it's not jet lag anymore it's depression but she said let him sleep what do you care. I don't but I do that all last night he was up around the house again and wouldn't let us sleep. There's no night or day around here anymore by the time his inner clock is reset he'll be on his way back to America and meanwhile our clock is off too not mine but Ya'el's because I won't give in to this lunacy no one keeps me from sleeping once in the army I even dozed off under fire. Someone has to stay sane in all this chaos I have an office to run and a murder trial waiting for me I can't afford to be a shadow of myself like her for the past three days getting maybe five hours' sleep how can I even think of sex with her. But it's almost over. Tomorrow we'll ship the old man to Jerusalem let Mr. Young Ph.D. and his little nun of a wife look after their dad for a while and I'll look after my biological accounts don't think I've forgotten the pleasures outstanding how much pleasure is left in this goddamn life anyway. As long as we're alive and kicking we've got a lay coming to us now and then what we don't
do now we'll never make up for later. The real loser will be Gaddi. All week long he's heard nothing but grandpa grandpa he must have thought a good angel was coming down from heaven I told her why put ideas in his head what good's all this grandpa stuff to him what good's your whole family to us there hasn't been a day in the last seven years when we could even leave the boy with them and take a vacation for ourselves. Some families come with grandmothers free of charge to raise the children while the parents run around the world but what's your mother ever done for us except get herself locked up thirty kilometers from here so that we can burn ten liters of gas to go visit her twice a month. Still not even to have brought the boy some kind of present is really too much. He forgot. He wanted to forget. His own self he never forgets. Let alone that during twelve hours in an airplane where every minute someone's trying to sell you whiskey or cigarettes for a song he might have thought of me too it's me after all who's getting him his freedom who's treating him to a new life what would it have cost him to bring me a nice little bottle of French cognac he lives in dollarland anyway life's so much easier for him. But leave me out of it forget about me I don't count I don't need his damn liquor how many grandchildren do you have grandpa? Just one besides the baby. The baby you can forget she'll never know you were here but the boy's gone gaga over you all week long he kept looking at the globe to see how you would come he made you a big welcome grandpa sign with flowers as tall as trees I mean he was ecstatic so how the hell could you forget to bring him even a small toy something symbolic it's not that he needs things you can go to his room and see for yourself but you live in toy universe couldn't you have brought him something we'd all get a kick out of a remote-control car or some tank that shoots little shells? Two grandchildren here in Haifa are all you have there won't be any more so soon trust Kedmi's intuition on that you'd need the Holy Ghost to make one in Jerusalem and some new facts of life in Tel Aviv. So at eleven o'clock last night after the boy's hung silently around you all day you actually remember that you should have brought him something and begin to apologize that the trip wasn't planned and that you had no time to shop and could I please buy him something for you that's my latest job to buy the presents you've forgotten and in the end you won't even pay me back for them I could see it the minute you got up to look for your wallet as soon as just to be polite I whispered don't bother you collapsed right back into your chair looking for wallets must fatigue you.

All right then so we'll buy him something to remember you by when you're gone maybe he will. The poor kid has only one grandfather I've got a stake in your image and believe me presents are important to kids. They remember the times they've had by the presents they've gotten I know what goes on in his mind we're like the same person I handle him like I handle myself. The boy knows where it's at he's got a good head for sums. You should have heard what his arithmetic teacher told me he even found some mistake that she'd made. He's from my side of the family not yours he's like me that's why I'm so crazy about him. If only he weren't growing up too serious for this ridiculous world.

“So who's this boy who calls you Boxer?”

“He's from 3A.”

“What's his name? Who are his parents?”

“I don't know.”

“But what's he like?”

“Kind of skinny. Small.”

“So what are you afraid of him for? Sock it to him where it hurts.”

“I already did.”

“When??”

“Yesterday. I knocked him down. He even bled.”

“Easy there, Gaddi, easy. We don't want to leave any marks. Don't forget that you're in a special class already.”

But you've got to hand it to him. He can take care of himself even if I do now notice a black-and-blue mark on his forehead. The way those quiet brown eyes take me in that mouth quickly shoveling it away it's the same nervous hunger that shot me up to a meter eighty-one even if I have ten kids someday and I won't the fat little sweetheart will always have a special place in my heart.

“C'mon, Gaddi, that's enough. I've got to go. I have a crazy day ahead of me.”

A crazy day with crazy people. But what do I care I said I'd do it and I will as long as they let me do it my way. Just let the family keep out of it and I'll hand the old folks their divorce all signed sealed and delivered. A really neat job. Just all of you keep out of it. If there's an ounce of sanity among you you'll leave it to me to find a painless way out of this forty-year-old neurotic mess. You're lucky to have found a lawyer to marry into this family of yours so have a little faith in him after all you're not paying me a cent for this relax I wouldn't think of taking it anyway.

“C'mon, Gaddi, you've had enough. You'll be late for school. Leave room for your ten o'clock snack.”