A Life Restored (24 page)

“Betty, I… I want to tell ya about my past.
 
I know it ain’t who I am now, but I care a great deal for ya and want ya to know it.”

She smiled encouragingly and gave his hand a squeeze before returning her hand to her lap.

“I told ya some about Sheila, right?”

At her nod, he continued.
 
“She was my life.
 
I was young then, not even in my twenties when I met her.
 
She took care of her pa and sisters on the tenement farm next to mine.
 
I was struggling living alone.
 
It was hard enough to farm each day.
 
I just didn’t have much energy to cook and clean up things at the end of the day.

“She took pity on me and began bringing by food or doing my laundry.
 
Before long, she invited me to eat with her pa and sisters.

“I knew even then that I shoulda said no.
 
Too many folks woulda had a problem with that much.
 
But, my heart—well it ignored what made sense.
 
I fell in love with her.”

“I don’t understand,” Betty said.

“She, her pa, and her sisters were freed darkies.
 
In the south, in Mississippi, that weren’t much better’n a slave.
 
Folks there don’t like to see white blood mixed with their kind.

“Thing was, I knew all that.
 
I knew if I married her, it would mean trouble fer me, fer her, fer our children.
 
Oh, and we both wanted children.
 
Lots of ‘em.
 
But, I married her anyway.”

He looked off to the distance, swallowing hard.
 
Betty’s heart hurt for him.
 
She could see this was painful.

“It’s my fault she died.
 
They killed her just ‘cause she married me.”

As he told her the horrible story of the night his family was killed by fire, Betty’s hand rose to her throat and her prayers rose heavenward.
 
She listened intently, feeling his pain.

“After I got hit on the head, I blacked out.
 
It was late into the night that I woke.
 
Only, I wasn’t on the farm anymore.
 
I was in town in a back alley, outside a tavern.

“Somehow, I staggered to my feet and entered the place.
 
I found some money in my pocket, more’n I remembered having, and I sat down and drank.
 
I stayed in that place for days, not barely movin’ from that stool.
 
Drink after drink after drink.
 
I couldn’t bear to be without the whiskey.
 
I couldn’t bear to remember.

“Don’t know how many days I was there a’fore my sister found me.
 
She somehow dragged me outta the place and got me back to her home.
 
She’d married and she convinced her husband to let me stay.

“I didn’t make it easy.
 
I just sat there day after day on the floor.
 
I kept drinking myself senseless.

“Finally, her man got fed up with me and kicked me out.
 
Told me I needed to start living, cause no matter how much I wanted to be dead, I weren’t.”

Tears streamed down his face.

“So, I found a saloon.
 
And I drank some more.

“Days blended into weeks, then into months.
 
Don’t know how long I was there.
 
Just know that I eventually ran outta money.”

He paused, rubbing his hand nervously on the leg of his pants.
 
He looked into her eyes then quickly away before he continued.

“Some dreaming fool from Texas came into the saloon one day.
 
Said he’d been looking for hard workers to come take a chance on his brand new ranch.
 
His eyes glowed with such excitement and life.
 
He was about the same age as me.
 
It was something about them blue eyes that got my attention.

“He sat down next to me and told me I didn’t have to be broken no more.
 
I could start a new life on his ranch.
 
Said he was looking for someone honest that he could trust.

“Then Eddie Colter did what only a fool would do.
 
He took the drink from my hand and said I had enough.
 
It was time to leave the drink and leave the pain.
 
He helped me stagger out to his wagon.

“We left for Texas that night—a crazy fool rancher and a drunken broken-hearted farmer.
 
After a day of travel without the liquor, I got real sick.
 
He helped me.
 
Sometimes he’d say something about me needing to stay away from the drink.
 
Other times, he’d read scripture or prayed over me.”

He turned and reached for her hands.
 
“Betty, I ain’t had a drink since Eddie pulled me from the pit.
 
He saved me.”

Ben released one hand to wipe away the tears on his face then he took her hand again.
 
“I’m telling ya all this ‘cause I want ya to know what kind of man I was.
 
I care too much fer ya not to tell ya everything about me—all the good and all the bad.”

Betty’s breath caught in her throat.
 
Her heart fluttered and danced within her chest.
 
She saw the look of love in his eyes and knew he was offering her a precious gift—his heart—in the only way he knew how.

“I love you, too, Benjamin.”

His eyes went wide and he straightened his back.
 
“Ya do?”

“I do.”

He leaned closer stopping inches from her face.
 
“I ain’t kissed no one ever but my wife.”

“And do you want to kiss me now?”

“Yes.”

She waited a second.
 
Then another.
 
Was he waiting for her permission?
 
“Are you going to tease me all day, Benjamin, or are you going to kiss—”

Then he kissed her, sweetly on the lips.
 
The kiss wasn’t very long, but it told her so much about the man that captured her heart.
 
Regardless of his past, he was good, honest, and very much worthy of her love.

He pulled back from the kiss and laid a hand on her cheek.
 
“I love ya, Betty Lancaster.”

She smiled, heart full.

“Now, let’s eat,” he said with that grin that turned her heart upside down.

The rest of the picnic was much more lighthearted.
 
Betty shared the news from the latest letters she received from her children in Missouri.
 
They laughed together at the stories of her grandchildren.

He shared the latest news from the ranch.
 
Hannah was pregnant again at least he thought she was by the way she was feeling sick in the mornings.
 
Will was putting the finishing touches on their new house, planning to move his wife and son into it by the end of the month.
 
Adam and Julia seemed incredibly happy together, though ready to have the place to themselves.

Betty was so enjoying her time with Ben that she completely lost track of time.
 
Suddenly she noticed the sun was rather low in the sky.

“Oh dear!”

“What is it?”

“Supper!
 
I completely forgot about getting back to start supper.”

Ben smiled at her.
 
“There’s no need to rush.
 
Paul has everything under control.”

Regardless of Ben’s repeated reassurances, she felt terrible for neglecting her duties for so long.
 
She started to pack up the basket, so he helped.
 
In a few minutes he had everything loaded in the wagon, including her, and delivered her back to the boardinghouse as the first boarders arrived for their evening meal.

“I best be heading back,” he said.
 
“I had a good time with ya today.
 
See ya on Sunday?”

Betty was eager to get to work, but she gave him just another minute of her time.
 
“I had a wonderful time, Benjamin.
 
I’ll see you soon.”

Then she hurried off to the kitchen, ready to jump in to help finish the preparations and feed her boarders.
 
Taking a deep breath, she wondered to herself, just where things might be going with Benjamin Shepherd?
 
Would she be leaving the boardinghouse in Paul’s care permanently?

Chapter 25

“Thanks for all your help, Thomas,” Paul said as he shook his hand.
 
“Couldn’t have finished this without you.”

His friend turned his gaze towards the two story house.
 
It had been a lot of hard work.
 
He helped Paul every spare moment he had in Prescott over the past month or so.
 
The days off in La Paz ended up being the only down time Thomas had in over a month.
 
But, he had been happy to do it.

He even worked through Sunday services when he was in town on the weekend, despite Paul’s protests.
 
There was no way he was going back to that church.
 
He had been a mess since the last time he attended.
 
Thoughts of forgiveness and redemption warred with anger over his mother’s death.
 
He couldn’t reconcile the two and he had no desire to stir things up again.

Thomas stretched his arms, hoping to relieve some of the tightness in his back.
 
It was good to see the newest boardinghouse building completed and before any snow arrived.
 
When Paul shared his dream with Thomas, the two decided they could get it done before snowfall.
 
With the help of a few boarders, they had.

The only downside to all of his hard work was that he hadn’t seen Caroline in over a month.
 
At night when he finally had a moment to think, or when he was in La Paz far from her, he would ache missing her so badly.
 
Her smile.
 
Those wild green eyes.
 
Oh, how many times had the memory of her kisses gotten him through the night?

He rushed into the bunkhouse and grabbed a bucket.
 
If he hurried, he might be able to clean up and run over to the store and ask her to dine with him.
 
If not tonight, then he would have to wait until his next stop in Prescott, for he had to leave on his next run tomorrow.

Retrieving a bucket full of water from the town well, he hurried back to the bunkhouse as fast as he could.
 
He stripped out of his dirty sweaty clothes.
 
Then he scrubbed as quickly as he could, hoping the cold water would still wash away the stench of a hard day’s labor.
 
He splashed water on his hair then ran his fingers through it.
 
Grabbing a towel, he dried off before dressing.
 

Thankfully he had purchased a third outfit.
 
Otherwise, he might not have enough clean clothes for tomorrow’s ride.
 
As it was, he would have the clothes he now wore.
 
Betty hadn’t been able to wash his other clothes after his last ride yet.

Slapping his hat down on his head, he ran from the bunkhouse, noting the line out the door for supper at the dining hall.
 
He dashed across the street to Hardy’s store.
 
Pausing by the door, he tried to catch his breath.
 
He looked through the window and saw Caroline helping a customer.
 
She looked lovely in her pale green dress.

As he pushed open the door, his heart beat rapidly from the sight of her.
 
A little bell chimed overhead.

She looked up and smiled at him.
 
“I’ll be with you in a minute, Thomas.”

He nodded as she turned her attention back to her customer.
 
He walked around the store waiting for her to finish.
 
The young woman Caroline was helping seemed to be rather needy as the minutes ticked by slowly.

Finally, the young woman left and he approached the counter.

Caroline stuck her lower lip out and crossed her arms.
 
Lowering her head, she looked up with her eyes.
 
His heart jumped to his throat.

“I haven’t seen you in ages.”

He cringed.
 
She was upset.
 
He should have found a way to stop by sooner.

“I’ve been helping Paul with the boardinghouse.”

She smiled and touched his arm.
 
“I’m just teasing you.
 
I know you’ve been busy.”

He let out a slow breath.
 
“I was wondering if you would like to have supper with me at Osborn’s restaurant tonight.”

“I’m just finishing up here.”

Abraham appeared from the back room.
 
“You go on.
 
I’ll close up.”

She raised an eyebrow in question, but dropped it back in place with Abraham’s nod.

“Guess I’m free now,” she said, moving to his side.
 
She looped her hand around the crook of his arm before he even offered it, the action sending tingles up his arm.

Maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t seen her for a while—with the way she drove him mad.

Thomas led the way down the street towards Osborn’s.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Fine.”
 
She grew quiet.
 
“How much do you know about Robert Garrett?”

He stopped and looked at her.
 
“That’s an odd question.”

“I think…
 
He was in town a while back and he reminded me of…
 
He reminded me of one of the stagecoach robbers.
 
Seems Perry Quinn knew him.
 
They had a rather long conversation in the store.
 
I got the impression that Perry thought well of him.
 
I’m just wondering what you think.”

Thomas tried to keep a lid on his jealousy at the mention of Perry Quinn’s name.
 
He shouldn’t be surprised Perry would see Caroline when he was in town, given that she worked at one of the three mercantiles in town.

He searched his mind for anything he had learned about Garrett in the months since his visit to Colter Ranch.

“I caught a glimpse of him in Wickenburg a few rides ago.
 
He was headed into the saloon.”

“Anything else?”

Thomas placed her hand back in the crook of his arm and continued walking to the restaurant.
 
“Can’t think of anything else.
 
He doesn’t impress me as a man that would have to rob a stagecoach for money.”

“They took the horses, too, you know.”

“Right.
 
Probably sold them somewhere south of the border.”

She sighed.
 
“I told the sheriff my suspicion and he said he’d check it out.
 
I just got the feeling he didn’t really believe me.”

They arrived at the entrance of the restaurant and the owner sat them at a table for two near the back of the restaurant.
 
The candle flickering on the table cast a warm glow on Caroline’s face.
 
She was so beautiful.

To distract his train of thought, he asked, “Have you been out to the ranch recently?”

“No.
 
Not since I left.
 
I’m hoping to get out for Thanksgiving, but Abraham said it’s too dangerous to travel alone.”

“Perhaps I could take you out on the Friday after Thanksgiving?
 
I will be finishing a run on Thanksgiving day.”

Her eyes lit up.
 
“That would be wonderful.
 
Ben should be in town this week.
 
I’ll ask him to tell Hannah we’ll be delayed a day.
 
Maybe she will wait and celebrate when we can join them.”

He smiled, appreciating her thoughtfulness.
 
“That would be great.”

Mr. Osborn arrived and took their orders.

Once he left, Caroline asked, “Do you believe in God?”

Thomas nearly choked on his water.
 
The question came so bluntly and unexpectedly.
 
Old grievances with God churned in his stomach.
 
He was afraid to answer her question truthfully.

“I believe there is a God.”

Her crestfallen face shouted her disappointment.

He hastened to explain.
 
“I believe God exists.
 
And I believe he has his own methods of controlling certain things.
 
I just can’t believe that he cares about us.
 
If he did why would there be so much evil and pain in the world?”

Caroline looked down at her hands in her lap.
 
“It’s not like he causes the pain.”
 
Her voice was a soft whisper.
 
“We do most of the pain-causing.”
 
She looked up and locked gazes with him.
 
“It is our choices and decision—the bad ones—that cause most of our pain.”

His anger simmered just below the surface.
 
“And just what choice or decision did I make that caused my mother to die?”

Her eyes widened in shock.
 
She cleared her throat.
 
“Okay, there’s some pain that doesn’t result from our choices.
 
But, then we can choose how we deal with the pain.”

“Have you ever had anyone close to you die?” he asked, not even trying to hide the accusation in his voice.

“No.”

“Then consider yourself fortunate.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the table.
 
Thomas kicked himself for being so sensitive about her question.
 
It was the first time he had spent time with her in so long.
 
He didn’t want to ruin it by arguing about God.

After the food arrived, Caroline bowed her head, further irritating him.
 
He noisily started eating.
 
A few seconds passed and she looked up.
 
She began eating her meal, though he could tell she was unhappy.

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching across the table to touch her hand.
 
“I didn’t mean to ruin our supper.”

“It’s fine.”

Her posture and dedication to consuming the meal told him it wasn’t fine.
 
But, he was afraid if he said anything more about God, he’d upset her further.
 
So, he turned his attention towards the meal, despite the tense silence.

“I’m sorry about your mother,” she said at length.
 
“How old were you when she passed?”

“Five.”

“Julia lost her mother when she was young.
 
I know it is a hard thing to deal with.”

Thomas nodded, hoping she would drop the conversation soon.
 
He didn’t want to talk about it.

Caroline sighed, pushing her plate away from her.
 
“It will be nice to visit the ranch again.
 
I really miss Julia and Adam.
 
It’s lonely here.”

He chuckled.
 
“You impress me as a woman who handles living on her own quite well.”

She smiled and he rejoiced that their earlier tension seemed to vanish.

“I suppose I do well enough.”

As the meal concluded, he rose and escorted her back to the mercantile.
 
Stopping at the foot of the stairs, he turned toward her.

“I’ve missed you so much, Caroline.”

She fidgeted nervously with her heavy shawl and looked away.
 
Something had changed.
 
Had she fallen for someone else?
 
Or had he stayed away too long?

He pulled her close and she stiffened.
 
“What is it?”

“Thomas, please don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t kiss me.”

The words hit him like a splash of frigid water to the face.
 
“I know you care for me,” he stated boldly.
 
Why was she acting so strange?
 
Before supper she seemed eager to see him, glad that he was there.
 
Now she was trying to distance herself.

“I do care for you.”
 
She looked away.
 
“But, I shouldn’t.”

Thomas’s throat narrowed.
 
Had someone told her about his past?

“Why not?”

She looked at him now, sorrowful eyes pleading.
 
“I can’t let myself care for you.
 
Not if you don’t share my beliefs.”

She shrugged away from his hold and ran up the stairs, leaving him stunned at the bottom.
 
She was rejecting him because he didn’t believe in God.

He coughed, feeling the real physical pain of rejection almost as much as if she had impaled him with a sword.
 
Why would she do this?
 
Why cut his heart out so coldly?

Paul’s words echoed in his mind.
 
She’ll never give her heart to someone like you
.

Oh the pain!
 
If only he had listened to his friend.
 
If only he hadn’t let her get into his heart.
 
Discouraged, disillusioned, Thomas headed for the one place that could always numb the pain.
 
His friend whiskey called to him from the saloon.
 
This time he answered.