A Little Bit of Déjà Vu (13 page)

And her willpower to resist him was frighteningly low.

“So what? It’s the weekend. You can sleep late.” He stepped inside the apartment and closed the door. “When are you gonna stop this ridiculous charade?”

She tossed her purse on the white damask armchair. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“The hell you don’t.” Chris loosened his tie. “Why do you insist on pretending there’s nothing more than friendship between us?”

“Why do you persist in trying to make our relationship more than that?” She strolled over to the large window and stared out at the twinkling lights on the opposing bank of the East River. “For the first time in twenty-one years, you and I can spend an evening together without sniping at each other. I don’t want to lose that by sleeping with you.”

He stared at her for a heartbeat and snorted. “You still haven’t figured it out, have you, you little fool?”

“Figured out what?”

“That the only reason I took those cheap shots was so Jake wouldn’t realize how crazy I was about you.” He grabbed her wrist and yanked her into his arms. “Damn it, Rox, you have no idea how much I ached for you in college. Or how much I still love you.”

She’d known Chris would’ve been happy to get her into bed, but she’d never dreamed he’d been in love with her. And it seemed even less likely he could still care after all these years.

Her breasts hardened to two points under her plum silk sheath as he slanted his mouth over hers in a hungry, demanding kiss. His tongue dueled with hers in an erotic thrust and parry. “Oh, baby,” he murmured into her lips. “Why do you think I’ve never gotten married?”

She drew back and stared into his kelly-green eyes. “Judging from the duration of your numerous relationships, I’d say it’s because you have the fidelity of an alley cat.”

“That’s only because I’ve never found anyone I could care about the way I do you.”

Right. And how many months would it be before he lost interest in her, too. “So then why wait until now to tell me?”

“Because after your divorce, you needed a chance to pull your life together. And then, after you did, I had to give you time to see if you would work things out with Jake. But I don’t see that happening—and we’re not gettin’ any younger.”

“Oh, I get it.” She snorted and sank onto the gray sofa. “You’re just afraid your middle-aged dick will shrivel up before you finally nail me.”

Pain flashed in his eyes. “I’m not interested in just
sleeping
with
you, Rox. I want to marry you.
Then
I wanna nail you.”

“Marry me?” She stared up at him in a daze. “Chris, are you demented? Do you have any concept of what a poor excuse for a person I am?”

“You can’t be any worse than I am.”

“You don’t think so?” She arched her eyebrows. “Jake doesn’t even know half the wrongs I’ve done him, and you want to take over where he left off?”

Chris strolled over to the bar and poured a snifter of brandy for himself and a club soda for her. “If we played a little game of true confessions, you might find out we’re an evenly matched set of miserable human beings.”

“Fine. You want to hear the kind of guilt I live with? I knew the day Jake married me that he’d gotten Maggie pregnant.”

“What?” Chris did a double take as he settled next to her and handed her the glass he’d filled for her. “How’d you know? He didn’t even tell me till the morning of your wedding.”

“I found out the day I got home from Europe.” She’d been so eager to see Jake again she literally skidded down the airport hallway after clearing customs that afternoon. She threw her arms around his neck, and he was as prickly as a cactus.

“When my father caught up to us, he sent me to help my stepmother with my baby sister so he could talk to Jake alone. But I circled around behind them in the crowd and eavesdropped to find out what was so damned private.”

“How the hell did your dad find out?”

“Apparently one of his vice presidents had been entertaining a client at the same restaurant in Philadelphia where Jake took Maggie when she came to tell him she was pregnant. The man was seated at the table next to theirs.”

“Right. And he recognized Jake?”

Roxanne nodded. She could still hear her father’s imperious tone.
Let me share a few pearls of wisdom I’ve gained during my years of being a high profile individual, Jake. Anyone whose face is on the cover of
Sports Illustrated
shouldn’t kiss butter off a girl in Le Bec Fin if he doesn’t want people to know he’s involved with her.

“My father told him everything the man overheard. Jake explained how it had happened and that Maggie had aborted the baby.”

“He was devastated, Rox.”

“So I later learned. My dad pointed out that I wouldn’t be getting a dime from my trust fund until I was thirty-five. He made Jake sign a prenup so he’d understand how much he’d lose if I ever found out he’d cheated on me again.”

“If you
found out
? You mean your father didn’t care if Jake was unfaithful as long as you didn’t catch him?”

“Exactly.” She wiped away the tears welling in her eyes as Alexander’s words echoed through her memory as if he’d just uttered them.

I realize your celebrity status will draw women to you like a designer suit attracts cat hair, Jake—just as my money does for me. I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you I’ve never been unfaithful. I’ve screwed around plenty. However, if you’re not discreet in the future and you let my daughter get wind of your affairs, I’ll crucify you. And don’t go developing a guilty conscience and confess what you did to her. Roxanne doesn’t ever need to know about it.

Unfortunately, she already did, and it had ended up destroying her.

~~~

“I guess it’s true people never hear anything good when they eavesdrop.” Chris stared into Roxanne’s copper eyes and squeezed her tightly. With the way her old man treated her, it was no wonder she’d become an addict. “I’m surprised you went through with the ceremony.”

“I convinced myself Jake had simply been sowing some wild oats before our wedding. Then when he begged me not to use my diaphragm on our wedding night, I realized he wanted to replace the baby he’d lost. I thought if I gave him a child it would be all right. But after he fell asleep that night, I discovered how wrong I’d been. The first year we were married, Jake moaned Maggie’s name at least once a week in his sleep.”

Chris knew all about the kind of pain she must have endured. He’d roomed with Jake for three years. His friend talked constantly at night. Chris could imagine how awful it had been for her, knowing the man she loved pined for another woman.

“When you told Jake what he was doing, what’d he say?”

“I didn’t mention it until after Alex was born. By then, Jake was only having the dreams every few months. He was away with the team so much I was terrified some groupie would steal him from me.” She took a sip of her seltzer. “When I finally confronted him, Jake confessed everything and swore his dreams were just about a lot of unresolved bitterness.”

Shifting sideways on the sofa, Chris stroked her cheek. “But you still wondered if he was being faithful to you while he was on the road, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “You have no idea how it felt to see women at the supermarket magazine racks staring at pictures of my half-naked husband like he was some centerfold.”

Chris understood her jealousy completely. He’d walked in Jake’s shadow all through college, rebounding the women his friend didn’t want and waiting for Jake to get tired of the only one Chris had ever really wanted.

Ironically enough, he’d made matters worse by asking Barb to get Jake a girl who could tempt him to stray. By that night, he’d already developed a case of cold feet all on his own. If Chris hadn’t mistaken Maggie for the hooker, Jake probably would’ve called off his wedding. Instead, his grief over Maggie’s abortion had made him that much more determined to get married and have a family.

Chris threaded his fingers through Roxanne’s long russet waves. “I’m probably shootin’ myself in the foot, but I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t tell you what he said the night your divorce was final. While Jake was three sheets to the wind, he confided that the closest he ever came to screwing around on you was when one of the team’s fuck bunnies broke into his hotel room while he was asleep. Even with a naked bimbo actively trying to seduce him, he didn’t do more than
think
about letting her stay.”

“He might not have cheated on me physically, but I saw how aroused he became during his dreams. And I knew a lot more than resentment was causing them. They were satisfying a need in him I couldn’t fill.”

The pain in her voice made Chris’s throat tighten. He’d probably kick himself in the morning for trying to convince her of his friend’s devotion, but he couldn’t stand seeing her feel so deficient. “Rox, believe me, Jake loved you, and he still does.”

“Not the way I needed him to.” She swiped at the tears on her cheeks and sniffled. “A few months before he was injured, I stupidly took advantage of his erection while he was in the middle of one of his X-rated dreams about Maggie.”

Talk about being a glutton for punishment. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I guess I wanted to know what it was like to have him want me that much. So I climbed on and took a midnight ride. It was as if he’d eaten a bushel of oysters and chased them down with a bottle of Viagra.”

Chris gritted his teeth. He really didn’t want to hear what a stud his friend was.

“I knew he was still half asleep because he kept groaning Maggie’s name. Except I couldn’t stop myself. It had never been so....” Her voice trailed off indicating she was as uncomfortable telling him as Chris was listening to her describe the incident. “Then, just as Jake was about to come, he opened his eyes. The disappointment on his face when he realized it was me....” Roxanne buried her face in Chris’s shoulder. “I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.”

He rubbed his cheek in her silky hair. “I still don’t see what you did that was so terrible.”

“For years after I had Alex, Jake kept trying to talk me into getting pregnant again.”

“I think he realizes now it’s just as well you didn’t.”

“But I
did
.” She looked away. “Twice. I aborted two of our babies. What kind of person does that make me—especially knowing how devastated he was when Maggie did it? He’d never forgive me if he knew. And that only tops the list of my sins.”

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop beating yourself up?”

“I don’t think I can until I do the ninth of my twelve steps.”

Clearly it had something to do with her NA program. “I have no idea what the ninth step is.”

“The eighth step is to list all of the people you’ve hurt. The ninth is to make amends. I don’t want Jake to hate me.”

Chris closed his eyes and bit his lip. “Well, after I tell you what I did,
you’ll
probably hate
me
. You see, it was all my fault Maggie ended up in Jake’s bed. None of the pain the two of you have had would’ve happened except for my jealousy.”

“I don’t see how you were respon—”

“I wanted you so much Rox.” He explained about his plan to make Jake stray and the case of mistaken identity that night.

“Oh, Gherkin, I should smack you. But all I can think about is kissing you.”

“You might not want to after you hear what else I did.” He told her how Barb and he had manipulated Maggie into moving to Jake’s school district. “Unfortunately, my plan to get them to meet again backfired.”

“In what way?”

“Barbara told me Alex is dating Maggie’s daughter, and Jake is clueless that his son’s girl is her kid.”

Roxanne’s copper eyes rounded like two tarnished pennies. She slapped her hand over her mouth, stifling her laughter. “Oh, my. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he finally figures it out.”

“So, you’re not mad?”

“No, I’m ecstatic. Maybe, now, Jake can finally be happy.”

Pulling her into his arms, Chris captured her mouth with his and murmured against her lips, “Are you saying you’ll marry me?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Gherkin. But I’ve suddenly developed an unbelievable craving for a sweet pickle.”

~~~

At five a.m., Jake slapped the off button on his alarm, threw on some clothes, and headed over to Maggie’s condo. He pulled in next to Alex’s Vantage parked three units away and crept up to the open window.

Listening to his son’s soft snoring, he glanced at his watch and leaned against the damp building to wait for five-thirty. Suddenly, an electronic tone beeped, followed by a soft rustling for several moments.

“Can’t we make love once more before you go?” Emma murmured.

“Sorry, Angel,” Alex whispered.

“Please.”

“Jeez, Em. You know I can’t tell you no when you start touching the twins like that. Hell, all you have to do is look at me, and I get as hard as a goalpost.”

Jake rolled his eyes. Now, he knew how Maggie felt.

“I really don’t have enough time.” A few moments later, Alex whispered, “I love you. I’ll call you later this morning.”

Blowing out a breath of relief, Jake stepped behind a shrub while Alex climbed out the window and shut the screen. As his son strode away from the building toward his car, Jake stepped behind him and tapped his shoulder.

His son gasped and spun around, his fists clenched.

“Did you enjoy yourself?”

Clutching his chest, Alex closed his eyes. “Dad! You scared the crap outta me!”

“Good. What the hell did you think you were doing, sneaking into Emma’s room at night? You’ve completely betrayed Mrs. Bradford’s trust. Not to mention claiming a privilege you’re not entitled to yet.”

“I love Emma. Even if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, I was going to ask her to marry me after graduation. I don’t want to wait three or four years for her to be my wife.”

“Shhh! Keep your voice down. People are sleeping.” Jake waved his hand at all the open windows in the complex. “For crying out loud, Alex, you’re only eighteen years old with a case of raging hormones. It’s too easy at your age to confuse great sex with love.”