A Little Bit of Truth (Little Bits) (49 page)

She winces, it hurts me to see I’m hurting her but she hurt me first so fuck her.

“I didn’t cheat on you.”

The words slice through me. Does she honestly think I’m that stupid? Honestly? I’ve seen the video, I’ve seen the date in the bottom right corner. The date and time. Those can’t be tampered with and even if they could who would honestly go to all of that trouble to set her up?

“Honestly Jacob, I really, really need you to believe me,” her hand rests on my arm, her long dainty fingers gripping me firmly, her eyes implore me to see things her way. “I didn’t cheat on you. You were away…”

“So we get to fuck other people while we’re apart?”

“I didn’t fuck him!”

“Why would he say you did? Video’s don’t lie.”

“It was way before we got together and I didn’t fuck him. I didn’t even enjoy it…”

I laugh once, “It meant nothing right?”

“You’re not listening to me!” She shouts, shocking me a little bit. “I didn’t fuck him, I would never fuck him. Gross. Why do I need to?”

I roll my eyes.

She continues, “Remember when I thought you got laid?” How can I forget? Never again am I using that florist. Shudder. “I believed you instantly when you said you hadn’t, also, we weren’t together.”

“Technically we were.”

“No we weren’t, not in my mind and not in yours. We were fucking, keeping things simple. I wouldn’t take this step with you just to mess it up for the both of us. I know you think I just sleep with anybody but I don’t, you know I never go back.”

Christ, does she honestly believe the shit that’s spilling from her mouth? “Babe, you said so yourself you thought you were in love with him!”

“But I admitted I never was. I didn’t speak to him after we kissed and the next time I did I told him to fuck off. Mason was there when I went to the cinema with Kev.”

Really? “So he can vouch for you?”

“Not exactly,” thought so. “I… nobody likes Kev. Not Maya, not Summer, definitely not Mason. I didn’t tell anybody I was hanging out with him again. Right now I’m really wishing I did, I really wish I’d told you about the cinema but I thought we were over.”

Wow, she’s a great actress. “You finished?”

Her eyes become round, her blue irises dull with pain, “That’s it?”

“Well yeah, I’ve listened and I don’t believe you. Maybe…” no, I won’t go that route.

“Maybe what?”

Sigh. “I don’t know, right now it’s all fresh but maybe if you just tell me the truth we can one day move past it. Not right now but when it’s not so fresh.”

“I am telling you the truth!”

“I’ve given you an option, take it before I change my mind,” I say this softly, imploring her to let the words loose from her mouth. Easy right? ‘Jacob I’ve cheated on you and I regret it.’ What’s so difficult about that?

She chews on her lower lip, “I knew this was a waste of time.” Ouch, that fucking stung.

“I’m a waste of time?”

Then her mouth drops open, “I didn’t mean that and you know it! Why won’t you just fucking believe me? I swear to you I won’t stop until I’
ve proven it and I will. I’ll work every single fucking day looking to find where the fuck that recording came from and why it says the wrong date.”

“Good luck with that,” I pull the door open, her hand on my arm stops me.

“Jacob,” her voice is broken, pleading, moisture pools in her eyes. “Please don’t do this.”

“You did this.”

She shakes her head, her denial evident. “I didn’t. I swear.”

“I’m done talking.”

She tugs me back again, “So that’s it? After everything we’re just leaving it like this?”

Even though it pains me to say, I say it, “Yeah. We are.”

“So what happens when we get back to the city?”

“I’ll have someone get your shit.”

She scowls, “I’ll get my own shit thank you.”

“Whatever, I’ll be away from Monday anyway. If you can wait two days, go in while I’m gone, get your stuff and post the key on your way out. Take it all. The less I have to remember you the better,” my voice is flat, I feel flat if that makes sense.

The ache in my chest is no more, it has been replaced with a bitter feeling, a numb feeling. A feeling of giving up. I’m done, one hundred percent.

“Look after yourself Marie.”

She laughs humorlessly and wipes at her eyes, “You’ll find out the truth Jacob, because now you’ve made me even more determined to find the truth and when I do and when you see it I want you to feel the pain I’m feeling right now at your rejection. Because when you come back groveling it’ll be way too fucking late.”

Doubt, doubt, doubt. Why do I feel doubt? Oh yeah, because like any moron in love they want to believe the best in their partner not the worst. I push that doubt back, pull my arm free and start walking. “If you say so.”

She growls and kicks something, “I promise you Jacob, if you walk away from me there’s no coming back. Ever. I won’t forgive you for this.”

“I already don’t forgive you for this, why would I care whether you forgive me?” Is she serious? That’s funny shit right there. “You broke us Marie, you. Not me. Hopefully one day you’ll pop that dream bubble you’re in and give me the apology I deserve. Until then I never want to see you again. Got it?”

“Yeah,” she grits out through clenched teeth as she storms past me, throwing the rest over her shoulder, “I got it
babe
.”

I watch her vanish from sight, doubt still clouding my mind but not enough that it clouds my judgment. There’s no way in hell I can be that person.

Die Hard Fans

Everybody has guessed, everybody. I feel their eyes on us. Their eyes on me. Lucas has asked, I told him and then I showed him, he looked as shocked as I felt when I first saw the video. Then he made me send it to him which I did although I don’t know why.

Maya called me an idiot and said no matter what I’ve seen Marie hasn’t cheated. I told her to mind her own business and she hasn’t spoken to me since. The only person
who spoke to me is Summer, she’s didn’t mention it at all, which I’m grateful for.

I don’t thi
nk people know how to mention the fact we’re suddenly no longer together. Most people don’t know why we’ve broken up, they just know we have.

We spent the entire flight apart without even looking at each other. Marie didn’t even spare me a glance, not that I give a fuck. She seemed happy enough, laughing and joking with Maya and James.

Traitors. If this was the other way around then they’d all be fawning over Marie and completely shutting me out. So why is this happening now?

Am I not seeing something I should?

Stupid doubt. Stupid friends.

“They care about you,” Summer said when she saw me staring at Maya and the others. “A lot. Once we get back to the city it will all get better, you’ll see. They’re just worried about Marie…” She held her hands up when I glared at her. “I know you feel like she’s broken your heart.”

“She has.” I admitted, feeling like a pussy.

“Whatever, the point is they know you wouldn’t appreciate them fawning over you. Marie has never and I mean
never
been this upset. She’s family, just like you are. Whatever she’s done they can’t change, what they know is their friend who can hold it together during an apocalypse is suddenly not dealing with shit.”

“She looks fine to me,” I grumbled, glancing her way and seeing her smiling and playing with Evelyn.

“She woke up screaming, startled some of Maya’s friends who were in the room next to her. When Mason got to her he threw everyone out. She was completely hysterical.”

My breath came out in a sharp gasp, “What are you talking about?”

“She doesn’t talk about it but I know it gets to her.”

“What does?” I watched her eyes go soft and her body sag as if releasing a strong force of pressure from her bones.

“Her shooting that bitch,” she whispered, being mindful of the people nearby on the plane. “It eats at her but Marie has this thing where she locks things away. She doesn’t deal she never has.”

I nodded thoughtfully
, knowing what she said to be true. “She hates talking about anything that may make her seem like she has an ounce of a heart.”

“I guess Maya is worried this will be the thing to tip her over. Marie’s been through a lot, the last thing we want is for her to have a mental breakdown from the weight of it all,
she needs to talk to someone but refuses. You know what happened to her mom right?” She leaned in closer, being even more mindful of the people nearby.

“No,” I lean
ed in too. “She never told me.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Chris interrupted our conversation and lifted
Summer so he could place her on his lap. She tensed, not slightly either. Her entire body went as stiff as a board, so much so that even I was shocked. Chris looked hurt but he quickly wiped it away and wrapped his arms around his wife.

From there the conversation steered to better things. At least
Summer didn’t act out over Chris’ negligence and at least Chris is finally trying to be the man she needs. This holiday wasn’t a complete disaster and I also don’t feel so bad about the others fawning over Marie since Summer laid it all out for me.

Well almost.

I’m still interested in what happened to Marie’s mother. Not that it’s any of my business anymore.

So that’s how the flight went and then everybody dispersed back to their homes and back to their normal lives.

I climbed into my car at the same time as Mason and Marie climbed into theirs. We came in the same car together, just myself and Marie. Who would have thought then that we’d be leaving separately?

The reality of this hits me hard. It fucking sucks. Truly it does and it hurts too.

At least I’m leaving in a couple of days. I won’t have to think about her then. A new environment and new people always help you to forget the woes of home.

Shit. I don’t even have a home anymore.
Marie was my home.

Why’d she have to fuck that up for me? What did I do to deserve that? I gave her everything! Fucking everything!

I can’t wait to get out of here. I really can’t wait.

Things aren’t good, I won’t deny it. Mason is trying to make it better but it isn’t. I feel empty, I feel numb.

The past week I’ve gone to work, I’ve gone home and then I’ve gone to bed. Is this what depression is?

I’m not sleeping though, my mind is restless and my body is weak. Food isn’t appealing right now but I force myself to eat a little each day anyway.

I hate this feeling.

Mason hasn’t tried to hide the fact he’s worried about me. Yet he’s doing shit to make me laugh and that’s not working, I can’t remember what it feels like to laugh. I’ve officially become my own worst enemy.

A few months ago I’d shake it off, go out, get wasted and then fuck somebody. Right now that’s the furthest thing from my mind. Alcohol won’t help, I know the after affects and I feel shitty enough without a hangover to deal with too.

Sleep helps until I wake myself up screaming like a bitch. What the hell is wrong with me? Surely all of this pain and emptiness can’t be from losing Jacob. I loved him but not enough to hurt me this much… right? This is so messed up.

He’s away fucking his costars and filming and having the time of his life. What do I have?
The same old stuff every day.

The thought of him fucking somebody else is the thing that makes me feel sick the most. Last night I dreamt about it and ended up emptying the contents of my stomach.

I’ve officially reached a new low.

Maya comes to see me regularly, I just need to be alone to sort through the mess that is my mind and heal. I’m not like other people, I don’t like having company when I’m sad. I like to be alone to deal with it.

No way will I talk about my feelings, no way will I share my soul. I’ve done that already and less than three months later it was spat out and crushed under his foot.

Will I ever get that back?

The days blur into weeks, before I know it three weeks have gone by and although I’m not feeling much better, time is helping me heal.

Summer is being a bit clingy to me though. Out of everyone she’s the most concerned.

Especially after last night.

Last fucking night…

As if my life can’t get any worse somebody has uploaded that video of myself and Kev messing around in the movie theatre.

Already my inbox is full of hate mail. Do people genuinely not have lives enough to the point they have to try and bring me down? I don’t care what they think, I barely even care what I think anymore.