A Little Ray of Sunshine (4 page)

“No, I’m not.” Even I could hear the quiver in my voice, so I cleared my throat and repeated strongly, “No. I’m not.”

Digs sighed, grabbed the bottle and poured me two fingers.

“The wedding is on Friday, June twenty-ninth, at the county courthouse—”

I held up my hand. “Wait, wait,
what
? The county courthouse? You want me to believe that my mother is going to have a quiet little ceremony at the county courthouse?”

Digs gave me a blank look, cleared his throat, and continued. “You will be in Fletcher no later than ten in the morning on that day. There will be a private party afterward. You can leave the next morning if you like, but you will be there. Considering that you haven’t found it within yourself to send so much as a fucking postcard to let us know you’re alive, this is the least you can do, okay?”

I cringed and lowered my eyes. Digs was about as laid-back as anyone I’ve ever met; when he’s pissed off, you know you’ve screwed up but good. And I had always known that I screwed up, I just never could figure out a way to fix it, so I never tried. It wasn’t a good excuse, but it was all I had.

“I had my reasons,” I said finally. I could hear the sound of the egg cracking as Jess regained animation.

“That’s your business,” Digs said softly. “And if this was the first two years, I would have come out here to tell you not to come back. But Luke’s over it now, and it’s time for you to come home.”

My brain latched onto “Luke’s over it,” and a thousand stupid questions jockeyed for position. Was he over it like he’d forgiven me, or over it like he’d just moved on and still hated me? Was he with someone else now? Was he
married
? Good God, did he have
kids
? If I did go to this ridiculous wedding, would he talk to me, or would he pretend I didn’t exist, the way I’d done to him for the last six years? Or, worse, would he be polite to me, as if none of it mattered anymore? Did it not matter anymore?

My heart seized. I’d hit the far edges of my ability to think about Luke. Panic slithered cold streaks over my arms, and I downed the two fingers.

“I can’t go,” I said, my voice roughened by the liquor. “I’m sorry. Tell Danny I’m sorry, and that I love him, and that I’ll send a card—”

“He doesn’t want a goddamn card,” Digs said. “You think you can’t face Luke? Fine. You don’t want to see your mom? Fine. But Dad wants you out there and you’re going, if I have to wrap you in a fucking sack and drag you there myself.”

The panic was quickly outpaced by an anger so familiar that I embraced it like an old friend. “See? This is what she does. She won’t marry him unless I’m there, and suddenly, I don’t have any choices anymore. She doesn’t even ask me if I can make it, she just assumes—”

A bright voice broke in from the kitchen. “Well, how
could
she ask you?”

I looked up to see Jess staring down at me. For the second time that night, I had managed to be surprised by her presence.

“You don’t know anything about this, Jess,” I said, not bothering to keep the sharp edge out of my voice.

“I know that you haven’t spoken to your mother in years,” she said, her tone light and even. “I know that these people went to a lot of trouble to find you, and I guess that was quite a chore considering that your home is on wheels. I can tell that Digs here loves you very much, and it sounds like there are some other people who do as well.” She opened up a carton of plain yogurt and dumped a dollop into the mixing bowl. “It’s time to go home, EJ”

My mouth dropped open and I turned suspicious eyes on Digs. “Did you put her up to this? Is she some kind of mole you sent to coerce me?”

Digs shook his head. “I don’t have that kind of initiative.”

“Honestly, EJ,” Jess went on, “do you really think it’s a coincidence that the Universe sent me at the exact same time She sent Digs?” She held the bowl to her stomach and turned to face me, shaking her head as she mixed. “No matter how many times I see it, it still amazes me how hard some people will work not to see the obvious.”

“The angel makes a good point,” Digs said.

Jess poured some batter onto the griddle. It sizzled heartily and filled the small area with a heady, fruity scent that I found both comforting and oddly anxiety-producing. I put my forehead down on the cool Formica dinette and groaned.

Digs patted me on the back.

“Huh,” he said. “I think we broke her.”

***

When one grows up under the bright lights of a Hollywood soundstage, it’s hard to imagine childhood any other way. Don’t all children memorize scripts every night? Don’t all children have fans chasing them down at shopping centers? Don’t all children spend more time with adults than with friends their own age?

A mother without a normal childhood cannot be expected to understand her child. It’s simply asking too much.

—from Twinkie and Me: The Real Life Confessions of Lilly Lorraine

Three

The pancakes were that special buttery kind of delicious, the kind where even when they’re in your mouth, you simply can’t believe how good they are. I ate slowly, because even an angel’s pancakes are questionable after three shots of whiskey. The conversation relaxed, and Digs filled me in on the last six years, during which he’d dated inconsequentially and moved out of Danny’s real estate office into business with Luke flipping houses for fun and profit. I filled him in on my life—in which the only interesting thing that had happened was being adopted by an angel. Jess asked us question after question about our childhood, and we kept her entertained with stories until Digs glanced at his watch.

“It’s almost ten,” he said. “My plane leaves at midnight.” He smiled at me. “I gotta run.”

“You know what?” Jess said, pushing herself up from the dinette and grabbed the plastic bag of garbage from under the sink. “I’m gonna take this out for you.”

“You don’t have to—” I said, sliding out from my seat, but she
p’shawed
me and was out the door. I turned to Digs.

“Well,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Thanks for coming. It was good to see you.” I breathed in deep and chewed the inner edge of my lips, blinking hard. Stupid whiskey.

He chucked me under the chin. “So you’re gonna be there, right?”

The very thought of attending yet another one of my mother’s weddings made my heart seize up in impotent fury and terror. The fact that wonderful, sweet, kind, loving, innocent Danny was the victim only intensified the sensation that the world was whirl-pooling into disaster. I couldn’t even think about seeing Luke again without my stomach turning cartwheels in my gut. There was no way in hell I was going to that wedding. I wouldn’t survive the first fifteen minutes. But I knew Digs wouldn’t leave until I told him what he wanted to hear.

“Yeah,” I said. “Of course. I’ll totally be there. I mean, it’s Danny, right? How can I not be there for Danny’s wedding?”

“Right,” Digs said, watching me. “June twenty-ninth. That gives you almost two weeks.”

“Plenty of time,” I said. “I’ll just finish up my business here and I’ll be right on my way.”

He raised his eyebrows. “So you’ll be there early?”

“Sure,” I said. “Or on time. Whatever.”

“But you’ll be there.”

I nodded emphatically, hoping he’d leave before I burst into tears right there. He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head, and it wasn’t until that moment that I fully felt how much I had missed him.

“It was good to see you again, kid,” he said.

He released me, gave a short wave, and headed out the door. I stared at the door for a long while, hating that I’d just lied through my teeth to Digs. But even worse would be going to that wedding, and I had no intention of putting myself through that.

Besides
, I thought as I ran my fingers over my eyes,
it’s not like I’m going to have to face Digs again, anyway.

The door opened and Jess stepped inside, her smile fading as she caught the look on my face.

“EJ?” she asked, putting her hand on my elbow. “Are you okay?”

“I’m drunk, I think.” I grabbed a tissue off the counter and blew my nose.

“Yeah, I think maybe,” she said, guiding me back toward my bed in the front of the trailer.

“I had no choice,” I muttered, closing my eyes as she pulled the sheet up to my neck.

“I know,” she said softly.

Then all went black, and the next thing I remember is opening my eyes to the bright light of day flickering over my face as the curtains by my bed shimmied back and forth. At first, I thought it was just the world’s worst hangover, because the reality—that my Airstream was moving down an unknown highway at high speeds—was too much for my feeble brain to wrap around at that moment.

I sat up and put my feet on the rumbling floor and tried to think of a possibility, any possibility, other than the obvious one, which was that Digs had kidnapped me. He’d known I was lying about going to Fletcher, and he’d kidnapped me, the bastard. He’d said he would drag me if he had to, and he did.

“Bastard,” I muttered. I stood up, but between the hangover and the movement, it took me a while to properly search the Airstream. My cell phone was not in it. I must have left it in the cab of the pickup the night before. I was truly helpless, although he would have to stop for gas eventually, and when he did I’d get my keys back, kick him to the side of the road, and keep heading west.

To Colorado Springs.

I crawled back onto the foldout and pulled the curtains on the front window, which looked right into the back of my truck, and almost fell off the bed.

It wasn’t Digs who had kidnapped me, not unless he’d grown his hair out about six inches and tucked it into two tell-tale ponytails.

I’d been kidnapped by the angel.

I swished the curtains shut and thumped back down on the bed in disbelief.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I muttered to myself and put my hands over my eyes as I waited for the trailer to stop moving.

***

The Airstream pulled to a stop about an hour later, at a truck stop off I-80, somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania. Jess was at the door ready to greet me as I burst out of the trailer.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I sputtered. “This is kidnapping, you know. And, and, and...
theft
. And carjacking. And lots of bad, bad things. You’re lucky I don’t press charges. I might. I could. I could send you to jail. Are you
crazy
?”

A trucker passing by snorted into his coffee cup. I pushed up my sleeves, about to launch into another tirade, when Jess put one hand calmly on my shoulder.

“The keys are in the ignition,” she said, “but the tank is still filling up. I put it on my credit card, and you’re free to drive off where ever you want to go when it’s done. You were going to go where? Colorado Springs? Well, you’d be headed this way anyway, right?”

I opened my mouth, but only released managed to release an impotent squeak.

“This will be what it will be,” she said. “If you send me to jail, then that just means there will be something for me to do there, someone I need to help. If you leave without me and go on to Colorado Springs, then maybe I’ll meet the person I’m supposed to help in the little diner next door. But” –she crossed her arms and watched me, smiling—”for the last couple of hours, you thought you were going back to Fletcher, right? How did that make you feel?”

“It made me feel like I was being kidnapped.” I pointed my index finger at her. “You? Are insane. How does that make you feel?”

She squinted in the bright daylight. “You’re at a crossroads here, EJ. You have the opportunity to make a choice. I’m going to get some coffee and doughnuts inside, and if you’re not here when I get back, I’ll understand. If the police come to arrest me, I’ll understand that, too. Still, I’m so glad we met. I don’t think I’ll forget you soon. You’re very...” She stared at me for a long time, as though searching for the right adjective, and I waited for something vague and uncondemning.
Interesting. Unusual. Special.

“...sad,” she said finally.

I blinked, not sure how to respond.
Sad
? That was an insult, right? She wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug, then released me and nodded to indicate the duffel bag and backpack sitting next to the truck.

“Don’t run over my stuff,” she said on a wink, then turned and headed toward the mini-mart.

“Oh, my God,” I muttered, racing to the side of the truck to stop the pump and hang up the nozzle. I wasn’t going to call the cops, I decided, but damned if I was going to let some crazy woman who fancied herself as one of God’s winged army drag me all the way to Oregon. I hopped into the driver’s seat and put my fingers to the keys in the ignition, then paused, cursed, and let my forehead drop against the steering wheel.

I couldn’t leave her. She was totally certifiable, but mostly harmless, and completely helpless. There was no way I could abandon this woman at a gas station. She needed a hospital, or family, or something. At the very least, I had to bring her back to her car at Busey’s. I ground my teeth, reminding myself that she’d kidnapped me and thus had given up her rights to my assistance, but it was no good. Whether I liked it or not, she was mine until I could pawn her off on someone else. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, then pulled the keys out of the ignition and tucked them in my pocket.

“Hey, you’re still here,” she said, grinning as she held up a green and white doughnut bag. “I’m so glad. They have Krispy Kremes here, can you believe our luck?”

I tossed her duffel bag into the Airstream and locked it, then handed her her backpack.

“What the hell were you thinking?” I asked her. “If I wasn’t such a nice person, you’d be going to jail right now.”

“Well, you’re supposed to go to Fletcher, and you weren’t going to go, so I did what I had to do. I knew you’d be mad, but you have to understand. This is what I was sent to do.”

“To kidnap me? To inject yourself in my life, which is none of your business, by the way, and—” I paused and straightened. “How did you know I wasn’t going to go? I said last night I was going. I told Digs that I’d be there.”

“Really?” She crinkled her nose. “Hmmm. He told me you weren’t going.”

“But I told him I was.”

“Well. I guess he didn’t believe you.”

“
Whatever
,” I said. “That doesn’t give you the right to—”

“I don’t have the right. I have the responsibility. The Universe directed me.”

“Oh, hell,” I said. “Not this crap again.”

“I came by this morning to check on you,” she said, “and this big guy from the lot across the way comes out of nowhere and asks me if we need help disconnecting the water, electric and sewer.”

“That’s Burly and Unemployed,” I said. “He just wanted more beer.”

“Then I came in to check on you, but you were passed out. And your keys were right on the counter next to a map with directions out west.”

“To Colorado Springs,” I growled.

Jess threw her hands up in the air. “Look, maybe the Universe has to hit you over the head with a brick before you hear Her talking, but I don’t need that.”

I rubbed my hand over my face, trying to remember that I was dealing with a woman who’d anthropomorphized the Universe and made it a girl. She thought she was an angel. I could not expect her to be rational. I set my voice to calm, and spoke in strong, even tones.

“Okay. Look. Here’s how it’s gonna work. I will bring you wherever you need to go. Either back to Busey’s and your car or I can drop you off with family or friends or—and here’s my vote—a mental health institution. Angel’s choice.”

“Really?” She beamed. “Anywhere I want to go?”

I sighed in relief. No arguments. Happy expression. She clearly had a place in mind. This was going to work out just fine. Everything was going to be fine.

“Yes,” I said. “I will take you wherever you need to go. Just tell me where, and who I’m dropping you off with.”

She reached into her purse and withdrew a large white envelope, then handed it to me. I looked down at the elegant calligraphy, stunned. Leave it to Lilly Lorraine to have official invitations printed up even for a small courthouse wedding. I looked up at Jess, who was grinning so wide I had sympathetic cheek pains.

“Digs invited me to be his date,” she chirped.

I waved the invitation in the air. “When did he give you this?”

“When I took out the trash, and he was leaving. We talked a little bit.” She giggled and hopped up on her heels. “I’m so excited. I’m going to Twinkie’s wedding!”

She tossed the backpack over her shoulder and hopped into the passenger side of the truck. I walked around to the driver’s side and got in.

“That was a dirty trick.” I turned the key in the ignition.

“You said anywhere.”

“I
meant
—”

“But you
said
—”

“
Fine
!” I clenched my fingers around the steering wheel. “Fine. I will take you with me to Colorado Springs—”

Her eyebrows knit. “But the wedding’s in Oregon.”

“—and I’ll put you on a plane to Portland from there.”

“Oh, so we’re flying from—?”

“No.
You
will be flying
. I’ll
be staying in Colorado Springs, investigating local dive bars where I can drink away all memory of this entire episode.”

“But—”

I held up my hand. “Some ground rules. One, no talk of the wedding.” She opened her mouth. I held my hand up higher. “
Ah-ah-ah
. No. Talk. No trying to convince me to go. No making me feel bad about lying to Digs. None of that. Do we have a deal, or am I leaving you here?”