A Little Rhine Must Fall (5 page)

I gritted said teeth and tried not to crush the shampoo bottle in irritation. I hadn’t asked her to stick her nose in my face this morning, and if my breath smelled bad that was
her
problem, not mine.

:And another thing:
she continued,
:Oh, wait! We think Mark is waking up:

“You stay away from my husband!” I hollered. There was no reply. I took a record short shower, toweled off quickly, dressed and rushed out of the bathroom still drying my hair. Bastet was curled up beside Mark, purring loudly as he stroked her fur.

“Home-wrecker,” I hissed at her.

Mark laughed. “Still jealous of the cat! Now you know how I feel about you and Otis. Where is Otis, by the way?”

I looked around. Usually Otis was sleeping on my pillow as soon as I moved my head, if not before. Now he was nowhere to be seen. I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the bed. Sure enough, a pair of eyes reflected the light.

“He’s under the bed,” I said, muffled. “Come on, Otis! Here boy! Are you scared of that big, mean kitty? She won’t hurt you; I promise. I’ll make her be nice; yes, I will!”

:Do you really think he’s scared of us?:
Bastet’s voice sounded lonely.

I stuck my head up over the edge of the bed. “I do think he’s scared of you.”

Mark ruffled her fur. “Don’t worry, Princess. He’ll warm up to you. He’s just bemused by your beauty.”

I snorted, but Bastet purred louder.

Mark looked up at me and grinned. “It’s almost like she understands what we’re saying.”

I glared at him. “She’s not staying.”

Bastet growled.

“See!” Mark exclaimed. “She does understand!” He bumped noses with Bastet. “Don’t you worry, Princess. I won’t let the mean lady hurt you.”

I marched back to the bathroom to finish my hair and put on some makeup. “Her name is not Princess,” I grumped, “It’s Bastet.”

I heard Mark stage whispering to Bastet, “See, she is going to let you stay. She only names the pets that she wants to keep.”

:Whatever else one might say about your taste in general, Piper, your taste in men is superb:

I ignored the backhanded compliment and focused on getting ready to go. There was a loud crash from the other side of the house, announcing that the girls were finally awake. I slapped my forehead. I’d have to get someone to come watch them while I went to the— suddenly, I was hunkered over the toilet, puking up my guts.

“Stupid morning sickness,” I groaned.

“Are you okay?” Mark called from the other room.

“Yeah, babe,” I yelled back, rinsing my mouth out in the sink. “Great, why?”

“I thought I heard you throwing up or something.”

“Nope,” I lied. “Not me.”

:Are you all right?

“I’m fine!” I screamed.

Mark stuck his head in the bathroom. His hair was tousled and his chin was scruffy and I loved him so much it hurt. I flung myself into his arms and held on to him like I might never see him again, which was not too far from the truth.

He stroked my hair and tried to disengage me enough to look into my face. “Are you really okay?” he asked, concern shining in his eyes.

I buried my face back into his shoulder and lied again. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He believed me, just like a stupid man, which, irrationally, made me a little angry with him. I leaned in the doorway and watched him brush his teeth. Another crash and scream made me head for the girls room without saying all the things I wanted to say to him. Things like: “I love you,” “I have supernatural abilities,” or even “Hey, I’m pregnant and I think I’m having a boy.”

As usual, the screaming intensified instead of miraculously stopping and turning into giggles, rainbows, and gumdrops. When I opened the girls’ room, Megan was apparently trying to scalp Cassidy who was the one producing the majority of the screaming. Megan looked up, saw me, and smiled. A sure sign that she thought she was doing something helpful by ripping out handfuls of her sister’s hair.

“Mommy’s here and you’re going to get in trouble!” she crowed, releasing her little sister.

I took a calming breath and surveyed the room. My spidey-sense took in the open, empty dresser drawers and the mounds of clothes strewn about the room and deducted that Cassidy had been making a mess and Megan tried to stop her. Bonus points to Megan for not joining in the fun; minus points for her execution.

:We send our children off at twelve weeks:
Bastet announced in my head.

I turned around. She was sitting in the doorway licking a paw and carefully grooming her face. Otis was sitting the hallway behind her, watching.

“If you want to get out of here any time today, then shut up and let me get ready,” I snarled.

“Who are you talking to, Mommy?” Megan asked.

“No one, honey.” I looked around the room and sighed. Most of Cassidy’s clothes were hand-me-downs from Megan and my memory wasn’t good enough to know what went in what drawer without the laborious process of checking sizes on tags. I opted for the quick fix of stuffing all the t-shirts (unfolded) into one drawer and all the pants and shorts (also unfolded) into another. Chances were, now that Cassidy associated “fun” with “pulling all the clothes out,” I would have yet another chance to organize their dresser. Of course, this was all assuming that any of us lived through the next few days.

This was truly a liberating way to live life. Rather like when a doctor tells someone they only have months to live. You stop worrying about the little things and only mess with the really important ones. Unfolded laundry? Dirty dishes? Unpaid bills? Well, okay, maybe not the last one, but if I died today it wouldn’t matter if I had remembered to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

I sat down on the newly cleared floor and bear-hugged my daughters. “Do ya’ll want to read a book before breakfast?” I asked, a trifle choked up at the thought that this might be the last time I came into their room to break up a fight. I wasn’t screaming at them. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t even in a rush to go and get something done. I was making time for the important things in life; spending time with my kids.

They both wiggled out of my arms. “Want bekfest,” Cassidy announced. “No book.”

With that they both ran shrieking out of the room, heading for the kitchen. So much for quality mother/daughter time. At least I got to enjoy the look of terror that crossed Bastet’s face when she saw two toddlers hurdling at her, full speed. She turned tail and ran, only a split second behind Otis who, having more experience, knew the signs of an imminent stampede.

I trailed after them, trying to decide if 7:30 was too early to call my mom, or if I should wait until after breakfast. I needed her to come watch the girls if I was going on my little outer space jaunt. I decided that all responsible people would be up and if she was still sleeping, then she shouldn’t be, and I would be doing her a favor by waking her.

She was up. “Morning, Piper! How are my little angels?”

I snagged one little angel as she tried to run past me in the kitchen and deposited her, kicking and screaming into the highchair. “Quiet, Cassie!” I ordered, then, as she refused to lower the decibels enough for me to hear, “Quiet!” I used the Voice. Instant silence and instant guilt.

“You still there, Mom?” I asked. Megan tried to sneak by me, caught the evil-eye I was sending her and decided that she was going to obey and sit down at the table.

“Yes, darling, but you’ll have to make it quick. I’ve got a hair appointment in a half hour.”

Drat. I covered the phone speaker, looked around, and saw Bastet sitting primly in the middle of the kitchen. “Can we leave in two hours?” I mouthed.

:No:

“Any chance you could reschedule?” I wheedled.

“I’m sorry, dear, but I’ve been trying to get in for my perm for weeks now! My stylist has been completely booked and I only have the appointment now because there was a cancelation. Did you need something?”

“I need a babysitter,” I sighed, juggling the phone on one shoulder while I filled sippy-cups, and threw some pop-tarts into the toaster. “Are you sure you can’t come watch them?”

“You know I would love to come spend time with my favorite grandchildren,” my mom cooed. (They were also her
only
grandchildren.) “How about later this afternoon?”

I gave Bastet another pleading look. She moved her head from side to side in a very unfeline-like manner that clearly said “no.”

I sighed again. “I really have to go out this morning.” I was hoping against hope that if I sounded desperate enough that she would change her mind.

Instead of having pity on me, she decided to kick me while I was down. “Why don’t you call Carolyn?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to not to scream.

“Oh come on, Piper!” she trilled, “your motherin-law is not
that
awful! The way you carry on, anyone would think that she was an evil witch or something!”

Carolyn wasn’t an evil witch. Trust me; I’m in the perfect position to judge, having met an evil witch once. She was worse, and she hated my guts almost as much as I disliked hers.

I hung up and slumped against the counter.

“More jus, Mommy!” Cassidy demanded.

“Please,” I reminded her automatically.

“Peas!”

I filled up her cup again and gave the phone a wary look. I had to work up the nerve. Sort of like standing on the edge of a cold pool and trying to make yourself dive in. You know that it will be okay once you jump, but it takes a while to convince your body that it’s what you really want to do. Or at least, that’s how I work. Maybe other people have no problem with it, but I stand on the edge for several minutes, staring at the water, counting to three, and trying to make the leap.

:Call your motherin-law. We need to go:
Bastet ordered.

“You don’t know what she’s like!” I whined.

“What did you say, Mommy?” Megan asked.

I sighed, picked up the phone, tried to dial the number, then set the phone back on the counter. “I can do this!” I chanted. “I can do it!”

I danced around the kitchen singing, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.”

Megan and Cassidy laughed. “You silly, Mommy!”

Bastet didn’t move out of the way quickly enough and I almost stepped on her tail. She hissed at me and Otis dashed in from wherever he had been hiding and lightly tapped her face with his paw. She stopped mid-hiss in shock.

:He hit us!:

I scooped Otis up with a grunt, (he weighed eighteen pounds) and kissed the top of his head. He struggled to get down and then dashed out of the kitchen.

“He doesn’t like you hissing at me,” I said proudly. What a great cat I had.

:Oh:
Bastet sounded bemused. Then she got snippy.
:Unless you have added telepathy to your special abilities, you have to actually
dial
the phone to make a call:

I stuck out my tongue in a most mature fashion and took the plunge. “Hi, Carolyn!” I said cheerily.

“Good morning, Piper,” she sighed.

I ignored the chill in her voice, “Could you do me a
huge
favor this morning?”

I waited, but there was silence on the line. “Carolyn?” I asked.

“I need to hear what your request is before I know whether I can do it, Piper,” Carolyn said coldly.

This time I stuck out my tongue at the phone. “Could you watch the girls this morning? I need to … umm … I have some things to do.”

Carolyn warmed up a little. “I would love to get the chance to spend time with my granddaughters. I was just telling a friend the other day how sad it was that, even living in the same town, I hardly got to see my precious girls.”

I made a face that made Megan and Cassidy giggle. She had just seen them two days ago when we went over to her house for dinner. “Great! When can you get here?”

“I really wish that you would give me more notice,” she complained. “I’ll need to go pick them up some food for lunch and—”

“I’ve got lunch stuff here!” I cut in.

She laughed; a condescending sound. “I hardly think that pre-packaged lunch meat and white bread counts for a proper lunch.”

My knuckles turned white on the phone. Stay calm, I told myself. You need her to come watch the kids. It’s worth the hassle for the free babysitting. “Whatever you think best, Carolyn,” I said humbly.

“I’ll be there in … twenty minutes. Goodbye.” She hung up without waiting for me to say goodbye.

“Twenty minutes,” I said to Bastet. She laid her ears back against her head but didn’t say anything. Good thing too. It wasn’t like I had any choice in the matter. I couldn’t just waltz off and leave my girls alone.

“All done!” Cassidy announced, waving her hands in the air in the only baby sign-language she remembered. While I was on the phone, she had somehow managed to smear her breakfast all over her tray, bib, and face.

Mark dashed out of the bedroom, and threw a K-cup into our coffee maker. “Can you wipe her off?” I asked. It looked like a four wipe job and Cassidy always threw a fit while you were trying to clean off her face.

“Sorry, hon!” Mark said, snapping a lid on his travel mug. “I’ve got to run. I’m late as it is.”

He planted a kiss on my cheek, one on Megan’s head, took one look at Cassidy’s face and hands and decided to just blow her one. I barely had time to perfect my death glare before he was out the door. Very convenient.

I was still washing up the dishes when Carolyn rang the doorbell. I cringed. I contemplated hiding in the back room and pretending not to be home.

:Aren’t you going to answer that?:
Bastet yawned.

Pasting a nice-to-see-you look on my face, I opened the door.

“Your hedge near the front walk needs to be trimmed back,” Carolyn announced, without so much as a “how-do-you-do.”

“Really?”

“It almost stabbed me in the eye as I was coming up.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, adding “it missed” in my head.

“I’m surprised you haven’t been getting letters from your home-owner’s association.” She sailed by me into the house.