A Long, Long Sleep (27 page)

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Authors: Anna Sheehan

Tags: #Fantasy

BOOK: A Long, Long Sleep
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He sighed. “Why not? You have me already, anyway.”

I jumped up and hugged him. He smelled old, and of that cologne I noticed in his office, and he didn’t feel like my Xavier when I held him anymore. And I loved him as much as I ever had. Brother. Best friend. Grandfather. What did it matter? He was my Xavier.

 

– epilogue—

 

I will try to hold on to my dreams for the future as long as I can. I’m past the game of marking time, holding on to fantasies, denying what’s in my heart and what is before my eyes. I try to keep myself active, keep my heart open, refuse to sink into despair when I find myself crying for no reason in the middle of the night.

I often have dinner at Bren’s house, and Bren good- naturedly tries and fails to teach me tennis. I don’t know how I feel about him anymore. He’s my gorgeous, sexy friend who could have been my grandson. It’s all a tangle of confusion and awkwardness, but it’s good. We’re fond of each other —almost family, almost not. It’ll do for now.

I link up with Otto’s screen every evening, and we try to find new reasons to laugh. I don’t know how I feel about him, either. I know how he feels about me, though I think he thinks he’s keeping it a secret. He has my sympathy and my love . . . but what kind of love I’m not even trying to figure out yet. What we have is what it is, and that’s all I want it to be. For now.

As for Xavier, he is very formal with me, and I don’t blame him. This is a somewhat disturbing situation I have forced upon him. He will hug me (with only one arm) if it seems necessary — like if I’m crying. Otherwise he won’t touch me. I respect his distance. He’s teaching me how to cook, and he still sits down with me to help me study. That part of our relationship hasn’t changed in sixty years. My grades are improving. I’m not as dumb as I once thought I was.

I don’t know where my brother and sister are. Xavier helped me to track down their existence —my parents couldn’t manage to erase every hint of their birth, and physical records were filed in the local archives. If Sarah is alive, she’s been in stasis now for nearly eighty years. Stephano would have been stassed for more than ninety. Even the thought of it fills my throat with bile.

I dream that one day I’ll find them. I dream that one day I’ll truly believe in my place in this world. I dream that I am strong. And I have three best friends who dream with me.

My name is Rosalinda Samantha Fitzroy. I am one hundred years old. I am free. I am haunted. But if nothing else, I am wide awake.

 

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