A Love to Last Forever (39 page)

“Not if you figure it will give us extra time.”

He looked at her and shook his head. “Extra time for what?”

“Well,” Beth began, “we can save money. We can stay at Gallatin House and earn our keep. Maybe you could take Hank up on his offer and build a corral and keep working with the stage company. We could use the extra time to figure out what we need to do.”

“But what if I already think I know what I need to do?”

She looked at him with a frown. “Don’t I have any say in this?”

“Don’t you trust me as your husband to look out for your best interest?”

Beth turned away from him as if to walk back to Gallatin House. She stopped all of a sudden, however, and marched back. “You don’t care how I feel about this. When you read that letter from Simon, you only thought of him. I like it here.

No, I
love
it here. I don’t want to go anywhere else.”

“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t go, even if I decided it was best for our family?”

“There you go again.
You
will decide. You don’t care about what I want.”

“That’s not true, Beth.” His frustration grew. “I’m your husband, however, and I have to do what I can to take care of you and Justin. I have responsibilities that go beyond mere sentiment.”

She looked at him as if he’d somehow betrayed her. With tears welling in her eyes, Beth turned away. He could see her slim shoulders shaking as she cried. He hated himself for causing her tears. He wanted to assure her that they could stay, but in truth, he didn’t think that was possible.

“Please know that I love you, Beth. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t make me leave,” she whispered.

He shook his head. She wasn’t going to make this any easier. Either he would break her heart or leave a huge uncertainty in his own. There was no easy answer here—no sure choice that would promise prosperity and peace. He started to walk away but glanced back over his shoulder.

“Even if you can’t trust me, Beth, I would think you’d trust God. You’re the one who told me He could always be counted on to guide a person to truth.”

He walked down the road, leaving her there to think about his words. Nick looked skyward and wondered why God remained silent. Hadn’t folks assured him that no matter what, all you had to do was pray and God would answer? So where was He in all of this?

I want to trust you in this. I truly want to believe that you will
see me through—that you will guide me to truth, just like folks say.
All of my life, though, one thing or another has happened to steal
away the things I love. First with Annie, then Justin, and now Beth.
What am I missing, Lord? What have I failed to do?

CHAPTER THIRTY

“Mama?” Justin called at the door to Beth’s room.

Beth looked up and forced a smile. “Come on in.”

Justin crossed the room to sit beside her on the corner of her bed. Beth knew he was upset. He’d seen her crying when she’d returned to Gallatin House. She hadn’t been able to hide it from anyone. She’d come upstairs, hoping that no one would follow.

“Are you sad about the fire?”

Beth nodded. “That and so much else.”

“Like leaving?”

She looked at him, surprised that he should vocalize her fear. “Why do you say that?”

“Because when Pa was talking about that at breakfast, you ran off.”

Beth had forgotten Justin’s presence at the table that morning. “I was rude to do that, but I was . . . well . . . I was afraid.”

“But why?” He looked at her with such innocence in his expression.

Beth knew he didn’t understand, and she searched for the right words. “I love it here. My sisters are here. I don’t want to leave.”

Justin nodded. “I didn’t want to leave my home, either. Even when Grandpa and Grandma were real strict. I liked it there.”

Beth considered his statement. “Then you know how I feel.”

“Grandpa said that sometimes we had to let go of a thing in order to get something better.”

“But I can’t imagine anything being better than what I have right here.” She gazed around the room and smiled at the familiarity. “I’ve lived here longer than any other place in my life. It comforts me.”

“But what about Pa and me?”

“What do you mean?” Beth looked back at the boy and could see his lip tremble.

“If Pa decides to move to where Uncle Simon is . . . are you gonna stop being my mama?”

The question overwhelmed Beth momentarily. How could she allow her own selfishness to cause this child more uncertainty and pain? Even if she had to move again—to leave all that she had known comfort in—she couldn’t lose Nick and Justin.

She reached out to pull Justin into her arms. “No. I’ll never stop being your mama. It would make me very sad to leave, but I would go with you and your father. I made a promise to love you both, and that’s a promise that will last forever, because my love will last forever.”

Justin wrapped his small arms around her and hugged her tight. Beth held him close, feeling his anxiety fade away in her embrace. It wouldn’t be easy to go to Tacoma, but if that’s what Nick concluded was best, she would find the strength. Like Gwen said, her place was with Nick and Justin. She couldn’t allow this child’s life to be turned upside down even one more time. Not only that, but she couldn’t betray her love for her husband in such a manner.

It wasn’t that her heart had changed in regard to wanting to stay, but Beth knew the people in her life were far more important than where she lived. Somehow, she would endure whatever came her way in order for them to be secure and happy.

Had that been the secret to her mother’s ability to be cheerful, no matter how many times their father had moved them? Maybe she had comforted herself in knowing that her home wasn’t in a building or on a piece of land, but rather it was with the family she loved. Things seemed a little clearer in light of that thought, and Beth felt a bit of peace enter her heart.

Somehow, some way, God would see her through this.

He would make it right.

“Can you and your sisters come quick?” Forrest asked Gwen. “Millie’s havin’ the baby, and she’s askin’ for you.”

Gwen looked up, rather startled by this declaration. The only time she’d ever tried to deliver a baby was at her mother’s bedside. “I’m hardly a midwife,” she told him.

“She wants you. That’s all I know. She asked for all of you girls.”

“We can come,” Beth said, coming down the stairs. She looked to where Nick sat reading a week-old newspaper. “If that’s all right with you, Nick. Justin’s already in bed.”

He didn’t even look up. “Of course it’s all right for you to help.” His voice was stilted.

Lacy got up from her chair reluctantly. Gwen saw her younger sister’s doubtful expression and thought it mirrored her own heart. Nevertheless, she couldn’t leave Millie without comfort. “We’ll come. Hopefully you’ll get the doctor there before we have to worry about anything. First babies often take quite a while to be born.”

“I’ll go ahead for the doctor, then,” Forrest said, sounding greatly relieved.

“I’ll walk the ladies over to your house,” Hank told him. “We’ll see to everything.”

Forrest nodded. “Thanks. I feel a sight better just knowing Millie will have other women to help her.” He hurried back outside.

“Do you suppose Millie has everything she needs at the house?” Lacy asked. “Should we take anything with us?”

“It’s not that far,” Hank said. “You can send me back for things if you find you need something else.”

Gwen smiled and took the shawl he handed her. “Grab our aprons, Lacy. Otherwise, I’m sure Millie has probably set everything in order. You know how she is about that.”

They headed down the road with Hank holding a lantern to light the way. Evan and Millie’s place wasn’t that far, and the ladies could have easily gone ahead without him, but Gwen was glad for her husband’s company. She knew he would understand as she spoke.

“I can’t lie. This is rather unnerving for me.”

“Me too,” Beth said, nodding. “I was just thinking of Mama.”

“Yes,” Lacy whispered. “If it weren’t for Millie counting on us, I wouldn’t have agreed to come.”

“I can understand your discomfort,” Hank said, putting his arm around Gwen’s waist. “This must surely stir up memories. Just know that I’ll be praying for you. I’ll sit with Evan, and we’ll both pray while we wait for the doctor.”

Gwen was touched by his comment. “With you praying, I know we’ll be just fine.” She smiled because she truly believed the words.

Millie was sitting up in bed when they arrived. Evan was at her side and looked rather pale and confused by the entire process.

“Why don’t you go sit with Hank?” Gwen suggested. “We’ll make sure Millie is comfortable and that you know what’s happening.”

“Yes, come with me, Evan. We can occupy ourselves with a good game of chess.”

“I . . . ah . . .” He looked at Millie, who nodded. “I guess so.”

He made his way out of the room, and Lacy closed the door behind him. Millie seemed to let out a sigh of relief.

“He’s been a nervous ninny ever since the pains started coming regularly.”

“How long ago was that?” Gwen asked, rolling up her sleeves.

“About two hours ago. Forrest and Evan were working out back, and I didn’t want to bother them, but the pains were so strong after about an hour, I had to face the truth. This baby is on its way.” She smiled but quickly grabbed her abdomen. “Oh, it’s starting again.” She bent forward as far as her protruding stomach would allow and moaned.

Beth quickly donned her apron, and Gwen did likewise. For a moment, Lacy just stood at the door, looking rather dumbfounded.

“Put your apron on, Lacy, then come help me. We need to check and see how far along she is.” Gwen moved to the far side of the bed.

They waited for Millie’s contraction to pass, then helped her to lie flat. “This isn’t at all comfortable,” she confessed. “I feel like this baby is knocking the very air out of my lungs.”

Gwen smiled and pulled back the covers. “Babies have a way of doing that, or so I’m told. Did I tell you that I’m going to have a little one?”

Millie shook her head. “That’s wonderful news! When?”

“The end of January.” Gwen knelt on the floor to check the baby’s progress. “I don’t see the baby’s head yet, so that’s good. We’ve got a fair amount of time, hopefully.” She felt Millie’s abdomen, trying to remember what she’d heard about such matters. How in the world could she tell if the baby was head down or not? She felt so unprepared to help. Just as she had with her mother.

Gwen frowned, remembering the curse that death would be her constant companion. She had fought to put aside such memories, knowing that God had delivered her from that nonsense, but it still haunted her on occasion.

She covered Millie back up and helped her roll to her side. “If you want to sit back up, that’s fine. We’ll help you to be as comfortable as possible.”

“I’m fine here for now. I have to say I’m already exhausted. I was almost hoping you’d tell me the baby would be here right away.”

Lacy laughed nervously. “Beth and I are relieved she didn’t.”

Beth nodded. “Sorry, Millie, but I’m in complete agreement with Lacy. Let’s have the doctor deliver this one.”

Millie chuckled. “I don’t suppose any of us have a choice. Little ones tend to come in their own time, as I hear it.”