A Love Undone (30 page)

It hadn’t worked for either of them evidently.

Several moments passed before Andy looked up from the painting. When he saw her, confusion flickered through his eyes, and then his face mirrored shock as he seemed to realize what he’d let slip. “Jo, I … shouldn’t … I didn’t mean to …”

“I know.” She managed only a whisper. But they both knew that despite their determination, their love had shown itself, and now they had to go separate ways.

With a thirty-foot lead line in hand and a longe whip, Andy walked through the barn alongside Ray. “After a horse is used to and trusts the human working with it, we spend time with it in the round pen, attached to the line. Never before that.” Ray seemed invested in learning all he could about horses, and with his savings back he was talking to Lester about going to an auction and buying a few horses to house on this farm. Ray had a lot to learn, but if Lester took him under his wing and Ray went with Andy to a few auctions come September, Ray would have a two-man team to help him learn the ropes.

It was the end of July, and Andy had two horses trained and ready to go. A driver and horse trailer would arrive soon. Andy gestured. “Until the truck arrives, we’ll work with the filly today.” He’d begun working with the filly a few weeks back, and it was time Ray tried his hand at it. But she was too young to be saddle broke.

Ray opened the gate to the filly’s stall and eased inside. “Hey, girl. Jolene says you’re something special.”

Jolene
. It’d been a week since that day in the attic. Andy thought he was braced for moments like this, but the mention of her name caused disappointment to burn his skin. She still came to the farm when it couldn’t be avoided, but Naomi often came in her stead. Hope arrived with Ray each day and helped watch Tobias, not that his son realized she was his baby-sitter.

What was Jo doing with the long summer days now that she wasn’t spending them working next to him?

It seemed crazy to think he loved her, but he did. It didn’t matter that there really hadn’t been enough time together to fall in love. It had happened anyway. From their second day together, it was as if he could catch glimpses into her soul, and the wealth he saw there turned him into a man with gold fever.

“The longe whip”—Andy held it up—“is mostly used for showing the horse. To begin with, you may have to flick the horse’s rump a few times, but if a horse trusts you, it won’t require more than a tap as a means of instruction. If the horse doesn’t respond well to gentle commands and light flicks, we’ve missed a step in the process and need to reset.” Andy prattled on, trying not to think of Jolene.

“Jolene had a question she thought I should ask you.” Ray took the horse by the harness and led her out of the barn.

Andy’s heart about stopped, but he kept his feet and body moving. “Ya, what’s that?”

“She read that auctions aren’t the best place to buy horses.”

“That depends on what a person is looking for. A lot of horses at auction have issues, serious ones. But if your goal is to buy them for a song and to train them well, then you can sell them for ten to fifteen times what you paid for them. Of course overhead on a horse is expensive, and some require months of intense training.”

They’d barely entered the round pen when Jolene pulled onto the lane, driving Naomi’s wagon and horse. She stopped at the hitching post. His best guess was Naomi couldn’t bring dinner since Jolene got out of the rig with the large box that had been used to carry their meal before.

She paused, looking their way, and their eyes locked. Moments later she gave a nod before going into the house. His heart thudded like crazy. A truck pulling a horse trailer drove up and stopped twenty feet shy of where Andy had the horses tied. He left the round pen. These horses had been some of the oldest and easiest to train of the group, which meant they’d had good owners before going rogue from abuse and neglect. They had settled quickly and were quite at ease being ridden bareback or with a saddle. Neither was trained to pull a rig, but they wouldn’t be used for that.

The driver got out of the truck. “I’m here to pick up two Morgans.”

“Ya.” Andy gestured. “You have the paperwork?”

“Uh.” The man looked around as if the stuff might float from the air and into his hands. “Let me check on that.” He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. A minute later he talked with someone, and then he nodded at Andy. “Yeah, I got it.” Still on the phone, the man got back in the cab of his truck.

As Andy waited, Jolene came out of the house, floating down the steps like a dream.

“Hey, Jolene.” Ray motioned for her. She hesitated, but then she closed the gap between them. “It’s your favorite. Look.” Ray grinned and gestured to the horse. “She likes me.”

“You’re just trying to make me jealous.” She smiled before looking to Andy. “Hey.”

“Hi, Jo.” His palms sweated. “How’s the new schedule working for you?”

She slowly rolled her eyes. “It’s doing its job.” Hurt reflected in her eyes, but he knew there was nothing they could do about it.

“Here you go.” The driver of the truck handed Andy a clipboard with papers to sign. Andy read over the notes, trying to focus on them. He tapped the papers on the clipboard. “The tag numbers for the horses don’t match your paperwork. Should start with a zero, not a nine or eight.”

The man took the info. “Give me a minute, okay?”

“Not a problem.”

Jolene stood at the fence, watching Ray, her expression somber. How had her limited time with Andy blossomed into a miserable desire to be free to be together?

Ray secured one end of the longe line to the training post. “Glen said he’d like to adopt this one when the time came.”

Glen
. Andy was tired of thinking about him. He swallowed, and it felt as if sand was stuck in his throat. Glen was many things. Andy could make a list, and the words
good
and
patient
would be at the top of it.
Careless
or
clumsy
when it came to Jolene wouldn’t be on the list. Glen intended to win her heart, and he trusted her sense of boundaries. As a preacher, he could’ve stirred up trouble for Andy, but he hadn’t. Did Andy feel like a rash on the man’s skin, one that would disappear along with the prickly heat of summer?

Andy untied one of the horses and walked him into his metal box and closed the door. He felt as if someone were loading him into a compartment and locking it. He returned for the second horse, all too aware of Jolene’s presence. After closing the trailer, he dusted off his hands, determined to sound upbeat. “The first ones on their way to a new home.”

“Congratulations.” Jolene’s words matched his, empty and yet aiming to sound upbeat.

The driver returned with fresh paperwork. Andy read over it and scrawled his name on it before passing it back. The driver got into the cab of his truck, and Andy moved out of the way as the vehicle slowly backed up.

When the horse trailer and truck separated Andy from Jolene, he took a breath. It would be easier once he left Winter Valley, wouldn’t it?

The truck pulled out, and Andy was surprised to find Jolene looking right at him. His eyes met hers, and just as their summer had faded, so had the spark he would normally see there.

He’d leave here in a month, and he could see her future as clearly as he saw her standing there. A month, maybe two, after he left, the ache of missing him would dull. Traditional Amish gatherings and the holidays would roll around. Family and church get-togethers would replace the wearying awareness that Andy was out there somewhere, married. She’d have days, then weeks when she didn’t think of him. One of the Keims, perhaps Naomi or Hope, would invite Glen and his sons to Thanksgiving. During the feast Glen and Jolene would revel in the supernatural power of family and love. Jolene would realize that Glen might not ever own her heart as fully as Andy once had but that he didn’t have to. He was there, touchable and obtainable. A week or so later Glen would ask Jolene to go with him to watch his children in the Christmas play at school. The lure of it would tug on her, and she would go because his sons were adorable. Moreover she would long to feel light and love stir within her once again. Reality would swell within her heart, bringing peace and hope. With Glen she could have the joy of an instant family and conceive that longed-for child of her own and could even step into a
high-esteem position within the community by marrying the widower preacher.

In a year Andy would be dead to her.

He swallowed hard, fighting with himself to remain on his feet and go about his day. He pulled his attention from her and focused on Ray. “Okay, she’s feeling skittish. Her feet aren’t moving, but see the prancing of her leg muscles. You need to …”

The mid-August sun was brutal as Jolene stood on the bluff staring at the current in the murky river some ten feet from her. The stone bridge her parents had tried to cross was in her peripheral vision. Andy wasn’t here, but she imagined him standing on the sandy part below, his hand extended toward her, his blue eyes assuring her she was safe.

Her rib cage and stomach ached from the muscles quaking inside her.

Voices belonging to Glen, his sons, Ray, Hope, and Tobias floated from behind her. Glen had cut the grass and some of the brambly bushes so they could picnic here today. He and Ray had created a makeshift area to play baseball, and Jolene had spread a blanket and put a basket of food on it before meandering to this spot.

For the past several weeks she’d barely seen Andy, and she still missed him. She’d caught glimpses of him, and they’d exchanged just a few words here and there.

She folded her arms tight, fists clenched as she stared at the river. She couldn’t catch her breath.

Glen eased next to her. “How are you doing?”

“I … I feel weak and dizzy.”

He put his hand around her elbow. “I could go with you.”

“I … I’ve changed my mind.”

“You haven’t changed your mind.” His tone hinted at amusement, and she didn’t appreciate it. “Your fears are changing it for you.”

Whatever. She sat. “I think I’m done trying.”

He sat beside her. “Okay.” He dangled his feet over the edge.

Andy’s voice washed over her.
Jo, close your eyes and breathe
.

Am I safe?

Absolutely. I promise
.

The imagined conversation soothed her somehow, and she allowed her senses to be filled with the sunlight and sparkling water of summer. The river had a muted roar, a sound she hated. It reminded her of the distant noise of traffic on a highway. She listened closer and heard the small patches of woods bustling with nature. Humid air brushed against her skin, cooling it, and she realized the August sun wasn’t bearing down right now. It had to be hidden behind clouds. An acrid smell of muddy water and decaying wood filled her nostrils. She breathed in deeper, searching for something beyond what she didn’t like, and with that breath she relaxed even more. Something about this moment was familiar, perhaps a little like the indistinct feel of the attic. Waiting, she felt the breeze rush past her and heard the treetops rustling while birds of all kinds chirped.

Quietness filled her, and she felt so alive.

A hawk cried out, and for a moment it seemed she was the one in the sky looking down on the river. The water didn’t appear
frightening from the sky. In her mind’s eye she soared over the field where family and friends played ball. She unfolded her arms, tilted her head back, and released her clenched fists.

Everything her senses picked up on seemed to swoosh together and sweep through her soul, filling her with peace and love. She opened her eyes. The shadows of the trees were long on the water now. Glen was gone. How long had she sat there with her eyes closed?

She turned and looked behind her. Glen was pitching, and he had his five little boys, Tobias, Ray, and Hope all playing softball.

What was Andy accomplishing on the farm today by himself? Ray said that he was sending off four more horses today and that he had stacks of paperwork to do for the Humane Society. She closed her eyes again. Odd as it seemed, she actually enjoyed the sound of the river this time.