A Man To Tame - Rachel Lindsay (Roberta Leigh) (19 page)

'I've been too busy.’ She forced
herself to look into his face. It required all her willpower not to throw
herself into Ms arms, and only the memory of Felicity
kept her fixed to the chair. 'Several of the men have complained of sinus
trouble because of the hew air conditioning, so you may have to readjust the
temperature more frequently.'

‘Forget the temperature. I want to
talk about you— about us.' He reached for her and this time would brook no
resistance, drawing her up and into his hold. 'How I've missed you!' he
groaned, and pressed his lips upon hers. At Ms touch,
Kate vibrated like a tuning fork. Her arms went to clasp Mm and even as they
lifted, she dropped them down. But Joshua was too lost in the depth of his own
emotions to be cognisant of hers, and with hungry
ferocity he went on kissing her, raising his mouth from her own to press it
against her eyelids, her cheek and along the side of her slender neck before
resting on the pulse that throbbed in the hollow at the base of her throat.

'I've never wanted anyone as much
as I want you,' he said jerkily. 'I'm not a whole man any longer, Kate. Oh, darling, darling.' He went to take her mouth again but she
pushed her hands upon his chest to keep him away.

‘No, Joshua, let me go!'

For an instant he went on holding
her, searching her face with’ his eyes. What he saw there must have persuaded
Mm she meant what she said, for slowly he released her. She wanted to run to
the other side of the room and put as much distance as she could between them,
bat her legs were shaking too much to carry her and she stumbled back a step
and sank into a chair.

‘What's wrong, Kate?' Joshua asked
quietly.
'I
knew there was something when you wouldn't take my calls
from the States.'

Kate went on staring at him. The
moment of truth had come, though as far as she was concerned it would have to
be a moment of prevarication.

Tell me what's wrong,’ he repeated.

'A bad case of conscience,' she
said huskily.

‘Yours or mine?'

She was startled by this. 'Do you
have anything on your conscience?'

'I should have.' His eyes crinkled
with amusement. ‘I'm no saint, you know.'

She sighed. This was not the answer
she had wanted. She had hoped Joshua would have had the courage to tell her he
was engaged to Felicity and that what had happened in Janey's bedroom had been
a desire he had not been able to control.

'I wasn't thinking about your
conscience,’ she lied, ,’but my own. What happened in
Janey's bedroom was a mistake. I don't know what impression I gave you, but
————-‘

'Are you trying to tell me you
didn't mean it?' he interrupted.

She was about to say yes when she
decided he would not believe her. 'I meant it at the time,’ she whispered, ‘but—but—not
now,’

‘Not now,’ he echoed, then said more violently: ‘What do you mean by not now?'

‘I
mean I've—I've changed my mind. At the time you bowled me
over. You're… you're a handsome man and I didn't realise how susceptible I
was. I've always been careful not to see men as-men but as my patients and I—I
suppose I've let it affect my personal life too. But with you it wasn't the
same. We were always arguing it made me think of you in a different way. I
became determined to change your opinion of me and ———‘

‘You certainly did that!'

Seeing the amusement that still
lurked’ in his eyes she knew she had to convince him she meant what she said. But
how could she go on lying when all she wanted to do was to fling herself into his arms?

‘I
knew you didn't like me in the beginning,’ she continued,
'and I wanted to show you how wrong you were about me. That was why I flirted
with you.’

‘
Is
that
what you-would call it?' He strode over
and pot a heavy hand-on her shoulder. 'Were you' flirting H with me in Janey's
bedroom? Were you trying to get even with me when you responded to me as if—I
could have taken you there and then if I'd wanted,’ he said savagely, 'and I
would have done too if we'd been alone. I’d have made you mine, Kate Gibson!
So-much mine that you would never have looked at another man!'

‘That’s how you always see women,
isn't it?' she cried, glad that he had given her a reason, to be angry with
him. 'You think only in terms of conquering and taking!
Of
exerting your
strength and showing how masculine you are. Well, I despise men like that.
They're no better than animals!'

‘Be careful what you say,’ he
grated.

'Are you threatening me, Joshua?
Don't you like it when a woman plays your game?'

'Is that what it was to you—just a game?'
She nodded, unable to- speak, then knew she had to make the effort. ‘What
happened on Saturday was passion, Joshua, not love. All the arguing we did made
us so aware of each other that what happened was inevitable.'

'Can you forget that it did
happen?' he asked huskily.

'Of course. And so will you. Or have you forgotten Felicity?'

His sharp intake of breath was
accompanied by a fiercer pressure of his hands on her shoulders. 'So that's why
you're behaving like this! You suddenly remembered Felicity.'

'Did you expect me to pretend she
doesn't exist?'

‘I’ve made no secret of my
relationship with her,’ he said bluntly.

Were you going to be as open about
your relationship with me?' she demanded.

'Certainly. They're both totally different.' A strange look passed
over his face. 'Why are we quarrelling like this? I don't want to fight with
you, Kate. I want to look after you.'

‘What about Felicity?' Kate
repeated.

'She has nothing to do with my
feelings for you. She's in a different compartment of my life.'

'Aren't you ashamed to admit that?'
With a superhuman effort Kate found the strength to pull herself out of his
grasp and she went quickly behind the chair, clutching on to the back of it for
support. 'I'm afraid you've misjudged my character, Joshua. I might not be in
my early twenties, but I'm not so hard up for a man that I'd be willing to take
one like you!'

‘You're not willing to take any man,’
he said bitterly. ‘You're using Felicity to get out. You can't bear being
dependent on a man and no matter how much you want him, you'll end up by
running away,’

Incredulously she stared at him, marvelling that he had the audacity to say such a thing.
She was worldly enough to know that many married men had mistresses, but never
had she met a man who was considering taking one at the same time as he took a
wife.

'When I fall in
love,'
she
stressed the word, 'then I won't run away. But all I felt for you was passion,
and I assumed you realised it,’

Colour suffused his face. 'If it's
only passion you feel for me, I'll manage with that instead.'

He came around, the chair, but she
adroitly sidestepped him. 'No, Joshua. Even that isn't enough to make me want
you.'

Then what kind of man are you
looking for?! he stormed. 'A young pup whom you can boss around?’

'At least I wouldn't have to worry
how he spends his nights when he wasn't in my bed,’

More colour darkened his tan to
mahogany. She saw the veins in his throat stand out blue and knew he was using
every ounce of his willpower to keep hold of his control.
‘Maybe it
isn't
my masculinity that worries you,’ he said so low that she could barely hear
him, 'as much as your own lack of femininity. Perhaps you're scared that you
can't maintain a flesh and blood relationship with a man like me. Or even with
any man, for that matter. You look like a woman and you've shown me you can act
like one, but it's all a sham. You lead a man on with your dainty little ways
and big grey eyes and when you've got him where you want him you laugh in his
face.’

'It's better than crying on his
shoulder.’

‘I knew you'd say that. You're
scared of men, Kate, and you're hiding behind your stethoscope 1'

She pulled her hands away from the
chair back and walked to the door. Her legs seemed numb and she was not
conscious of the floor beneath her feet, but somehow her hand was on the knob
and she was holding it tightly to steady her.

'I'm hoping you will agree that it
will be best for you to replace me as soon as possible,’ she said.

'Oh no,’ His voice was low and
menacing. ‘You aren't going to get out of things as easily as that. You have a
contract with me, remember? You made
me
stick to it when I didn't want
to, and now I intend to do the same with you,’

‘You can't!' She swung round on
him. ‘You can't be so cruel.’

‘Why is it and to ask you to work
out
your
contract? If I mean nothing to you, then staying here shouldn't
mean anything either.’

‘What a beast you are!' She turned
and fumbled for the door.

‘Yes, I am,' he said behind her, ‘but
I needed you to remind me of it.'

Kate would never have believed she
could go on with ' her work as though her personal life was not in tatters
around her. Yet work she did, finding things to do when she should have been at
home resting; going out on calls when patients would willingly have come to see
her in the surgery. But no matter how tired she was when she finally lay
between the cool sheets at night, nothing would induce sleep to come and she
frequently read the small hours away, learning much about obscure diseases but
remaining just as ignorant about what the future held for herself.
Yet what could a future mean without Joshua? She shied away from the question,
able only to think of the months ahead of her when she would have to see him
and go on pretending that she was indifferent to him.

They had met twice since the day of
his return from America: once in the directors' dining room—ever since she had
insisted on eating in the canteen—and once when she had seen him leaving the
factory with Felicity who had come to collect him in her car. He had made no
attempt to disengage his arm from beneath the slender hand that lay upon it,
and had given her a cool smile that had brought shameful desire rushing through
her body. She knew she should have had the courage to ask when the wedding was
going to take place, but her tongue refused to move around the words and she
had murmured heaven knows what and walked on to her car. It was from Dermot
that she discovered that Felicity had gone to New York for several weeks to
hold an exhibition of her work.

‘She’ll be away about a month,' he
concluded, ‘and rumour has it that Mr Howard will be
joining her there.’

‘
Maybe
they'll get married while they're away,’ Kate flagellating
herself.

‘Could be. It's been in the offing long enough. And talking about
travel reminds me that I have tickets for the premiere of a musical in London
and I'd like you to come with me.'

She was on the verge of refusing
when she realised she - bad to go to town to talk with Peter Frisco.

If no emergency crops up, I'd love
to go with you,'
she
said, and felt uncomfortable at the look of delight
that flashed over Dermot's face. He had made no secret of his fondness of her,
nor of his hope that one day she ‘might reciprocate it and, though he never
tried to make love to her, she occasionally saw a look in his eye that -made
her angry with herself for using him.

But on Friday afternoon, when he
called for her at the house, she had managed to appease her conscience by
repeatedly telling herself that she had told Dermot she did not love him and
never could. If he refused to accept this fact and still went on believing he
could make her change her mind, then he had only himself to blame if he were
hurt.

‘What are your chances of being
released from your contract here?' Dermot's question was sudden and only came
as they were approaching the outskirts of London.

'Joshua won't release me,' she said
without any expression.

‘You know that for sure?'

'I asked him a little while ago.
I—I wanted to go back to London, but he insisted I work out my time here.'

'I see, I
hadn't counted on that.'

‘What do you mean?'

He gave her a quick glance before
concentrating on the road. I’m being moved to the London office. It’s promotion
for me, but I don't want to take it if it will keep me away from yon. That's
why I was hoping you could return to London earlier.'

‘Unfortunately I can't.' She looked
down at her hands, knowing she had to say much more. 'And even If I were
able-to I don't think it's a good thing for you to build up any hopes about me.
I told you that once before.'

‘You also said you weren't in love
with anyone eke,’ he reminded her, and when she didn't
reply he slowed the car in order to give her another, more searching look. 'Are
you trying to tell me that isn't true any more?'

I’m trying to tell you I don't love
you.'

‘Do you love someone else?’

‘No.'

A mile whizzed by before Dermot
spoke. 'It's Joshua Howard, isn't it? If I hadn't been such a fool I would have
guessed it ages ago.'

She wanted to refute what he had
said but felt that to do so would add insult to injury. 'Yes, it's Joshua,
which just goes to show I'm a fool too.'

‘Poor Kate!' Dermot sighed. ‘You love him and I Love you. At least the
two of us know how miserable we feel.'

‘Yes,’ she whispered, 'at least we
know that.'

Their weekend in town could not
have been called an unqualified success, though they both tried hard to make it
one. The musical was excellent and Kate had a satisfactory discussion with
Peter Frisco, who assured her that even though the locum who had been engaged
to take her place would remain for the full length «f his contract, they were
so busy that she could return to the practice any time she wished.