A Matter of Fate (49 page)

My hands shake as the tears I’ve tried so hard to hold back finally fall. I break down and start sobbing again. “He . . . he . . . How can you take
his
side?”

And now Kellan’s outside, the door slamming behind him. “Cora, what the hell are you doing?”

“She needs to hear the truth, Kellan,” my Cousin says defiantly.

“Yeah, you are so good with the
truth,”
he spits back.

She jabs a finger in his direction. “Why aren’t you letting him talk to her? He’s her Connection, Kellan, not you! Why are you even here?”

“Stop it, stop it,” I weakly cry out, but their voices are much louder than mine.

“Stay out of this, Cora. It’s none of your business,” Kellan growls.

“It’s just as much my business as it is yours. I can’t believe you. Are you so ready to throw away your brother for a girl that—”

“ENOUGH!” Caleb roars, flying in between them. “You go too far, Cora. Kellan’s right—this doesn’t concern you, so shut up!”

She’s stunned momentarily into silence—Caleb has never yelled at her before. I throw him the best weak, but grateful, smile I can muster. But then the defiance comes back as Cora swivels her focus back to Kellan. “Did any of you bother to try to tell Chloe what Jonah is saying?”

“She made it clear to me that she didn’t want to talk about it. I’m respecting her wishes. Are you?”

“If you guys stopped indulging her—”

“NO!” I scream, shoving my hands over my ears. “Stop it! I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM!”

Cora’s mouth snaps shut as Kellan says, “Point made.”

I sag, and before I know it, dark hands pull me back under the oily waters of the abyss.

I wake up in Karl and Moira’s apartment early in the morning, well before sunrise. The entire house is quiet, but, somehow or other, I know I’m not the only one up. I wander the house until I find him sitting out on a huge balcony, overlooking Karnach.

“She’s alive!” I joke weakly, hands held up like Frankenstein’s monster.

Kellan smiles and I sit down next to him. He hands me his mug of tea and I curl my hands around the warmth. “Why are you up?” I ask.

Instead of answering, he looks out at Karnach. “It’s very pretty at night, isn’t it? They keep it lit up at all hours. Karnach never goes dark.”

But I did. And it turns out, after asking him what day it is, that I’ve been asleep on and off for three days. Which is terrifying and, if I’m being honest, more than a bit embarrassing.

Kellan is gentle with his questions. “Do you remember anything from those days? Did you dream?”

No, there were no dreams—just the all-encompassing blackness. I tell him this and he nods as if he already knows. So I ask him, once more, if this is a normal reaction, because I’m thinking it isn’t.

He chooses his words carefully. “Sjharn visited yesterday, if that’s what you’re asking. He expected you’d wake up soon enough on your own, though. That was reassuring.”

But Kellan himself doesn’t look reassured. Not really.

Karl and Moira are the epitome of gracious hosts. I can barely lift a finger before Moira appears with a cup of tea or a new blanket for me to snuggle under. Karl attributes this to nesting, since the baby is due any day. I hope she’ll come while I’m in Annar so Karl will be present at the birth. Maybe if he sees his little girl he’ll finally agree to assign someone else to me and stick closer to home. I’d miss Karl, having come to rely on him a lot over the last year, but this is where he really belongs.

No one brings up what happened back home with Jonah, which I’m grateful for. And, for the most part, I’ve been able to keep the memories at bay since waking up from the last trip to the abyss. It’s like I’m aware they’re there but they are locked up tight enough I don’t have to relive any part in detail if I don’t have to.

And I absolutely do not want to.

Friday evening, after dinner, Kellan suggests we take a walk around the neighborhood, something Moira and Karl insist is a good idea. I don’t really want to, but I consent when I realize it’s something everyone believes I
ought
to do.

A lot of people are out and about on the streets when we exit the building. “There’s this Guard party tomorrow night, and me, Karl, and Moira are expected to go,” Kellan says as we linger at a stoplight. “I was thinking . . . maybe you’d like to come with? As a distraction of sorts?”

The last thing I want to do is go to a party, but as the alternative is to stay home alone, I agree. And me saying I’ll go seems to relieve Kellan some, so I figure it’s the right answer.

After we’ve walked several blocks, he pulls me into a chocolate shop, explaining, “I’m told this is one of the best places in the city for desserts, and I know how much you love your chocolate. Besides, Moira’s craving some, and Karl said we couldn’t come back without a box for her.”

He’s so sweet to bring me here. I am not surprised, though. This is the sort of person Kellan is.

We’ve just begun perusing the different offerings when the door opens, bringing with it an extremely beautiful, dark-haired girl. “Kellan Whitecomb,” she purrs. “I thought that was you! I was across the way at a café with some friends and had to dash over, since you’re so hard to pin down nowadays.”

Kellan’s discomfort is palpable. But he manages a smile, and while I can tell it’s forced, one of inconvenience rather than insincerity, she doesn’t appear to be able to tell the difference. She continues to bat her thick black eyelashes at him so hard I wonder if she’s got something in her eyes. “Gina. What are you doing in Annar? Last I heard, you were in Greece.”

“You could’ve come,” she drawls. “You were invited.”

“Yes, well,” he says, hooking his fingers in his back pockets, “I’ve been very busy.”

She flicks a look toward me. “Who’s this?” The way she says this is distinctly insulting, especially since she asked him rather than me. But then I catch a brief glance of myself in one of the windows and realize, with a sinking heart, that I look like the wreck I feel I am.

“I’m Chloe,” I answer, attempting a smile. “You’re a friend of Kellan’s?”

“I suppose you could say we’re . . .
friends.”
She studies me carefully, her dark-brown eyes narrowing. “Chloe . . . Where do I know that name?”

Kellan yawns. “You didn’t answer me, Gina. What are you doing in Annar?”

“Other than wanting to hook up with you again?” She licks her lips in this really sexy, forward way.
This
is the sort of girl he’s been dating? “I’m here for the party tomorrow night. I wouldn’t dream of missing it, not when I figure you’ll be there, too.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there,” Kellan answers, sounding bored.

Yeah, Gina.
We
. “How do you two know each other?” I interrupt, forcing her to reluctantly turn her attention back to me.

“Kellan and I, we’ve had some fun, haven’t we?” She smirks again, twisting a strand of hair around her fingers. I try not to think about what she’s insinuating.

Because I think I could hate her. Between her and Callie, I ought to just start a list to keep track of girls I can’t stand.

“Kellan, is this your latest conquest? Please say no, because . . . .” She pauses. Laughs. “She’s not quite your style, is she?”

Okay. Now I
know
I hate her. I’ve never really wanted to claw another girl’s eyes out, but Gina seems like a pretty good candidate for my first try. I don’t know if this is because she’s such a troll or if it’s because Kellan is mine and she needs to back off.

Wait. That isn’t right.
Jonah
is mine, not Kellan.

My heart sinks. That’s not right anymore, either.

“We go to school together,” Kellan says, looking at his watch.

“Lucky girl,” Gina says, clearly not catching on.

He puts an arm around my shoulders, and she frowns. “Greece was beautiful,” she says, returning to the subject. “I got to sunbathe on daddy’s yacht in the Aegean all day long. It was sumptuous. I know there’s precious little surfing there to tempt you, but perhaps you’ll still find reason to go.”

“Maybe,” Kellan says, eyes focusing on the doorway and not her. It’s amusing that she really can’t tell just how completely disinterested he is with this conversation. “It all depends on where the Guard sends me.”

“I keep forgetting you’ve already Ascended, you sexy creature you.”

Is she for real? I mean, he’s standing here, with his arm around me! My hands itch to slap her.

“So did Chloe,” Kellan offers.

Gina regards me as if I am a bug to be squashed. That’s right, Gina. Suck on that. “Chloe . . . Lilywhite, correct?” Her kohl-lined eyes narrow at me. She looks like frigging Cleopatra. “The great Creator, hmm?” She definitely has a knack for making anything sound insulting. “I suppose I thought you would be . . .
different,”
Gina continues. “Such stories about you here in Annar already. Word is that you are a force of nature.”

Obvious translation:
Force of nature? More like disappointment.

“Well, I don’t know about stories . . . .” I murmur, at the same time that Kellan says, “Chloe definitely lives up to the hype.”

“Oh, enough of this modesty,” Gina slyly coos. “We should all be so fortunate to have such a reputation.” She shifts her attention back toward Kellan. “Like this one. What a reputation he already has.”

Kellan has absolutely no reaction to this.

Gina snaps her fingers. “Oh, I remember
now
. Chloe—she’s your brother’s girlfriend, right? Where is Jonah, anyway?”

His name, coming from her, hits me out of left field. I’m not sure if my gasp is audible or not, but Kellan’s grip on me tightens significantly.

“He’s back home,” Kellan answers smoothly. “He wasn’t able to come out this weekend.”

Gina notices the change in my demeanor, of this I am sure. “What a good brother you are, taking
such
care of his girlfriend while he’s gone.”

Her malice is beyond nauseating. The little voice is encouraging me to tell her off, to not put up with her crap, but I can’t. Because there’s this horrible, suffocating feeling in me. Jonah smashed my heart to pieces, and now I find myself put out and jealous over a girl I know I have no right to be jealous of. It shouldn’t matter if Kellan has dated her. It really shouldn’t, but it does.

I am so messed up.

Misery and pain suck into me and spread out until I ache. It’s like I’ve run ten miles and can barely stand anymore. Every part of my body is weary.

Cora said I’d hurt Jonah. I can barely breathe now, remembering this.

Gina finally sashays out of the store after Kellan blatantly rejects her repeated suggestions to go out together. He waits until she’s gone before turning me to face him. “Talk to me, C. What’s going on?”

And then I break down. My fingers dig into his arms as I struggle to get air into my lungs. “I
hurt
him.”

His brows furrow. “What?”

“Cora said—”

“Ignore her! Cora knows shit, Chloe.”

“She said,” I continue more forcefully, “I physically
hurt
Jonah. Did I? Do you know?”

He drags me to a corner of the store, since the man behind the counter is totally staring. “Don’t worry about this, C.”

“Did I?”

“He’s okay,” Kellan says quietly. “He’s fine.”

So it’s true. “How can you stand being here with me, knowing I hurt your twin like that?”

“You didn’t mean it,” Kellan insists. “He knows you didn’t. I know you didn’t.”

“I . . . hurt . . . him . . . .”
I gasp. The urge to throw up is irresistible.

“He’s fine. Do you hear me?
Fine.
”

“How do you know?”

Kellan forces me to look in his face. “Because I saw him when he came over that night. Cora fixed everything that needed to be fixed. He also told me he was fine. And before you go believing you smashed his head in, there were only three bones in two fingers broken. They didn’t even hurt him.”

I’m going to be sick right here in the middle of the store. I’d broken three of Jonah’s bones. Anything Jonah had done, anything at all could never warrant such retaliation on my behalf.

“It was an accident, Chloe,” Kellan tells me, but self-loathing infects every cell in my body. I hurt him, I hurt him, I broke Jonah’s fingers— “Let me call him,” Kellan insists. “That way you can hear for yourself that he’s okay.”

“No!” Then I cry harder, wildly accusing, “I’m sure Callie is making sure that he’s fine!”

“I don’t think—”

“She’s . . . She’s . . . .” I can barely get the words out. “Your friend, right?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah, she is.”

“Is she still there with him?”

“I don’t know if she is or not, C.”

He’s not lying. I can tell. When I don’t say anything, he adds, “I realize I sound like a broken record player, but you really need to talk to Jonah. I mean, look at what this is doing to you. You were . . . .”

More than just sleeping.
Catatonic
. I am beyond ashamed.

“You need to hear how things went down. From his side. Whether it’s to resolve things between you two or find closure, you need to have that conversation.”

I’m fully aware what it must be costing Kellan to even say such things to me. “Did what I saw . . . happen? Between them?”

He sighs again. “Yes.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “And . . . she loves him?”

“Yes, but—”

“I’m so dumb! I really believed him. I mean, all those years. All my life.”

“I think you should—” he tries again, but I stop him.

“Isn’t it enough that I lost him? Do I really have to hear it straight from his mouth, too?”

A hand clamps over my lips. “Karl said that you listened to his messages on your phone. Did Jonah say those words to you?”

I blink, confused.

Kellan tries again. “Did he say,
Chloe, it’s over
?” When I don’t answer, Kellan moves his hand away. “Look, I need to make a few things clear, okay? Because it’s the fair thing to do.”