A Memory Unchained (8 page)

air.

The afternoon slipped by quickly. After their picnic,

Jeff spread the blanket on the sand and lay back gazing

at the sky.

“Full?” she asked.

“Miserable,” he grunted. “You’re some picnic fixer!”

Pamela started cleaning up.

Jeff had been quiet for a time. His eyes followed

Pamela’s every movement.

“You’re staring at me,” she said quietly, feeling a little embarrassed.

“Can’t quite figure you out,” he said still watching

her.

“I’m not that complicated.”

“Tell me about you. I mean the real you, not the always

elegant, beautiful fashion designer.”

“That’s a big order, sir!” she laughed. “I don’t always

tell those secrets!”

Jeff hesitated a moment then he pointed in the direction

of the church steeple poking out of the trees on the hill.

“Did he go there with you?” he asked.

“My husband you mean?”

“Yes.”

Pamela sat down beside Jeff on the beach blanket.

“Always,” she answered.

“It’s a waste of time, religion, going to a church, all

70 __________________Gloria Graham

that!” he said abruptly.

Pamela caught her breath. She wanted to know his

feelings on religion but now she was sorry he spoke.

“Why do you say that?” she questioned, trying to gather

her thoughts.

“Nobody ever did anything for me. I did it all myself.

Worked from the time I was thirteen. Nobody helped

me.” His jaw was set. His silvery gray eyes looked cool and placid. A twinge of a frown crossed his brow.

“You can’t really mean that,” she said in disbelief.

“My parents deserted me. I ran away from the orphan-

age. Sound like an old movie script?” he said angrily.

“But where did your strength come from, your courage,

your abilities. Surely you believe in God?”

“God? Where was He when my parents left me?” His

voice echoed bitterness.

“Oh Jeff,” she said, not really knowing where to begin.

“The success you have enjoyed. God has had a great deal

to do with that!”

Jeff paused. He looked across the hill to the church.

Pamela was silent for a moment.

“It’s hard for me to understand how anyone can look at

the majestic ocean or the moon just dipping into the sea

and not believe that we have a God handling all things.

Even your parents leaving you. Perhaps that’s why you

have such strength?”

Jeff took a long look at the sunset.

“We aren’t getting anywhere, are we?” he said apolo-

getically.

“You wanted to know about me and instead I found

out about you,” she smiled.

A Memory Unchained___________ 71

“You are very special, perhaps too special for me,” he

said.

“I’m me, just plain and simple. But God is pretty im-

portant in my life.” She smiled again.

Jeff didn’t answer. He stared at the sunset and the moon

slipping softly into the sea.

“And the man that went to that church with you was

special too.” He was speaking softly.

She didn’t need to speak, her eyes said it all. “Yes,” she whispered. She quickly changed the subject.

“It never ceases to amaze me, the beauty of a sunset,”

she said.

Jeff spoke quickly, “Guess we’d better go. I hate to end

this beautiful day, but all good things must end.” His flippant manner gave Pamela an idea.

“Oh no, not all good things!” she laughed. “How about

we take those fish to the beach house and I’ll fix dinner for you, even if I do despise fish!”

“Let’s go,” he said as he grabbed the lunch basket and

blanket.

They held hands as they walked along the beach to

the car. Pamela tried to hide her disappointment in his

ideas about religion but it was there in back of her mind all the time.

The candles flickered on the table as they sat relaxing

after dinner, enjoying the view.

Jeff got up. He bent close and kissed her softly on the

cheek.

“It’s been a wonderful day,” he said.

“For me too,” she pressed his hand.

“It’s late, should we start back?” he asked.

72 __________________Gloria Graham

She hesitated. “We could stay the night,” she stam-

mered. “But things haven’t changed, I mean, I won’t sleep with you. But you could use the guest room and tomorrow

you could fish again!”

Pamela blushed. She wasn’t accustomed to making

propositions to a man. She felt so out of touch, so foolish.

Yet, that was the only way for her.

“I will honor that feeling,” he said. Pamela sighed.

Maybe she wasn’t wrong about Jeff? It was a beginning

anyway.

In Paris her memories of Jeff made her even more

restless. She had just dropped off to sleep when a loud

banging made her sit up in bed. Her heart pounded. She

finally realized it was someone in the next room. She was wide-awake again.

She couldn’t shut out the memories of Jeff and that

special night in Back Bay. Jeff had honored her wishes.

He slept in the guest room and she trembled restlessly in her room.

She had been sleeping in her room contentedly when

a loud banging on the door woke her.

“Get up lazy bones. Breakfast is ready!” Pamela had

pulled the covers over her head.

The door opened and Jeff stuck his head in.

“Up, up, it’s time to eat! Bacon, eggs, toast, just for

you!” He smiled.

“Ugh. I don’t eat breakfast”! She mumbled from under

the covers.

“Today you do. Get up!”

“Okay, Okay.” She stumbled out of bed. The smell of

bacon frying crept under the door and it didn’t take long A Memory Unchained___________ 73

for her to get hungry!

“You’ll spoil me along with making me fat!”

“Naw, not one little breakfast. Besides, look at the view, it’s forever!” She bundled up in her robe and headed for

the bathroom quickly so he wouldn’t see her in a mess!

She smiled as she entered the kitchen. He looked so cute

in her apron turning the bacon over in the frying pan.

“I got the fishing poles out and a bucket filled with

sand crabs!”

“What time did you get up anyway?”

“Early,” he said. His face had the glow of boyish charm

she couldn’t resist.

“I guess we’ll go fishing,” he smiled.

“I’ll watch,” she laughed.

She thought he looked like a little boy with a new toy

each time he pulled in his catch.

He pulled her into the water, teasing and playing as

if they were children again, each lost in the beauty of the moment.

The sun felt warm on their bodies as they sunbathed.

He kissed her softly as they relaxed on the sand.

I don’t want this day to end,” he said.

“It’s been fun, hasn’t it,” she answered softly.

“Perfect,” he said.

“We need to start back soon, my work you know,” she

said.

“If you worked for me you could just stay here forever!”

he teased.

“I tried to work for you once, your personnel manager

let me know I wasn’t quite ‘Desmond’ material!”

“I’d like to get my hands on that personnel manager!”

74 __________________Gloria Graham

he grumbled. Pamela smiled in appreciation. He did know

all the right things to say!

With the Paris moon shining thru her window she

tried to go to sleep but the roses on the dresser from Jeff reminded her, he was still trying to say the right things, even now, in Paris!

She tried to push aside her thoughts of Jeff and that

special weekend but the memories kept swarming back

in her mind.

She remembered how quiet their drive back to Boston

had been. She had felt uneasy, realizing Jeff was deep in his thoughts again. Had she scared him away with her

religious talk, she wondered as his silence deepened? Their time together had been revealing, perhaps too much so

she thought. Pamela tried to start a conversation but Jeff hadn’t made it easy.

When he kissed her goodbye he held on to her unusu-

ally tight. He started to say something but turned and left quickly.

Pamela stood watching him drive away. She could feel

something was wrong. She had a feeling she knew what

it was.

Pamela’s thoughts were a mixture of Jeff and Rex.

She had a warm, comfortable feeling when Rex came to

mind.

She closed her eyes and Jeff was there. Her usually stable life, was now a mixed up mess she thought.

A soft Paris breeze slipped through the window. She

shivered as she remembered the Monday after she and Jeff

spent the weekend in Back Bay. The week that started her

restless, uncertain feelings.

A Memory Unchained___________ 75

It was a typical Monday in Boston! It had been impos-

sible for her to work. Nothing had gone right.

Every time the phone rang, she jumped, hoping it

would be Jeff. When she didn’t go out for lunch, her

secretary poked her head in the door and asked, “Are you

alright, Mrs. Thornton?”

Pamela had just nodded and continued shuffling the

papers on her desk.

Her nerves were on edge by the end of the day. The

phone had been ringing but no Jeff! By closing time she

was depressed and disappointed. He said he would call, she thought. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Their time had been just something to pass the day to him. Didn’t they share

something special and real? Pamela was heartbroken.

She cried until she had no more tears. Then every

thought she had of the weekend began to make her

mad.

“He’s just using me,” she finally told herself. “Believe

it you idiot! You’ve been had! He brought up your religion for an out!”

She was mad at herself for letting her guard down, for

being taken in by this suave, handsome playboy.

Pamela buried her head in her arms and sobbed. She

had forsaken Tom’s memory and for what? She felt she had

degraded his memory and replaced it now with feelings of

guilt! Tom still had a hold on her life.

All weekend she kept hoping for a call from Jeff. It never came. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

The whole episode had hurt her deeply. His rejection

had been a tremendous blow to her ego. It was something

she was having a hard time dealing with.

76 __________________Gloria Graham

The week had gone slow with no word from Jeff. It

was Saturday again. Pamela still felt depressed when her

phone rang.

Guy Ashland, a coworker, greeted her with, “Hi baby.

How about going dancing tonight?”

She sighed. He was a pest! She had refused his offer to

go out at least once a week for the past year and he still persisted.

Pamela started to cut him off quickly when she had a

second thought!

“Please!” he said in a tone that made her feel sorry for

him.

“I guess I am in circulation again,” she thought.

Guy was handsome, fun loving and young! “Too young

really,” she addressed herself again.

He asked again, “Just dinner and a little dancing. I’ll

be a good boy, I promise,” he laughed.

Pamela finally agreed.

He would pick her up at 8:00 PM. She began to think

of what to wear. She reminded herself that she could put

Jeff Desmond out of her mind for a while at least!

Guy looked unusually handsome to her. Pamela won-

dered why. She remembered she had only seen him in his

gray uniform in Orland’s stockroom. He was very good

looking she thought.

The sign flashed, “BLUE TURTLE,” above the door-

way. It was one of the better restaurants in Boston. Guy

had reserved a special table in a very private area.

Pamela felt it was a little too secluded to suit her but

Guy could care less what it looked like.

She tired quickly of his off color jokes and advances.

A Memory Unchained___________ 77

When he finally suggested they dance, it was a welcome

relief.

Guy pulled her close as they danced. Pamela wondered

how long she could last!

As the Combo finished the number, Pamela caught

sight of a familiar face across the dance floor. It was Jeff.

Her heart skipped a beat. She tried not to stare. She didn’t want Jeff to see her looking at him!

“What’s wrong baby?” Guy stopped Pamela on the

dance floor.

“Nothing,” she answered abruptly. She snuggled closer

into his arms when she realized Jeff had spotted her.

Guy was a show-off and he could dance. He could

make anyone look good on a dance floor and she wanted

Jeff to notice her.

There was only one problem; Guy instantly got the

wrong idea. He pulled Pamela closer during the slow

numbers and kissed her softly on the neck. He was mak-

ing suggestions she didn’t like in her ear when Jeff tapped him on the shoulder.

“May I cut in?” he asked.

Guy looked surprised.

“Do you want to dance with this guy?” he asked.

Jeff stood waiting for Pamela’s answer.

“Sure,” Pamela agreed, “if you don’t mind.”

The Combo slipped into a slow love song as Jeff pulled

Pamela close to him.

They were silent for a while. Then Jeff broke the si-

lence.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you, I’ve been busy,” he said.

“I can see that,” she glanced quickly at the blonde sit-

78 __________________Gloria Graham

ting across the room.