A Merry Heart (10 page)

“It is hard to see her that way,” Anna agreed. “Guess the best thing we can do is keep praying that God will heal her heart soon.”

“And bring her a man to love,” Lewis added around a mouthful of food.

T
he days rolled quickly by, and Miriam fell back into her role as teacher. She still had moments of frustration and tension, leading to her now-familiar sick headaches, but at least she was keeping busy and doing something she hoped was worthwhile.

One morning, Miriam told her mother that she would pay a call on Crystal after school had been dismissed for the day. It had been awhile since they had taken the time for a good visit, and she was certainly in need of one now.

When Miriam pulled her horse and buggy to a stop in front of Jonas and Crystal’s farmhouse, she saw Crystal outside removing her dry laundry from the clothesline. Miriam called to her, and Crystal turned and waved, then motioned for Miriam to follow her to the house.

Crystal deposited the laundry basket on a kitchen chair and pulled out another chair for Miriam. “It’s good to see you. You’ve been on my mind a lot lately, and also in my prayers.”

“Oh, really? Why’s that?”

Crystal shrugged and began to fold the clothes, placing
them in neat stacks on the table. “I’ve been praying for your happiness.”

“Maybe it’s not meant for some people to be happy,” Miriam said, feeling a deep sense of sadness surround her heart.

“I don’t believe that for a single moment, and neither should you.” Crystal shook her head. “We’ve been taught since we were kinner that life offers each of us choices. God gave us the ability to choose what we will think and feel. He expects the believer to make the right choices, and He wants us to be happy and content with our lives.”

Miriam shrugged. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re happily married to a man you love deeply, and you have two beautiful little boys. How could you not be happy?”

Crystal dropped a towel into the basket, pulled out the chair next to Miriam, and sat down. “Please don’t be envious of my life. You can have the same happiness, as well.”

Miriam stood suddenly, knocking over her chair in the process. “How can you speak to me like that? I thought you were supposed to my friend.”

“I—I am,” Crystal stammered.

“Then please don’t talk to me as though I’m a child.”

“I wasn’t. I mean, I don’t think of you as a child. I was merely trying to tell you—”

“That I should marry someone? Were you thinking of Amos Hilty?” Miriam bent to pick up the chair, feeling more agitated by the minute. “Marrying Amos would not make me happy.”

“How do you know that?”

“For one thing, he doesn’t love me.” She released a deep
sigh as she straightened. “I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: All Amos wants is a mother for Mary Ellen and, of course, someone to do his cooking and cleaning. Furthermore, I don’t feel any love for him.”

“Sometimes one can learn to love.”

“Did you have to
learn
to love my brother?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Can’t we please change the subject and just enjoy each other’s company?” Miriam went to the cupboard and removed a glass. She was beginning to feel another headache coming on and knew she should take some aspirin right away if she was going to stave it off.

“Of course we can change the subject,” Crystal was quick to agree. “I’m sorry if I upset or offended you. It’s just that I want you to be as happy as I am.”

“Please, don’t worry and fret over me. I’m doing fine without a husband, and who cares if I’m not truly happy anyway? I’ve come to accept the fact that life isn’t meant to be a bowl of sweet cherries. I. . .” Miriam’s voice trailed off when she heard a horse and buggy pull into the yard, and she glanced out the window.

“Who is it?” Crystal asked.

“It looks like Lewis. Mom knew I was coming by here on my way home from school, and she probably sent him over to let me know that she needs my help. It’s getting pretty close to suppertime, you know.”

Crystal glanced at the clock on the far wall. “You’re right. I’m surprised the twins aren’t up from their naps yet.”

Heavy footsteps could be heard clomping on the porch. The back door flew open, and Lewis burst into the room.

Miriam couldn’t remember ever seeing her youngest brother look so upset. “What is it, Lewis? You look as though you’ve seen something terrible.”

Crystal pulled out a chair. “Maybe you’d better sit down.”

Lewis shook his head. “There’s no time. “We have got to go
schnell
!”

“Go quickly where?” Miriam questioned.

“To the hospital.” Lewis’s voice quivered, and he seemed close to tears.

“The hospital? Is someone
grank
?”

“No one’s sick, Miriam, but I think Papa’s in bad trouble.”

“What kind of trouble? Did something go wrong in the fields?”

“He seemed fine when we went up to the house at noon, but later on while we were workin’ in the fields, he turned really pale, clutched at his chest, and then toppled right over.”

Miriam gasped, and Crystal waited silently as Lewis continued. “It took everything I had to get him into the wagon, and as soon as I got him up to the house, I went straight over to Ray Peterson’s place so we could call 911 for help.” He sucked in a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “The ambulance came soon after that and took Papa to the hospital. Mom rode with Vera Anderson in her van, and I went to let Andrew know and then came over here to tell you.”

“Wh–what do you think is wrong with our daed?” Miriam asked with a catch in her voice.

“I thought at first it might be the heat, but the paramedics said they thought it was his heart.”

“A heart attack?” Crystal’s mouth hung open.

Lewis nodded. “Where’s Jonas? He needs to know, too.”

“He’s still out in the fields with my daed, but they should be here anytime, I expect,” Crystal said. “If you and Miriam want to get a ride and go ahead to the hospital, I’ll send Jonas there as soon as he comes back to the house.”

“We’d better head out to the field and try to find Jonas now. He can ride with us.”

Miriam shook so hard, she could hardly stay upright. “I’ll leave my buggy here and ride with Lewis, if–if that’s all right,” she stammered, looking over at Crystal.

“Of course. You can get your buggy later on this evening or tomorrow morning.”

Lewis grabbed hold of Miriam’s hand. “Andrew’s on his way to the hospital already, and our other English neighbor, Alan Wiggins, said he’d drive us there, so we need to get Jonas and go now before it’s too late.”

“Too late? What do you mean, too late? Is Papa’s condition that serious?” Miriam felt the blood drain from her face, and tears pricked her eyes.

Lewis nearly pushed her toward the door. “I really don’t know, but Papa wasn’t conscious when the paramedics arrived.”

“Remember Papa in your prayers,” Miriam called to Crystal over her shoulder.

“Jah, I surely will.”

Nick gripped the steering wheel as he squinted against the glare of the sun streaming through the front window of his sporty new car. He was heading to Lancaster General
Hospital to cover a story about an elderly man who had been beaten and robbed at a local mini-mart, and he wasn’t looking forward to it one bit.

Ever since Nick’s father had been killed after being involved in a five-car pile up on the interstate, Nick had avoided hospitals. He’d only been twelve years old at the time, and for the two days following the accident, Nick and his mother had spent nearly every waking moment at the hospital. It had almost killed Nick to watch Dad slip slowly away, as his body’s organs failed from the multiple injuries he’d sustained. Even now, fourteen years later, Nick could visualize his father lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to all sorts of strange-looking machines that had done nothing to save his life. Just driving by a hospital caused Nick to feel nervous, and going inside made his blood run cold.

He had tried to get out of the interview, but his boss wouldn’t take no for an answer. In fact, he had told Nick that if he didn’t do the interview, he could look for another job. So Nick was on his way to the hospital now, giving himself a pep talk, which he hoped would help conquer his fear.

If you’re afraid of something, then reach deep inside and face it head-on.
Nick remembered his father reprimanding him for being afraid to ride his bike after he’d crashed and scraped up his knees.
“Grit your teeth and get back on that bicycle,”
Dad had instructed.
“You’ll never conquer your fear until you do.”

Nick had spent the better portion of twenty-six years trying to be brave and attempting to do everything in his own strength. He’d pretty much succeeded at it, too, because not much caused him to fear. Except for hospitals, that is, and
tonight, he was determined to combat that fear, as well.

He clenched his fingers around the steering wheel tighter and fought the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake him. “I can do this. I can reach inside myself and find the strength I need.”

S
oon after Miriam and Lewis arrived at the hospital they learned that their father’s condition was quite serious. The doctors confirmed that he had suffered a massive heart attack. Miriam, her mother, and her three brothers stood around Papa’s bed as the doctor gave the shocking news that, because his heart was so weak, Papa would probably not survive the night, though they would do all they could for him.

“How can this be?” Mom cried. “My Henry has always been a strong, healthy man.”

“Sometimes as we get older—” the doctor began.

“Older? My father is only fifty-seven. He’s not old, and he isn’t going to die.” Miriam shook her head as her face heated up like hot coals.

“Try to calm down. Your outburst isn’t helping anyone.” Jonas put his arm around Miriam’s waist and pulled her off to one side. “If it’s the will of God, then Papa shall live. If not—”

“If not, then what? Do we all put on a happy face and go on living as though Papa had never been a part of us?”

“Miriam, don’t do this,” Mom said tearfully. “We need to remain calm. We need to pray for your daed.”

“That’s right,” Lewis agree. “
Mir lewe uff hoffning—
we live on hope, so we need to remain hopeful.”

Miriam’s thoughts drew inward. How many times had she prayed over the last couple of years? How many of her prayers had God answered? Had He kept William from falling in love with someone else? Had He given William back to her? Had God made the pain in her broken heart go away?

Miriam was weary of praying and receiving no answers. Still, she knew that prayer was the only chance Papa had. So she would pray, and she would even plead and bargain with God. Perhaps He would trade her life for Papa’s. If she were gone, she wouldn’t be so greatly missed, but everyone in the family needed Papa, especially Mom.

“I’ll be out in the waiting room,” she whispered to Mom, feeling the need to be by herself and untangle the confusion that swirled in her head. “Send Lewis to get me if I’m needed or if Papa wakes up.” She glanced once more at her father, lying there so still, hooked up to machines and IVs; then she rushed out of the room.

“What’s wrong with Miriam that she can’t stay and face this with the rest of her family?” Andrew asked as he turned toward Anna with a pinched expression. “Does she think running away will make anything better?”

Anna shook her head. “I’m not sure what my daughter believes.”

“Well, she’ll be sorry if she’s not here when Papa wakes up,” Lewis put in. He moved toward the foot of his father’s bed and stood with his head bowed and shoulders shaking.

Jonas stepped up to Anna and put his arm around her shoulders. “Each of us must deal with this in our own way, so it’s not our place to judge Miriam.”

She nodded, and tears sprang to her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if your daed doesn’t make it, but I’m sure God will see me through, just as He will minister to all my children.”

“ ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble,’ ” Jonas quoted from Psalm 46. “He knows our every need and will help us through this time of trouble.”