A Moment in Time (34 page)

      
"I'm listening," she said, hoping her voice didn't reflect her state of mind, let alone heart.
 
And why was he still holding her hand?
 
He rubbed the callused pad of his thumb against her knuckles and she shivered.

      
"You cold?"

      
"Uh, a little."
 
She tried to smile, but her lips quivered instead.

      
He released her hand, but just as she started to sigh in relief and regret, he slid his arm around her shoulders.
 
"That better?"
 

 
      
His voice was rich and vibrant in the chilly night air, and the weight of his arm provided welcome and not-so-welcome warmth.
 
She could handle this.
 
Resist temptation.
 
She was a strong woman.
 
Everybody always said so.
 
Everybody except Great-Aunt Pearl.
 
"Thanks," she finally managed.

      
He absently rubbed her upper arm through her shawl and
 
dress.
 
Didn't he have a clue what he was doing to her?
 
Her insides knotted into a tight fist of longing low in her middle, the pressure and emptiness mounting with every breath she took, every thump of her foolish heart.

      
He gave her shoulder a squeeze and cleared his throat.
 
"All right, I've been thinking on this, and I decided you have a right to know why I...did what I did."

      
"Kidnapped me," she corrected.

      
"Yeah, that."
 
He cleared his throat.
 
"Because you've been so cooperative.
 
Otherwise, I wouldn't feel obliged to tell you."

      
Somehow, she supposed there was logic in that, but it managed to escape her.
 
"Go on, I'm listening."

      
"When me and Elizabeth first came to Colorado, we had big plans."
 
He raked his free hand through his hair and stared toward the cabin.
 
"Miners were getting rich all over the place, and we figured we could find enough gold to finance our future.
 
We didn't care much about being rich, but our dream was important."

      
She sensed his thoughts were on his wife right now, and not on the woman he had his arm around, but that was all right.
 
Elizabeth would always be a part of Cole and Todd, as she should be.
 
Jackie, on the other hand, had no right to that claim at all.

      
"Tell me about those plans, Cole," she urged.
 
Once upon a time, she'd had plans and dreams herself.
 
Her throat constricted and burned, but she managed to suppress another shudder before it began.

      
He sighed and looked down at her, then off toward the shadow of the mountains, a dark smudge against the clouds and moonlight.
 
"Oregon.
 
We were going to Oregon once we had enough gold to buy a place."

      
"But you didn't go."

      
"Never eked out more than enough low grade ore from that mine to keep food on the table."
 
He made a sound of self-disgust.
 
"Toward the end, when Elizabeth..."

      
Jackie remained silent, though she wanted to beg him to finish the story.
 
She sensed his pain and hoped this served as a catharsis for him.
 
Cole Morrison had been carrying a mountain of guilt on his shoulders.

      
"Before Elizabeth died, she asked..."
 
He faced the cabin again.
 
"No, she
begged
me to take Todd home."

      
"Home?"

      
"St. Louis."
 
He shook his head and sighed.
 
"I didn't promise her that, but I did promise I'd take Todd away from here, where he'd have a chance at a decent life and real schooling."

      
"I see."
 
And she did see.
 
Cole had made a promise he hadn't kept, and that was tearing him apart.
 
"So why don't you just go back to St. Louis?"

      
He made a snorting sound and dropped his arm.
 
The sudden absence of his warmth left her bereft, emotionally and physically.
 
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he faced her again.

      
"Elizabeth's father owns a mercantile there," he continued, his voice quiet and edged with bitterness.
 
"He wanted to pay me and Todd's way back after Elizabeth died, and offered me a job.
 
Hell, a partnership."

      
Jackie couldn't imagine Cole Morrison taking charity from anyone, and she certainly couldn't picture him working in a store the rest of his life, partner or not.
 
"So why didn't you go?"
 
He needed to say the words so he could forgive himself.

      
"I took Todd back there to visit, and I seriously considered it, but..."
 
He jammed his fingers through his hair and turned away again.
 
"I just couldn't give up on our dream.
 
Mine and Elizabeth's.
 
I figured I could keep digging, and sooner or later the gold would come."
 
He dropped his hands to his sides.
 
"But it didn't.
 
And now I know it won't."

      
"Then Merriweather came along and offered you gold to take Lolita Belle to the Silver Spur."
 
So Cole can have his dream.
 
Jackie drew a shaky breath.
 
If anybody discovered she wasn't the real Lolita, Cole would never have his gold or his dream.

      
"That's it.
 
The whole pitiful story."
 
He held his hands out to his sides, palms turned up.
 
"I'm a failure, Jackie.
 
There you have it.
 
I saw this as my last chance to take Todd to Oregon instead of back to St. Louis with my tail between my legs.
 
Foolish pride, I suppose."

      
She remained silent for several moments, pondering the irony of the entire situation.
 
Cole had done something that violated his personal code of honor by kidnapping Lolita.
 
But fate had chosen this particular time and place to throw Jackie into his path instead.
 
Why?
 
Was she here for a reason?

      
Get over it, Clarke.
 
She knew better than to paint such grandiose schemes for herself.
 
This, like most of her life, had been just one more piece of rotten luck.

      
Yet how could she call it rotten luck to land right here and now with the man she loved?
 
Really
loved?
 
This wasn't puppy love like she'd had with her ex-husband, or a foolish fling like Blade.
 
This was real, genuine, to-die-for love.
 
And right now, the man she loved was in pain.

      
Slowly, she raised her trembling hand and touched his cheek.
 
The initial contact of her sensitive palm with his rough whiskers sent a jolt of longing through her.
 
She squeezed her eyes closed and bit her lower lip.
 
Why did love have to hurt?

      
He covered her hand with his, holding it pressed against his cheek.
 
After a moment, he turned and planted a kiss in her palm, then squeezed her hand and drew it down in front of him.
 
"I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess."

      
"Don't be sorry," she said.
 
"There's no need."
 
Now he'd want to know why she insisted she wasn't Lolita, but telling him would sentence Cole to never having his dream.
 
But if she didn't tell him, he'd go on believing she was a notorious saloon singer.

      
Jackie had to sacrifice herself for the sake of Cole's dream.
 
If at all possible, the portrait would return her to her own time, then all this would become nothing but a memory.
 
She'd return to her work, her salon...and Great-Aunt Pearl.

      
"Now it's your turn.
 
Tell me about your, uh, spaceship."
 
His lips twitched in the moonlight.

      
"I..."
 
She pulled her hand free and turned her back on him.
 
"I was just pulling your leg, Cole.
 
Didn't you realize that?"
 
She gave a nervous laugh that died on a stiff, chilly breeze.

      
He put his hands on her shoulders and she ached to turn into his embrace, to bury her face against his shoulder, to hold him so close she could feel their two hearts beat as one.
      
But she didn't.

      
"Jackie, you promised."
 
He massaged her shoulders.
 
"I get the feeling something's changed," he said.
 
"Do you hate me for what I did to you?"

      
She whirled around and stared up at him, her mouth agape.
 
"No, not that.
 
It's me, you big oaf.
 
Me.
"

      
"What about you?"
 
His voice was surprisingly calm.
 
"Tell me, Jackie.
 
Trust me."

      
Trust me.

      
She hadn't trusted anyone since her mother.
 
And her mother had died and left Jackie.
 
Releasing a long slow breath, she said, "I want to trust you, Cole.
 
But it isn't that simple."

      
"You told me you aren't Lolita."
 
He tilted his head to one side.
 
"Are you saying now that you are?"

      
Jackie's heart slammed into her ribs.
 
Pressure built in her throat and she tried to speak and failed.
 
Tell him you're Lolita.
 
She tried again.

      
She couldn't.

      
"
Are
you Lolita Belle?"

      
She clenched her teeth, struggled to form the words....

      
"Jackie?"
 
He sounded worried now.
 
"Are you feeling all right?"

      
She shook her head.

      
"Are you cold?"

      
She shook her head again.

      
He grabbed her and gave her a gentle shake.
 
"Damnation, woman, will you just tell me the truth?
 
You're making me crazy."
      

      
"You make me crazy, too," she finally said.
 
She couldn't tell him she was Lolita, but she wouldn't tell him who she was or where she was from either.
 
A lie of omission only–like that made it all right.
 
"You make me crazy, Cole, because I
want
you."
 
Because I love you.

      
"Jackie..."
 
His voice held a note of warning.

      
"When I saw you naked down by that waterfall, I thought I was going to die if I couldn't touch you.
 
Kiss you.
 
Have you..."

      
"Don't."
 
He sounded hoarse, as if struggling to keep himself under control.

      
"I behaved horribly–playing the tease and all.
 
I'm sorry for that."
 
She forced herself to breathe slowly, steadily.
 
"So sorry."

      
That was the secret.
 
She had to revert to her original plan to seduce him, then tell him about Goodfellow's counter offer–let him have his gold and his dream, then send him on his way.
 
Perfect solution.

      
And this way, only
her
heart would get broken.

      
But she would have this one night with Cole.
 
This one memory of making love–
real
love–to cherish in whichever century she spent the rest of her life.

      
He'd be free and she could give him his dream.
 
Great sex and a dream.
 
He'd be fine.